FicWad

So okay, let’s say that ever since Frank was a little kid he has eaten kind of weird combinations of food, he likes mixing his flavours- chocolate and ketchup, ice cream and vinegar- and creating new tastes, he doesn’t like to eat anything that doesn’t excite his taste buds. So that sometimes means he ends up eating some really gross shit, like that time he brought cucumber and Oreo sandwiches to school thinking he had the best new recipe in the world and they ended up just tasting like cucumber and Oreo sandwiches with too much butter.

And so the other kids all kind of laugh at Frank and his weird habits, no one’s too mean to him –well apart from that jock strap kid in the year above with the one syllable name and the crew cut, that always slams Frank into lockers- not really, in fact most people are pretty much in love with Frank and his odd pack lunches. But Frank doesn’t really think anything of it Y’know? He just likes discovering new flavours, he doesn’t even notice- until after about a week- that he’s gained a loyal fan.

Gabe has been watching Frank at lunch every day since like, before he can even remember but he never sits with him until his sort of-friend, Whitley, says they should go say hi. And even then Gabe doesn’t say anything, he just stares in ore at Frank and his weird sandwiches because that’s what you do when you’re nine and awkward and suffering from a guy crush.

But Gabe stays for the next few lunch times even though Frank hasn’t even noticed him and eventually he even works up the courage to talk to his idol.

“Hey, can I try some of that?”

And that’s pretty much how Frank and Gabe became friends, which was good because Frank didn’t really have any friends, which made his mum make worried faces and go “Oh Frankie” all the time which sucked and now Frank has someone to inflict his creations on that isn’t his dog- who let’s face it will eat anything.

And so with Gabe’s help Frank went on into high school still creating and fucking about with food and in his final year he starts taking this Food Tech course where he gets to make whatever he wants and in return the school gives him a qualification in cooking- which is awesome. And Frank’s teacher, Miss Honey- who is most definitely not a character stolen from Matilda- really, really loves him because he’s just so enthusiastic and creative and it’s an absolute pleasure to have him in the class.

And when it gets to Frank’s final year and she finds out he hasn’t even been looking into collages, despite his enthusiasm in class she just has to do something. So one morning while Frank is unpacking some Tofu and cinnamon she goes up to him and is all, “Frank have you considered this culinary school for when you leave Pencey?”

And Frank’s kind of like “I don’t know, maybe” because he kind of has been considering said school except there’s still a lot of other stuff he enjoys doing Y’know? Like cooking isn’t the only thing he’s talented at, he plays guitar pretty well and he likes to think he’s not too terrible at football. So this cooking thing isn’t all he thinks about, he still doesn’t know if it’s something he should pursue in later life.

But miss Honey kind of persists like, “I think you should seriously consider it, Frank. You have a lot of potential, it would be sad to see it wasted”

So Frank does consider it a little more but it isn’t till after thanks giving that he actually starts to think seriously about it.

Frank and Gabe are sitting on Frank’s bed scrolling through Facebook like all the other seventeen-year-olds on the planet, occasionally they post bitchy stroke whiney statuses quoting song lyrics or complaining about eating too much, and Gabe’s been trying to work up the courage to PM this girl in their year. They’re pretty bored by the time Whitley, that asshole guy Gabe used to be kind of friends with in the days before Frank, posts this holier than thou status about animal rights and yada, yada.

Frank reads the text aloud in his best impression of Whitley’s snobby voice- they all go to a prep school but most of them like to pretend they’re from the rougher part of Jersey; it isn’t cool to be rich in NJ- “Oh God, never going to eat another animal again, if any of you care about the wellbeing of poor defenceless farm animals watch this” the post comes with a link so Frank clicks it.

Frank and Gabe never eat meat again.

It’s at school one day when Frank actually decides to take up cooking as a profession, him and Gabe are sitting in the canteen both with empty plates and sullen faces. Normally canteen food isn’t too bad for Gabe he doesn’t eat meat but he can have cheese and pastry and stuff no problem, but Frank’s got a funny gut so he can’t eat that shit and he’s not about to try to either.

