FicWad

Gerard is falling into a large cold room, air rushes past his ears and his skin scrapes at the walls as he falls. It’s more a cave than a room, really, with mud still clinging to the rocks keeping the place up and, as Gerard discovers with a thud, a hard stone floor. Gerard blinks a few times and tries to shake the foggy feeling from his mind, his eyes wont focus properly and everything looks as if he’s seeing it through a thin sheet of cellophane.

“Curiouser and curiouser” Gerard says because what else do you say when you fall into a big rabbit hole style room for no apparent reason? -Though, really the grey rocks hardly scream wonderland to him mainly just random imprisonment. – Of course he gets no reply

He starts to walk around a bit, the hole is too big to be a room but there are still a few furnishings lining the grey stone and mud; a mirror, a bookshelf, a small coffee table. It would be so nice if something made sense for a change. But as it is, nothing does so Gerard simply follows the storyline and searches for a hidden door.

There isn’t one

Gerard sighs and says to no one “Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?” then he spots the table again and sighs, “Oh why the fuck not?”

He walks to the table and picks up the biscuit, it’s a little spongy and his hand starts to slip through it when he presses his fingers in too hard but Gerard’s not too put off. He takes a bight and doesn’t really taste it, as it slips down into his stomach- the effect is almost immediate.

He’s honestly not that surprised, not at all really, when he starts growing, a little bit at first and then more rapidly, until his skull presses against the ceiling and his elbows cramp up against the wall. He still lets out a yelp, though, and cringes as he feels his skin stretch and grow. Gerard has learnt many things in his lessons in schoolrooms, and though this is not a very good time to show off his knowledge, as there is no one to listen to him, it’s still good practice for him to say it over and over,

“It’s only a dream, this isn’t real, you’re asleep, this is only a dream” He says and can’t move his arm enough to pinch it

The lingering, twilight hours are Gerard’s favourite, the few moments between dreaming and reality where Gerard feels warm and safe. In these few lingering seconds Gerard feels a little more comfortable in his own skin, or maybe everyone else’s is just a little tighter there, so it doesn’t matter so much that Gerard is so insecure. He doesn’t know, he just likes the peace. Everything is okay here, not overly stimulating, or demanding, or too bland and depressing everything is just warm and nice. A bit like when Gerard’s with Frank.

This thought tugs on his conciseness and tries to drag Gerard back into real life, but Gerard is content to stay just a few minutes more, he doesn’t want to leave the still, steady heat just yet. But these fleeting seconds of peace are quick to pass.

He’s presently surprised to discover that real life is just as warm and comforting, when his brain finally starts to scratch at the surface of conciseness. He lets out a little sigh, and notices how good he feels. It’s unusual, for Gerard, to wake up feeling good, especially this good. Gerard lets out a muffled cry when he realises.

He definitely feels too good for a morning. Gerard is hard, and Frank’s hand is down his pants, for a few seconds Gerard is not sure what to do. He breaths out shakily -only now realising, that he had been holding his breath- and examines the situation at hand. On one side, Frank’s hand is in his pants and almost almost touching his dick, though not quite, and isn’t this what Gerard had been wanting from day one? Sort of. But on the other hand (not Frank’s) Frank is sleeping, and maybe underage and Gerard so does not want to find out what they do to guys like him in prison, ((sorry)) he also doesn’t want Frank to wake up and hate him forever just because he's kind of a perv.

So Gerard tries, a little tactlessly, to move away and out of the situation. Failing miserably becomes a pretty fair assessment, Gerard thinks, when Frank just sort of pulls him back in and murmurs,

“Gee” still half asleep.

Gerard shuffles away a little bit more and bights on his lip when Frank’s hand brushes his area “Um” he says

Frank seems to actually wake up at this point, and whips his hand out of Gerard’s trackies like maybe he’s keeping a cactus down there, Gerard doesn’t have to look at the guy to know that he’s blushing. Gerard fucks everything up.

“Oh my god” Frank says his voice rougher than usual “I’m really sorry, man”

Gerard nods against the pillow and curses the tent in his pants, Jesus Christ.

The thought of it not really being his fault, that Frank kind of chose to stick his hands down Gerard's pants whilst he was sleeping, is very absent in Gerard’s mind.

“I’m gonna take a shower” Gerard says then curses silently because now it’s obvious that he’s a total perv for Frank.

He thinks he hears Frank nod behind him, but Gerard doesn’t turn to see, he simply gets out of the bed and shuffles awkwardly to the bathroom, trying to hide the situation in his pants.

