Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Get Scared
I was all too aware of all that was going on with my body. I could feel tugging and gentle stabbing, along with murmurs that were probably actually normally toned conversations. Even though I was so out of it I still felt way too aware. I didn’t want to be this aware. I didn’t want to feel anything. I didn’t want to be thinking currently. I just wanted to drift. I wanted this to be over. Couldn’t he let me go? I didn’t want to suffer through what he had planned anymore. I suddenly jerked away at someone’s touch and then I heard another quiet murmur, with a hurt tone.
The more I came in to focus the more I realized just how annoying my surroundings were. Something was consistently beeping and I wanted to throw it across the room like a simple alarm clock. The voices got louder. “I’m giving her something for the pain.” Something for the pain? Then I finally began drifting away once again.
This time I didn’t want to come back.
The white walls hurt my eyes almost immediately but they seemed to adjust quickly enough. I found myself terrified of the silence, even more terrified to find that I seemed to be alone. Where was he? Nothing in my mind made sense. I didn’t care that my surroundings were different. I was in a hospital evidently. That meant nothing to me however; where was he? My tormenter still tormented me, despite my supposed safety in this ‘safe’ environment.
My breath hitched as I heard the door begin to open. I didn’t speak, didn’t move, I just waited. Frank stepped through, looking utterly exhausted. I drank in his appearance, noticing the bluish gray coloring around his left eye. He had a small insignificant scratch over his cheek as well.
His eyes widened upon seeing that I was awake and my heart sank, but only slightly. I didn’t want to talk. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to. “Hey.” He sounded so morose. Would I sound like that when I spoke?
Immediately I realized my lips were dry and though I knew that licking them wouldn’t really make it any better in the end that was exactly what I did. “Hi.” I awkwardly responded once I felt I’d gotten my lips sufficiently wet.
“How are you feeling?” Frank approached and I felt as if I were sliding in to myself, too frightened to even be around him.
“I’m still scared.” I admitted, knowing immediately that something was wrong. My first thoughts were about injuries but slowly I realized it went deeper than that. This had affected me profoundly and now I was broken. This went deeper than my skin, beyond my wounds. I was frightened, though I knew I shouldn’t be. I was confused, though I knew what had happened. He had gotten to me in a way that I hadn’t even known possible. The crime still continued, though he was finished with me.
Frank slowly leaned down, hugging me. I jumped, trying to hide it. He noticed. “Today you have a mental evaluation. We’ll work through this.” ‘We’, as in him and me. Frank was still here. I was still here.
I just might be okay.
***
One year and six months passed.
My attacker was never found, though I dreamt of him being found every single night. I shook, sometimes confusing his face with the face of random people in crowds. I had a lot of panic attacks. I saw a therapist once a week, though I’d recently stopped.
Frank remained by my side through the night terrors, and the day fears. There wasn’t a second of my life that wasn’t defined by what had happened. It seemed so small and insignificant when I talked about it but… that man; he had walked right in to my life and ruined me. I felt the fear of being hunted. I knew it was over now but that didn’t matter. I always felt the need to lock everything, and check behind every door before settling somewhere. When people had anything shiny upon them I noticed, whether it was a necklace or a pocket knife.
I was a huge mess and I didn’t feel strong at all. My very being had been shaken and I couldn’t stand it. Frank was the only thing keeping me sane.
Frank, sweet Frank. He was the only reason I was still alive, that I was sure of. I could still imagine the crazy sadistic look in my attacker’s eyes. He wanted to kill me. He could’ve. He’d killed me inside and with Frank I was finally just beginning to come alive once again.
“You look fucking hot.” Aly Benson, one of my closest friends, loudly exclaimed.
I giggled, pretending to not have been thinking of what had happened one year and six months ago. Aly knew though, everyone in my life knew… it was something I tried so desperately to hide but never could.
“Kass…” Aly’s tone was softer, and I knew immediately where she was going. “Don’t think about him, not today. That’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to Frank. Today is your day, and his day. It’s your wedding! You should be excited! I know Frank is hoping this will make you feel a lot better. He wants to throw you back in to your old life. He’s trying so hard, we all are. Even Mikey’s older brother Gerard is coming to meet you. Frank is excited about that. He’s excited about everything!”
