Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Empty With You
My nose is bright red. I look like Rudolf. I don't know about all of you, but when I read stuff I try and picture the author. So, if you've ever done that for me - Rudolf. And I mean the reindeer. That is why you use suntan lotion!
Other than that life is good, and I should have spent today revising for my chemistry exam... BUT I wrote this instead. Yay for me!
Meh.
Also, seeming as I've been listening to the song on repeat all day, the title to this story is stolen from The Used. It's my favourite song by them, and the lyrics fit really well I think. If you don't know it - listen to it. It truly is an amazing song!
Anyway, now my traditional babble that none of you care about is over read on my beautiful audience.
Chapter 5
Sx
"Evening Oregon City!" Gerard belted out into the crowd. They responded with the usual enthusiasm, some even seeming to have fits out of their excitement. The singer grinned out at the sea of people, as they whooped and cheered. "How are we all tonight?" He yelled.
The response was as positive as ever, although Ray - from his position at the side of the stage - was sure he heard someone yell 'SHIT'. His eyes raked the audience for the offender, but it wasn't out of malice. It made him laugh when people acted like that. Of course, there were a few thousand people in the building, and although the amount of noise limited them to being within the first few rows, it was impossible to determine who it was. There were a few girls glaring over their shoulders at another behind them, so Ray grinned and winked at her.
Completely unaware of this, Gerard was babbling into the microphone. "...and I haven't been here in a while, you know?" He paused here. "Have you missed me?"
More screaming, making the dark haired man grin. They were about an hour and a half into the set, which meant that they had about two songs left to do. Possibly more if the crowd demanded an encore. Which they probably would, based on their enthusiasm so far.
"Good to know! Now how about I shut up and we actually play something?"
The rest of his band laughed at that. The singer's long speeches between songs had become somewhat infamous amongst them. They were constantly mocking their frontman for them, and some of the stuff he came out with. What had possessed him to start instructing guys to take their tops off before they began playing Prison would forever be beyond the band, and then of course, was the time when he announced that a member of the audience was 'put on this Earth to fuck'.
Frank grinned at himself, and began strumming his intro to This Is How I Disappear. It was a song that they hadn't played live in a long time, which the rhythm guitarist thought was a shame, because it was one of his favorites.
He put his all in to it, as ever, jumping around wildly as the music flowed through him. At that moment, there were only two things of any substance around him - the floor beneath his feet, and the strings under his fingers. Everything else was just noise. The pounding of the drums, the flow of his and Toro's guitars, and Mikey's bass, Gerard's voice, and of course, the never-ceasing roar of the crowd.
Honestly, there was no feeling that compared to this.
Suddenly, something jolted him back to reality.
Frank looked around to see Gerard dancing away from him. The older man was completely red in the face, but by this point in the concert, they were all flushed and sweaty. The guitarist knew it wasn't the heat that had turned his friend this shade - not this time at least.
It was the fact that the singer had just pressed his lips against Iero's cheek. He missed a few notes, just staring at the other man in shock. They hadn't done anything like this in ages, and Frank was shocked that Gerard was bringing it up again now.
Realizing that his hands were still motionless over his guitar, he pulled himself back in to action. He was playing on auto-pilot though, not with his usual vigor. He was too busy still staring at Gerard, who determinedly had his back to the other man.
For the rest of the show, it remained that way. The singer would move away, whenever he saw his friend inch closer, and soon enough Frank just gave up. They were on the last song anyway, so it didn't matter too much.
Apparently, there wasn't going to be an encore tonight either, as the second they got back stage, Gerard disappeared.
It was easy enough to do considering how busy the corridors were, and the fact that the place was a complete rat's maze. Frank tried to follow him, but was impossible, especially as Ray cornered him almost immediately.
"Iero, what was up with Disappear?" He asked, looking slightly put out. "You just stopped playing half way through."
The other guitarist stared at him for a second, then realized that he hadn't seen Gerard's antics. "I just messed up, okay?" He replied. "I'm sorry man, it won't happen again."
"It better not. Dammit, Frank, we're better than that!" Ray exclaimed.
"I know, I know," The shorter man replied, scanning the crowd for the singer as he spoke. "Look, I'm sorry, Ray, but can we have this conversation later?"
And then he darted away, searching in vain for the man who had kissed him just minutes ago.
Said man was running in the opposite direction, cursing at himself.
It had seemed like such a good idea at the time - kissing Frank like that. After all, if he was interested, surely he'd kiss him back, or something.
That had been the plan at least. It had taken up most of the show to work the guts up to act, and then, straight after, he'd just run off, without even waiting to see how the guitarist reacted. It was a stupid idea anyway, after all - Frank would probably have just played along if Gerard did hover for a few moments longer, but would only think of it as messing around in the same way they had used to.
It was stupid, just plain idiotic.
But he didn't know what else to do.
Eventually, he found a door outside and ran into the fresh air, taking gulps of it in. The cool temperature and night sky seemed to calm him down slightly, and he slowed down to a walk. You couldn't see the stars here - there was too much light pollution. That irked the singer a bit, but there were worse things in the world.
Such as his thick-headedness.
Gerard pulled at his hair slightly with that thought. Why did he do these things?
By this point, he'd walked to the chain-link fence that surrounded the stadium building. He guessed it stretched the whole way round, because it was exactly the same by where they'd parked their bus, and he was nowhere near that now. The singer leaned heavily against it, then sank to the floor.
The earth was cold beneath him, but Gerard was still so hot from the concert, so he was glad for it. Here, in the relative stillness, he could be the only person alive. It was so peaceful. He hugged his knees against his chest, and buried his head in them, allowing his breathing to slow.
After a little while, he began to calm down.
When he though about it rationally, without the pain of a rejection that never really occurred, it wasn't that big a deal, what he'd done, not really. Frank wouldn't think anything of it, he'd just write it off as a 'stage-gay' act. He didn't have to worry about his wife getting jealous, and it was such a small action anyway. All he was doing was reviving an old joke. Well, as far as everyone was concerned, he was. It didn't matter that there was actually some feelings behind that kiss, as chaste and minute as it was. As long as no one knew, that was irrelevant.
All of a sudden, he missed Lindsey again.
He didn't know whether it was trying to reveal his emotions for Frank that brought it on, but all of a sudden, Gerard was consumed with sadness and longing. He wanted to see his wife again, to hold her, to kiss her, to hear her tell him that she loved him.
He bit back tears as the hurt spiked. He wished so bad that he could change himself. That he could get rid of everything that was wrong with him, so that she'd love him again. Every screwed up little piece, every twisted thought he had... if he could erase them, surely she'd take him back.
Maybe he could do this - maybe he could sort himself out, and meet her again, and they'd fall in love, and everything would be perfect again.
The tears came faster as he thought this. Because deep inside, he knew it was no good - Lindsey didn't want him, didn't need him, didn't love him. And he couldn't change himself anyway.
But maybe...
Gerard thought back to his earlier resolution - to hide his feelings for Frank until they passed. He had broken that in a split second, the minute his deluded brain thought there may actually be a chance that the feelings were mutual.
He knew that couldn't be true, but he'd gone and broke the promise to himself anyway. Despite the fact that he was desperate to get his wife back, he knew that if he made a similar promise in order to win Lindsey over, it would fail just as badly. He just didn't have the perseverance.