Gerard feels weird jacking off in his brother’s house -especially with Rowan here and very much awake, crying startlingly in the kitchen- so he just flips the shower onto cold and sorts himself out that way, though he’s still not sure if he’ll make it home.

He dries up and tries not to think about Frank or his hands as he walks downstairs, where he tries even harder not to look at Frank’s hands as they butter toast, or rake over his buzzed scalp.

He tries to make conversation with Mikey who sits, unblinking with Rowan held to his chest. Alicia is out so even she can’t help to make the situation any less awkward.

Frank is distant and refuses to make eye contact, blushing a little down at his toast and excusing himself early to go get dressed. Gerard leaves pretty quickly too, and spends most of the buss ride home hating himself and his life with a vicious and somewhat corrosive passion. He can’t drink though, that wont fix anything.

-

Gerard goes back to work the next day and Bob’s not too mad, he’s a good guy, and mainly concerned for Gerard, he says not to worry about it just to tell him next time he’s feeling down and Gerard lies and says he will. It’s not that he doesn’t trust Bob’s intentions; he just doesn’t think he’ll be able to help much if Gerard boards another train of self-destruction. Bob’s not exactly a rock himself, is all. Gerard could do with someone a little more reliable.

He gets to his desk and slips into that board-dealing-with-stupid-strangers-time mood, letting his hair hang unwashed over his face, and sighing at every opportunity. He tries to keep Frank out of his mind, but his stupid brain keeps mistaking every short kid in tight jeans for him and by three o-clock Gerard is ready to just go home and sleep, or maybe jack off forever.

But of course he can’t because he is an adult with a nine to five job not an overly hormonal teenaged boy having a bad day at school and his life sucks

He flicks through a couple of issues of NME and tries to look as unappealing as possible -today is not a day for dealing with assholes- but apparently his tact for repelling possible customers isn’t as stable as he thought because someone is in his space and shoving a copy of Alice in Wonderland in his face.

“Hey, grumpy” says a familiar voice “What’s up?”

Gerard almost cracks a grin when he looks up to see Alice smiling, messily at him- her lipstick a bit on her chin and her eyeliner super crazy.

“Oh hey” he says then laughs at her book choice

“It’s for my niece” Alice nods, “I’m preparing her for the drug filled world” she says matter-of-factly

“You know that’s funny, I had a dream about it last night, I think I was Alice”

Alice raises an eyebrow “What with like the little blue dress and everything?”

Gerard shakes his head, chuckling “No, just with like the changing size shit. ‘Was trippy as”

Alice kind of hms then nods, handing over the money to Gerard “You know, I personally think it’s your subconscious telling you to hang out more with me”

“Oh really?” Gerard asks sceptically but he grins right back at her

“Yup. Tonight at 9 meet me at the train station down Belvidere, I wanna hit the city with you as my new gay best friend”

“Maybe” Gerard says “but I don’t drink”

Alice makes a hand gesture like ‘pfft’ and picks up her book and recite “See you then” she says then waves goodbye, leaving Gerard to the mercy of less awesome, scary customers.

-

Gerard thinks about not going for a while, but he doesn’t have Alice’s number to cancel or anything and he doesn’t want to be an asshole, he also guesses that, he could use the distraction. He’s not going to get over Frank by sitting at home alone thinking about him all night, besides hanging out with Alice could be fun.

He spends the majority of his evening trying to choose something acceptable to wear, Alice is a bit younger that him and kind of really cool and Gerard is well- not so much. But day-to-day he doesn’t think his wardrobe is too bad, he’s just panicking now because he’s in that mood where something just has to be wrong or it just isn’t right.

The irony to his mood doesn’t really occur to Gerard.

Eventually he just claims his least garish clothes- mostly black and grey- then attempts the birds nest that is his mop of hair. By the time he’s ready he’s running late.

It’s not far to the train station though, so he still gets there in time for the train, Alice leans casually against the sign, cigarette hanging from her painted lips. Gerard is glad to see that she looks pretty casual, slack in jeans and a sweater he smiles as he walks up to her, and to his surprise it’s completely natural.

His grin settles easily onto his face and Gerard thinks that maybe he needs more female friends (or just more friends in general adds a spiteful voice) they don’t seem to be as much stress as the guys he has met.

“Hey” Gerard says and Alice looks up at him, her hair is a little calmer than earlier and she has even wiped some of the lipstick off of her face

“’Sup” she greets with a little, stiff nod like a hard nut school boy and stubs out her smoke.

The train pulls in and they both get on, taking a duo near the middle of the carriage, the train is pretty much empty but neither of them dare to light up in fear of the evil ticket conductors that are bound to be lurking around somewhere.

