Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Lethal Force
A/N: WARNING-WARNING-WARNING!!!!! Do not read if you're easily squeamish or easy to throw up. This is not a happy chapter. In fact, it's far from it. The warnings say it all. Now if you continue to read, don't say I didn't warn you!
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Chapter 8
Weeks had passed since I last saw Lieutenant Sexy and I was missing him like crazy. Why did we have to make up right before he left? Whenever Sergeant Beckett came in, I went through the motions because I had to. But I was missing Sexy like crazy. I often cried myself to sleep. Even if I wouldn’t admit to it if anyone asked, I knew it was still happening. And I really couldn’t stop it.
Even if he told me he wouldn’t die, I was still scared. I mean, come on, who wouldn’t be? He was off at war where he’d be in the line of fire. If he got killed, I’d feel so guilty. And that’s when it hit me. He motioned that he loved me, but I never heard him say the words. He never told me he loved me and… and if he died… That just made me cry harder. I wanted to quit the army and fly to Iraq just so I could see him.
And then a thought occurred to me. If I worked extra hard, I could get deployed soon and I’d be able to be with him! Could I request to be part of his squad? I didn’t think so, but I could try, right? There was no harm in trying! As the following month passed, my strength and perseverance got better. Sergeant Beckett seemed hesitant to call me Private Rebel because I was the opposite of that now. I’d made a complete 180 and he was confused.
He never asked though. He seemed to appreciate it. When it hit 2 months, six days, three hours, and 32 minutes, I was told that I’d get deployed in a week. And fuck yes! That was what I wanted! I asked Beckett if I could be in Lieutenant Urie’s troop and he told me he’d do what he could. I was so happy! No words could explain how happy I was. I was going to get to see him again!
The week passed and I couldn’t sleep (not that I could for almost two months anyway) because I was so excited. When I landed in Iraq, Lieutenant Sexy was one of the first people I saw. I was so excited. I wanted to run over to him and hug him and kiss him and tell him how much I missed him, but I couldn’t. I knew that. Besides, even if I could, I didn’t want to.
Brendon’s POV
In my defense, I didn’t know if I’d ever see Private Pretty Boy ever again. True, we may have made up and I told him that I wasn’t going to die, but he was such a rebel and he was so weak, I didn’t think he’d ever make it out to Iraq. It’s a shit defense, but it was my reasoning at the time. And it seemed logical!
“You look really pretty in that hat,” I poked the male’s nose. He giggled and blushed. I grinned and kissed where I’d poked. He squirmed a little and I wrapped my arms around his waist. I kissed his lips, “I’m glad we met.”
“Me too,” he whispered, “But can’t we get discharged for this?”
I shrugged, “Not really. The general’s all the way in America and no one is going to go and tell him about us. So I’m not all too worried about it.”
“Oh, okay,” he smiled and I grinned. He had a cute smile. I leaned over and kissed him again. He blushed. That was so fucking adorable, I couldn’t contain myself. So I kissed him again.
Before I knew it, I was pulled from him and spun around and punched in the jaw. I fell to the ground, putting my hand to my face. I hadn’t even seen who it was, nor had I any idea who it could be. But when my eyes landed on him, I froze. What the fuck was he doing here?
He was seething, “I hate you, I fucking hate you, sir,” he practically spat at me, “What was I? A fling to you?” he was mocking me. I knew he was. And I really had nothing to say back to him. I loved him, I really did, but I didn’t think I’d ever see him again! “I worked my ass off for two months so I could get deployed. For what? For this?” he laughed humorlessly, “Yeah, I can see I meant so much to you. So much so in fact you wouldn’t let me have a best friend… and now you’re kissing and Eskimo kissing this random guy you probably met less than two months ago!”
“Ryan,” I tried, but he kicked me as hard as he could, which was pretty damn hard! How did he get so strong? I grunted, holding onto my side, “Ryan, please—”
“You don’t get to fucking call me by my name. You don’t get to look at me. You don’t get to talk to me. I never want to see your fucking face ever again. You’re on my hitlist, Urie,” the way he said my name was the most frightening thing on the planet. Why had I cheated on him? Oh right, because I never thought I’d see him again. Yeah, shitty reasoning, I know.