Today though neither of them are eating because Frank was up late doing math homework the night before meaning he didn’t make his lunch. And Gabe missed out on the mad cheese Panini rush at the start of lunch because he was in detention for not doing the math home work Frank stayed up all night doing. So neither of them have anything to eat which sucks ass.

And Frank’s kind of a bitch when he’s hungry so he says, “Fucking school sucks”

And Gabe just makes a hand gesture like “Duh” and so Frank slumps down on to the table.

“I’m so fucking sick of it though, I can’t go out to eat anywhere without the restaurants trying to shove cheese down my throat and I’m like ‘whoa I could die from that’ like does a lactose intolerant vegetarian even exist to those bastards? Jesus Christ”

And Gabe’s shoulders go “meh” and he says, “Dude, you’re right there’s no where good to eat anywhere”

And that’s when the idea hits them, sudden and intense and oh so clear now! They must open a vegan restaurant- that is their calling.

So Frank pretty much aces all his exams and gets into the collage miss Honey suggested and Gabe goes too even though his cooking is pretty lame, and they both pass (Frank with flying colours, Gabe not so much but he gets by) and then they’re on their own out in the real world.

The place is pretty small, just a café style shop on one of Newark’s unheard of high streets, next door to the bakers and comic book store and Frank is really exited because this is his dream you guys! And they brought along Whitley because he was one of those assholes that got a major in business or something equally mundane so he’s there to work to tills and the books and to shut down the phone to this other D-bag about how they couldn’t have possibly stolen their pudding, wheat free, gluten free, dead animal free lasagne from their not so innovative vegan restaurant because Frank came up with the recipe when he was seven. So he’s pretty useful when it comes to crap like taxes and law suites.

For a while the whole thing runs pretty smoothly, Frank stays in the kitchen because he’s not to good at social interaction and he just gets so wrapped up in his creations that neither Gabe nor Whitley want to disturb him. And Gabe serves most of the customers and clears tables because he’s a pretty friendly guy- or at least he is until someone spills their soya bean smoothie all over his new slacks holy shit and then he blows a fume and is sent to the time out corner by Whitley- leaving Whitely to usher people in and write up the checks and all of that boring crap that only assholes are good at.

And so the café starts to get really busy, especially in the summer, and they even get a few regulars- one of which Gabe has been crushing on since her first visit because he has a thing for girls with dreads okay? But he’ll never make a move because that’s unprofessional and could ruin everything, as Whitley ever so kindly tells him whenever Frank manages to talk Gabe up enough for him to actually consider trying something- and lots of not so regulars that say they’ll recommend the place to their friends. And so they have to rent the upstairs to fit in more tables and the place goes from small café ran by possible hippie collage drop outs with too many tattoos, to swanky down town restaurant that offers food appropriate for all.

And that’s like really awesome, like seriously they are young aspiring businessmen changing the world of food! Which is all very well until Gabe starts bitching about his back and his poor wrists and about how many tables he is having to serve alone.

And Whitley is just like “Well we could have people order at the bar if that would make things easier on you?”

Then Frank comes out of the kitchen, his face red with rage as he shouts about how that would “totally ruin this places vibe, they’re not Starbucks for God’s sake!”

And Whitley’s all “Whoa, whoa dude, okay we wont have self service it was just an idea”

And Frank would feel like more of an asshole if he hadn’t just been shouting at Whitley the biggest asshole of all time. Besides he’s a cook, he’s allowed a little rage every now and then- he’s earned it.

And Gabe, because he’s a bitch, makes a whining sound and tells them to calm down he has an idea okay? And so Frank and Whitley watch him with interested eyes, just waiting for the verdict and Gabe keeps them waiting for a little bit for y’know suspense and then he comes out with “We hire a waiter!”

