Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Loss and memories.
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I decided to venture out my room and make myself a cup of coffee. When I reached the top of the stairs I called for Mikey, there was no reply and I remembered that he'd gone to Ray's. I put the kettle on and sat myself down on the sofa, everything I looked at reminded me of him, things he liked, things we did together, conversations we had, the times we laughed and the times we cried, so much stuff was shared between us in this house and it always hurts, it physically hurts him not being here with me anymore. I wanna get out of here to look at new things, but I feel if I go outside it'll be worse. Everything in the world reminds me of him somehow. The switch on the kettle clicked, I slid off the sofa and slowly walked into the kitchen. I made the coffee and debated what I should do next. I decided that I would have a shower and actually leave the house for the first time in two, maybe three weeks (i've lost count). This has been on and off for the last couple of years, there will be times when I never come home for weeks on end then other times I never leave the house. I think Mikey is starting to adapt like I already have, although I know he wants me to get over this, but i'm not sure I really can. Everyday is a rollercoaster of flashbacks and memories, it's like i'm living in the past but without the most important thing that was there, him! I know i'm upsetting Mikey, but I don't know what to do, I can't just change the way I feel!
I strolled downstairs to my bathroom and had a long, hot shower, letting the water run down my aching body which had been curled up in the same position in bed for the last few days. I got out and quickly got dressed and dried my hair. I looked in the mirror, that mirror that holds memories, sighed in despair and went upstairs, grabbing my keys, leaving Mikey a note and walking out the door to my ancient, decaying car. I got in, put the keys in the ignition and drove away, not entirely sure where I was going yet, but prepared to take a journey to wherever the road wuld take me. I hadn't been driving long when I arrived in a small town. I parked in a car park of a bar and cautiously walked inside. It was packed but it had quite a nice atmosphere, I sat at the bar, ordered a drink and just watched the world go by. After around 10 beers, a couple of shots and God knows what else, I stumbled out the bar and headed towards my car, that took me atleast 20 minutes to get into, because I couldn't get the key in the lock. I finally got inside, got out my phone and dialed a number. I put the phone to my ear, but it just kept ringing until it said 'unrecognised number'. I dialed again. And again, no answer. I decided that i'd call Mikey and ask if he knew what was going on.
'Hello?' A very sleepy sounding Mikey answered the phone.
'Hey Mikes, it's G-gee!' I answered loudly.
'Gee, it's half 3 in the morning where the hell are you?'
'I'm i-in a small t-town somewhere but anyway what's up?'
'What do you mean?'
'Well, I tried calling Frank, but his number wouldn't work, i'm kinda worried, is he okay?'
Mikey went silent for a minute and when he replied his voice was unsteady and a little high pitched.
'W-what?'
'Well, I just need to know if Fran-' He cut me off and started talking very slowly.
'Gee, are you okay?'
'um, Yeah, i-im fine, can you just call Frank?'
'Have you been drinking Gerard?'
'Just a b-bit, but Mikey will you just do me that favour, please?'
'No!' His voice was stern, but he sounded scared at the same time.
'Why?' I was angry now, I only asked him for one bloody favour.
'Because I can't Gerard, I can't.' His voice was sad now, and I was too intoxicated to understand what was wrong with him, before I could say anything he sighed loudly and began to speak again.
'Gerard what's this 'town' that your in look like?' I described him the town and he listened intently, while I was still confused, I made a mental note to ask him about what he said, when I got in the car.
'I know where that is, wait there and i'll come and pick you up, Okay?'
'Okay, Bye!' and with that he hung up.
I sat in my car, watching crowds of people laugh and joke, I couldn't help but feel extremely depressed, I lay my head back and put it down to the ridiculous amount of alcohol i'd taken in and started to think about Mikey's reaction when I had asked him to call Frank, he sounded terrified and the silence there was when he had paused was deafening. Not long after, my thoughts were interrupted by Mikey banging on the window of the passengers seat door. He opened the door slowly and poked his head inside.
'Gee?' His voice was a whisper.
'Hey Mikes.' He sighed, he was doing that a lot lately.
'C'mon, leave the car here and i'll pick it up tomorrow morning, we'll go back in my car.'
'Okay t-then!' I answered obediently. I got out and he took the keys from me and locked the car. He then directed me to where his own car was parked and opened the passenger door for me to get in. I slowly placed myself on the seat and he shut the door delicately and got in the drivers seat. Without another word he started the engine and pulled out of the car park. Every few minutes Mikey would glance at me and then look away when I noticed, this was the time to bring up our conversation.
'Mike-' He started talking before I could get anymore of my sentence out.
'Look Gerard, I know it's hard for you and I understand I do, but you can't go on like this anymore, you need to push past this and get on with your life, it's what he would've wanted, you know that, he was always telling you to live life to the full, no matter what! I know it sounds like i'm being harsh but ever since he went you've been a different person, I just want you to be happy again, we all do. I know it was you and him against the world but, he's gone and he's never coming back. I'm so sorry Gerard, I really am.' His voice was strained and I knew he felt horrible for what he'd said. It was then that it all came flooding back to me, I knew why I couldn't call Frank, and I knew why Mikey was acting like this. The man I loved was gone and he was never coming back. The horrible realisation made me wish that I wasn't here anymore.