Gerard hasn’t been into NY in a long time not really since he graduated. The city is too full of lost opportunities for Gerard; the last time he was there he was running away from an interview at Cartoon Network, too scared to show them his rough work. Gerard’s happy he didn’t take the job now, he’s not just another robot, but for a long time he regretted the escape, he didn’t want to have to face his fears. He was scared the people there would recognise him as a failure.

Gerard has since gotten over that fear, but he still hasn’t had much reason to go back, so now he’s pretty exited. It feels a bit like going home.

Some of Gerard’s best memories were born in New York, the few years he spent at SVA are the highlight of his life he feels strangely reminiscent as he goes back. Gerard’s not used to looking back, and though the feeling is alien, it’s not unpleasant.

Alice chats nonchalantly as the train chugs out of Jersey and Gerard manages to keep up with her wild trains of thought for most of the journey but by the time they arrive at Central station Gerard is staring out of the window, eyes glassy.

“C’mon, you” Alice says and hoists him up.

There are a fair number of people on the train now and as they exit into the station the crowd only gets bigger, Gerard shudders a little, and Alice links her arm through his, pulling him along and over to the metro. Gerard is thankful for her aid.

They hop on a train and then on another, both busy and full of teens and tight jeans. Gerard hadn’t thought to ask before, but he does now “Where are we going?” his voice comes out high and a little scratchy.

“Couple of bars I know down Boho” Alice shrugs, hanging onto the rail and tipping her head back a little.

Gerard nods, he knows Boho okay, it’s a place art students like him used to hang out kind of a lot, going back isn’t so daunting.

They get off the train and skip across a few blocks until they end up at an old bar, music pumping out into the street Gerard sighs a little and follows Alice inside.

-

They immerge from the third bar a couple of hours later, Alice- pretty pissed and giggling hard, Gerard- sober but less shaken, he’s giggling too, high and awkward.

They trek down the street, avoiding couples and drunks as they stumble along the sidewalk, Alice barely able to stand. Gerard is glad he’s not drinking, he doesn’t think they’d be able to get home if he were.

They pause under a lamppost and Alice throws back her head, her hair crazy and sticking up all over the place, her lipstick covers her hands and face like blood.

“You know what we should do?” She slurs.

Gerard shakes his head “I have a feeling you’re going to tell me” he laughs a little.

By now Gerard would normally be thinking about home- if he were at The House- but he’s enjoying his time out, Alice is good fun even if she’s too drunk to talk properly.

“Strip club” she says then grabs Gerard’s hand, running down the street.

Gerard shakes his head again, this time is disbelief, and rolls his eyes “A strip club”

“There’s one just down here” Alice says like that’s an explanation then turns a sharp corner.

There is, in fact, a strip club down the alley lit up by red and yellow flashing lights, Gerard doesn’t ask how Alice knows there’s a strip club here, instead he just follows her inside, giggling a little.

The music is fast and half naked men thrust around everywhere, Gerard cringes and follows Alice towards the back, she has apparently spotted something more interesting than the sweaty bears.

“Fucking peep show!” She offers as an explanation, her eyes wide with ore, “C’mon!” she whines.

Gerard lets out a defeated sigh as he’s dragged into the back room. Alice pulls open a private booth and giggles crazily as she shuts them both in.

The room is about the size of a disabled toilet and the lighting is low, there’s a chair in the centre of the room and a phone on a desk next to that. Along with a suspicious box of tissues, Gerard cringes.

Alice slots in a few notes to the vending style machine on one of the walls as Gerard stares at the blacked put window on the largest wall, his mouth open slightly.

She pushes a few buttons and Gerard barely has time to protest before the apparent curtain masquerading the black, glass wall begins to slide up.

Revealing bare-feet and jean clad ankles, the material clinging more to the leg as the curtain slips up. Gerard just stares as more of the figure is revealed a tight white t-shirt, riding high over a toned stomach and contrasting against tanned strong arms, the guy is short, not skinny but not covered in raw muscle either. The guy has short, buzzed hair and honey eyes, the guy is Frank.



AN pfft who saw that coming? I tried to foreshadow it a little bit but I don't know how well i succeeded. Also the Alice in wonderland stuff is dedicated to SF (I'm hoping you'll know why or that will be awks) I've fixed all the typos I could spot now, sorry about that I just kind of wanted to get the chapter up as it had been so long. The next chapter should be up soon and I seriously can't wait to start writing it- while your'e waiting feel free to check out any of my new Frerard oneshots there on my page :) - shameless self promotion for the win- I had something else to say but I forgot but whatever


Surprise stripper!