But then... Way thought back to his darkest days - the ones consumed by drugs and booze. He had fought his way through that, so why couldn't he stick to a resolution now? His brother would help him with this as well, surely? And that would make the whole thing so much easier.
As if to prove him wrong, it was at this moment a security guard appeared, walking towards where Gerard was still sat on the grass by the fence. He paused upon seeing the singer, wondering whether to approach or not.
He'd been hearing rumors about the man recently, and was keen to see if they were true or not. Even if they weren't, the guy looked kinda down, and could probably do with a friendly face. And if he didn't want that either, the guard was more than happy to leave the other man alone. He had nothing to lose.
"Hey, dude, you ok?" He asked as he approached. He was moving slowly and calmly - as though Way was a wild animal.
The singer looked up at the sound of the guard's voice. He recognized the man immediately, having seen him backstage earlier. He was a short guy, but tough looking, with muscles that surely came from hours down the gym, as opposed to a taxing job. But then, perhaps his job doubled up as being a bouncer, as a certain level of strength was required. Either way, Gerard found himself gaping slightly at the impressive silhouette the other guy was creating.
Memories were catching up with him - ones that involved easing the pain he was currently in. His new addiction was creeping back into his system, urging him to take another hit, to reduce the emotional agony that came whenever he thought of his ex-wife.
"Yeah, I'm just kinda... I'm fine, man," Gerard shrugged, eyeing the other man speculatively.
"Well, do you want some company? It's better to share emotions you know, instead of keeping them locked away."
"I said I was fine," The singer frowned slightly.
"Yeah, of course. Sorry." The security guard held up his hands apologetically, and backed away. "I'll be off then. It was a good show tonight by the way."
"Thanks," Gerard said softly, watching the man turn away. His mind was whirring at a million miles an hour; part telling him to let the other man go on his way and not to cave to his addiction. It wasn't good for him, and it certainly wouldn't help him win Lindsey back. The other part - the part that was hurt and needy - was more dominant though, and despite his reservations, Way found his mouth open again a second later. "But just because I'm fine, doesn't mean I don't want company."
And then he shied back, fearing rejection.
He didn't have to though.
The guard's ears pricked up at the clear invitation, and he slowed his brisk walk. He turned and stared down at the singer, still huddled on the grass, hugging his knees. Then the man shrugged, and sat down next to Gerard - close enough for the black-haired man to feel the body heat seeping through his clothes. They leaned up against the fence together, talking quietly.
And that was more or less how Frank found them, when his search finally led him out the back door that his friend had taken. It was a good half hour after Way had done so, and Ray and Mikey were starting to get worried now as well. They weren't too fussed though - they assumed that Gerard had just disappeared off for a smoke and lost track of time. However, after the events of the last few days, Iero was less optimistic - and he had a right to be.
The guitarist's sight had always been sharper than his hearing; after all, he'd spent most of his listening to music turned up to the highest volume possible.
Gerard was similar, but at the moment his friend walked out the back door, he was listening as hard as possible for the sound of anyone approaching. He didn't want to be caught with his tongue down some random guy's throat by any member of his band.
So when he heard Frank open the door, the singer pulled away from the guard as fast as possible. The other man was slightly confused by this, and leaned forward again. From the angle Iero was at, he could see them well enough to understand what was going. But, because of his damaged hearing, he couldn't make out Gerard's words. Whatever they were, they made the security guard stand, before Iero had a chance to see his uniform, and disappear around the side of the building.
The guitarist was tempted to follow him, and find out exactly what was going on. However, he was more concerned about his friend, who was standing motionless on the grass, staring at him.
Frank walked over slowly. What he had just seen reeling around in his head, the same way his thoughts had done, just that morning. When he opened the door, everything had happened so fast that he had only been able to make out two things. One - the person was and guy, and two - he had been kissing Gerard.
When he was only a few feet away from the afore-mentioned, he stopped, still refusing to break eye contact. The singer seemed to be unable to.
"What was that all about?" He finally asked.
In the few seconds that had passed, Way's mind had also been buzzing. Unlike Frank, though, he was thinking of excuses instead of trying to figure out what he'd just seen. In those moments, he'd come up with a reasonable, semi-believable lie.
"That was..." The singer blushed and dropped his gaze to the ground. Over the years, he'd learned that it was easier to tell untruths when not making eye contact with anyone. "That was my boyfriend."
Frank's mouth dropped open. The whirring in his brain didn't stop as he tried to determine whether this was a lies or not. In fact, the confusion just worsened as on top of that, he was trying to push down the hurt that came with Gerard's words. Now was not the time for it.
"Your... boyfriend?" He asked, the words tasting sour in his mouth. He was careful to conceal the hurt, and none of it showed on his face. His only expression was that of confusion.
"Yeah," Way nodded.
"What's his name?" The guitarist asked slowly, still unsure whether his friend was lying or not.
"Stephen," Gerard replied.
Frank nodded. "How long have you been seeing him? Why didn't you tell us?"
The singer shrugged, looking miserable. "I didn't know what you guys would think. Anyway, it's not anything major - only been dating about a month. Less."
"Oh."
Gerard glanced up at the short, unrevealing word. Frank's face was carefully trained to not show anything, but the singer could sense his confusion, and hurt. He guessed he'd be pretty bummed too if he found out the guitarist was dating someone without telling him. Perhaps for a completely different reason, but that didn't mean he couldn't guess at what was going on in Iero's head.
"I'm sorry," He said, shifting his feet awkwardly. "I should have told you."
"It's okay," The guitarist shook his head slightly. "So was that him last night? In the hotel room with you?"
"Yeah, he was out there anyway, visiting a relative or something. I don't know. I told him where we were staying though, and we met up there. I guess he followed us to the city today, 'cause I wasn't expecting to see him here."
"Fair enough. Why did he run off just now?" Frank carried on his interrogation, but kept his voice soft, so Way didn't think he was accusing him of anything.
"Train to catch, back to LA. It was only a short meeting, spur of the moment thing."
Iero nodded. The story did make sense, even though he thought it was a bit coincidental that the boyfriend... Stephen or whatever, just happened to be out here at the same time as then. He didn't think it'd be a good idea to accuse Gerard of lying though, plus this solution was better than some of the ones he'd come up with since that morning.
"Okay," he chewed the inside of his lip, wondering whether to ask his next question. He was nervous to - scared of what the answer would be. At the same time, he was dying to know. And now he'd got Way talking, it was probably best to get the answer now. "What was with the kiss, by the way? On stage."
The singer blushed furiously, the rejection he'd felt earlier bubbling back up. "It was stupid," he shrugged finally, trying and failing for nonchalance. "Just... seemed like a good idea at the time - now we don't have jealous wives or anything."
Frank couldn't contain his smirk. Although the answer wasn't the one he wanted, this time he knew Gerard wasn't being entirely truthful with him. It seemed like something the singer would do, and if not for the overly chagrined expression on his face now, Iero would probably believe him. But that blush revealed enough to Frank.
However, he decided not to push it. That wasn't how he usually rolled, but it was something he'd being doing a lot around Way recently. The awkwardness of crushing on one of his best friends was enough to leave him mute where he usually wouldn't be.
"What about your boyfriend?" He asked instead.