A/N: Hope your enjoying it so far. Please, rate and review! It would be much appreciated! :)
I decided to venture out my room and make myself a cup of coffee. When I reached the top of the stairs I called for Mikey, there was no reply and I remembered that he'd gone to Ray's. I put the kettle on and sat myself down on the sofa, everything I looked at reminded me of him, things he liked, things we did together, conversations we had, the times we laughed and the times we cried, so much stuff was shared between us in this house and it always hurts, it physically hurts him not being here with me anymore. I wanna get out of here to look at new things, but I feel if I go outside it'll be worse. Everything in the world reminds me of him somehow. The switch on the kettle clicked, I slid off the sofa and slowly walked into the kitchen. I made the coffee and debated what I should do next. I decided that I would have a shower and actually leave the house for the first time in two, maybe three weeks (i've lost count). This has been on and off for the last couple of years, there will be times when I never come home for weeks on end then other times I never leave the house. I think Mikey is starting to adapt like I already have, although I know he wants me to get over this, but i'm not sure I really can. Everyday is a rollercoaster of flashbacks and memories, it's like i'm living in the past but without the most important thing that was there, him! I know i'm upsetting Mikey, but I don't know what to do, I can't just change the way I feel!
I strolled downstairs to my bathroom and had a long, hot shower, letting the water run down my aching body which had been curled up in the same position in bed for the last few days. I got out and quickly got dressed and dried my hair. I looked in the mirror, that mirror that holds memories, sighed in despair and went upstairs, grabbing my keys, leaving Mikey a note and walking out the door to my ancient, decaying car. I got in, put the keys in the ignition and drove away, not entirely sure where I was going yet, but prepared to take a journey to wherever the road wuld take me. I hadn't been driving long when I arrived in a small town. I parked in a car park of a bar and cautiously walked inside. It was packed but it had quite a nice atmosphere, I sat at the bar, ordered a drink and just watched the world go by. After around 10 beers, a couple of shots and God knows what else, I stumbled out the bar and headed towards my car, that took me atleast 20 minutes to get into, because I couldn't get the key in the lock. I finally got inside, got out my phone and dialed a number. I put the phone to my ear, but it just kept ringing until it said 'unrecognised number'. I dialed again. And again, no answer. I decided that i'd call Mikey and ask if he knew what was going on.
'Hello?' A very sleepy sounding Mikey answered the phone.
'Hey Mikes, it's G-gee!' I answered loudly.
'Gee, it's half 3 in the morning where the hell are you?'
'I'm i-in a small t-town somewhere but anyway what's up?'
'What do you mean?'
'Well, I tried calling Frank, but his number wouldn't work, i'm kinda worried, is he okay?'
Mikey went silent for a minute and when he replied his voice was unsteady and a little high pitched.
'W-what?'
'Well, I just need to know if Fran-' He cut me off and started talking very slowly.
'Gee, are you okay?'
'um, Yeah, i-im fine, can you just call Frank?'
'Have you been drinking Gerard?'
'Just a b-bit, but Mikey will you just do me that favour, please?'
'No!' His voice was stern, but he sounded scared at the same time.
'Why?' I was angry now, I only asked him for one bloody favour.
'Because I can't Gerard, I can't.' His voice was sad now, and I was too intoxicated to understand what was wrong with him, before I could say anything he sighed loudly and began to speak again.
'Gerard what's this 'town' that your in look like?' I described him the town and he listened intently, while I was still confused, I made a mental note to ask him about what he said, when I got in the car.
'I know where that is, wait there and i'll come and pick you up, Okay?'
'Okay, Bye!' and with that he hung up.
I sat in my car, watching crowds of people laugh and joke, I couldn't help but feel extremely depressed, I lay my head back and put it down to the ridiculous amount of alcohol i'd taken in and started to think about Mikey's reaction when I had asked him to call Frank, he sounded terrified and the silence there was when he had paused was deafening. Not long after, my thoughts were interrupted by Mikey banging on the window of the passengers seat door. He opened the door slowly and poked his head inside.
'Gee?' His voice was a whisper.
'Hey Mikes.' He sighed, he was doing that a lot lately.
'C'mon, leave the car here and i'll pick it up tomorrow morning, we'll go back in my car.'
'Okay t-then!' I answered obediently. I got out and he took the keys from me and locked the car. He then directed me to where his own car was parked and opened the passenger door for me to get in. I slowly placed myself on the seat and he shut the door delicately and got in the drivers seat. Without another word he started the engine and pulled out of the car park. Every few minutes Mikey would glance at me and then look away when I noticed, this was the time to bring up our conversation.
'Mike-' He started talking before I could get anymore of my sentence out.
'Look Gerard, I know it's hard for you and I understand I do, but you can't go on like this anymore, you need to push past this and get on with your life, it's what he would've wanted, you know that, he was always telling you to live life to the full, no matter what! I know it sounds like i'm being harsh but ever since he went you've been a different person, I just want you to be happy again, we all do. I know it was you and him against the world but, he's gone and he's never coming back. I'm so sorry Gerard, I really am.' His voice was strained and I knew he felt horrible for what he'd said. It was then that it all came flooding back to me, I knew why I couldn't call Frank, and I knew why Mikey was acting like this. The man I loved was gone and he was never coming back. The horrible realisation made me wish that I wasn't here anymore.
A/N: Hope your enjoying it so far. Please, rate and review! It would be much appreciated! :)
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