FicWad

I, just want to give up.
No instead I am doing absolutly nothing, just watching the world go by; people who I cared for, even though I hardley knew them get pushed over the metophorical cliff of suicide.
Amazing feeling now isn't it? Having your own brother want to kill himself in any way possible, have those who you trusted, thought had your back turn on you; watch you feel like shit.
For every moment of the day there is a voice in your head, telling you that your worthless and /cut, cut just feel it, that soothing feeling/. You think it's someone else in your mind, when really, it's you.
The way you look at yourself, the way people have changed the way you think of yourself, the way that you can't find anything good within your own body. You feel so damn uncomfortable in your own skin because in society today; your nothing but a fuck up in the words of perfection.

Although there are musicians; singing songs that make you feel like your not alone, telling you someone out there cares about your well being, someone who doesn't want you to die. That feeling though, wears off after a while, you feel like fine, saying this saved my worthless life is like everyone else out there. It means nothing to me anymore.
Feeling like everything you do; you end up fucking it up, to write and be forgotten because there are so many more that can do at least 10 times better, to have people hate your works and make you feel like it doesn't deserve to be seen; deleting it so innocent people don't waste their time with reading it.
That dream and all your wishes on 11:11 for hitting it big, playing music which will influence people's lives for the better; only to be told that /oh, you want to play bass? Fuck guitar, drums, singing everything is better, bassists are worthless and are only there to look pretty/.
Like the song goes,
/Chances thrown,
Nothing's free
Longing for used to be,
Still it's hard to see,
Fragile lives
Shattered dreams/

It is a good song, describes my life in a nutshell, I had potential growing up, who knows maybe one day I would've been big, making music, or maybe I will be (although I truthfully doubt it).
I will amount to nothing, only be there to build it all up, so everyone can watch it all come crashing down with me.
I'm sorry, I am not ever going to be your kind of perfect; so stop beating the shit out of me, enjoy watching my pain, making me the but of all your jokes, just leave me alone.
Let me be depressed, let me self-harm, let me attempt suicide.
You don't care, well if you do, what a funny way of showing it.
I wish being strong was easy
How true that is; amazing how much you can connect with a song writers lyrics, yet feel as if they to are never there when you need them; like everyone else they won't be there to hold you when you cry, tell you and convince you everything is going to be alright, to hold your hand to cheer you up, make sure your okay and not take "nothing' or 'just tired' for an answer; while not prying at you.
I Mikey Way, am sorry..never going to be perfect;
Never going to live up to my dreams;
Never going to save lives;
Never, Never N-E-V-E-R.

POV change, now to an OC

Here I lay, wanting to sleep, only way that has calmed me down enough to even become close to a slumber is the thought hey if I fall asleep, there is a chance that I may never wake up, may never be a nuicence in everyone's life
Really? I give up; my best friend is starving himself because of those stupid bitches who told him day in day out, wow look at you eat, so fucking much
They don't care, when he comfronted them about it, all he got was go fuck yourself you stupid cunt we don't care and we don't trust you!
On top of that, my little 10 year old brother is suicidal and considering self-harm.
Why? Because he is bullied, day in and day out, by those who claim to be his friends, he tried to get help, told the teachers everything; in the beginning.
What happened? They thought talkng to one another was so much better than helping a young child get away from bullies who decide to make fun of him, tell him shit, beat him up. Yes, my brother; who is innocent, would never hit someone on purpose, has been punched, slapped, scratched, pushed to the ground so much it is putting me in tears to think of it.
Oh he doesn't take it easy either (a thing our dad tought us 'if someone decides to walk up and punch you, you better fucking punch them back, right in the nose. Show them never to mess with you) which leads me to this next point.
He fights back, he is the first in trouble, well sometimes the only in trouble (yes a kid beat him up, which he fought back. My brother being the only one out of the two punished)
So, bullying on my brother is fine for them, but oh no if he says something out of line or acts the same, they get right in there.
Then there is me, I cut, I have attempted suicide more than you can count on your 5 fingers, and I am laying here, ready to give up.
Only thing keeping me from it, My Chemical Romance for one.
I hear stories of how they overcame suicidal thoughts, actions, depression, and came out strong. Being one of the best rock bands in history.
Yeah, I am not good at much, I get told the dream of becoming a bassist is retarted, it's suprising what people say to me and my family now'a days.
Who knows, maybe one of these days I will be pushed over the metophorical cliff of suicide.
Let's just wait and see.



A/N the OC was based off me (yes I have a 10 year old brother who is newly suicidal and self-harm considering) (my best friend of 11 years is starving himself because of people) and the rest is me. So yeah, thought I would vent through a story