FicWad

The heat that surrounds my body has an almost electric feel to it; like I’m emitting a charge. Swinging my right fist forward, I throw my weight into the boy bag in front of me. A mixture of sweat and tears stream down my face. My vision is blurry but I can still make out the taped and tattered form of the heavy black bag that has hung from my living room ceiling since I was sixteen. Bending slightly, I grunt and flick my leg up in a roundhouse, earning a satisfying ‘thump’ from the contact. My arms, legs, abdomen, and back scream in pain but I don’t dare stop. I’ve been at it for hours yet the thought of even pausing makes me physically sick.

My knuckles are bruised and bloody from a lack of gloves and the pain ignites even more with every punch I throw. I revel in the pain; it’s the only thing keeping me from losing it completely at this point. My breathing is heavy and labored, partly from pushing my exhausted body, but mostly from my crying.

With one final combination, my frame finally collapses onto the floor, the bag still swinging in the air above me. My head falls back onto the hardwood floor in defeat. I’m far too weak to get back up so I lay there. A choked sob erupts from my throat but I let it. I can’t hold back anymore, so I don’t. Instead, I think back on the past twenty-four hours.

“Honey, will you please run to the store for me? Your father wants spaghetti tonight and I need some things for it.”
/]
[/“Ma, I promised Jayden I’d meet him at the gym at seven o’clock. That’s ten minutes away! I really have to go. I’m sorry; I’ll make it up to you.” I give her a quick peck on the cheek as she shakes her head while smiling and rush out of the kitchen. In the family room my father is sitting on the couch, hunched over, playing a game of Solitaire on the coffee table.
/]
[/“Dad, I’m leaving to go hang out with Jay. Ma’s making you spaghetti tonight but you’ll need to drive her to the store. I’ll drop by around ten to give you your prescription, alright?” He nods but keeps his eyes on the cards.
/]
[/“Sure, Juju. Have fun and tell Jayden hi for us.” Laughing at his intense concentration, I salute him and head out the door.
/]
[/I arrive at the gym at exactly seven-oh-five only to be greeted by a pissed off looking best friend. I toss my gym bag into a corner of the room and face Jayden, my closest friend of nine years. We were in fourth grade when I found a gangly little boy getting the shit beat out of him on the playground for telling another boy he had a nice ass. I somehow managed to eradicate the stick boy from the dog pile, handing out a few black eyes in the process, and we have been friends ever since. Needless to say, Jayden is a flaming homosexual. All the more reason to love him.
/]
[/“You’re five minutes late Juliette.” He glares at me playfully with his hands on his hips.
/]
[/I roll my eyes at his antics. He insists that I need someone to scream and yell at me in order to keep my ass in line. Jayden would never touch a body bag because fighting is “icky” according to him but he continues to act as my cheerleader.
/]
[/“My apologies, Sir. It won’t happen again.” I winked at him as he began wrapping my hands.
/]
[/“Ma’s making Italian tonight. I’ll make sure to bring some home with me after I drop off dad’s meds.” Jayden and I have lived together for the past three years. I moved out of my parent’s place at sixteen when Jay’s father broke his jaw and kicked him out after learning about his son’s sexual preference. My parents wanted him to just move in but there was barely enough room for the three of us so they helped Jay and I get a small apartment instead.
/]
[/“Yes! I miss your mom’s cooking.” He finished my hands and slapped my ass. “Get your scrawny white ass up there and show that ugly bag who’s boss!” He commanded, pointing towards the bags.
/]
[/Jayden proceeded to insult me in every way possible, just like he thought a coach would have. “You call that a jab?! God, you couldn’t beat a seven year old if I held his hands behind his back!”
/]
[/Oddly enough, his offensive words made me push harder. I sent jab after jab, combinations flying everywhere. I was so concentrated that I failed to pick up on Jay’s voice.
/]
[/“Juliette! For the love of God answer me!” I froze mid kick and turned my head to look at him, raising one eyebrow in question. He held up my phone, “some number keeps calling you.”
/]
[/“So? Ignore it, it’s probably just a telemarketer.” Shrugging it off, I resumed my workout.
/]
[/“They finally left a message.” I groaned but walked over to him anyways. I held my phone up to my ear, grabbing a water bottle and downing it as I listened to the message.
/]
[/“It’s someone from the hospital.” Why would I be getting a call from the hospital?
/]
[/“Is it about your dad? Is he alright?” Jay asked worriedly. My father had been diagnosed with prostate cancer several years ago but it was mostly under control and he was living his life normally after only a few months of therapy.
/]
[/“I’m not sure; I don’t think anything has changed recently.” I muttered, getting ready to dial the number to the hospital when it began to ring again.
/]
[/“That’s the number, answer it!” Jay exclaimed.
/]
[/“Hello?”
/]
[/“Hi, is this Juliette Serrano?”
/]
[/“It is, may I ask why you are calling me?”
/]
[/“Yes ma’am. I’m sorry to inform you that your parents were rushed here about half an hour ago. They were in a car accident and are in critical condition. The doctors don’t believe they will make it through the night.”
/]
[/My entire body stiffened as the phone dropped from my hand. My parents had been in an accident? When? When had they even been- oh God. They must have been driving to the grocery store. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jay pick up my phone and begin talking to the lady on the other line.
/]
[/My breathing started coming in quick, short gasps. My hand flew to my chest and I felt like I was going to pass out.
/]
[/“Ju honey, calm down. Let’s get to the hospital and just see how they are, alright?” Jayden had one hand on my shoulder and the other was grasping my phone. I could see the bones pressing against the skin on his knuckles; he was far more worried than he let on.
/]
[/“It’s my entire fault Jayden! Oh my God if I had just gone for her, if I had just-“
/]
[/“Come on, let’s go, now.” He took my gloved hand and we sprinted out of the gym. I tossed him my keys, not sparing him a glance.
/]
[/He pulled out of the parking lot and began speeding down the road towards the hospital.
/]
[/I couldn’t lose my parents; I loved them more than anything. They’ve gone to hell and back for Jayden and I, done anything and everything possible to make us happy. They had always treated him like their own kid. His parents were neglectful so he practically lived in my room with me. He loved them just as much as I did. I looked over at him, my heart nearly tearing at the sight of tears in his eyes. I grabbed his hand and pulled in into my lap, squeezing gently. They had to be okay; there was just no other option.