"He doesn't care," Gerard shrugged. "As I said, it's nothing major between me and him," He paused for a second. "Could you not tell Mikey though? Or Ray? I just wanna... see how it plays out before making any big declarations."
"I won't," Frank smiled, reassuringly. "After all, I did say that who you sleep with is none of my business."
Way thought back to their earlier conversation. If the situation had been different - and he didn't want the guitarist to care - Iero really would be the best friend Gerard could wish for. Although concerned for the singer, he was promising to keep his secrets, and wasn't judging him at all. If not for his stupid, idiotic feelings, he'd be forever grateful for Frank's impartial-ness. As it was though, it was tearing him up slightly inside.
Oh well, at least this way, keeping up his lies would be easier. The less people knew of them, the less stories he'd have to make up to support them.
"But I do just wanna ask one thing..." Iero said. "Isn't this just... a bit soon? I mean, you only divorced Lindsey like two months ago."
At those innocent words, the singer felt like he'd been punched in the gut. All of the feelings of gratitude towards Frank disappeared as the question brought up the pain and remorse he'd been feeling, prior to meeting the security guard.
On top of that was guilt; he'd already broken his promise to himself. Going around kissing random men would never win him his wife back, even if she didn't know. Gerard couldn't stop himself breaking down as once again, it hit home that he was never going to change, and never have Lindsey love him again.
The guitarist watched in panic as his friend's eyes blurred behind a sea of tears. A few trickled down the marble pale cheeks, and the man's teeth clamped around his lower lip to stop it from trembling. Frank did the only thing he could - stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Way's shoulders. He had not been expecting this sort of reaction when he'd asked that.
"Shh, shh, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He whispered into Gerard's inky black hair, cursing himself on the inside. "I'm so sorry, man."
The singer shook his head, clinging on to his friend's waist - as though it was his life line. "I'm so fucked up," He said, voice husky through the tears he was trying desperately to fight back. They were putting up a good front though, and trickles of salty water were running down his face and onto Frank's shoulder.
"You're not," Iero replied, trying to reassure him. This was difficult though - after all, he had no idea what was going on in Gerard's head. "You're brilliant, ok? You're just going through a rough spot. Stop beating yourself up."
"It's all my fault," He protested, tears coming faster. "If I wasn't such a fucked up little shit, Linds' would still love me."
Frank drew back, shocked at his friend's harsh words. "What?" He exclaimed. "She told you that?"
Way shook his head. "I am though - why else would she have left me?"
"You are not a fuck up!" The guitarist hissed, then paused, trying to calm himself down. After a moment, he continued, his voice softer now. "Look, Gerard, I have no idea where that came from, but you cannot think like that, ok? For one it's not true, and second of all, even if it was - saying things like that is never going to help. You don't want to fall back into depression again, do you?
"You have to stop thinking like that. It's the stupidest thing I've ever heard - you're brilliant, and amazing, and the number of people that love you... even the fans! Do you think there would be that many if you were a 'fuck up'?"
"Do you love me?" Gerard asked shyly, looking up through his tear coated lashes.
Frank's breath caught for a second, but he replied fast enough. "Of course I do, you noob. You're one of my best friends. And that is a hard achievement to make."
The singer giggled slightly, the tears still coming. They were slower now though, and easier to swallow back.
"Thanks." He mumbled eventually. "Love you too, man."
Frank smiled, but it was slightly strained. Again, he was fighting to keep his true emotions off his face. "I know you do," He joked. "Listen though, talk to me, yeah? We can sort this out, and by the end of the month, you'll see how entirely fucked up this whole thing is - what you're thinking, I mean."
"Th- Thank-you," Way smiled, and hugged his friend again. It may have been a little tighter, and a little longer than most people would expect between friends, but Gerard's emotions were shot to hell, and Frank welcomed to closeness.
"It's a hotel night again, eh?" Iero asked.
"I think so."
"Share a room with me. We talk about this, and do each other's nails and hair, and have a girly night in. Sound good?"
Gerard pulled out of the embrace, laughing. "You are such a fuck-up!"
"I know babes, but that's why I'm such a cool motherfucker!"
Way's only response was to roll his eyes at that statement. "Let's go back in. It's fucking freezing out here."
"Yeah, and Ray and Mikey were looking for you too."
Gerard again blushed at that. "Sorry. I didn't mean to cause a fuss."
"Meh. You do that without trying dude. But it's ok, because we love you and everything we do is for your own good!" Frank bumped his hip into the other man's.
"Fuck up!"
"Thank-you!"
Back in the building, they found Ray and Mikey fast enough - the latter hugging his brother and telling him to stop running off. Gerard apologized, telling them that he was just too hot after the show.
Then, they were off to the hotel. It was only a short distance from the stadium, so they walked. It was safer to keep their buses locked behind the secure gates of the arena anyway, plus, Mikey and Ray were still boiling - having not had a chance to cool down after the show.
There were still a few fans hanging around, meaning the walk took a good ten minutes longer than it should have done, but as ever, no one complained about it. When they did get to their destination, the band agreed it would be easier to get room service than to eat out. No one enjoyed having meals interrupted.
Ray went off to have a shower, whilst Mikey decided to take advantage of the decent Wi-Fi connection and talk to his wife. Gerard was entrusted to order pizza (what else?), so him and Frank went up to their room to phone the take out company.
They were sharing - as Iero had suggested – so they had the biggest room. This wasn't saying much though; they were still in a fairly grotty motel.
"You'd think," The guitarist commented as he collapsed on his bed. "That with all money and shit, we'd be able to afford to stay in upmarket hotels with sushi, and champagne bars and a hot tub on the balcony."
"You don't ask for much, do you?" Gerard grinned as he flicked through the menus he'd collected from reception, trying to determine the restaurant that would deliver fastest and still do decent grub. He wasn't very hungry himself, but somehow, didn't think the others would be too impressed with having to wait three-quarters of an hour for a shitty little pizza to arrive.
"At least the beds are clean." He continued. "Anyway, we're only spending one night here, it's not like we'd have any time to spend stuffing our faces in a Jacuzzi. I don't know 'bout you, but I'm exhausted."
"Pussy." Frank remarked. "In the nicest way possible of course. But I'm raring to go."
"Run round the block a few times. I don't want you keeping me up."
"I think I'll pass thanks. I'd be attacked by fan girls!"
"True," Gerard smiled ruefully.
"Whatever," Iero jumped off the bed, to his feet. "I’mma go shower."
"Enjoy yourself."
"You are so weird," The guitarist shot at look at his friend, who was sitting innocently on the bed. He couldn't figure out if the man was making fun of him or not.
So he shrugged, grabbed the pair of sweat pants he brought to sleep in and went in to the small ensuite bathroom.
Gerard rolled his eyes the minute Frank was out of view, and turned back to the menu he'd chosen. After a quick call to the company who's number was splashed over the pages, he copied his friend's earlier by flopping back onto the bed.
He was so tired, he was ready to sleep now. He knew Iero wanted to talk to him, and considered just dropping off now in order to avoid that conversation. Despite agreeing to share a room with the other man so they could talk, Gerard got the feeling that Frank was going to be asking exactly the sort of questions he desperately didn't want to answer.