So that night Frank goes home, his new shitty apartment a couple of blocks away from the restaurant and designs a poster. He likes to think he’s pretty creative even outside of the kitchen and the poster is actually pretty cool with a little dancing tofu cube in a hat with a spoon and fancy bubble writing that reads “Help wanted!” across the top. The rest of the information isn’t so artistically presented but the whole thing still looks awesome- even if it is only Frank’s opinion.

The next day they post the notice in the window even though Whitley bitched about the chef’s hat because “We’re not looking for a new chef, just a waiter. This is false advertisement” Frank knew he secretly thought the poster was the bomb.

For the rest of the day Frank keeps sneaking glances out of the window to the restaurant from his little kitchen hub to see if anyone has applied but all he sees is Gabe getting pissy with the dishes and whining at Whitley who as his nose in one of the books. But he has to give this time they only put the poster up like three hours ago, three hours probably isn’t enough time for someone to decide that they want a job. Right?

And then the next week passes so slowly that Frank thinks he might actually die, because he loves his work, he really, really does but the thing is, this whole new crew member thing (on their apparent restaurant/boat) is making him really anxious. Because- as previously mentioned- Frank is not a people person, in his life he has only ever really had to deal with three people; Gabe, Whitley and his mom and generally he feels like people don’t like him, like they’re judging him and what if this new waiter is an even bigger asshole than Whitley? Or worse what if their really great and Frank falls in like kitchen love and then they go and move to Siberia- Frank doesn’t think he could take it.

And Gabe is going mad okay? Like completely and utterly mad because he can’t take this heavy workload, he barely even has time to stare down Dread girl, Chloe’s t-shirt anymore because he is so busy with fucking serving customers. And Whitley is not help just telling him to be patient but Gabe does not want to be patient he wants results and like now.

So Whitley’s just like “Why don’t you go see if you can post some of the notices in other shop windows? More people will see them then”

So Gabe kind of shrugs and mutters something about having a lot on his plate at the moment and then demurs a little more before coming out with “I know! I’ll get Frank to do it!”

Which is how Frank ends up spending his night at the copying room so that he can get his poster duplicated so that he can post them in some local shop windows on Saturday. He’s kind of pissed because it means he’s missing watching the food network but honestly he didn’t really have a reason to say no to Gabe when he had asked. He chews on his nail whilst he waits then pays for his copies and vamooses out of the store.

He posts a couple of flyers in the library and in the bakers and even in that weird witch craft store owned by dread girl a couple of shops down and then finally he stops at the Comic book store, ‘Danger Days’, to ask Ray if he can put a couple up in his window.

Ray is someone Frank has rarely ever spoken to, but he thinks that he’s friends with Gabe- everyone is friends with Gabe, after all- so he’s not too shy about asking.

Ray is sitting with an issue of fucking Mew Mew Power when Frank enters the store, what the hell? And he has a truly impressive head of hair, bobbing up and down in time to Tragedy playing on the small portable radio. Frank relaxes a little on seeing the scene and thinks he’s being pretty cool when he asks if he can put a couple of posters up in the window.

Ray grins and says “Of course, dude” then resumes his reading session without saying anything more.

Frank nods, sticks a poster up in the window, then exits the store a little dazedly, leaving Ray in the position he will stay in until later that day when Gerard comes in the store.

The thing is, Gerard can’t really afford comic books at the moment, he’s a broke starving artist slash student from NJ so any money he does have is obviously spent on coffee and cigarettes. But Ray’s cool about Gerard coming in and reading old issues and listening to his Walkman as long as he doesn’t scare off too many customers. Gerard tries, he really does, but it’s hard not to loose your rag when some dumb blonde chick is having trouble choosing between Spiderman and Sandman and talking to her guy friend like she has any idea who Neil Gaiman is, like it’s fucking against his nature.

Gerard hasn’t caused any trouble since then but he can tell Ray is still keeping a close eye on him. He swings into the shop and assumes his normal position on the big red beanbag in the corner pulling out a copy of Doom Patrol from one of the near by racks. He reads for a little while and then glares at the chick buying Sailor Moon until she leaves the shop. Ray, of course, notices the distaste plastered across Gerard’s face and raises and eyebrow.

