FicWad

Erik in this story is modeled after Erik, more commonly known as the Phantom from Phantom of the Opera. Theatre dork, if Act 4 (or this whole thing) wasn't enough evidence of that. I didn't even know that there was an Erik connected to Panic!. And, you know, if the sex scene sucks, I apologize. It's my first actual sex scene. Enjoy this installment and don't forget to rate and review.


Brendon moved away from him and stepped back, looking at all the lights in the air in awe. Meanwhile, Ryan was frozen, even though he knew what was going to happen when the lights faded away because kissing was true to his nature. All he could do if he was going to be stuck standing there was brace himself for Brendon’s reaction and he searched for words that he could use to explain the situation.

All too soon, the lights faded away and Brendon looked back at him with a smile on his face. It faded, though, when his eyes rested on Ryan. His eyebrows came closer together and his brown eyes looked confused, like he was trying to figure out what was going on.

The boy’s mouth opened and closed a few times and he just kept looking up and down Ryan’s body before looking back at his face. It was obvious that no words were going to come out of his mouth so it was up to Ryan to fill in the blanks.

“Brendon, I, I can explain. I promise. I really can. Just, give me a minute?” Ryan scrambled, still not really sure how he was going to start this brilliant explanation that he’d now just promised.

The smile returned to Brendon’s face though and he looked at him. “That’s a cool trick. How did you do it? Are you going to do it for the performance or something?” All the breath left Ryan’s lungs. He’d forgotten that the Performer’s mind didn’t jump to conclusions and that he would never assume that someone was lying to him or that there was something that they were hiding.

Ryan wished that he could take the out that he was being given, but he couldn’t get his mouth and his vocal cords to work. As the silence stretched on with Ryan just standing there, looking helplessly back at Brendon, the other boy’s smile faded and his eyebrows scrunched toward each other again.

“Ryan? Bu-what-I don’t. Are you?” Brendon was scrambling and he just ended it by looking at Ryan again. Closing his eyes, Ryan nodded. He opened them again, cautiously, and he saw the look on Brendon’s face. It was confused and possibly conflicted and there was some anger, but there was something else there that made Ryan’s own anger rise. There was a hint of disgust and maybe even displeasure, and Ryan knew that look well enough from seeing it in his own eyes countless times. It looked like Brendon was going to say something else, but Ryan cut him off, anger surging.

“I don’t want to hear it,” he said shortly, standing his ground. Brendon looked startled and, once again, it looked like he was going to say something. “I don’t want to hear it,” Ryan repeated, darker this time. “I don’t want to hear about how disgusting I am, or how you can’t believe you kissed me and worked with me all this time.”

Brendon looked taken aback for a fraction of a second, but it melted instantly and he looked like his anger was spiked. “Tell me, have you been with the Performers for business? Thought that by looking like one of us it would increase your chances?”

Ryan couldn’t believe his ears and he narrowed his eyes, ignoring the fact that those words actually stung. “Do you have any fucking idea how worthless I feel? Do you realize how much I hate myself when I look like this? Obviously you don’t, you’ll always have people who love you. No one just wants you for one night, a couple of minutes. People look at you and think about your talents, they look at me and think about what they can do to me. Hell, the only reason people look at me in the first place is because of my skin.”

It looked like Brendon was going to say something again but Ryan wasn’t done. He took a step closer to the younger boy. “You don’t know anything about what I’ve been through. You still have your innocence, your virginity. I don’t. Know when I lost it? When I was ten fucking years old. Yes, that’s when everyone goes to work in their “professions”, but I was taken complete advantage of my first two times, tricked into thinking that I was safe. I had it taken from me. All the others wanted it and they lost theirs.” His tone was low and he knew that if he spoke louder it would be too loud and he would start yelling.

The anger that he felt toward this boy that he’d stupidly fallen for was overwhelming and it made Ryan clench his fists tighter. The other boy liked him when he thought that he was a Performer. As soon as his true self was revealed Brendon felt he had the right to be repulsed.

“Do you have any idea how many scars I have on my back and my arms and anywhere else from people digging their fingernails into my skin, or from scratching, or biting, or ropes, or chains?” He laughed darkly at Brendon’s shocked look. “Not all lives are bliss, Brendon.” Slowly, Brendon’s expression was changing from angry, confused, and the slight disgust to shocked, possibly scared, and maybe sad. He covered that up, though and looked angry again.

“And that’s my fault? Besides, I know about non-blissful lives. You think mine is?”