Again, his mind wandered back to his ex-wife. He thought about telling the other plan to try and get Lindsey back, but that would having to reveal exactly why they broke up in the first place, and what was really going on with him at the moment. Those were two things that Gerard really didn't want to do. For one, then Frank would know he'd been lying earlier... and as for why Lindsey had filed for divorce. That was a secret that Way was determined to take with him to his grave. Even if he did tell someone, it sure as hell wouldn't be Frank. That was just too humiliating.
Gerard jumped when his friend emerged from the bathroom, towelling at his hair and wearing only sweat pants. The dark locks had grown out again, and were cut close around his head, but with bangs hanging over his face. They were slightly curly as well and the singer idly thought that it suited him - made him look cuter.
He snorted at that thought. It was true that Frank did have an adorable face, but those adjectives didn't usually go with a man who was covered in tattoos, had multiple piercings and screamed songs about killing people as a past time. But then... book, cover and all that shit.
"What's so funny?" Iero asked, seeing his friend's amusement.
"Nothing - your hair," Gerard purposely gave the vaguest answer possible.
"What's wrong with it?" The guitarist questioned, running a hand through the black mess, a bemused expression on his face.
"Nothing, nothing. It's cute." Way grinned.
"Cute, eh?" Frank rolled his eyes, a stupid smile in place to show his amusement. "Great - exactly the look I was going for."
"Mmmm, I'd imagine. And the tattoos only add to it." Gerard sat up slightly, propping himself up on his elbows. "Why do you never wear your piercings anymore by the way?"
"Dunno," Iero dumped the towel on the floor and laid down opposite the other man, on his bed. "Just grew out of them, I guess. I mean - I'm a thirty year old codger now."
"Thanks!" The singer exclaimed, being five years senior the man who thought himself to be a 'codger'.
"Pleasure," Frank winked at him.
Gerard ignored him and hoisted himself off the bed. "You should start wearing them again - the piercings I mean. They suited you. I'm going to have a shower."
Iero stared after him, wondering where the sudden fashion advice had come from. Then he grinned, and shook his head - the singer had always been the most effeminate out of all of them, so by now, he was more than used to it. But the piercing thing was kinda random.
With nothing better to do, Frank pulled the phone out of his bag and began playing Pac-man on it. This was only for a few minutes though - then Gerard emerged from the ensuite, wearing a pair of girl's pajamas. The guitarist snorted, wondering if they were an old pair of Lindsey's or if the other man just hadn't realized whilst buying them. Actually, chances are, he knew full well they were girl's but had bought them anyway.
"Now you're laughing at me," Way said, glancing at his friend.
"Yep - your pajamas," Frank confirmed.
"Yeah, they're woman's. But they're really comfy so..."
"If I'm gonna be getting piercings again - you need to dig out those skeleton pj's!"
"I have no idea where those are!" Gerard laughed.
"Buy some more," The guitarist laughed. "Did you order the pizza by the way?"
Way rolled his eyes. "Of course I did! You and your stomach. God, Frank, you're gonna get fat again."
"Thanks!" The other man replied in mock offence, but couldn't help glancing down at his stomach, as though checking its size.
Gerard saw this of course and laughed. "I'm joking dude - chill! You've got a perfect stomach!" He wasn't lying about that actually. Completely flat, slightly tanned and covered in decorative ink, Frank's stomach was gorgeous.
The singer shook his head to clear these thoughts.
"Thanks dude," Whilst Way had been staring at the guitarist, the other man had been doing a bit of inspecting himself. "You've lost weight by the way."
"Uh, thanks?" Gerard glanced down at himself.
"No - I mean you're really skinny." Frank stood up, frowning, ignoring the fact that the singer was blushing again. Iero had noticed the weight loss on the first day of the tour, but had disregarded it. Now though, he lifted the hem of his friend's pyjama shirt and winced when he saw how prominent Way's ribs and hip bones were. That wasn't natural, surely. "Gerard, have you not been eating properly?" He asked quietly.
The singer drew back, and shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry." He whispered.
"Oh, God dude - it's okay," Frank drew the other man in for another hug. "What's been going on?"
At that moment, Gerard just wanted to burst into tears and pour his heart out. Let Iero comfort him, and tell him he wasn't worthless - wasn't a fuck up.
He might have done as well, if not for the brisk knock on the door that occurred right at that moment.
"Hang on!" Frank yelled in the direction of the noise.
It was too late though - the moment was gone.
"It's nothing, Frankie, honest." Way replied, forcing a small smile on his face. "My mind just hasn't been on eating recently."
The guitarist scanned his eyes, trying to search for the real answer. Whatever it was though, he couldn't see it in those hazel orbs.
Iero sighed, and gave Gerard another brief hug.
"You better eat all your pizza, okay?" He threatened softly.
The singer laughed, and rolled his eyes. "Yes mother."
Frank laughed, and opened the door to a delivery boy who was carrying four large boxes, each of which had a delicious smell wafting out of it. The guitarist thanked him, dumped the boxes on the bed and paid the kid.
Then, they used the hotel room's phone to call Mikey and Ray. The two other band members came immediately and within five minutes, they were eating their way through a pure circle of taste-bud heaven.
Well, apart from the younger Way, who had opted for anchovies.
"I just can't understand how you like them!" Frank was exclaiming. "They're just salty and slimy and yuck."
"Each to their own man, seriously," Mikey replied, rolling his eyes. "I can't understand how you live without eating the occasional burger, but there you go."
"Have you seen the way they treat those poor animals, before they slaughter them? It's horrific!"
"Okay, okay, Frankie - you don't have to put the rest of us off," Ray said, who had ordered a meat fest option as topping. If it had been Iero ordering, he would have left it out. And Mikey's anchovies. But then, that's why they'd asked Gerard and not him.
After an hour of this, Ray and Mikey went back to their own rooms to sleep. If they were wondering why Gerard and Frank had suddenly opted to share, they didn't ask, but the older guitarist probably had some idea after his and Iero's conversation earlier that day.
When the other two band member's left, Frank went about clearing up the remains of the pizzas and the boxes they'd left. Gerard didn't eat all of his meal as the younger man had instructed, but he'd managed two thirds of it, and it was a big pizza.
Meanwhile, the singer curled up on his bed, under the covers. It was warm, and he felt surprisingly good about himself. He guessed that it was partly due to the concern and attention his friend was showing him, but now, he was too tired to talk anymore. They could do at some other point - the tour had months to go yet. Plus, the longer he strung it out for, the longer Frank would spend fawning over him. And he could have that sort of treatment for the rest of his life.
As he thought this, and pang of guilt went through the singer as Lindsey popped into his head again. Gerard knew he couldn't have both, but that didn't mean that it wasn't what he wanted.
"I'm guessing you just wanna sleep now?" Frank said, as he settled down into his own bed and drew the cool, clean covers around him.
"Yeah," Way replied with a yawn. "I'm exhausted."
"Dammit,." The guitarist smirked. "I really wanted to do your nails!"
"Freak," Gerard laughed softly, stifling another yawn.
"I know," Frank replied, smiling to himself. He could see his friend's face from here - and see the look of content on it. Maybe things would work out after all.
N'awwwww. If I was bored of this story, I'd end it there. But I'm not bored of it, so I'm not going to. There's been no sex yet anyway!
Next chapter?
Also, does anyone else adore auto-correct? I accidentally told someone to 'pop me believely' today. And 'bevievely' isn't even a word! I didn't bother change it though - it made me laugh.