I sighed heavily and nodded, “I’m trying to be strong for him Aly. I thought I was stronger than this. It’s just… when you fall apart completely; it’s hard to just fix yourself.”
Aly nodded, “But you look so beautiful. You’re getting married!”
I couldn’t help but laugh, as the realization finally began to sink in. “Yeah… wow. I’m getting married. I’m only 19 and I’m getting married.” But Frank was the one. He would be the only one to ever understand me so well.
I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else.
“Are you ready?” Aly asked, staring at me with worry.
I was. I really was. I was ready to be Mrs. Iero. I wanted to be. This time the sweaty palms and the nervous thoughts were a good thing. I was ready to take this step and let the bad things that had happened fall behind us. I was ready to be strong again. Frank made me feel strong. He made me feel like I could be okay, because with him I was okay. “I am.”
*
Frank smiled upon seeing me and my heart fluttered, giving me happy trembles. “Wow, babe. You look… terrific!” He whispered the words in to my ear, his breath lightly tickling my skin.
“You do too.” I glanced at his body, fully defined in the tuxedo. He looked absolutely, breathtakingly gorgeous. “So, you wanted me to meet someone before the wedding?” It felt weird having Frank see me before the ceremony in my dress. I’d heard so many times that was bad luck.
Frank nodded, licking his lips as he continued to stare at me. “Yeah but hey, you know what we could do before the ceremony instead?”
“What’s that?”
Frank leaned even closer, lips nearly touching my ear. “We have time for a quickie, what do you say?”
I laughed loudly, surprising myself. It’d been a long time since I’d laughed so hard, and so loudly. “I’m sorry baby but it takes way too long for me to get ready. I can’t wreck all of the work Aly and I have put in to this.” It was true. We’d spent every minute of the last three hours on my appearance so that I would look perfect for Frank.
Frank sighed heavily, “Ah, well there is always the honeymoon.” He did pout heavily though, which only made him look even more gorgeous. “Gerard is hanging out near the open bar with Mikey. I’m so excited for you to meet him!”
“How come I’ve never met him before?”
“He’s been away at college. Right now he’s taking a break so he decided to drop by for the wedding, and to visit family of course.” Frank looked really happy about Gerard being around and he’d talked about him quite a bit so I could see that they were good friends.
“Wait; are we so sure that an open bar is a good idea at our wedding?” I nervously realized I’d thought it over before but never really thought about it. Why was the wedding just now hitting me? It was like a curtain had been lifted from my life. Was this what healing was?
Frank laughed, “It’ll add a little spark!”
That wasn’t really what added the ‘spark’ though and it wasn’t really a good spark. As Frank and I approached the bar I picked him out immediately. He was smiling a real smile, lacking the sadistic twist he’d had that night. He was also wearing a nice suit, instead of the ripped jeans and soaked t-shirt. He was gorgeous, in a sick, sick way.
I didn’t say anything at first though, for fear of my possible insanity. I’d been seeing his face in crowds for months now so what made today any different? He was just a guy. I couldn’t pin this crime on him.
“Are you okay?” Frank stopped in place, smile falling away.
“Hey, I’m fine.” I threw on the best smile I could manage as I shook away the thoughts that left me paralyzed. It took a few seconds to force my legs to walk closer to the bar but I was able to. I was getting better at pretending I was okay. Maybe someday I’d actually fool someone.
Frank smiled in return but his smile was noticeably forced. “Great. Gerard! Hey man, I want you to meet Kassandra!” Frank yelled across the bar.
The man I’d been staring at glanced over at us and waved, getting off of his bar stool. Oh god, no. I didn’t want it to be him. I didn’t want the man I was comparing to my attacker to be one of Frank’s best friends. How could this be happening?
Frank smile was from ear to ear as he watched Gerard approach us. I couldn’t help but tremble just a little as he approached however; and I was suddenly very, very glad that Frank and I weren’t holding hands.