/]
[/We both flew out of the car at mach speed as soon as the car was turned off.
/]
[/“Excuse me! Hey, excuse me!” I struggled to get through the mass of people in the front area. Out of breath, we finally made it to the counter.
/]
[/“My name is Juliette Serrano, my parents were just in an accident. Please, where are they?” I asked the plump woman at the desk. She continued to smack her gum and ignored me, her eyes fixated on a magazine. What the fuck is wrong with people?
/]
[/“Hey, ma’am, I’m talking to you. Hello?” I’d had enough of her. I snatched the magazine from her and slammed my fist down onto the desk hard enough to attract the attention of every single person in the room.
/]
[/“I said I’m here to see my parents who were just in a car accident. If you would be so kind as to show me to their room, I would he happy to save you the money on plastic surgery that would be required to fix the damage I will do to your face.” I ground out in one long breath.
/]
[/Suddenly, a hand was on my shoulder. I spun around to see a middle aged man in ugly green scrubs. “I’m so sorry, Miss. I’m Doctor Worthington. Please excuse Mrs. Brown and come with me, I will show you to your parents.” I nodded and began following him but not before shooting a deadly glare at the stunned woman behind the counter.
/]
[/We came to a stop in front of a door that I assumed led to my parents.
/]
[/“Before we go inside, I must ask what you were told about your parents’ condition.”
/]
[/“The lady said they were in critical condition.” He cringed and looked at the floor.
/]
[/“Well then I must tell you that your mother has unfortunately already passed away. We couldn’t revive her.” I whimpered in pain, my body slumping into someone else’s as tears welled up in my eyes. The pain in my chest would surely kill me soon.
/]
[/“And her father?” I heard Jayden ask from behind me. He must have been the person holding me.
/]
[/“He’s conscious and mostly coherent but his body is shutting down quickly.”
/]
[/“No, no, no, no. Please stop, this isn’t funny. Please!” I cried out. This couldn’t be happening.
/]
[/“I’m so sorry Miss Serrano. If there is anything you need, don’t hesitate to ask. Your father is in this room.” He hurried away as his pager beeped loudly.
/]
[/“Jay is he serious? Please just tell me this is all a horrible joke.” He looked at me with sad eyes.
/]
[/“Let’s go see your dad.” His face was completely blank; the doctor wasn’t joking at all. My mother was dead. My sweet, crazy, irrational mother that I loved so much was dead.
/]
[/I mutely followed him in, choking at the sight of my father. He looked like my opponents did after a winning fight. His face was bruised and swollen, cuts and sctracthes adorned both arms, and a bulky brace was strapped around his neck. He looked ready to die.
/]
[/“Daddy” I whispered. He turned to look at me and smiled sadly.
/]
[/“Come here Juju.” I sat at the edge of his bed and held his hand in mine. He ran his fingers over my wraps and winced.
/]
[/“Honey, please stop fighting. You are going to get yourself killed one day.” I couldn’t help but laugh a little. Even on his deathbed he was still begging me to stop my illegal activities. Both of my parents had known about my underground fighting that had started when I was sixteen. They tried to keep me away from it but I refused to quit, it made me feel alive.
/]
[/“Jayden, take care of my girl.” Jayden nodded but I wasn’t having it.
/]
[/“Dad! Don’t say that! You are going to be okay. Look at how much you’ve gone through.” Tears were pouring down my face as I begged him to hold on. I needed him, he couldn’t leave me.
/]
[/“Juju, I can feel it, today is the day. I can’t stay here with you much longer.” I laid my head on his arm and sobbed, muttering soft pleas.
/]
[/“There’s something I need to tell you though sweetie. Something I need you to do for me.” He squeezed my hand.
/]
[/“Of course Dad, anything.” He looked me square in the eyes. “Please don’t hate me.” I nodded, encouraging him to continue.
/]
[/How could I ever hate him? What had he done that would be so bad?
/]
[/“Before you were born, your mother and I began having some problems. I began drinking a lot and one night I had too much. I ended up sleeping with a woman I didn’t even know. She got pregnant and had a son. He’s two years older than you. His name is Andrew and he lives in Oakland, California.”
/]
[/I sat there stunned. Jayden looked just as surprised from where he sat on the other side of the bed. I couldn’t even find words to express what I felt. Part of me was pissed beyond belief that my dad had not only cheated on my mother, but also fathered a child. Did he ever see his son? Did he have another family that we didn’t know about?
/]
[/“I have never seen Andrew in person. His mother used to send pictures from time to time in exchange for child support. I want you to go find him and meet him. You should get to know him.”
I remained motionless, one thought standing out above the rest. “Did she know?”
/]
[/He looked down at our hands. “No, I couldn’t tell her. I know it was cowardly but I just couldn’t hurt her like that. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I loved your mother dearly.”
/]
[/I didn’t want to deal with this right now but I had to tell him something. “I’m not mad at you Dad, everyone makes mistakes.”
/]
[/He sighed, “Will you promise me you’ll find your brother?” I was tempted to snap at him and remind him that I was an only child but held off.
/]
[/“I don’t know where he lives Dad.” I made a lame attempt at an excuse.
/]
[/“Get a pen and paper, I know where he lives.” Jayden hopped up from his seat and grabbed some paper off of the bedside table and a pen from the desk just outside the door.
/]
[/I laid down beside my father, nestling my head into his chest while he spoke with Jayden, being careful not to touch the many IV’s he was hooked up to. I knew full well this would be the last time I could be with him like this.
/]
[/He died twenty minutes later. I held his hand as I watched the life leave his body.
/]
[/Jayden and I cried the entire night, lying in my bed together, trying to comfort one another. It was no use though, our parents were both dead.
Wiping the remaining tears from my eyes, I lifted my tired body off of the floor and made my way to the sink to wash the blood from my hands. The funeral was in four days and I still hadn’t decided whether or not to go find my ‘brother’. I wondered if he even knew about his father or the family that he had. I’m sure he did. There’s no way you go twenty-one years without learning about your missing father.