“I can explain.”
He laughed really hard, shaking his head, “Okay, go ahead. I want to hear your explanation. Really, I do. I want to hear why you’d do this to me after I did this to you for a good reason. Why are you holding some other guy? Why are you kissing someone else? Why are you thinking he’s adorable? Why are you smiling at him? Really, I want to know.”
I was silent.
He kicked me again, even harder, and I grunted. He scoffed, “Fuck you, Urie. You’re on my hitlist, you hear me? The next chance I get, you’re dead. Your’e already dead to me. Up here,” he pointed to his head, “But soon… Soon, you’ll be dead in real life,” he kicked me once more before he walked off. I grunted again before curling into a ball.
I fucked up big time, didn’t I? “You really… really fucked up,” came the voice of the male who I’d just been holding. I slowly looked up at him with a glare. He shook his head, “You never told me that you had someone else back home. You really fucked up. Have fun being alone,” he rolled his eyes and walked off, leaving me on the ground… alone.
Ryan’s POV
In my head, I was plotting ways I could kill him. He had no explanation because he had no reason to cheat on me like that. I could pull a friendly fire at him and say I didn’t know my gun was loaded. I could cue the enemies on his barracks’ location. I could… Oh, I could do so many things. My mind was running rapidly with ways that I could kill him…
I just had to find the plan that was the most flawless. I could force him into combat where I’d know he’d die. That seemed the most flawless, but I’d have to think it through and put the plan into action, which was harder than it seemed. I didn’t want the other male to die. I didn’t even know him. It wasn’t his fault. He probably didn’t even know that Lieutenant Slut (my new name) was cheating on his boyfriend back home.
That got me to thinking. Had he cheated on me before he left? Had he maybe slept with Sergeant Beckett? Maybe he even slept with Killer. You know, since he did tell me I didn’t have a chance. Ugh, I hated him so much right now. I really wanted him dead. I swear, he would pay for what he did to me.
Was Slut this angry when I did it to him? He couldn’t have been. He knew my reasoning. He knew why I did it. He had no reasoning for what he’d done, so I had a fucking right to be angry. There was no way I would take him back. Nothing, I swore, would ever make me love him again… Okay, so I still loved him, but nothing would make me kiss him again or hug him or even touch him. Of that, I was sure. Even if it would kill me eventually that I couldn’t be with the man I loved.
A few days passed. Each day, he tried to talk to me, but I would just ignore him. I’d flat-out ignore him unless he gave me an order. I soon figured out that he realized that because he grabbed my arm and spun me around, “I order you to listen to me.”
I crossed my arms over my chest and stared into his eyes. I didn’t know what my eyes read, but he quickly moved his hand off my arm and took a deep breath. I shook my head, “Sir, no, sir,” I spat practically in his face. I wasn’t going to listen to him.
“I wish I could demote you or something, but I can’t. You shouldn’t disobey me.”
“Too late,” I turned and he spun me around. He then shoved me against the wall and growled. My eyes widened, “Get off me.”
“No,” he leaned against me and pushed his lips onto mine. Of course I kissed him back, for fuck’s sake. I love him! I tried to push him off, but he wouldn’t have it. He kept kissing me. I eventually stopped kissing back, but he shoved his tongue into my mouth and I gasped. He took the opportunity to shove his tongue down my throat. I choked and he kept at it. He wasn’t going to stop. He shoved his hands down to my belt. He tore it off and unbuttoned my pants, unzipping them.
I knew what he was doing, but I couldn’t stop them. Every time I tried, he’d shove my hands against the wall, hurting me a lot more than I’d wish. I tried to push him off even more when he shoved my pants down. I wasn’t comfortable with this. I didn’t know why he was doing this. Why was he forcing me to do this? This was rape. It had to be. I didn’t want this. I really didn’t. I wasn’t receptive. I wasn’t kissing him back, I wasn’t moaning or groaning.
But he knew my soft spot. He started rubbing my hips as one hand pushed my boxers down. I moaned against his lips. He grinned and used his other hand to gently caress my length. I wanted him to stop! I didn’t want to be turned on, I didn’t want to be horny. I tried to bite his tongue, but he didn’t care. I could taste his blood in my mouth, but he didn’t stop. Once I was hard, he pulled down his own pants. He pushed me down onto the ground, never once pulling his lips away from mine.