Gerard’s smile was quite huge as well and he immediately took Frank in to a giant bear hug, hesitating to let him go. “It’s been too long man!” Gerard finally said, stepping away. He glanced at me and our eyes held contact for a little too long. “So, you’re the girl that caused insanity to set in?” He laughed, patting Frank on the back. “19 is a little young to be getting married but I dig it. You guys are getting ahead of the rest of us. It’ll pay off, I’m sure of it.”
I forced a polite smile and nodded, losing my voice.
It was almost physically painful as Gerard leaned forward, gently hugging me. The voice matched my attacker’s… His eyes were so familiar. It just couldn’t be though. This man was Mikey’s brother. I’d known Mikey for so long! And he was Frank’s best friend! And… he, he just couldn’t be my attacker. It couldn’t be. “You look beautiful.” Gerard finally said as he pulled away, giving me a once over.
I blushed, still unable to even speak.
“I have to go talk to Mikey. Get to know her Gerard because she isn’t going anywhere! She’s going to be around for as long as she’ll keep me.” With that Frank wandered off, and my breathing increased in speed just slightly.
Gerard offered me a drink from his glass, which I assumed held some form of alcohol and I politely declined. “Oh, that’s right.” He got a funny look upon his face and reached forward with his free hand, brushing it gently across my stomach, higher than one normally would.
I immediately pulled away, furrowing my eyebrows.
Gerard smiled, as if innocent. “Frank told me.”
“T-told you?” I was quite shaken.
“You’re pregnant.” Gerard stated, “My apologies.”
He hadn’t touched where I would be pregnant though. In fact his fingers had brushed across the scar I now had due to the wound inflicted upon me.
No, I was wrong. He was right. He was innocent. I had to stop blaming people. It wasn’t his fault that I was fucked up and I couldn’t be such a paranoid mother. I’d soon have a child to care for, as Gerard said I was two months pregnant.
It wasn’t exactly planned but Frank and I had taken solace in each other and well, a lot of sex increases the odds of becoming pregnant. I got pregnant.
I was getting better, and part of getting better meant not blaming people who had nothing to do with the incident. “It was nice to meet you Gerard but I have to be going. I have a few more things to set up.”
Gerard nodded, “I’ll see you after then.”
I was walking away when Gerard’s voice stopped me in my tracks. “She’s a lady and laddieeesss shouldn’t be messed with…” Our eyes met again, and the voice was right. Those lyrics sang to me over a static filled line… Gerard nodded at me before turning away.
It all came in to place and I knew; I knew that Gerard was the one.
But why?
That was the night that I said ‘I Do’ and became Frank’s wife. My torture didn’t end however, because after that I saw Gerard at least once a week. I became a mother far too early in life but that wasn’t my biggest problem.
My biggest problem was accepting my attacker in to my life, while pretending I didn’t know who he really was. I had a sinking suspicion that he knew that I knew but neither of us ever said anything.
I didn’t know what to say to him anyway because though inside I knew; on the outside I wasn’t completely sure. To be completely honest… after that night I had lost part of my sanity, and I wasn’t entirely sure I’d ever get that part of me back.
For the time being I settled on building a new part of me with Frank.
(Frank’s POV)
Time passed and soon Kassandra’s smile began to grow, becoming less forced. I watched as her stomach grew, and her problems faded.
Gerard, Mikey, and I started a band with our friend Ray and from there things took off, slowly but surely. We were making it. In the meantime I went to school and used whatever money I could to support my newly made family, while receiving some assistance from my parents.
Each night I looked at Kass and I knew I’d made the right decision. Had Gerard, Mikey, and I not done what we did that night then Kassandra and I wouldn’t be together. We definitely wouldn’t be making these choices so early in life. It’d changed us all, but more importantly it’d gained me Kassandra and she certainly was a hard win.
I knew when I cheated I’d lost her. She wasn’t very forgiving. I had to turn it all around. It was a small plan that grew and I knew I’d hurt Kass but I knew there had to be some pain in order for us both to gain.
She was happy. We were happy. Every now and then she gave Gerard these funny looks and I worried but she never said anything.
None of us ever said anything.
I mean, come on… we were all guilty of something, right?