Anyway, review and rate please? Make my day?
Sx
Other than that life is good, and I should have spent today revising for my chemistry exam... BUT I wrote this instead. Yay for me!
Meh.
Also, seeming as I've been listening to the song on repeat all day, the title to this story is stolen from The Used. It's my favourite song by them, and the lyrics fit really well I think. If you don't know it - listen to it. It truly is an amazing song!
Anyway, now my traditional babble that none of you care about is over read on my beautiful audience.
Chapter 5
Sx
"Evening Oregon City!" Gerard belted out into the crowd. They responded with the usual enthusiasm, some even seeming to have fits out of their excitement. The singer grinned out at the sea of people, as they whooped and cheered. "How are we all tonight?" He yelled.
The response was as positive as ever, although Ray - from his position at the side of the stage - was sure he heard someone yell 'SHIT'. His eyes raked the audience for the offender, but it wasn't out of malice. It made him laugh when people acted like that. Of course, there were a few thousand people in the building, and although the amount of noise limited them to being within the first few rows, it was impossible to determine who it was. There were a few girls glaring over their shoulders at another behind them, so Ray grinned and winked at her.
Completely unaware of this, Gerard was babbling into the microphone. "...and I haven't been here in a while, you know?" He paused here. "Have you missed me?"
More screaming, making the dark haired man grin. They were about an hour and a half into the set, which meant that they had about two songs left to do. Possibly more if the crowd demanded an encore. Which they probably would, based on their enthusiasm so far.
"Good to know! Now how about I shut up and we actually play something?"
The rest of his band laughed at that. The singer's long speeches between songs had become somewhat infamous amongst them. They were constantly mocking their frontman for them, and some of the stuff he came out with. What had possessed him to start instructing guys to take their tops off before they began playing Prison would forever be beyond the band, and then of course, was the time when he announced that a member of the audience was 'put on this Earth to fuck'.
Frank grinned at himself, and began strumming his intro to This Is How I Disappear. It was a song that they hadn't played live in a long time, which the rhythm guitarist thought was a shame, because it was one of his favorites.
He put his all in to it, as ever, jumping around wildly as the music flowed through him. At that moment, there were only two things of any substance around him - the floor beneath his feet, and the strings under his fingers. Everything else was just noise. The pounding of the drums, the flow of his and Toro's guitars, and Mikey's bass, Gerard's voice, and of course, the never-ceasing roar of the crowd.
Honestly, there was no feeling that compared to this.
Suddenly, something jolted him back to reality.
Frank looked around to see Gerard dancing away from him. The older man was completely red in the face, but by this point in the concert, they were all flushed and sweaty. The guitarist knew it wasn't the heat that had turned his friend this shade - not this time at least.
It was the fact that the singer had just pressed his lips against Iero's cheek. He missed a few notes, just staring at the other man in shock. They hadn't done anything like this in ages, and Frank was shocked that Gerard was bringing it up again now.
Realizing that his hands were still motionless over his guitar, he pulled himself back in to action. He was playing on auto-pilot though, not with his usual vigor. He was too busy still staring at Gerard, who determinedly had his back to the other man.
For the rest of the show, it remained that way. The singer would move away, whenever he saw his friend inch closer, and soon enough Frank just gave up. They were on the last song anyway, so it didn't matter too much.
Apparently, there wasn't going to be an encore tonight either, as the second they got back stage, Gerard disappeared.
It was easy enough to do considering how busy the corridors were, and the fact that the place was a complete rat's maze. Frank tried to follow him, but was impossible, especially as Ray cornered him almost immediately.
"Iero, what was up with Disappear?" He asked, looking slightly put out. "You just stopped playing half way through."
The other guitarist stared at him for a second, then realized that he hadn't seen Gerard's antics. "I just messed up, okay?" He replied. "I'm sorry man, it won't happen again."
"It better not. Dammit, Frank, we're better than that!" Ray exclaimed.
"I know, I know," The shorter man replied, scanning the crowd for the singer as he spoke. "Look, I'm sorry, Ray, but can we have this conversation later?"
And then he darted away, searching in vain for the man who had kissed him just minutes ago.
Said man was running in the opposite direction, cursing at himself.
It had seemed like such a good idea at the time - kissing Frank like that. After all, if he was interested, surely he'd kiss him back, or something.
That had been the plan at least. It had taken up most of the show to work the guts up to act, and then, straight after, he'd just run off, without even waiting to see how the guitarist reacted. It was a stupid idea anyway, after all - Frank would probably have just played along if Gerard did hover for a few moments longer, but would only think of it as messing around in the same way they had used to.
It was stupid, just plain idiotic.
But he didn't know what else to do.
Eventually, he found a door outside and ran into the fresh air, taking gulps of it in. The cool temperature and night sky seemed to calm him down slightly, and he slowed down to a walk. You couldn't see the stars here - there was too much light pollution. That irked the singer a bit, but there were worse things in the world.
Such as his thick-headedness.
Gerard pulled at his hair slightly with that thought. Why did he do these things?
By this point, he'd walked to the chain-link fence that surrounded the stadium building. He guessed it stretched the whole way round, because it was exactly the same by where they'd parked their bus, and he was nowhere near that now. The singer leaned heavily against it, then sank to the floor.
The earth was cold beneath him, but Gerard was still so hot from the concert, so he was glad for it. Here, in the relative stillness, he could be the only person alive. It was so peaceful. He hugged his knees against his chest, and buried his head in them, allowing his breathing to slow.
After a little while, he began to calm down.
When he though about it rationally, without the pain of a rejection that never really occurred, it wasn't that big a deal, what he'd done, not really. Frank wouldn't think anything of it, he'd just write it off as a 'stage-gay' act. He didn't have to worry about his wife getting jealous, and it was such a small action anyway. All he was doing was reviving an old joke. Well, as far as everyone was concerned, he was. It didn't matter that there was actually some feelings behind that kiss, as chaste and minute as it was. As long as no one knew, that was irrelevant.
All of a sudden, he missed Lindsey again.
He didn't know whether it was trying to reveal his emotions for Frank that brought it on, but all of a sudden, Gerard was consumed with sadness and longing. He wanted to see his wife again, to hold her, to kiss her, to hear her tell him that she loved him.
He bit back tears as the hurt spiked. He wished so bad that he could change himself. That he could get rid of everything that was wrong with him, so that she'd love him again. Every screwed up little piece, every twisted thought he had... if he could erase them, surely she'd take him back.
Maybe he could do this - maybe he could sort himself out, and meet her again, and they'd fall in love, and everything would be perfect again.
The tears came faster as he thought this. Because deep inside, he knew it was no good - Lindsey didn't want him, didn't need him, didn't love him. And he couldn't change himself anyway.
But maybe...
Gerard thought back to his earlier resolution - to hide his feelings for Frank until they passed. He had broken that in a split second, the minute his deluded brain thought there may actually be a chance that the feelings were mutual.
He knew that couldn't be true, but he'd gone and broke the promise to himself anyway. Despite the fact that he was desperate to get his wife back, he knew that if he made a similar promise in order to win Lindsey over, it would fail just as badly. He just didn't have the perseverance.