Gerard huffs and shrugs and flicks a stray piece of hair from his face all whilst pouting and looking generally moody.

Ray twists his mouth up to a scrunch on the side of his face for a moment and then says “Still no jobs?”

Gerard’s all like “Duh or I wouldn’t be in here” but then he remembers that he has to be nice to Ray because he is the one person, apart from Mikey, in his life that isn’t a total asshole. Bob doesn’t count because he’s too cool to hang out with Gerard outside of class. “Sorry, man. Times is hard”

“Yu know this guy came in here earlier with like a lip ring and some tattoos to post up some thing about a job” Ray says and flips the page of his Manga.

And Gerard’s like “A guy with a lip ring and tattoos came in to the shop and you’re only just telling me now WTF is wrong with you Toro?”

Ray just shrugs and gestures towards the window like “It’s there if you want it”

And Gerard does want it so he takes it and then rings the restaurant when he gets back home.

Frank is playing his guitar when he gets the call because Saturday is his night off and he doesn’t have any friends, his dog is around somewhere probably throwing up in his sock cupboard or something because Frank owns the worst dog in the world, ever. He’s pretty surprised when the Nokia starts buzzing, honestly, because the only people that call him are either working or at their yoga class and so he considers ignoring the call in case it’s like The Scream or something- he doesn’t know he actually really hates horror movies. But then he realises that’s ridiculous and just picks up the phone like “Yo, this is Frank”

Whoever is on the other end of the phone kind of just breathes for a second before making a small surprised sound like “Oh” there’s a pause and then “Oh hey yeah, I’m calling about the job”

And then Frank can relax. They talk a bit about work ethics and the metric system and fucking Spiderman and Frank’s pretty much decides, by the end of the twenty-minute conversation, that this guy can have the job and like his soul and his first-born child. Seriously the dude is awesome. So he tells him to come by at nine the next day so that he can get started and meet the guys.

So okay, the next morning Frank wakes up extra early so that he can get down to the café before the new dude starts work and tell the guys his great news. He almost trips over Matilda, his crappy dog, who’s splayed lazily out in front of his bedroom door but really he does little damage to the sleeping beast. He burns his mouth on his coffee in his attempts to drink it fast enough and then runs the two blocks to the shop with his shoelaces undone. Whitley is already in the shop when Frank gets there, counting money and shuffling the menus, Gabe is probably still asleep upstairs because he rents the flat above the restaurant like the lazy bastard that he is.

So Frank just enters all majestically like “I found our new waiter!”

And Whitley’s like “Yeah I know she’s in the back”

And so Frank’s all was that just a typo or what? Huh she? and goes into the back where this totally hot chick in a maids outfit is just leaning against the oven like that outfit totally isn’t flammable. Frank just stares with wide eyes at the girl like Huh? because okay so totally the prettiest fucking girl ever with big hazel eyes and long black hair and such smooth icy skin, but not the awesome guy he was talking to on the phone last night.

So Frank’s all “Umm”

And the girl’s like ‘Ummm” right back at him.

And then Gabe come’s downstairs and is all looking at the girl like “mmmm” and then waves all “Hey, I’m Gabe, what’s your name, sweetheart” because even though Gabe’s awesome he’s still kind of a massive asshole.

“Gerard” Says the girl.

Frank’s not really one to believe gender stereotypes but he’s pretty sure that Gerard is a guy’s name.

Gerard kind of blinks and says “I spoke to Frank last night about the job”

And Frank stares at Gerard because yeah that is the voice he was talking to last night except… and then he puts two and two together and is all “Oh you’re in drag I get it!”

And Gerard smiles kind of awkwardly and nods like maybe Frank’s making fun of him but then it’s opening time and so nothing more can be said.

So Frank’s not gay, okay like he’s not or bi or anything and it’s not like he’s a homophobe or anything he just knows what he likes. But now things are weird because apparently, what he likes is skinny weird geek girls with sleek black hair and round honest eyes. And it’s messing with him, like for real he doesn’t know what’s happening to his body but Gerard has been working with him for over two weeks now and Frank is practically stripping his dick raw because he’s so beautiful and quirky but also like a fucking dude, and like a really fucking cool dude at that. So basically he’s confused.