**
(Author’s note: So, I hope that made sense. Basically, Frank set it all up. Mikey turned the lights off and shut the door, while Gerard did all of the upfront stuff. Sorry Grace (If you’re reading this), I had to do it! You were right from the beginning though. It was the cliché Gerard psycho type of story. :P I had this planned though, and it didn’t come out as perfectly as I wanted at the end but this is what I ended up with… let me know what you guys think!)
The more I came in to focus the more I realized just how annoying my surroundings were. Something was consistently beeping and I wanted to throw it across the room like a simple alarm clock. The voices got louder. “I’m giving her something for the pain.” Something for the pain? Then I finally began drifting away once again.
This time I didn’t want to come back.
The white walls hurt my eyes almost immediately but they seemed to adjust quickly enough. I found myself terrified of the silence, even more terrified to find that I seemed to be alone. Where was he? Nothing in my mind made sense. I didn’t care that my surroundings were different. I was in a hospital evidently. That meant nothing to me however; where was he? My tormenter still tormented me, despite my supposed safety in this ‘safe’ environment.
My breath hitched as I heard the door begin to open. I didn’t speak, didn’t move, I just waited. Frank stepped through, looking utterly exhausted. I drank in his appearance, noticing the bluish gray coloring around his left eye. He had a small insignificant scratch over his cheek as well.
His eyes widened upon seeing that I was awake and my heart sank, but only slightly. I didn’t want to talk. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to. “Hey.” He sounded so morose. Would I sound like that when I spoke?
Immediately I realized my lips were dry and though I knew that licking them wouldn’t really make it any better in the end that was exactly what I did. “Hi.” I awkwardly responded once I felt I’d gotten my lips sufficiently wet.
“How are you feeling?” Frank approached and I felt as if I were sliding in to myself, too frightened to even be around him.
“I’m still scared.” I admitted, knowing immediately that something was wrong. My first thoughts were about injuries but slowly I realized it went deeper than that. This had affected me profoundly and now I was broken. This went deeper than my skin, beyond my wounds. I was frightened, though I knew I shouldn’t be. I was confused, though I knew what had happened. He had gotten to me in a way that I hadn’t even known possible. The crime still continued, though he was finished with me.
Frank slowly leaned down, hugging me. I jumped, trying to hide it. He noticed. “Today you have a mental evaluation. We’ll work through this.” ‘We’, as in him and me. Frank was still here. I was still here.
I just might be okay.
***
One year and six months passed.
My attacker was never found, though I dreamt of him being found every single night. I shook, sometimes confusing his face with the face of random people in crowds. I had a lot of panic attacks. I saw a therapist once a week, though I’d recently stopped.
Frank remained by my side through the night terrors, and the day fears. There wasn’t a second of my life that wasn’t defined by what had happened. It seemed so small and insignificant when I talked about it but… that man; he had walked right in to my life and ruined me. I felt the fear of being hunted. I knew it was over now but that didn’t matter. I always felt the need to lock everything, and check behind every door before settling somewhere. When people had anything shiny upon them I noticed, whether it was a necklace or a pocket knife.
I was a huge mess and I didn’t feel strong at all. My very being had been shaken and I couldn’t stand it. Frank was the only thing keeping me sane.
Frank, sweet Frank. He was the only reason I was still alive, that I was sure of. I could still imagine the crazy sadistic look in my attacker’s eyes. He wanted to kill me. He could’ve. He’d killed me inside and with Frank I was finally just beginning to come alive once again.
“You look fucking hot.” Aly Benson, one of my closest friends, loudly exclaimed.
I giggled, pretending to not have been thinking of what had happened one year and six months ago. Aly knew though, everyone in my life knew… it was something I tried so desperately to hide but never could.
“Kass…” Aly’s tone was softer, and I knew immediately where she was going. “Don’t think about him, not today. That’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to Frank. Today is your day, and his day. It’s your wedding! You should be excited! I know Frank is hoping this will make you feel a lot better. He wants to throw you back in to your old life. He’s trying so hard, we all are. Even Mikey’s older brother Gerard is coming to meet you. Frank is excited about that. He’s excited about everything!”
I sighed heavily and nodded, “I’m trying to be strong for him Aly. I thought I was stronger than this. It’s just… when you fall apart completely; it’s hard to just fix yourself.”