But then... Way thought back to his darkest days - the ones consumed by drugs and booze. He had fought his way through that, so why couldn't he stick to a resolution now? His brother would help him with this as well, surely? And that would make the whole thing so much easier.
As if to prove him wrong, it was at this moment a security guard appeared, walking towards where Gerard was still sat on the grass by the fence. He paused upon seeing the singer, wondering whether to approach or not.
He'd been hearing rumors about the man recently, and was keen to see if they were true or not. Even if they weren't, the guy looked kinda down, and could probably do with a friendly face. And if he didn't want that either, the guard was more than happy to leave the other man alone. He had nothing to lose.
"Hey, dude, you ok?" He asked as he approached. He was moving slowly and calmly - as though Way was a wild animal.
The singer looked up at the sound of the guard's voice. He recognized the man immediately, having seen him backstage earlier. He was a short guy, but tough looking, with muscles that surely came from hours down the gym, as opposed to a taxing job. But then, perhaps his job doubled up as being a bouncer, as a certain level of strength was required. Either way, Gerard found himself gaping slightly at the impressive silhouette the other guy was creating.
Memories were catching up with him - ones that involved easing the pain he was currently in. His new addiction was creeping back into his system, urging him to take another hit, to reduce the emotional agony that came whenever he thought of his ex-wife.
"Yeah, I'm just kinda... I'm fine, man," Gerard shrugged, eyeing the other man speculatively.
"Well, do you want some company? It's better to share emotions you know, instead of keeping them locked away."
"I said I was fine," The singer frowned slightly.
"Yeah, of course. Sorry." The security guard held up his hands apologetically, and backed away. "I'll be off then. It was a good show tonight by the way."
"Thanks," Gerard said softly, watching the man turn away. His mind was whirring at a million miles an hour; part telling him to let the other man go on his way and not to cave to his addiction. It wasn't good for him, and it certainly wouldn't help him win Lindsey back. The other part - the part that was hurt and needy - was more dominant though, and despite his reservations, Way found his mouth open again a second later. "But just because I'm fine, doesn't mean I don't want company."
And then he shied back, fearing rejection.
He didn't have to though.
The guard's ears pricked up at the clear invitation, and he slowed his brisk walk. He turned and stared down at the singer, still huddled on the grass, hugging his knees. Then the man shrugged, and sat down next to Gerard - close enough for the black-haired man to feel the body heat seeping through his clothes. They leaned up against the fence together, talking quietly.
And that was more or less how Frank found them, when his search finally led him out the back door that his friend had taken. It was a good half hour after Way had done so, and Ray and Mikey were starting to get worried now as well. They weren't too fussed though - they assumed that Gerard had just disappeared off for a smoke and lost track of time. However, after the events of the last few days, Iero was less optimistic - and he had a right to be.
The guitarist's sight had always been sharper than his hearing; after all, he'd spent most of his listening to music turned up to the highest volume possible.
Gerard was similar, but at the moment his friend walked out the back door, he was listening as hard as possible for the sound of anyone approaching. He didn't want to be caught with his tongue down some random guy's throat by any member of his band.
So when he heard Frank open the door, the singer pulled away from the guard as fast as possible. The other man was slightly confused by this, and leaned forward again. From the angle Iero was at, he could see them well enough to understand what was going. But, because of his damaged hearing, he couldn't make out Gerard's words. Whatever they were, they made the security guard stand, before Iero had a chance to see his uniform, and disappear around the side of the building.
The guitarist was tempted to follow him, and find out exactly what was going on. However, he was more concerned about his friend, who was standing motionless on the grass, staring at him.
Frank walked over slowly. What he had just seen reeling around in his head, the same way his thoughts had done, just that morning. When he opened the door, everything had happened so fast that he had only been able to make out two things. One - the person was and guy, and two - he had been kissing Gerard.
When he was only a few feet away from the afore-mentioned, he stopped, still refusing to break eye contact. The singer seemed to be unable to.
"What was that all about?" He finally asked.
In the few seconds that had passed, Way's mind had also been buzzing. Unlike Frank, though, he was thinking of excuses instead of trying to figure out what he'd just seen. In those moments, he'd come up with a reasonable, semi-believable lie.
"That was..." The singer blushed and dropped his gaze to the ground. Over the years, he'd learned that it was easier to tell untruths when not making eye contact with anyone. "That was my boyfriend."
Frank's mouth dropped open. The whirring in his brain didn't stop as he tried to determine whether this was a lies or not. In fact, the confusion just worsened as on top of that, he was trying to push down the hurt that came with Gerard's words. Now was not the time for it.
"Your... boyfriend?" He asked, the words tasting sour in his mouth. He was careful to conceal the hurt, and none of it showed on his face. His only expression was that of confusion.
"Yeah," Way nodded.
"What's his name?" The guitarist asked slowly, still unsure whether his friend was lying or not.
"Stephen," Gerard replied.
Frank nodded. "How long have you been seeing him? Why didn't you tell us?"
The singer shrugged, looking miserable. "I didn't know what you guys would think. Anyway, it's not anything major - only been dating about a month. Less."
"Oh."
Gerard glanced up at the short, unrevealing word. Frank's face was carefully trained to not show anything, but the singer could sense his confusion, and hurt. He guessed he'd be pretty bummed too if he found out the guitarist was dating someone without telling him. Perhaps for a completely different reason, but that didn't mean he couldn't guess at what was going on in Iero's head.
"I'm sorry," He said, shifting his feet awkwardly. "I should have told you."
"It's okay," The guitarist shook his head slightly. "So was that him last night? In the hotel room with you?"
"Yeah, he was out there anyway, visiting a relative or something. I don't know. I told him where we were staying though, and we met up there. I guess he followed us to the city today, 'cause I wasn't expecting to see him here."
"Fair enough. Why did he run off just now?" Frank carried on his interrogation, but kept his voice soft, so Way didn't think he was accusing him of anything.
"Train to catch, back to LA. It was only a short meeting, spur of the moment thing."
Iero nodded. The story did make sense, even though he thought it was a bit coincidental that the boyfriend... Stephen or whatever, just happened to be out here at the same time as then. He didn't think it'd be a good idea to accuse Gerard of lying though, plus this solution was better than some of the ones he'd come up with since that morning.
"Okay," he chewed the inside of his lip, wondering whether to ask his next question. He was nervous to - scared of what the answer would be. At the same time, he was dying to know. And now he'd got Way talking, it was probably best to get the answer now. "What was with the kiss, by the way? On stage."
The singer blushed furiously, the rejection he'd felt earlier bubbling back up. "It was stupid," he shrugged finally, trying and failing for nonchalance. "Just... seemed like a good idea at the time - now we don't have jealous wives or anything."
Frank couldn't contain his smirk. Although the answer wasn't the one he wanted, this time he knew Gerard wasn't being entirely truthful with him. It seemed like something the singer would do, and if not for the overly chagrined expression on his face now, Iero would probably believe him. But that blush revealed enough to Frank.
However, he decided not to push it. That wasn't how he usually rolled, but it was something he'd being doing a lot around Way recently. The awkwardness of crushing on one of his best friends was enough to leave him mute where he usually wouldn't be.
"What about your boyfriend?" He asked instead.
"He doesn't care," Gerard shrugged. "As I said, it's nothing major between me and him," He paused for a second. "Could you not tell Mikey though? Or Ray? I just wanna... see how it plays out before making any big declarations."