That made Ryan laugh out loud in disbelief and the actual way that it was funny. “You don’t know anything about it. Being sexually harassed by your Head and your parents dying when you were seven, but still being able to live with your friends who stand by you and take care of you are not the components to a shitty life. Hell, I can only fucking wish that I had that.”

“You’re right, at least I knew my parents. Not like your children,” Brendon spit, eyes narrowed.

Ryan’s stomach dropped out but he still laughed. “Are you fucking kidding me? I’ve had sex with two women in my entire life. I know for a fact that I’m not a father.” He pulled down the collar of his Satisfier skin and showed Brendon the raised skin on his left shoulder. “If either of them had a child because of me, this brand would grow and the new part would be either black or pure white. It’s the same size it’s been since I got it when I was ten and if you’ll notice, it’s still the color of the rest of my skin. Besides, I’d notice it growing or changing because it burns like hot metal. I know, I’ve heard others screaming while their brands changed as their children were born.” Ryan pulled the thin rubber back to its original position and glared at Brendon.

Once again, Brendon looked shocked and there was maybe a stab of pain in his eyes. It was covered again, though. “Okay, so you haven’t fathered any poor kids. You still have sex with anyone that you can get your hands on and spread who knows what to those people.”

Ryan wasn’t prepared for that one and he felt his eyebrows rise. “Do you really think that? I’m completely clean. And really, do you honestly think that I’ve ever forced anyone to have sex with me? Look at me; I’m not big enough to do that. In fact, it’s the other men that come over to me and either drag me to their beds or to the nearest place where it won’t be noticed and it’s somewhat private. Every night I go back to the Satisfiers’ building, aching, sore, and possibly bruising because—usually—more than five men have had their way with me underneath them throughout the day. And it all happens more or less one after the other.” His voice had returned to the soft, venomous tone that he’d been using before. “If you genuinely think that your life sucks, come and live mine for an hour or two. You’ll be running back to yours soon enough.”

Brendon looked stricken. He wasn’t moving and it wasn’t being covered up by the anger. Apparently the Performer was out of fight, out of things to hold against him because of what he was. The pain that Ryan thought he’d seen earlier was back in the chocolate eyes.

Ryan was breathing heavily as if he’d been yelling or running. It was only the anger and adrenaline, though, passing through. He took one more deep breath. “I’d best be getting back to my building,” he said, turning and going back in the direction of “home”. Suddenly, he was exhausted. He was still fuming, but he knew that it was best that he go back now because he didn’t really want to see a part two to the fight that left him torn up inside.

There was a hand on his shoulder, though, and he stopped to ask what Brendon wanted. He didn’t get the chance because Brendon half-turned him and half moved himself and the next thing that Ryan knew, Brendon’s arms were around his neck and he was crushed to the boy’s chest.

Brendon just held him close and Ryan’s heart kind of melted despite the anger that he’d been feeling seconds before. He put his arms around the other boy, he couldn’t help it.

“Don’t go. Please don’t go. Ryan, I’m sorry. Your immediate assumption about what I was thinking and what I was going to say pissed me off. I shouldn’t have said any of that. I know that you’re a good person who is so much more than what his skin says he is.” Brendon fell silent for a moment. Then he tilted his head up and Ryan could feel his lips brushing against the outside of his ear. “I love you.”

Those words made Ryan pull out of Brendon’s embrace and just look at him in shock. “D-did I hear you right?” All of the anger melted away even though all of things that Brendon had said still stung.

Brendon smiled softly at him and put a hand on the back of his head, pulling him down for another kiss. This time nothing happened but that thing in Ryan’s chest trying to escape again. “Yes you did,” he whispered when he pulled away again.

Judging by the feeling in his chest, he had a pretty good idea about how he was feeling. “I love you, too.”

The smile on Brendon’s face grew to the blinding degree that Ryan was used to seeing. “I’m sorry, Ryan. The whole thing was just a surprise and I was kind of mad that you’d hidden all of this, too. We’ve known each other for three weeks and you never told me about this.”

“I couldn’t, Brendon. You know that being a Satisfier isn’t a good thing, or it isn’t looked at like a good thing. But you don’t understand the shame that’s attached to it for me. I hate it. I always have. Besides, how was I supposed to know that you wouldn’t go report me? If anyone found out about this and they told the Enforcers, I’d be arrested and killed for impersonating another group of people and for disrespecting the authority of the Lights for not having my real skin on display.”