We had never touched or gone this far before. And I wasn’t expecting our first time to be like this. I felt tears fall down my cheeks. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want him to rape me. This was so unwanted and so disgusting. I couldn’t bear it. He pulled my pants all the way off, as well as my boxers. He threw them somewhere and just shoved himself in. No condom, no prepping, nothing. I screamed into his mouth.
He didn’t seem to care. He really didn’t. I bit his tongue again, hoping maybe it would do something, but it didn’t. His blood flooded my mouth and I was crying even more now. His second thrust hit my prostate and I moaned unintentionally. I wanted him to stop. I wanted him to pull out, to walk away, to get away from me. I didn’t want this. I really didn’t. He kept going, rougher and rougher, never once removing his mouth from mine. I knew he tasted the blood, I knew his mouth was in pain, but he didn’t seem to care.
After some grunting and moaning into my mouth, I felt him release himself inside me. I felt disgusting because it was getting me off too. I was feeling pleasure for this and I didn’t want to. I wanted to hate him, I wanted to not feel anything. After he had let off, he reached down to jerk me off. I didn’t want his hands on me. I wanted him to get off so I kicked him. He looked at me and kept going.
More tears fell down my face as I moaned. I liked it, but I hated it. I can’t express how much I hated him, how much I didn’t want this. When I had come all over his hand, he pulled out and got up. He put on his pants and looked at me, wiping the blood off his mouth, “You have no right to be mad at me, you disgusting piece of shit,” and he walked out, slamming the door behind him, leaving me on the ground, half naked and violated.
I didn’t want to move. If I didn’t hate him for what he did before, I knew I did now. And this… This was a memory I’d wish I could forget… but never could.
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A/N: I WARNED YOU. It's not happy. It's... disgusting, I know. And I wrote it while sitting in a public place. Talk about awkward! Haha. Anyway, I hope you... enjoyed it? I know I didn't get to five reviews for the last chapter, but I felt like continuing this cause... well, it was open on my computer, haha. Five reviews means next update!
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Chapter 8
Weeks had passed since I last saw Lieutenant Sexy and I was missing him like crazy. Why did we have to make up right before he left? Whenever Sergeant Beckett came in, I went through the motions because I had to. But I was missing Sexy like crazy. I often cried myself to sleep. Even if I wouldn’t admit to it if anyone asked, I knew it was still happening. And I really couldn’t stop it.
Even if he told me he wouldn’t die, I was still scared. I mean, come on, who wouldn’t be? He was off at war where he’d be in the line of fire. If he got killed, I’d feel so guilty. And that’s when it hit me. He motioned that he loved me, but I never heard him say the words. He never told me he loved me and… and if he died… That just made me cry harder. I wanted to quit the army and fly to Iraq just so I could see him.
And then a thought occurred to me. If I worked extra hard, I could get deployed soon and I’d be able to be with him! Could I request to be part of his squad? I didn’t think so, but I could try, right? There was no harm in trying! As the following month passed, my strength and perseverance got better. Sergeant Beckett seemed hesitant to call me Private Rebel because I was the opposite of that now. I’d made a complete 180 and he was confused.
He never asked though. He seemed to appreciate it. When it hit 2 months, six days, three hours, and 32 minutes, I was told that I’d get deployed in a week. And fuck yes! That was what I wanted! I asked Beckett if I could be in Lieutenant Urie’s troop and he told me he’d do what he could. I was so happy! No words could explain how happy I was. I was going to get to see him again!
The week passed and I couldn’t sleep (not that I could for almost two months anyway) because I was so excited. When I landed in Iraq, Lieutenant Sexy was one of the first people I saw. I was so excited. I wanted to run over to him and hug him and kiss him and tell him how much I missed him, but I couldn’t. I knew that. Besides, even if I could, I didn’t want to.
Brendon’s POV
In my defense, I didn’t know if I’d ever see Private Pretty Boy ever again. True, we may have made up and I told him that I wasn’t going to die, but he was such a rebel and he was so weak, I didn’t think he’d ever make it out to Iraq. It’s a shit defense, but it was my reasoning at the time. And it seemed logical!