Aly nodded, “But you look so beautiful. You’re getting married!”
I couldn’t help but laugh, as the realization finally began to sink in. “Yeah… wow. I’m getting married. I’m only 19 and I’m getting married.” But Frank was the one. He would be the only one to ever understand me so well.
I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else.
“Are you ready?” Aly asked, staring at me with worry.
I was. I really was. I was ready to be Mrs. Iero. I wanted to be. This time the sweaty palms and the nervous thoughts were a good thing. I was ready to take this step and let the bad things that had happened fall behind us. I was ready to be strong again. Frank made me feel strong. He made me feel like I could be okay, because with him I was okay. “I am.”
*
Frank smiled upon seeing me and my heart fluttered, giving me happy trembles. “Wow, babe. You look… terrific!” He whispered the words in to my ear, his breath lightly tickling my skin.
“You do too.” I glanced at his body, fully defined in the tuxedo. He looked absolutely, breathtakingly gorgeous. “So, you wanted me to meet someone before the wedding?” It felt weird having Frank see me before the ceremony in my dress. I’d heard so many times that was bad luck.
Frank nodded, licking his lips as he continued to stare at me. “Yeah but hey, you know what we could do before the ceremony instead?”
“What’s that?”
Frank leaned even closer, lips nearly touching my ear. “We have time for a quickie, what do you say?”
I laughed loudly, surprising myself. It’d been a long time since I’d laughed so hard, and so loudly. “I’m sorry baby but it takes way too long for me to get ready. I can’t wreck all of the work Aly and I have put in to this.” It was true. We’d spent every minute of the last three hours on my appearance so that I would look perfect for Frank.
Frank sighed heavily, “Ah, well there is always the honeymoon.” He did pout heavily though, which only made him look even more gorgeous. “Gerard is hanging out near the open bar with Mikey. I’m so excited for you to meet him!”
“How come I’ve never met him before?”
“He’s been away at college. Right now he’s taking a break so he decided to drop by for the wedding, and to visit family of course.” Frank looked really happy about Gerard being around and he’d talked about him quite a bit so I could see that they were good friends.
“Wait; are we so sure that an open bar is a good idea at our wedding?” I nervously realized I’d thought it over before but never really thought about it. Why was the wedding just now hitting me? It was like a curtain had been lifted from my life. Was this what healing was?
Frank laughed, “It’ll add a little spark!”
That wasn’t really what added the ‘spark’ though and it wasn’t really a good spark. As Frank and I approached the bar I picked him out immediately. He was smiling a real smile, lacking the sadistic twist he’d had that night. He was also wearing a nice suit, instead of the ripped jeans and soaked t-shirt. He was gorgeous, in a sick, sick way.
I didn’t say anything at first though, for fear of my possible insanity. I’d been seeing his face in crowds for months now so what made today any different? He was just a guy. I couldn’t pin this crime on him.
“Are you okay?” Frank stopped in place, smile falling away.
“Hey, I’m fine.” I threw on the best smile I could manage as I shook away the thoughts that left me paralyzed. It took a few seconds to force my legs to walk closer to the bar but I was able to. I was getting better at pretending I was okay. Maybe someday I’d actually fool someone.
Frank smiled in return but his smile was noticeably forced. “Great. Gerard! Hey man, I want you to meet Kassandra!” Frank yelled across the bar.
The man I’d been staring at glanced over at us and waved, getting off of his bar stool. Oh god, no. I didn’t want it to be him. I didn’t want the man I was comparing to my attacker to be one of Frank’s best friends. How could this be happening?
Frank smile was from ear to ear as he watched Gerard approach us. I couldn’t help but tremble just a little as he approached however; and I was suddenly very, very glad that Frank and I weren’t holding hands.
Gerard’s smile was quite huge as well and he immediately took Frank in to a giant bear hug, hesitating to let him go. “It’s been too long man!” Gerard finally said, stepping away. He glanced at me and our eyes held contact for a little too long. “So, you’re the girl that caused insanity to set in?” He laughed, patting Frank on the back. “19 is a little young to be getting married but I dig it. You guys are getting ahead of the rest of us. It’ll pay off, I’m sure of it.”