Brendon shook his head, shrugging his shoulders. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t care anymore. At first I was mad and I, honestly, I was,” he looked a little uncomfortable, like he didn’t want to say the next thing. “I was a little disgusted. Then, you changed my mind. Besides, it’s still you. I was just blinded for a minute. Then I looked and realized that you’re still the boy that I’m in love with.”

Ryan smiled softly. It wasn’t easy just dropping such a huge subject, but he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Really, all he wanted to do was forget about it. He wanted the day to be over and the new one to begin. Brendon was still walking with him, though.

“There is something a little odd though. It’s not that you were dressed like a Performer that made me think you were one, it’s your talents. I mean, unless that little cube actually gave you the abilities that you have, anyone would mistake you for a Performer.”

“Not Mike and Laura,” Ryan answered simply.

“What?”

“They told me that they knew I wasn’t a Performer. Somehow they were able to tell. They don’t know what I really am, but they said that my secret was safe with them.”

“Huh. I wonder how they guessed.”

“No, Laura told me it wasn’t a guess, they know. They’d discussed it and they were sure that I wasn’t a Performer,” Ryan replied with a shrug.

“Really, though, you are talented. You really can play the guitar and the piano and you can act and dance.” Brendon sounded confused, like he was trying to figure it out.

“Fluke.”

“No, trust me, I know. I’ve been living with all of the Performers since I was seven. I’ve seen them perform and I’ve seen a lot of the current ones from the beginning. I know real talent when I see it. Sure, they’re good at something or a few things, or they’re really good at something and mediocre at everything else. But you, you have a talent for everything that you’ve tried doing. When you dance, you move naturally and smoothly. Your acting is as believable as any of the Performers who excel mainly in that area, except for Alistair of course. And when you play music, you’re lost inside of it. I can tell that you are actually inside the notes and the sounds.” Brendon had stopped walking and it looked like he was really trying to work it out.

“Brendon, it’s fine. I’m okay as long as I get to be there. Why does it matter?”

“Because you might be okay with it, but I’m not. It’s bothering me that you aren’t a Performer when you’re better than some that are by birth.”

“It’s just my luck of the draw. I’m more of a Satisfier than a Performer, I guess. Now, come on, drop this. You should go back to the Performers’ building, it’s getting late. I have to get back, too. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Ryan said. The discussion was making him uncomfortable. “Besides, no one is as good at anything as you. You’re still the master of everything. I might be, as you call it, incredible, but you’re the master.”

Brendon rolled his eyes at the last part, but he looked kind of sad about the idea of leaving. “I want to stay with you, Ryan. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.” They’d both stopped walking and were just looking at each other.

“Trust me, I doubt anything bad will happen to me,” Ryan answered, thinking of Spencer and wondering if the boy was on the rooftops now, listening to this.

“I don’t mean out here. Besides, I want to stay with you. Can’t we just walk around and talk a little bit more?”

Ryan shook his head no matter how much he did want to continue walking around with this boy. “No. It’s getting late. I really need to be getting back, and so do you. When you’re back in, I suggest that you room with one of your friends.”

“Our friends. This doesn’t change the fact that you are still one of us. You will be back tomorrow, right?”

“Of course. I couldn’t leave now after I know how fucking wonderful it is.”

Brendon smiled a little and craned his head up to kiss him again. Ryan kissed back and it turned into something more than a goodbye kiss should be. He couldn’t bring himself to pull back though and end it, Brendon didn’t do it either.

It wasn’t much longer before Brendon put his arms around his waist, hands pressed flat against his skin. Ryan’s hands rose until one was in the soft black hair of the slightly shorter Performer and one was on the side of his face. Without any prompting, Brendon opened his mouth and Ryan couldn’t keep his tongue from just slipping into the other boy’s mouth. The action made Brendon sigh and press closer to him.

Ryan knew at the back of his mind where this could be going. He knew that he should pull away and that they should go back to their respective buildings but he couldn’t do it. Honestly, he didn’t see why he had to be the one to do it, though he knew that it was because he was the only one who had a problem with where it might be going. There was a part of him that wanted it, though, too much to question it.

“You know, we can’t go back to the Performers’ building. Too many people and rather thin walls,” Brendon whispered, pulling away just long enough to whisper that before going back at the kissing, running his hands up Ryan’s back.

Ryan shivered at the thought. He was right about where it was going and the conflicted feelings grew. He pulled away, though. A thought had just hit him. Technically, he had to go along with whatever happened, it was the law.

Brendon looked at him. “Are you okay?” his voice was softer and there was a flash of concern in his eyes, covered mostly by lust. Ryan nodded.