But it’s not like he’s just there ogling over Gerard all day, in fact Gerard has only come dressed in drag like four times in the fourteen day cycle it’s just that when he is dressed in drag, he’s dressed in really sexy kind of slutty drag and Frank just doesn’t know what to do with that. Like he can have perfectly normal conversations with Gerard after work just chilling with him and talking about the new Batman movie or how corrupt the health system is. But then Gerard will do something like eat a strawberry or twiddle his hair or bat his fucking lashes and Frank just doesn’t know what to do with that.

And meanwhile Gerard doesn’t know what to do to get Frank to notice him- Frank with his arms and tattoos and low strung jeans with the holes in the knees and he’s always so nice to Gerard and Gerard swears okay he swears that sometimes Frank flirts back with him. And he says all this to Mikey one night, whilst the adverts are on in-between Two and A Half Men (The old version with Charlie Sheen of course) and Mikey tells him to “Just go for it, man do something”

And Gerard considers the point for a while and is like “You know what? I will. I’m going to take a chance!” Energetic fist pump.

So the next day after the place has closed and Whitley and Gabe have left Gerard and Frank to lock up Gerard just goes for it; cupping Frank’s face with his hand and holding eye contact as leans in, only closing his eyes as their lips press together- it’s fucking chaste and warm and nice but then it only lasts like three seconds before Frank is like, “Oh WTF is happening? Oh um okay I have to go” and then he vanishes leaving Gerard all shocked and heartbroken alone in the stupid shop.

And Frank is really freaked out, like really, really freaked out because Gerard just kissed him on his mouth with like intent and Frank has no idea what to do with that. So he ran like a D-bag leaving Gerard there all alone and probably hating himself because Frank’s an idiot.

But it’s not his fault you guys! He’s never done anything like this before- he’s had like three girlfriends in his whole life and the only guys he knows are Gabe and Whitley who are yes okay his bros but they’re straight and neither of them have ever kissed him before. It’s all really confusing, honestly, Frank’s brain is hurting and he decides, pretty quickly, that he needs a drink, like now.

So he goes to the bar and drink rum and coke until his wallet starts the thin out and then he just takes the rum until he can’t see all that well and he eats some nuts and drinks some vodka. There’s some chick sitting next to him who’s actually pretty cute with pixie brown spikes of hair and pale pink lipstick and she keeps smiling at him all sweet and seductive and Frank’s about to just go for it when someone in his brain says, “Wait! Stop you don’t want this.”

And Frank looks down at his hands and blinks at them and realises that no he does, in fact, not want this, he wants Gerard, now. So he ups and leaves the bar so quickly that his head spins in a totally unpleasant way and runs all the way to Gerard’s because fuck busses or taxies he is in love! With a dude and it’s fine.

Well it’s fine until Frank throws up in the decretive plant pot at Gerard’s door and then has to pant for a few moments before he has the strength to actually knock.

Gerard swings the door open and gapes at Frank in his nightie and face pack, his hands on his hips as he stares at the poor figure hunched and breathing shakily on his doorstep. He gives Frank a few minutes to calm down.

Frank stands, supporting himself against the doorframe and grinning sloppily he says, “Man, I love you” and tries to kiss Gerard.

Gerard is all like “ew get your gross sicky mouth away from me, motherfucker you are drunk”

But Frank just shakes his head and persists like “No man, Gee I mean really I love you and not just cause I’m drunk or because you’re hot in drag but like I really love you and I’m sorry”

And Gerard gives him that awkward little smile, his face pack chipping slightly around his lips and nose as he says “Oh my god, just come in I have a toothbrush”

And they go on to have wonderful sex that I didn’t feel like writing today because it kind of bores mee- so this fiction is entirely fluff but what ya gonna do?

Do you guys know how much love you will get if this goes green?