FicWad

Something for my English class. It's dark but my teacher approved of it so yeah. FUCK YEAH. So, on with the motherfucking show, and don't forget to rate and review and if you do I'll come to your house and dance an awkward chicken dance or maybe if you leave me your email I'll email you lots of emoticons and happy things like goldfish, big boobs and milkshakes.
-Bella Ashlie xxxx

---Ashley---
I crept into the dark, stale-aired house quietly.
"M-Mom? I-I'm home!" I, Ashley Sirius, called into the seemingly endless darkness. I hoped Mom would be sober, but as always, I knew very well that she would be drunk and unsteady on her feet.
"BOY!!!" A shrill voice screamed from the kitchen and out staggered my mother, more drunk than ever.
"H-H-Hi Mom."
It wasn't my mother that I feared, it was what she could do to me that left scarlet gashes on my tender, fragile heart.
Flashback
"IT'S A SIN!!!" Jennifer Sirius roared angrily at her trembling, sobbing son.
"M-Mom, please, I'm sorry, just please stop yelling!" A 12-year-old Ashley clutched at his shirt, sobbing and shaking like there was no tomorrow.
"I DON'T CARE!!!" And down came the punches, the kicks, the slaps, the abuse. It was like this almost every day, ever since that day. That fateful day in December.
Flashback Finished
Shaking off the awful flashback I had, I looked up at my mother.
"Have you got my booze?!" She demanded angrily. She never told me I needed to buy her more alcohol, I thought.
"N-no, sorry, Mom, they stole my money again..." The 'they' I referred to were none other than the football team, the homophobes of the school, the ones who though people like me were filth.
"You're PATHETIC!!!" She screeched and brought her fists down on her son. For half an hour, she relentlessly beat me. When she passed out from exhaustion and sheer drunkenness, I crept to my room. Wiping the blood off my bruised, pale body, I thought to myself.
It's not my fault I'm like this, I thought. Of course it's your fault, you idiot. It's always your fault. It's your fault that you like different music to all the others, it's your fault you choose black skinny jeans and a Misfits hoodie to beige chinos and a colourful t-shirt, it's your fault you're ga- That was where I cut the negative voice off. Of course it wasn't my fault I was gay. Was it? I didn't know anymore. All I knew was that my mother was a massive homophobic, and so were the majority of Belleville High. The amount of concealer I had to use to cover the bruises on my arms and legs and face was immense- more than the Oompa-Loompa, peroxide blonde, promiscuous girls at school and that was saying a lot. It seemed as if I had not a friend in the world other than my trusty iPod. What about Jada, she's your friend, I thought. It was true- Jada Ross had been my friend since I first met her and her twin brother Jago. Jago had enchanted me- his dark hair always in his intriguing eyes, his artistic hands always wrapped round a pencil, his bottom lip always captured between small, perfectly white teeth. Shaking myself out of thought, I plugged in my headphones and flicked through my iPod, picking 'Shuffle' so my indecisive mind wouldn't have to do anything. One of my all-time favorite songs, "The Only Hope for Me Is You" came on, and I picked up my guitar and began to play the chords softly and sweetly.
Remember me,
Remember me,
Remember me,
Remember me,
Where, where will you stand
When all the lights go out
Across these city streets?
The song calmed me down as I curled into a ball on my unmade bed, blood red silk curtains blocking out any sunlight that dared enter my room.
Where were you when
All of the embers fell
I could relate heavily to that line of the song. My father had been murdered in front of me when I was 7. The way they did it was horrific and at night, I could still smell the blood and hear the gunshots and see Dad dead on the chair.
I still remember that
Covered in ash
Covered in glass
Covered in all my friends, I still
Think of the bombs they build
Is there a place that I could be
That I'd be another memory,
Could I be the only hope for you,
Because you're the only hope for me
I remembered why I was still here when those lines came on. It was Jago and Jada holding me here, it was the reason I wasn't dead yet. I remembered the first time Jago had seen the bruises and gashes covering my arms.
Flashback
"Ashley."
"Yeah, Jay?" Ashley looked up shyly from his guitar.
"What are those?" The taller and older of the two pointed at the guitarist's blotchy arms.
"Oh, um, nothing." That was a lie. Those bruises came from his mother and the football team.
"Don't flipping lie to me, Ash, I can see them," Jago whispered.
"I-it's nothing, Jago!" The hushed anger in Ashley's words went unnoticed by Jago, who persisted in getting the reasons for the bruises on his friend's arms out of him.
"IT'S NOTHING!!" Ashley finally snapped, bellowing in Jago's face.
"Fine. But if you think for one minute that I believe you when you say its nothing, you're dead wrong." And with that, Jago grabbed his school bag and stormed out.
Flashback Finished
The music calmed me despite the words that were oh-so-relevant to my life.
And if we can't find where we belong,
We'll have to make it on our own,
Face all the pain and take it on,
Because the only hope for me is you, alone.
I was good at holding back my pain. Whenever my mother decided to beat me unmercifully, I held back the hot, angry tears and the pained screams of agony. I let them out when I was alone, when I knew no one could hear me. I wish I was in space. They say that no one will hear you scream in space, I thought. Getting annoyed by the song, I changed it.
Well if you wanted honesty,
That's all you had to say
I never want to let you down or have you go
It's better off this way.
I growled at the lyrics. I tried to focus on Mikey Way's bass-playing but the lyrics swirled around in my mind. They haunted me. My phone vibrated and I opened the message.
Hey, are you okay? You seemed a little distant at school today. -Jago
I hurriedly typed a reply and sent it off.
Yeah. I'm fine. Nothing to worry about. -Ash
I knew what Jago's reply would be.
Bull. You didn't look okay. -Jago
Honestly, Jay, I don't see why you care so much. -Ash
---Jago---
It hurt me to see Ash like this. He wasn't okay, it was painfully obvious.
"Is Ash okay?" Jada sat next to me, eyes scanning over the bright light of my phone's screen.
"I don't think so.." I wished he would just admit that he wasn't okay to me, to us, so we could fix him. I knew for a fact that Jada liked him and would do anything for that chestnut-haired boy.
"Maybe you should go see him." Jada nudged me gently. That was actually a pretty good idea.
"I will later, I've got homework," I sighed unhappily. Homework was such a road block, it sucked. And it meant Ash would have to wait.
---Omniscient View---
I'm coming over after I've finished my English, okay? -Jago
Ash, why aren't you replying? -Jago
Ash! -Jago
Ashley Rubeun Sirius, you better freaking reply. -Jago
"That's it," Jago muttered. Homework could wait. Pulling on a hoodie and his muddy Converse, he left his house in the pouring rain. He had no idea of the shock and horror awaiting him. I wonder what's happened to him? Maybe his phone ran out of battery, maybe he's ran out of credit, maybe he had his phone taken off him... That's not like Ash. He always has his phone charged, he always has credit and the likelihood of him screwing up enough to have his phone taken is so barren, Jago thought.
I'm coming over now. You better have a flipping good reason as to why you haven't replied to me. -Jago
He sent the message off and trudged towards his friend's house in the icy rain, not even caring that his hoodie was soaking, his jeans clinging to his skinny legs, his Converse muddier than ever. Mud could be cleaned, he could dry his clothes, the only thing that couldn't be fixed was if something had happened to Ash.
---Jago---
Trudging through fields and across streets, it had been about half an hour since I had left to find the reason why Ash wasn't replying to me. I couldn't understand ANYTHING. It was just so... out of character for Ash! In the end, I sprinted to his house. The rain chilled me to the bone, but I didn't even care. I burst through the door, and what I saw was disgusting and creepy and reminiscient of those Greek myths. Holy crap- what I was seeing WAS a Greek myth. Ashley's mom had snakes for hair and they were spouting everywher and hissing and spitting. She was beating the living daylights out of my best friend. She was obviously drunk, I could smell the alcohol from over at the door.
"Jago!" The cry emitted from Ashley's lips was broken, and full of pain. I couldn't even begin to imagine the pain he was going through... Oh god.. I'm not proud of what I did next. I bolted out of Ashley Rubeun Sirius' house, leaving him DEFENSELESS against his powerfully intoxicated, gorgon mother. I was such an idiot. How could I leave him alone like that? The bruises and scars- now it made sense. That was why he always wore long sleeves and stuff- he was hiding the evidence. Sort of like a serial killer, mass-murderer thing. The only thing I didn't understand were the gashes- she wasn't cutting him, I didn't see her holding a knife and there were never any bloody knives laying round their kitchen. The only answer was that- oh no, please no... The thoughts sloshing in my mind were awful. Really awful. I felt sick to my stomach, but kept on sprinting home. Five hundred meters away from my front door, I bent over, and out flowed the contents of my stomach, and I'm pretty sure some tears mixed in with the disgusting-smelling concoction.
*
---Omniscient View---
After yet another beating and witnessing his best friend run out on him, Ashley had had enough of everything. No one liked him, well, besides Jada and Jago, and he wasn't sure even they liked him any more. Sobbing quietly, he slunk to his small bathroom, and opened a cupboard.
---Ashley---
The dim light flooding in from the window bounced over the small piece of sharp metal in front of me. I knew very well that two precisely placed cuts would end the pain, the suffering, everything that had ever struck me as negative. Gazing at the blank piece of paper and pen next to me, I thought over what I would write as my final farewell. Picking up the pen, I began to scribble. Tears flowed onto the pages as I voiced my famous last words.