“I’m fine. Come on, there are rooms back at the Satisfiers’ building.” He took Brendon’s hand and took him the familiar way back to where he had the misfortune of living. Much to his satisfaction, the Head Satisfier wasn’t waiting for him. Ryan took the stairs to a random floor and started going down the hall. One of the doors opened and another Satisfier came out, zipping the back of his skin up.

He stopped when he saw Ryan and Brendon and a smirk put itself on his face. “Hey there, Rossy, you brought a job back here?” he sounded surprised but he looked at Brendon, “Yeah, he does look pretty young.” Ryan stopped and shut his eyes, willing the other boy to go away. “You’re lucky, he’s one of the few that actually likes it up the ass,” the Satisfier said, obviously addressing Brendon. Ryan felt the grip on his hand tighten a little. “Doesn’t matter though, not like we get to pick and choose, have fun you two.” Then he left.

“Come on,” Ryan muttered under his breath, leading his way to the end of the hallway and going through one of the doors.

Brendon stopped on the other side of the door and looked around the room. Ryan went over to the drawer to see if everything that he needed was there. When he found that everything was, he shut the drawer and sat down on the bed, looking at Brendon.

“Well, come on,” he said, smirking at the startled look on Brendon’s face when he spoke. Brendon walked over, though, and sat beside him. His one leg was bouncing up and down and Ryan had to smile a little at his nervousness.

To get things moving, he leaned over and kissed Brendon. Brendon jumped a little but he relaxed into it and kissed back soon enough. Ryan slowly turned himself so he was straddling the younger boy and the kiss was at a more comfortable angle. Something about it didn’t feel right, though. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but there was something wrong.

Eventually he couldn’t take it anymore and he pulled away and moved completely away, starting to pace. Brendon looked a little confused but he recovered quickly. “Ryan?” his voice was surprisingly clear though his eyes were dark and heavy, looking concerned.

Ryan stopped completely. “I can’t do it. I know that I have to but I can’t. I just,” he turned to Brendon and brought his hands up to grip his hair. “It doesn’t feel right. And this, between us, it has to be different, it has to feel right, it can’t be like every other time.” Then he started pacing again as if that would get his thoughts to calm down and stop spiraling around and mixing up.

Brendon stood up and stepped in front of him, catching him and pulling him close again. He slowly backed them to the bed and sat down again, still holding Ryan close. Slowly, Ryan calmed down to the point where he could breathe regularly again. Brendon stroked his hair gently and kissed his temple. “What’s wrong?” he whispered.

“Everything,” Ryan replied dismally. “All of this is wrong.” He sat up and looked at Brendon, who looked a little hurt. “Not like that. I do want this, I just, why is it happening now? You just found out what I really am and I just happen to really be a Satisfier. And you know how it’s said that the mere sight of Satisfiers makes people want to sleep with them? Is this real? Why now?” That was all he could ask.

Brendon’s eyes softened completely and he pulled Ryan back. “The fact that you’re a Satisfier has nothing to do with this, I promise. I’ve always wanted to really kiss you offstage and I’ve thought about this once or twice before now,” he admitted quietly, looking down in embarrassment at the last part.

Ryan let that sink in. He’d learned from being with the Performers how to tell when someone meant something and he could tell that Brendon was being honest. So that meant that his skin didn’t mean anything in regards to this, it was in his head. There was one more obstacle to get around, though.

“Do you really mean this? I-I don’t want to be a quick, meaningless fuck, not with you. I want this to be different from everything else,” he whispered. Ryan couldn’t believe that all he wanted was right here in front of him and that it might be possible. How many times had he learned that you hardly ever get what you want? Who was to say that this would be different?

Brendon looked at him with his warm eyes, though, and Ryan could feel himself melt again. He could feel all of the icy rigidness leaving his body. Brendon put a hand on the side of his face and kissed him softly before untying his mask and removing it from his face. He rubbed his cheek with his thumb and looked at him. “I mean it. I mean all of this just like I mean it when I say that I love you,” he answered softly, calming Ryan’s hysteria.

That was enough. The look in his eyes and his tone of voice and the way he was sitting told Ryan that Brendon was different. Having this knowledge, Ryan leaned forward again and kissed the other boy. Brendon put his arms around him and lay back, taking Ryan with him. Ryan wasn’t used to being on top, but he knew what to do.

As they kissed, he gradually turned Brendon and they moved so Brendon’s head rested on the pillow. He reached over for the drawer and took out a condom and the lube, setting them on the top of the furniture so they were ready. Carefully, he reached down between their bodies and started unbuttoning the younger boy’s shirt.