“You look really pretty in that hat,” I poked the male’s nose. He giggled and blushed. I grinned and kissed where I’d poked. He squirmed a little and I wrapped my arms around his waist. I kissed his lips, “I’m glad we met.”
“Me too,” he whispered, “But can’t we get discharged for this?”
I shrugged, “Not really. The general’s all the way in America and no one is going to go and tell him about us. So I’m not all too worried about it.”
“Oh, okay,” he smiled and I grinned. He had a cute smile. I leaned over and kissed him again. He blushed. That was so fucking adorable, I couldn’t contain myself. So I kissed him again.
Before I knew it, I was pulled from him and spun around and punched in the jaw. I fell to the ground, putting my hand to my face. I hadn’t even seen who it was, nor had I any idea who it could be. But when my eyes landed on him, I froze. What the fuck was he doing here?
He was seething, “I hate you, I fucking hate you, sir,” he practically spat at me, “What was I? A fling to you?” he was mocking me. I knew he was. And I really had nothing to say back to him. I loved him, I really did, but I didn’t think I’d ever see him again! “I worked my ass off for two months so I could get deployed. For what? For this?” he laughed humorlessly, “Yeah, I can see I meant so much to you. So much so in fact you wouldn’t let me have a best friend… and now you’re kissing and Eskimo kissing this random guy you probably met less than two months ago!”
“Ryan,” I tried, but he kicked me as hard as he could, which was pretty damn hard! How did he get so strong? I grunted, holding onto my side, “Ryan, please—”
“You don’t get to fucking call me by my name. You don’t get to look at me. You don’t get to talk to me. I never want to see your fucking face ever again. You’re on my hitlist, Urie,” the way he said my name was the most frightening thing on the planet. Why had I cheated on him? Oh right, because I never thought I’d see him again. Yeah, shitty reasoning, I know.
“I can explain.”
He laughed really hard, shaking his head, “Okay, go ahead. I want to hear your explanation. Really, I do. I want to hear why you’d do this to me after I did this to you for a good reason. Why are you holding some other guy? Why are you kissing someone else? Why are you thinking he’s adorable? Why are you smiling at him? Really, I want to know.”
I was silent.
He kicked me again, even harder, and I grunted. He scoffed, “Fuck you, Urie. You’re on my hitlist, you hear me? The next chance I get, you’re dead. Your’e already dead to me. Up here,” he pointed to his head, “But soon… Soon, you’ll be dead in real life,” he kicked me once more before he walked off. I grunted again before curling into a ball.
I fucked up big time, didn’t I? “You really… really fucked up,” came the voice of the male who I’d just been holding. I slowly looked up at him with a glare. He shook his head, “You never told me that you had someone else back home. You really fucked up. Have fun being alone,” he rolled his eyes and walked off, leaving me on the ground… alone.
Ryan’s POV
In my head, I was plotting ways I could kill him. He had no explanation because he had no reason to cheat on me like that. I could pull a friendly fire at him and say I didn’t know my gun was loaded. I could cue the enemies on his barracks’ location. I could… Oh, I could do so many things. My mind was running rapidly with ways that I could kill him…
I just had to find the plan that was the most flawless. I could force him into combat where I’d know he’d die. That seemed the most flawless, but I’d have to think it through and put the plan into action, which was harder than it seemed. I didn’t want the other male to die. I didn’t even know him. It wasn’t his fault. He probably didn’t even know that Lieutenant Slut (my new name) was cheating on his boyfriend back home.
That got me to thinking. Had he cheated on me before he left? Had he maybe slept with Sergeant Beckett? Maybe he even slept with Killer. You know, since he did tell me I didn’t have a chance. Ugh, I hated him so much right now. I really wanted him dead. I swear, he would pay for what he did to me.
Was Slut this angry when I did it to him? He couldn’t have been. He knew my reasoning. He knew why I did it. He had no reasoning for what he’d done, so I had a fucking right to be angry. There was no way I would take him back. Nothing, I swore, would ever make me love him again… Okay, so I still loved him, but nothing would make me kiss him again or hug him or even touch him. Of that, I was sure. Even if it would kill me eventually that I couldn’t be with the man I loved.