"I won't," Frank smiled, reassuringly. "After all, I did say that who you sleep with is none of my business."
Way thought back to their earlier conversation. If the situation had been different - and he didn't want the guitarist to care - Iero really would be the best friend Gerard could wish for. Although concerned for the singer, he was promising to keep his secrets, and wasn't judging him at all. If not for his stupid, idiotic feelings, he'd be forever grateful for Frank's impartial-ness. As it was though, it was tearing him up slightly inside.
Oh well, at least this way, keeping up his lies would be easier. The less people knew of them, the less stories he'd have to make up to support them.
"But I do just wanna ask one thing..." Iero said. "Isn't this just... a bit soon? I mean, you only divorced Lindsey like two months ago."
At those innocent words, the singer felt like he'd been punched in the gut. All of the feelings of gratitude towards Frank disappeared as the question brought up the pain and remorse he'd been feeling, prior to meeting the security guard.
On top of that was guilt; he'd already broken his promise to himself. Going around kissing random men would never win him his wife back, even if she didn't know. Gerard couldn't stop himself breaking down as once again, it hit home that he was never going to change, and never have Lindsey love him again.
The guitarist watched in panic as his friend's eyes blurred behind a sea of tears. A few trickled down the marble pale cheeks, and the man's teeth clamped around his lower lip to stop it from trembling. Frank did the only thing he could - stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Way's shoulders. He had not been expecting this sort of reaction when he'd asked that.
"Shh, shh, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He whispered into Gerard's inky black hair, cursing himself on the inside. "I'm so sorry, man."
The singer shook his head, clinging on to his friend's waist - as though it was his life line. "I'm so fucked up," He said, voice husky through the tears he was trying desperately to fight back. They were putting up a good front though, and trickles of salty water were running down his face and onto Frank's shoulder.
"You're not," Iero replied, trying to reassure him. This was difficult though - after all, he had no idea what was going on in Gerard's head. "You're brilliant, ok? You're just going through a rough spot. Stop beating yourself up."
"It's all my fault," He protested, tears coming faster. "If I wasn't such a fucked up little shit, Linds' would still love me."
Frank drew back, shocked at his friend's harsh words. "What?" He exclaimed. "She told you that?"
Way shook his head. "I am though - why else would she have left me?"
"You are not a fuck up!" The guitarist hissed, then paused, trying to calm himself down. After a moment, he continued, his voice softer now. "Look, Gerard, I have no idea where that came from, but you cannot think like that, ok? For one it's not true, and second of all, even if it was - saying things like that is never going to help. You don't want to fall back into depression again, do you?
"You have to stop thinking like that. It's the stupidest thing I've ever heard - you're brilliant, and amazing, and the number of people that love you... even the fans! Do you think there would be that many if you were a 'fuck up'?"
"Do you love me?" Gerard asked shyly, looking up through his tear coated lashes.
Frank's breath caught for a second, but he replied fast enough. "Of course I do, you noob. You're one of my best friends. And that is a hard achievement to make."
The singer giggled slightly, the tears still coming. They were slower now though, and easier to swallow back.
"Thanks." He mumbled eventually. "Love you too, man."
Frank smiled, but it was slightly strained. Again, he was fighting to keep his true emotions off his face. "I know you do," He joked. "Listen though, talk to me, yeah? We can sort this out, and by the end of the month, you'll see how entirely fucked up this whole thing is - what you're thinking, I mean."
"Th- Thank-you," Way smiled, and hugged his friend again. It may have been a little tighter, and a little longer than most people would expect between friends, but Gerard's emotions were shot to hell, and Frank welcomed to closeness.
"It's a hotel night again, eh?" Iero asked.
"I think so."
"Share a room with me. We talk about this, and do each other's nails and hair, and have a girly night in. Sound good?"
Gerard pulled out of the embrace, laughing. "You are such a fuck-up!"
"I know babes, but that's why I'm such a cool motherfucker!"
Way's only response was to roll his eyes at that statement. "Let's go back in. It's fucking freezing out here."
"Yeah, and Ray and Mikey were looking for you too."
Gerard again blushed at that. "Sorry. I didn't mean to cause a fuss."
"Meh. You do that without trying dude. But it's ok, because we love you and everything we do is for your own good!" Frank bumped his hip into the other man's.
"Fuck up!"
"Thank-you!"
Back in the building, they found Ray and Mikey fast enough - the latter hugging his brother and telling him to stop running off. Gerard apologized, telling them that he was just too hot after the show.
Then, they were off to the hotel. It was only a short distance from the stadium, so they walked. It was safer to keep their buses locked behind the secure gates of the arena anyway, plus, Mikey and Ray were still boiling - having not had a chance to cool down after the show.
There were still a few fans hanging around, meaning the walk took a good ten minutes longer than it should have done, but as ever, no one complained about it. When they did get to their destination, the band agreed it would be easier to get room service than to eat out. No one enjoyed having meals interrupted.
Ray went off to have a shower, whilst Mikey decided to take advantage of the decent Wi-Fi connection and talk to his wife. Gerard was entrusted to order pizza (what else?), so him and Frank went up to their room to phone the take out company.
They were sharing - as Iero had suggested – so they had the biggest room. This wasn't saying much though; they were still in a fairly grotty motel.
"You'd think," The guitarist commented as he collapsed on his bed. "That with all money and shit, we'd be able to afford to stay in upmarket hotels with sushi, and champagne bars and a hot tub on the balcony."
"You don't ask for much, do you?" Gerard grinned as he flicked through the menus he'd collected from reception, trying to determine the restaurant that would deliver fastest and still do decent grub. He wasn't very hungry himself, but somehow, didn't think the others would be too impressed with having to wait three-quarters of an hour for a shitty little pizza to arrive.
"At least the beds are clean." He continued. "Anyway, we're only spending one night here, it's not like we'd have any time to spend stuffing our faces in a Jacuzzi. I don't know 'bout you, but I'm exhausted."
"Pussy." Frank remarked. "In the nicest way possible of course. But I'm raring to go."
"Run round the block a few times. I don't want you keeping me up."
"I think I'll pass thanks. I'd be attacked by fan girls!"
"True," Gerard smiled ruefully.
"Whatever," Iero jumped off the bed, to his feet. "I’mma go shower."
"Enjoy yourself."
"You are so weird," The guitarist shot at look at his friend, who was sitting innocently on the bed. He couldn't figure out if the man was making fun of him or not.
So he shrugged, grabbed the pair of sweat pants he brought to sleep in and went in to the small ensuite bathroom.
Gerard rolled his eyes the minute Frank was out of view, and turned back to the menu he'd chosen. After a quick call to the company who's number was splashed over the pages, he copied his friend's earlier by flopping back onto the bed.
He was so tired, he was ready to sleep now. He knew Iero wanted to talk to him, and considered just dropping off now in order to avoid that conversation. Despite agreeing to share a room with the other man so they could talk, Gerard got the feeling that Frank was going to be asking exactly the sort of questions he desperately didn't want to answer.
Again, his mind wandered back to his ex-wife. He thought about telling the other plan to try and get Lindsey back, but that would having to reveal exactly why they broke up in the first place, and what was really going on with him at the moment. Those were two things that Gerard really didn't want to do. For one, then Frank would know he'd been lying earlier... and as for why Lindsey had filed for divorce. That was a secret that Way was determined to take with him to his grave. Even if he did tell someone, it sure as hell wouldn't be Frank. That was just too humiliating.