Brendon sat up and Ryan slid his hands on the smooth, pale skin to brush the shirt off of the boy’s shoulders. He bent down and kissed one of Brendon’s shoulders, moving across to his collarbone and kissing up his neck and back to his lips. Softly, Ryan pushed Brendon back down so the boy was lying down again.

Ryan moved down Brendon’s jaw, just barely brushing his lips against the skin. He caught the way Brendon’s breathing was starting to get a little more labored, it catching a little more often in his throat. Through a little smile, he pressed his lips to the soft skin on the boy’s throat, making sure to nip it ever so lightly as he moved down. Every time he did it, Brendon’s breath audibly hitched. Then he bit down and sucked in the same spot to make his mark, making Brendon actually moan out loud.

He moved away and met the soft brown eyes as he started kissing the soft, decently muscled skin on the younger boy’s chest, moving down and running the very tip of his tongue down the flesh. Brendon’s eyes rolled back and fluttered and he let out a shaky breath, but went back to watching Ryan.

While he was focused on the surface of Brendon’s torso, he occupied his hands by running them up and down the boy’s sides. Brendon’s eyes were still somewhat clear, but they seemed thicker and Ryan could easily detect the lust in the chocolate orbs.

Suddenly and impatiently, Brendon stopped him from his attentions to his body and pulled him back up to his lips, sitting up at the same time. The kiss was rather violent and very desperate, but it only made Ryan’s heart skip a beat and he felt that warmth in his chest again as he kissed back.

Brendon’s hands were roaming around on his back, obviously looking for the place where the skin would start to come undone. Ryan put his hands on Brendon’s chest and pushed himself away, breathing hard. “There’s a seam in the back that just pulls apart,” he gasped, wanting to help the other boy out. Brendon only nodded and pulled him back, getting to work on that seam.

Ryan couldn’t believe how good this felt. Nothing was even happening yet and it wasn’t even all that different from anything that he’d done before, except for the fact that it was Brendon and he actually cared. It was the first time that Ryan ever felt like someone really cared about him. At that moment, he felt the love unlike he had before. He understood it and felt it before, but now it seemed more real, like proof almost.

His skin was pushed down his shoulders and to his waist where Brendon left it alone for the time being. Again, Ryan pushed the younger boy back to the mattress so he could return to his attentions to the lower part of Brendon’s body.

He laid himself down on Brendon’s front and started to undo the drawstring knot on the boy’s pants. His own breath was much quicker than before, and he noticed that Brendon was practically gasping for air. With a small smirk, he hooked his thumbs into the waistband and inched them down. Brendon lifted his hips a little to help him out and Ryan felt his mouth go dry. He shook his head and finished his job. The only thing left of Brendon’s clothing left virtually nothing up to the imagination and Ryan swallowed, looking up at the other boy who was blushing a little.

Ryan surged up and caught Brendon’s face between his hands and kissed him deeply. That warm spot in his chest expanded and could just feel his love for this boy beneath him burning him up. Brendon seemed a little surprised, but he kissed back and seemed to feel the same way. Ryan swore he could feel the connection that he’d heard happened when sex actually meant something.

He sat up a little as Brendon’s hands went back down and started pushing his skin down more, obviously wanting it off. Ryan tried to help him as much as he could, moving his hips a little side to side to help Brendon work it off.

With that, he was completely exposed and he watched Brendon’s eyes widen to the size of half-dollars. Quickly and roughly, Ryan reached down and rid the both of them of that last bit that left Brendon covered. He only blinked and paused for a moment, wanting to really take in what he was seeing. Moments later he decided that taking it in was a stupid idea and leaned into Brendon, connecting their lips and making him lie down again.

Ryan sat up on the boy’s hips to get the lube, asking Brendon with his eyes if that was okay. Brendon nodded and Ryan thought that he heard an incredibly soft, “Yes,” fall breathily out of the boy’s mouth. He took a moment to completely examine this boy underneath him. He really was the most beautiful person Ryan had met what with his curves, his muscles, his smooth, pale skin, and his dark hair and eyes.

He reached down and ran his hand through the soft, silky black hair with a small smile. Brendon moved his hands from where they were pressing into Ryan’s hips and removed Ryan’s hand from his hair, cupping it gently between his two and pressing his lips to Ryan’s fingers.