A few days passed. Each day, he tried to talk to me, but I would just ignore him. I’d flat-out ignore him unless he gave me an order. I soon figured out that he realized that because he grabbed my arm and spun me around, “I order you to listen to me.”
I crossed my arms over my chest and stared into his eyes. I didn’t know what my eyes read, but he quickly moved his hand off my arm and took a deep breath. I shook my head, “Sir, no, sir,” I spat practically in his face. I wasn’t going to listen to him.
“I wish I could demote you or something, but I can’t. You shouldn’t disobey me.”
“Too late,” I turned and he spun me around. He then shoved me against the wall and growled. My eyes widened, “Get off me.”
“No,” he leaned against me and pushed his lips onto mine. Of course I kissed him back, for fuck’s sake. I love him! I tried to push him off, but he wouldn’t have it. He kept kissing me. I eventually stopped kissing back, but he shoved his tongue into my mouth and I gasped. He took the opportunity to shove his tongue down my throat. I choked and he kept at it. He wasn’t going to stop. He shoved his hands down to my belt. He tore it off and unbuttoned my pants, unzipping them.
I knew what he was doing, but I couldn’t stop them. Every time I tried, he’d shove my hands against the wall, hurting me a lot more than I’d wish. I tried to push him off even more when he shoved my pants down. I wasn’t comfortable with this. I didn’t know why he was doing this. Why was he forcing me to do this? This was rape. It had to be. I didn’t want this. I really didn’t. I wasn’t receptive. I wasn’t kissing him back, I wasn’t moaning or groaning.
But he knew my soft spot. He started rubbing my hips as one hand pushed my boxers down. I moaned against his lips. He grinned and used his other hand to gently caress my length. I wanted him to stop! I didn’t want to be turned on, I didn’t want to be horny. I tried to bite his tongue, but he didn’t care. I could taste his blood in my mouth, but he didn’t stop. Once I was hard, he pulled down his own pants. He pushed me down onto the ground, never once pulling his lips away from mine.
We had never touched or gone this far before. And I wasn’t expecting our first time to be like this. I felt tears fall down my cheeks. I didn’t want this. I didn’t want him to rape me. This was so unwanted and so disgusting. I couldn’t bear it. He pulled my pants all the way off, as well as my boxers. He threw them somewhere and just shoved himself in. No condom, no prepping, nothing. I screamed into his mouth.
He didn’t seem to care. He really didn’t. I bit his tongue again, hoping maybe it would do something, but it didn’t. His blood flooded my mouth and I was crying even more now. His second thrust hit my prostate and I moaned unintentionally. I wanted him to stop. I wanted him to pull out, to walk away, to get away from me. I didn’t want this. I really didn’t. He kept going, rougher and rougher, never once removing his mouth from mine. I knew he tasted the blood, I knew his mouth was in pain, but he didn’t seem to care.
After some grunting and moaning into my mouth, I felt him release himself inside me. I felt disgusting because it was getting me off too. I was feeling pleasure for this and I didn’t want to. I wanted to hate him, I wanted to not feel anything. After he had let off, he reached down to jerk me off. I didn’t want his hands on me. I wanted him to get off so I kicked him. He looked at me and kept going.
More tears fell down my face as I moaned. I liked it, but I hated it. I can’t express how much I hated him, how much I didn’t want this. When I had come all over his hand, he pulled out and got up. He put on his pants and looked at me, wiping the blood off his mouth, “You have no right to be mad at me, you disgusting piece of shit,” and he walked out, slamming the door behind him, leaving me on the ground, half naked and violated.
I didn’t want to move. If I didn’t hate him for what he did before, I knew I did now. And this… This was a memory I’d wish I could forget… but never could.
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A/N: I WARNED YOU. It's not happy. It's... disgusting, I know. And I wrote it while sitting in a public place. Talk about awkward! Haha. Anyway, I hope you... enjoyed it? I know I didn't get to five reviews for the last chapter, but I felt like continuing this cause... well, it was open on my computer, haha. Five reviews means next update!
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