Stripping my sticky clothes off, I decided to take a much needed shower. The piping hot water scalded my skin but I didn’t mind. My muscles began to loosen and relax as I lathered up. My thoughts drifted to Jayden. He had been sulking in his room, barely talking (not that I wanted to either). I felt horrible for him. His own parents are raging assholes and his step in parents that he truly loved just died.

After ten minutes of just standing under the stream of water, I turned it off and stepped out. I dried myself and put some sweats on along with an old wife beater. I made my way into Jayden’s room where he was sitting on his bed watching T.V.

“Hey, will you umm….” I trailed off, lifting my hands so that he could see the damage.

He smiled slightly and reached into his nightstand, pulling out a first aid kit. I plopped onto his bed, kissing his cheek quickly and thanking him.

He wrapped my hands in gauze silently.

“I’ve decided to go find Andrew. I want to meet him and I want to leave this town for a while.”

“Will you be coming back?” He asked softly.

“I don’t know what to do Jay. I don’t want to stay here but I don’t want to leave you either.” He smiled and patted my finished hands.

“You should go, Ross asked me to move in with him a few weeks ago and I want to.” Ross was Jayden’s long term boyfriend. They had begun secretly dating in our junior year of high school.

“But what about-“

“Just because we won’t live together doesn’t mean we can’t talk or ever see each other again.” He reminded me.

“Okay” I whispered before pulling him in for a hug.

“I love you Jay”

“Love you too Juliette”

It was decided; I’d leave after the funeral to search out my half brother in California. Well, at least it would be a change from North Carolina.