“O-k-kay,” he breathed out, eyes shining. He let go of Ryan’s hand and Ryan leaned down to kiss him one more time before opening the lube and coating his fingers. Then he shifted down again and spread the younger boy’s legs. Brendon was still watching everything that he was doing and Ryan gave him a little reassuring smile.

“This is going to hurt a little. If it’s too much, tell me,” he said, somehow keeping his voice normal despite knowing what he was going to do and what he was talking about. He did have to swallow hard at the end of the warning. Brendon only nodded, looking on in what looked like wonder.

So, Ryan took a breath and slowly pushed one finger into the boy, watching to make sure everything was okay. Besides a slight look of general discomfort—which was normal—everything seemed to be okay. After waiting a little bit for the boy’s muscles to adjust, he started twisting the one finger and pushing in a little deeper. Brendon’s eyes were closed now and he was making quiet little sounds through his closed mouth. Ryan blinked to get out of the staring spell that the sight caused and he re-focused on what he was doing.

He partially extracted the first finger so he could add the second. The stretch was greater and this time Brendon let out a little grunt of pain but he didn’t look too terribly affected so Ryan continued. Once he was far enough, he started to scissor his fingers, gradually making the stretch greater. He looked up again to check on Brendon.

The boy’s eyes were still closed and his mouth was open a little, soft moans escaping with each stretch. His head was pushed back into the pillow and it even looked like sweat was gathering on his skin. Ryan was transfixed by it and was amazed at the way he was reducing the Performer to this completely unchecked state. It was incredible.

Quickly, Ryan added the third and final finger, just to make everything thorough. This time he pushed in as deep as he could and curled his fingers to find Brendon’s prostate. Suddenly, the boy underneath him arched his back and let out a loud moan.

At that, Ryan was satisfied and he removed all of his fingers, watching Brendon’s chest heave up and down. There was definitely a thin sheen of sweat on his face and chest. Brendon’s eyes opened and looked at him. It was obvious that he couldn’t speak but the question was clear in his eyes and Ryan smiled a little, moving up to kiss Brendon again.

“Calm down. I’m not done, yet.” He wiped his fingers on the blanket at the end of the bed and picked up the condom, holding it up for the younger boy to see. “Would you like to put it on me?” he asked, holding himself up and looking down at Brendon.

Brendon reached out with shaking hands and took the package from Ryan. He was still, looking at Ryan with wide eyes before he carefully ripped it open. Slowly and hesitantly, he reached down and seemed to focus on rolling the condom on. At the contact, Ryan breathed shakily and felt his arms tremble a little. Brendon’s hands were shaking worse, though. He withdrew his hands a moment later and wrapped his arms around Ryan’s back, pulling him down and kissing him hard.

Ryan pushed himself up, smiling down at the boy. He sat up and readjusted the condom, pulling it on just a little bit more. Then he held himself up on his hands and knees again. “Are you ready for this?” he asked, breathing just a little shakily. He was still much less affected than Brendon was, though. Brendon’s attention snapped back to him and he nodded, eyes wide.

“Now, this, this actually will hurt more than the fingers did. I’ll just let you know now that it gets better, but if it really hurts you can tell me to pull out. I’m not going to think anything of it, okay?” He glanced down between the boy’s legs. “There are a few more things that I can do for that if I pull out, too, so no worries,” he said, looking back at Brendon.

Brendon let out a shaky breath but he still smiled a little. His eyes were mostly clouded over and Ryan knew that he was going to agree to anything and that he probably didn’t comprehend most of what was said anyway. So, Ryan smiled a little and pressed his lips to Brendon’s softly before moving back down between his legs.

Brendon only watched as Ryan put his hands on the boy’s hips and positioned himself. He looked up and made eye contact with the younger boy before pushing in slowly.

It was tight, and he felt Brendon tense up, but Ryan only rubbed his side in small circles and kept going because it was normal for it to burn at first and it would pass; besides, it felt absolutely, utterly amazing on Ryan’s end. There was a point where Brendon yelped a little and Ryan stopped, looking at him in alarm. The boy’s muscles were tense and he was gripping the bed sheets so hard his hands were white. He really didn’t want to hurt Brendon any more than he had to and he reached up to move the sweat soaked black hair away from the boy’s face.

Brendon opened his eyes and looked at Ryan. “G-go on, p-pplease. I-I’m okay. Pr-promise,” he said, voice thick. One hand reached up and wiped Ryan’s own damp hair away from his face and he offered him a shaky, weak smile.

