FicWad

Dear Alex,

You're exactly what those lyrics I love so much say.

You're just a sad song
With nothing to say

I have spent so long waiting for you. I never thought I would give up on loving you. I hate the fact that I still do like you. I'm not meant to feel this way anymore.

So shut your eyes
Kiss me goodbye, and sleep.

I wished you would leave. Leave me be, leave me to love my girlfriend, leave my troubled mind in peace. But no. You stayed. You infected the love I felt for her and your poison eyes burn into my soul.

When you go
Would you even turn to say
I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday

I never said I loved you to your face. But I did. I loved you with a fire red. That fire has dimmed a little but is not completely out yet. I don't know what's wrong with me. I love Sophie with all my heart but I feel like that love is tainted, tainted by a tall, pale, ice-blue-eyed, messy-blonde-haired boy. The one with the scratchy voice that destroys me every time I hear it.

Hand in mine
Into your icy blues

Can I drown in your eyes? It would make me feel better. Let me fade away, let me die in those eyes.

Love is the red,
The rose on your coffin door

Will it be you whose eyes haunt me as I slip away? As my life drifts into the cold air, will it be you who holds my hand? Of course not. You will hold me in mind, but you will not wrap your arms around my frail body. All those times I have been so close to you but never touched you. Never spoken to you.

Singing songs that make you
Slit your wrists

I only ever scratched the skin, really, not cutting at all. The "A" on my hip stands testament to my feelings. I have carved that letter everywhere. On my arm, over my heart, and now on my hip.

If you were here
I'd never have a fear
So go on, live your life,
But I'll miss you more
Than I did yesterday

I'll see you at my funeral then. When I've died of a broken heart, a broken soul and a broken neck. It'll be like the song says.

Remember when you broke your foot
From jumping out the second floor

Except change foot with neck.

And all I ever wanted to hear from your plump, chapped, pink lips was

Let me be the one to save you

So, you can kiss my blue lips, caress my frozen cheek, and hold my dead hand, but it's not bringing me back. I'm dead now. Dead to you, dead to them, dead to the world.

Dead to the ones I loved.

Dead to the ones I hated.

Dead to everyone.

Dead to the world.

And this is my note to you.

This is my note to you, Alex.

This is my suicide note to you, Alex.

This is my love letter to you, Alex.

I love you.

I never stopped.

I never will stop.

Even when I am dead and gone.

My heart will go on.

Love,

Ash.

Because Claire died when you said you didn't feel anything.

You heartless bastard.

A/N: I'M NOT ACTUALLY COMMITTING SUICIDE. I ACTUALLY SCARED KELSEYCHEM BUT NO I AM STILL ALIVE AND WILL BE ALIVE TOMORROW UNLESS I GET MURDERED RANDOMLY.
-Ash Jinxxy xx