FicWad

This idea came to me just the other night, and I really loved it so I had to sit down and type it up. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Seriously. My dad was giving me funny looks every time I started snickering at something I wrote. Anyway, heeeeeeere we go!


Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or Kingdom Hearts II. If I did, the ammount of yaoi in it would traumatize the masses (exempting yaoi fans, of course) and give all the children in Japan ceizures, just like Pikachu.

Double Disclaimer: I don't own Pikachu either.

Culture Note: I have nothing against the children of Japan.

-Looks up- Yeah, I think that should be enough. So enjoy--


So Much for Six Feet Under!

By: KitsuneArasi

The Day of the Funeral...

Selphie Tilmett was a special person. She was a very special person, always energetic, smiling, supportive, and fun...if a little eccentric. She wasn't weird- oh, no- just...unique. That was it. Incredibly unique.

And Sora was trying his best to explain this to Riku, but his silver-haired boyfriend was having none of it. "It's bullshit and you know it, Sora. We should not have to dress up in suits to attend the funeral of Selphie's /turtle/ for goodness sakes!"

"But Riku...Selphie's our friend!"

"The turtle wasn't. He bit me, remember?"

"...Riku..."

"Sora. Don't pout like that or I'll be forced to throw you down and molest you again."

"Aw, but Ri-/kuuuuuuuu~."/

"But nothing, Sora. We've been through all of this before, remember? Selphie's last pet funeral."

Sora's eyes flashed with horror for a brief moment before sniffing and turning his head to the side, "I can't seem to remember."

"Ohhhhhh, yes you can. Mr.Tiddles the kitten. The one who wasn't dead in time for the funeral? The one who now lives with us because Selphie traumatized it too much for anyone but you to take care of because you're the one that got him out of the damn grave?!"

"Heh. Oh yeah. Anyway, that doesn't change the fact that we have to go because it's important to Selphie."

"No."

"Riku Rurihara you are going to this funeral and you will say nice things about Walter the turtle or you will not be getting any tonight."

"And if I do?"

"You will be a very happy boy tonight."

"...Fine."

"Yeah! I love you, Riku!" Sora cheered before standing on tiptoe to peck Riku on the lips and running off to finish getting dressed.

"Yeah? You damn well better." He muttered as he watched his boyfriend run off.

xXx

And so, on that day, Riku Rurihara, former wielder of the darkness gave the best damn eulogy Destiny Islands had ever seen for Walter the turtle...right before, in Riku's words, 'The damned thing /crawled right back out of its friggin' grave!'/ to a chorus of 'Holy shit!'s, an 'It's a miracle!' and Tidus' 'Zombie turtle!'.

Sora soon signed a written (and legally binding) agreement that Riku Rurihara shall be forced to go to no funeral having to do with Selphie Tilmett except for, perhaps, her own. In addition to this, Riku was indeed a very, very happy boy for not only that night, but for the two days and nights following.

Sora was bedridden for the rest of the week, absolutely refusing to allow his boyfriend the satisfaction of mocking his bowlegged walk.


xXx

It feels so good to write a humor piece that can make you laugh. I love this oneshot, and I hope you do too. I'm ever so tempted to write a sequel involving bunny-sitting.


May you never deliver a turtle's eulogy!

-Aerith