Hesitantly, Ryan continued pushing in until he was as far as he could go. Once there, he stilled again and let Brendon breathe and get used to the feeling until he was ready again. Ryan had never seen anything better than the flushed, sweaty face of this Performer and he leaned down again to capture the wonderfully soft lips. All of him was roaring with pleasure to the point where his own mind was clouding over.

A soft hand on his cheek brought him out of his mind and back to the present where he was still inside of Brendon. The soft brown eyes looked at him and told him that he was ready for the rest of it. Ryan grinned and slowly pulled out before pushing back in again just to show Brendon how it was going to work. Even at that slow pace, the boy’s eyes rolled back in his head and he sighed shakily.

Encouraged, Ryan picked up the pace a little, breathing harder. It felt amazing, the drag and just the feeling of not only being inside of this incredible boy but also the feeling of being with him, of it being him that Ryan was leaning over.

When he tuned back in to what was going on outside of his brain, he heard the soft moans that were constantly escaping from Brendon’s mouth. Once again, his head was pressed back into the pillows and his eyes were screwed shut. Ryan couldn’t help but smile at the sight.

Eventually he was comfortable enough with the rhythm to tilt his hips and start aiming for the prostate. He knew that Brendon wouldn’t last long after he found it, but that didn’t matter. When he heard the loud, low moan and looked up to see the boy’s face scrunched up, he knew that he found it. That was when he leaned back in and kissed Brendon again just letting their hips rock together.

He noticed that Brendon’s hand was inching down, but Ryan caught a hold of it and returned it to its owner, taking its potential position with his own hand. Brendon gasped against his lips and Ryan smirked, starting to move his hand to the rhythm that their hips were going at. It wasn’t long until Brendon’s hips were bucking, making the pleasure that Ryan was feeling suddenly intensify.

He could feel Brendon’s abdominal muscles clench harder than they had been before and Ryan knew that it would be mere seconds until he came. So, he sped things up a little. Brendon was gasping and he was still rocking his hips with Ryan’s, until he stilled completely and let out a long groan, climaxing finally.

The sound and the sight brought Ryan that much closer and he started moving his hips faster still, connecting his mouth to Brendon’s even though the other boy was panting. It wasn’t long until he was reaching his own climax, moaning loud and long into Brendon’s mouth.

He collapsed on Brendon’s chest, breathing hard and heavy. Ryan laid his head on Brendon’s shoulder and put his arms around the boy while they caught their respective breaths together. The remaining effects of the pleasure ran through his body and he smiled despite himself.

It felt right, everything did. He didn’t know how it was supposed to feel, but somehow he could tell that the feeling blossoming in his chest was what he was supposed to be experiencing. Brendon put a, still shaking, hand on the back of his head while the other one ran slowly up and down his back.

“I love you,” Ryan whispered, pressing a soft kiss to Brendon’s shoulder. He could feel it, echoing in his head and his chest and his stomach that he really was in love with this boy that he had the fortune of lying on top of and being with. All of his feelings were crashing together and just made this blissful emotion.

“I love you, too,” Brendon whispered back, kissing the top of his head and holding him a little tighter.

“Here, let me up a minute,” Ryan muttered, rising to pull out now that he had enough strength recovered to do so. He rolled the condom off and dropped it into the trashcan. Then he rolled over to the side to pull the sheet up. He wiped his own stomach, then set about cleaning Brendon’s with the sheet. When that was done, he threw the sheet off of the bed and pulled the blanket up over himself, holding the one side up for Brendon to get under.

When the blanket was loosely around their waists, Brendon wrapped his arms around him again. “Thank you,” he whispered.

Ryan started at the words. Thank you? He’d never been thanked before, well, not the way that Brendon just did it. Other people said it like he’d just done them a favor. Brendon said it in an unassuming way, like it was all out of Ryan’s good heart that he’d done it in the first place.

In response, he put his arms tighter around the other boy and nodded against his shoulder, knowing that Brendon could feel it. “Thank you,” he whispered feeling like, if anything, he should be the one thanking Brendon. He owed a lot to the Performer, more than he cared to actually tally up.

That was all that was said and after a while Ryan could feel Brendon start to fall asleep. It made sense. It was late, it had been a long day, and he’d just engaged in a quite demanding physical activity. Besides, he ran on pure energy during the day and the energy wasn’t endless.

Ryan hugged the younger boy to himself, burying his face in the place between his shoulder and his neck, soaking up the feeling. Brendon was his. The boy that he’d had feelings for for who knew how long was his at last. He felt himself relax in a way that he only did when he was at the Performers’ building. When he woke up, he knew that the skin would be back on his body since they couldn’t be longer than maybe a half-hour off.