To whomever reads this,
If I liked you and you didn't inflict pain on me, this isn't your fault. If you were one of the ones that tormented and tortured me, then this is partly your fault.
I want Jago to read the next bit. And Jago only.
Jago, ever since we met, I can't exactly describe how much you've enchanted me. Everything you do, everything you say, the memories replay themselves in my head and I will miss you. I don't think you knew, did you? I was gay. There were so many times where the thought of you was what kept me going through the night and the next day. The thought of your smile, your small wave. Your chocolate-like voice. Your general amazingness. You're a brilliant person, Jago, and I hope that some lucky girl gets to love you. Always remember me though. No one could EVER love you more than I did. So, when you're playing an intense game of tonsil tennis with some pretty girl, remind yourself that once, you had a friend called Ashley, and he wanted to be the one with his tongue down your throat.
Now, Jago, hand this (probably blood-spattered) piece of paper to Jada. Yes, your sister, and I'll toss and turn in my grave if you read any of this.
Jada, I love you as a friend. I'll miss you so much. It was you and Jago keeping me going, you guys were the ones that held me up when I wanted to shrivel up and die. You and your hazel eyes. None of this is your fault.. I guess that's all I have to say. I'll miss you more than words can ever say. I know you tried to hook me up with your brother, but I could see you weren't happy every time me and him were alone together. The pain in your eyes screamed at me, telling me you wanted to be the one with me. I'm so so so so so so SO sorry I couldn't like you back, it was just that Jago was the one. Yes, I'm gay, but you knew that. You knew it well.
Now, time for the part where I can let the violence in my soon to be spilled blood out. Thrust this paper at my mother.
You disgust me, Jennifer Sirius. I hate you and your drunken ways, I hate the way you sell yourself to different men every night and I hate the way you beat me. I'm a freaking human being, Mom, I'm not a piece of rubbish you can throw away. What did I ever do to you? Was it the fact I was gay, was it the fact that I wasn't what you wanted me to be? What was it? You won't even cry at my funeral, you'll just stand there, then you'll go home and drink another ten bottles of vodka. You'll go through my room, in vain, to try and find something that may have led to this. Maybe the blood-stained blade, maybe angry notes, maybe maybe maybe. Something that caused this. My suicide. Wow, that's weird to write. The suicide of Ashley Rubeun Sirius, age 16, cause of death being two thin slices across the wrists. I'll miss a few of you, the rest of you can die for all I care. Heh, it's the almost-dead guy making jokes about dying now. How flipping contrary.
So. Off to Hell for me, I guess.
Yours sincerely,
Ashley Rubeun Sirius.