Gerard jumped when his friend emerged from the bathroom, towelling at his hair and wearing only sweat pants. The dark locks had grown out again, and were cut close around his head, but with bangs hanging over his face. They were slightly curly as well and the singer idly thought that it suited him - made him look cuter.
He snorted at that thought. It was true that Frank did have an adorable face, but those adjectives didn't usually go with a man who was covered in tattoos, had multiple piercings and screamed songs about killing people as a past time. But then... book, cover and all that shit.
"What's so funny?" Iero asked, seeing his friend's amusement.
"Nothing - your hair," Gerard purposely gave the vaguest answer possible.
"What's wrong with it?" The guitarist questioned, running a hand through the black mess, a bemused expression on his face.
"Nothing, nothing. It's cute." Way grinned.
"Cute, eh?" Frank rolled his eyes, a stupid smile in place to show his amusement. "Great - exactly the look I was going for."
"Mmmm, I'd imagine. And the tattoos only add to it." Gerard sat up slightly, propping himself up on his elbows. "Why do you never wear your piercings anymore by the way?"
"Dunno," Iero dumped the towel on the floor and laid down opposite the other man, on his bed. "Just grew out of them, I guess. I mean - I'm a thirty year old codger now."
"Thanks!" The singer exclaimed, being five years senior the man who thought himself to be a 'codger'.
"Pleasure," Frank winked at him.
Gerard ignored him and hoisted himself off the bed. "You should start wearing them again - the piercings I mean. They suited you. I'm going to have a shower."
Iero stared after him, wondering where the sudden fashion advice had come from. Then he grinned, and shook his head - the singer had always been the most effeminate out of all of them, so by now, he was more than used to it. But the piercing thing was kinda random.
With nothing better to do, Frank pulled the phone out of his bag and began playing Pac-man on it. This was only for a few minutes though - then Gerard emerged from the ensuite, wearing a pair of girl's pajamas. The guitarist snorted, wondering if they were an old pair of Lindsey's or if the other man just hadn't realized whilst buying them. Actually, chances are, he knew full well they were girl's but had bought them anyway.
"Now you're laughing at me," Way said, glancing at his friend.
"Yep - your pajamas," Frank confirmed.
"Yeah, they're woman's. But they're really comfy so..."
"If I'm gonna be getting piercings again - you need to dig out those skeleton pj's!"
"I have no idea where those are!" Gerard laughed.
"Buy some more," The guitarist laughed. "Did you order the pizza by the way?"
Way rolled his eyes. "Of course I did! You and your stomach. God, Frank, you're gonna get fat again."
"Thanks!" The other man replied in mock offence, but couldn't help glancing down at his stomach, as though checking its size.
Gerard saw this of course and laughed. "I'm joking dude - chill! You've got a perfect stomach!" He wasn't lying about that actually. Completely flat, slightly tanned and covered in decorative ink, Frank's stomach was gorgeous.
The singer shook his head to clear these thoughts.
"Thanks dude," Whilst Way had been staring at the guitarist, the other man had been doing a bit of inspecting himself. "You've lost weight by the way."
"Uh, thanks?" Gerard glanced down at himself.
"No - I mean you're really skinny." Frank stood up, frowning, ignoring the fact that the singer was blushing again. Iero had noticed the weight loss on the first day of the tour, but had disregarded it. Now though, he lifted the hem of his friend's pyjama shirt and winced when he saw how prominent Way's ribs and hip bones were. That wasn't natural, surely. "Gerard, have you not been eating properly?" He asked quietly.
The singer drew back, and shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry." He whispered.
"Oh, God dude - it's okay," Frank drew the other man in for another hug. "What's been going on?"
At that moment, Gerard just wanted to burst into tears and pour his heart out. Let Iero comfort him, and tell him he wasn't worthless - wasn't a fuck up.
He might have done as well, if not for the brisk knock on the door that occurred right at that moment.
"Hang on!" Frank yelled in the direction of the noise.
It was too late though - the moment was gone.
"It's nothing, Frankie, honest." Way replied, forcing a small smile on his face. "My mind just hasn't been on eating recently."
The guitarist scanned his eyes, trying to search for the real answer. Whatever it was though, he couldn't see it in those hazel orbs.
Iero sighed, and gave Gerard another brief hug.
"You better eat all your pizza, okay?" He threatened softly.
The singer laughed, and rolled his eyes. "Yes mother."
Frank laughed, and opened the door to a delivery boy who was carrying four large boxes, each of which had a delicious smell wafting out of it. The guitarist thanked him, dumped the boxes on the bed and paid the kid.
Then, they used the hotel room's phone to call Mikey and Ray. The two other band members came immediately and within five minutes, they were eating their way through a pure circle of taste-bud heaven.
Well, apart from the younger Way, who had opted for anchovies.
"I just can't understand how you like them!" Frank was exclaiming. "They're just salty and slimy and yuck."
"Each to their own man, seriously," Mikey replied, rolling his eyes. "I can't understand how you live without eating the occasional burger, but there you go."
"Have you seen the way they treat those poor animals, before they slaughter them? It's horrific!"
"Okay, okay, Frankie - you don't have to put the rest of us off," Ray said, who had ordered a meat fest option as topping. If it had been Iero ordering, he would have left it out. And Mikey's anchovies. But then, that's why they'd asked Gerard and not him.
After an hour of this, Ray and Mikey went back to their own rooms to sleep. If they were wondering why Gerard and Frank had suddenly opted to share, they didn't ask, but the older guitarist probably had some idea after his and Iero's conversation earlier that day.
When the other two band member's left, Frank went about clearing up the remains of the pizzas and the boxes they'd left. Gerard didn't eat all of his meal as the younger man had instructed, but he'd managed two thirds of it, and it was a big pizza.
Meanwhile, the singer curled up on his bed, under the covers. It was warm, and he felt surprisingly good about himself. He guessed that it was partly due to the concern and attention his friend was showing him, but now, he was too tired to talk anymore. They could do at some other point - the tour had months to go yet. Plus, the longer he strung it out for, the longer Frank would spend fawning over him. And he could have that sort of treatment for the rest of his life.
As he thought this, and pang of guilt went through the singer as Lindsey popped into his head again. Gerard knew he couldn't have both, but that didn't mean that it wasn't what he wanted.
"I'm guessing you just wanna sleep now?" Frank said, as he settled down into his own bed and drew the cool, clean covers around him.
"Yeah," Way replied with a yawn. "I'm exhausted."
"Dammit,." The guitarist smirked. "I really wanted to do your nails!"
"Freak," Gerard laughed softly, stifling another yawn.
"I know," Frank replied, smiling to himself. He could see his friend's face from here - and see the look of content on it. Maybe things would work out after all.
N'awwwww. If I was bored of this story, I'd end it there. But I'm not bored of it, so I'm not going to. There's been no sex yet anyway!
Next chapter?
Also, does anyone else adore auto-correct? I accidentally told someone to 'pop me believely' today. And 'bevievely' isn't even a word! I didn't bother change it though - it made me laugh.
Anyway, review and rate please? Make my day?
Sx
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