I forced a polite smile and nodded, losing my voice.
It was almost physically painful as Gerard leaned forward, gently hugging me. The voice matched my attacker’s… His eyes were so familiar. It just couldn’t be though. This man was Mikey’s brother. I’d known Mikey for so long! And he was Frank’s best friend! And… he, he just couldn’t be my attacker. It couldn’t be. “You look beautiful.” Gerard finally said as he pulled away, giving me a once over.
I blushed, still unable to even speak.
“I have to go talk to Mikey. Get to know her Gerard because she isn’t going anywhere! She’s going to be around for as long as she’ll keep me.” With that Frank wandered off, and my breathing increased in speed just slightly.
Gerard offered me a drink from his glass, which I assumed held some form of alcohol and I politely declined. “Oh, that’s right.” He got a funny look upon his face and reached forward with his free hand, brushing it gently across my stomach, higher than one normally would.
I immediately pulled away, furrowing my eyebrows.
Gerard smiled, as if innocent. “Frank told me.”
“T-told you?” I was quite shaken.
“You’re pregnant.” Gerard stated, “My apologies.”
He hadn’t touched where I would be pregnant though. In fact his fingers had brushed across the scar I now had due to the wound inflicted upon me.
No, I was wrong. He was right. He was innocent. I had to stop blaming people. It wasn’t his fault that I was fucked up and I couldn’t be such a paranoid mother. I’d soon have a child to care for, as Gerard said I was two months pregnant.
It wasn’t exactly planned but Frank and I had taken solace in each other and well, a lot of sex increases the odds of becoming pregnant. I got pregnant.
I was getting better, and part of getting better meant not blaming people who had nothing to do with the incident. “It was nice to meet you Gerard but I have to be going. I have a few more things to set up.”
Gerard nodded, “I’ll see you after then.”
I was walking away when Gerard’s voice stopped me in my tracks. “She’s a lady and laddieeesss shouldn’t be messed with…” Our eyes met again, and the voice was right. Those lyrics sang to me over a static filled line… Gerard nodded at me before turning away.
It all came in to place and I knew; I knew that Gerard was the one.
But why?
That was the night that I said ‘I Do’ and became Frank’s wife. My torture didn’t end however, because after that I saw Gerard at least once a week. I became a mother far too early in life but that wasn’t my biggest problem.
My biggest problem was accepting my attacker in to my life, while pretending I didn’t know who he really was. I had a sinking suspicion that he knew that I knew but neither of us ever said anything.
I didn’t know what to say to him anyway because though inside I knew; on the outside I wasn’t completely sure. To be completely honest… after that night I had lost part of my sanity, and I wasn’t entirely sure I’d ever get that part of me back.
For the time being I settled on building a new part of me with Frank.
(Frank’s POV)
Time passed and soon Kassandra’s smile began to grow, becoming less forced. I watched as her stomach grew, and her problems faded.
Gerard, Mikey, and I started a band with our friend Ray and from there things took off, slowly but surely. We were making it. In the meantime I went to school and used whatever money I could to support my newly made family, while receiving some assistance from my parents.
Each night I looked at Kass and I knew I’d made the right decision. Had Gerard, Mikey, and I not done what we did that night then Kassandra and I wouldn’t be together. We definitely wouldn’t be making these choices so early in life. It’d changed us all, but more importantly it’d gained me Kassandra and she certainly was a hard win.
I knew when I cheated I’d lost her. She wasn’t very forgiving. I had to turn it all around. It was a small plan that grew and I knew I’d hurt Kass but I knew there had to be some pain in order for us both to gain.
She was happy. We were happy. Every now and then she gave Gerard these funny looks and I worried but she never said anything.
None of us ever said anything.
I mean, come on… we were all guilty of something, right?
**
(Author’s note: So, I hope that made sense. Basically, Frank set it all up. Mikey turned the lights off and shut the door, while Gerard did all of the upfront stuff. Sorry Grace (If you’re reading this), I had to do it! You were right from the beginning though. It was the cliché Gerard psycho type of story. :P I had this planned though, and it didn’t come out as perfectly as I wanted at the end but this is what I ended up with… let me know what you guys think!)
Sign up to rate and review this story