He was dozing off into his own sleep about ten minutes later when he heard a crashing sound. Startled, he looked up toward the door that was now wide open. His skin had already materialized on his body, same with Brendon. Brendon was also looking at the door, wide eyed. He looked sleepy and confused but it was obvious that he, too, was alarmed at the sight of the Enforcers coming through the door.

It was a team of maybe seven Enforcers and they all came into the room. Two each took a hold of Ryan and Brendon, dragging them out of the bed. Ryan’s arms were pinned behind his back so tight that he could hardly feel them. Brendon was being held but not nearly as roughly as he was. It looked like the two Enforcers behind him were only concerned with keeping him in one place, not keeping him from moving entirely the way they were with Ryan.

The other three Enforcers were moving about the room like they were looking for something. One of them called the other two to him and held up the disguise cube. Ryan’s eyes widened at the sight of it, heart sinking. So this was what he thought it was.

Out of the door he saw the figure of the Head Satisfier standing there. It was only his silhouette, though, so Ryan couldn’t see the expression on his face, which was probably for the best.

Ryan tried to use his newly discovered skills and tried to jerk out of the grip. “What the hell are you doing? I’m only trying to do my job. Are you honestly going to keep me from acting as according to my nature?”

“Nice try,” the Enforcer holding the cube said, bringing the cube over to him. “Do you recognize this?” Ryan was taken aback by the question and it obviously showed on his face. He cursed himself silently for not keeping his composure. “Thought so,” the Enforcer said smugly. Ryan glared at him. “So, how did you come to get this? I believe that only the Assassins carry disguises. Am I right? Or do Satisfiers use them, now?” He directed the question to the doorway.

“They do not,” the Head Satisfier supplied, not sounding happy at all.

“Hmm. That means that you weren’t using it for your job, which means that you were hiding your real skin.” The Enforcer looked behind his shoulder to where Brendon was still being held. “And you, you’re the one that the Head Performer was looking for. He said that you’d gone missing and that you’re the one that he’s chosen so he was especially worried.”

Ryan stilled. Jeffry. He narrowed his eyes and felt the anger, hot and solid in his stomach.

“I think that this is it boys,” the Enforcer said. “Take the Performer back to his building. Take the Satisfier to Holding.”

**

The cell was cold and dark. There was only a little light from a little window and it was just enough for him to not bump into things. Ryan was pacing still, he hadn’t stopped since he’d been thrown into it. He couldn’t stop or the terror would set in and he couldn’t deal with that.

There was what looked like a fire coming down the hallway. He knew that he was the only one in that particular hallway and he moved to the barred door to see who it was. Surely it wasn’t time yet, it wasn’t even morning.

The Head Satisfier’s face appeared. He looked sad and disappointed. He looked up at Ryan and shook his head. “What the fuck were you doing?” he asked.

Ryan didn’t answer. For one thing he didn’t want to explain himself and he couldn’t think of the right words to answer the question. He only looked back at the Head, the boy he’d known for the majority of his life.

“Not only were you pretending to be a fucking Performer, but then, when you decided to finally act the way you’re supposed to, you had to fuck the Performer that the Head Performer had his claim on. What the fuck happened to your brain? God, I thought you were smart. You know the laws, you know that everything you did was illegal.”

The Head Satisfier’s calm composure was broken. He looked pissed off and Ryan looked down. He didn’t think he’d be able to handle it if the man started yelling. He’d never heard him yell and he really didn’t want to, it would shake him more than he already was.

“God, Ryan I don’t even know what else to say. I’m sorry that, of every single person in this whole damn city, that you’re the one that’s going to die.” He shook his head. “Goodbye, I guess,” he said, still sounding mad. Then he turned and started to leave.

“Wait!” Ryan yelled, grabbing onto the bars and forcing his face partway between them. “Wyatt!” The Satisfier didn’t stop though and Ryan pushed himself away from the door. Suddenly he was shaking. Even without yelling, the sight of the Head Satisfier made his nerves come apart even more. He’d seen actual, genuine concern in the Head Satisfier’s eyes, concern for him. That unnerved him the most because if that man actually looked concerned, there was a lot to be concerned about.

Ryan wrapped his arms around himself and started pacing faster than before. This time it didn’t keep the terror away, it only made it climb higher. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine that Brendon was with him. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t think of what he’d done as wrong and he couldn’t forget the feeling that he had in his chest.

No matter what, he was still in love with Brendon.

Thank you, for everything, all of you.