Satisfied with what I'd written, I grabbed my phone. About fifty new messages from Jago, I honestly didn't know why he cared so much about me. After all, I'm just another screwed-up teenager, aren't I? I sent a message off to him.
Bye, Jay. See you around sometime in Hell. -Ashley
I then mused over the silver blade in my hands a bit more. Just to test how it would feel, I slid the blade over my forearm. It didn't hurt, not that much anyway, but blood still trickled out anyway. Smiling somewhat dementedly, I held the blade to my pale wrist. I laid it on and gently sliced into the soft skin, grinning as blood poured out. The grin was wiped off my face rather rudely when the bathroom door burst open and Jago flew in. Oh crap, I was in for it now.
---Jago---
Bye, Jay. See you around sometime in Hell. -Ashley
What was that meant to mean?! I ran back to Ashley's house and pushed the door open, dashing to his bathroom. What I saw was more than a little disturbing. Ashley. Blood. Razor. Note. Ashley. Blood. Cut. Wrist. Forearm. Blood. Ashley. Dying.
Then it all came together, like the missing piece in a complex puzzle. Ashley had slit his wrist. Blood was pouring out and he didn't look too happy to see me.
"ASHLEY!" I screamed. Well, what else was I meant to do at that point? Next, I clawed through his medical cabinet until I found a gauze that would stop the bleeding. Halle-flying-lujah. He tried to pull away from me but my mind was set. I wasn't going to let him bleed to death on a dirty bathroom floor. He would die an old man, with tons of grandkids, with a lovely wife or husband by his side. I said both because hey, I don't wanna offend him if he's gay or something like that. An awkward thought crept into my mind. No. No. No. Nuh-uh. He had just attempted to kill himself. I wasn't gonna try and take advantage of his weakness, the dude was half-dead for crying out loud.
---Omniscient View---
"Ashley.." As the taller boy bandaged his wrist, Ashley's name repeatedly escaped his lips.
"Y-yeah, Jago?"
"Why did you try and do that?"
"Because."
"That's not an answer, Ash." And with that, Jago crushed his lips hungrily against the smaller, younger boy's lips.

Well now this could be the last
Of all the rides we take
So hold on tight and don't look back
We don't care about the message
Or the rules they make
I'll find you when the sun goes black.

And you only live forever in the lights you make
When we were young, we used to say
That "you only hear the music
When your heart begins to break"
Now we are the kids from yesterday.

And all the cameras watch the
Accidents and stars you hate
They only care if you can bleed
Does the television make
You feel the pills you ate?
Or every person that you need to be

'Cause you only live forever in the lights you make
When we were young we used to say
That "you only hear the music
When your heart begins to break"
Now we are the kids from yesterday

Today, today
We are the kids from yesterday
Today, today

Here we are and we don't stop breathing
Yell it out 'till your heart stops beating
We are the kids from yesterday
Today

'Cause you only live forever
In the lights you make
When we were young we used to say
That "you only hear the music when
Your heart begins to break"
Now we are the kids from yesterday
We are the kids from yesterday
We are the kids from yesterday
We are the kids from yesterday
Today, today.

*
Songs Used-
"The Only Hope For Me Is You" -My Chemical Romance
"I'm Not Okay" -My Chemical Romance
"The Kids From Yesterday" -My Chemical Romance