Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > What Is Love?
(Spencer’s POV)
I shoved my way through yet another door, pushing past people, ignoring their protests. “Where is she?” I asked, gaining a confused expression from the nurse behind the counter. “Kadence Perite.” I hadn’t heard anything, other than the news that she was at the hospital. Evidently, someone dropped her off. Who? I didn’t know. I needed to know how she was.
“And you are?” The nurse gave me a stern look and I inwardly groaned, falling apart slowly. Was she okay? Damn it I just needed to know.
“Mr. Smith.” Someone stepped from the visitors’ area in to view, and I instantly recognized him. Officer Roy. He was the man handling Kade’s case. Oh god, her case. This was all just so real and so unexpected. How could this happen, really happen?
“Officer Roy.” I spoke his name quickly, turning from the nurse. “How is she?” I breathed out the words, waiting impatiently for the response.
Officer Roy frowned, and I knew he probably didn’t feel comfortable giving me information since I wasn’t family. Then again Kade’s only living relative happened to be the man who’d placed her in this situation. “I don’t know yet.” That didn’t sound good.
“How can you not know? There has to be someone here who knows.” I glanced around frantically, needing an answer. I was falling apart so quickly. If I didn’t find out then I was afraid there would be no coming back intact.
Officer Roy sighed loudly, “Son, she’s in the emergency unit. They will tell us as soon as they know. She was admitted with two stab wounds, one much deeper than the other. That’s all I know right now.”
My heart sunk as I imagined Kade’s pain. She’d been stabbed twice. Wasn’t once enough? Why did she have to endure all this pain? I wanted to take it all away. I wanted to take the pain as my own and I would if I could. She didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve any of this.
I numbly followed Officer Roy to the waiting area, sinking in to one of the chairs. Now all I could do was wait, once again. At least now I knew where she was. Unfortunately since it was a hospital that knowledge didn’t make me feel much better.
“Please.” I whispered, gaining attention from those sitting around me. “Please let her be okay.” Officer Roy let out a sigh of sympathy but I paid him very little attention, shutting my eyes tightly. “I’m so sorry for all of my sins.” Was I praying? Evidently. It was all I had left inside of me. “I’m so sorry but she hasn’t done anything. She’s the most innocent person I’ve ever known.” People shifted uncomfortably, shooting me dirty looks and I knew they probably thought I was insane. For the moment I was. I’d lost a little bit of my sanity when Kade had gone missing and it could only be restored by her safe return. So far she’d returned but safely? I wasn’t sure about that part.
“I know she’d make such a good angel.” I murmured. “But I still need her. I still need her. Please, let her stay.”
That was all that I could manage to get out before the tears took control and I could no longer speak for fear of my cracking voice, and shaky sanity. Anymore and I’d be finished; unable to control myself.
**
She’s okay.
I breathed out, relief flooding my body. I’d only had seconds to digest the information and the smile upon my lips faded slightly as Ryan gestured to the two pieces of paper I held in my hands, “Are you going to read them?”
I shrugged, glancing down. “I don’t know… don’t you think maybe it’s a little too personal?”
“I think Kade and you are personal enough for you to read those letters. Plus, Officer Roy gave them to you, thinking that maybe it’d help in some way. He figured Kade might want to hold on to them, after all they were dropped off with her.”
“Yeah, she might want them. I’m not sure she’d want me to read them though.”
“I think that she’s going to need you, more than she’ll need any of us and I think that those letters might tell you what you’re protecting her from.”
Other than the obvious? “I guess you’re right.” I sat back down in the uncomfortable chair, shaking hands pulling the letters apart. I decided to start with the longer one.
**
She looked so vulnerable lying in the hospital bed. I reached out, stopping before I touched her. The letters told me more than I wanted to know; but everything I needed to know. Her family was screwed up beyond reason. It was weird how two completely fucked up people could create such a beautiful person. Kade was truly beautiful, inside and out. I felt a flutter in my heart as I looked down at her, knowing that I was the one that needed her. She was strong enough to live past this; she was stronger than any of us could guess.
“We’re not like them, you know?” I muttered, feeling the need to speak the words aloud. “We’re not like your parents and we never will be. Our love isn’t like theirs.”
Our love, because I was in love with Kade.
As I continued looking down at her I wondered if she would ever be able to actually accept my love, having only ever had bad experiences with the emotion.
Somehow she’d come out the opposite of her mother and her father; somehow she’d made her way through hell and straight in to my arms. I couldn’t let her fall again.
It was my turn to show her just how beautiful life could be.
“Spencer?” Her small voice was like music to my ears.
“Yeah Kade, I’m here.” And I always would be.
**
(Four years later- Kade’s POV)
“Kade, you came.” My father’s soft voice was something I savored, and I knew I’d have to hold on to it for memories sake. The stench of alcohol was nowhere near but prison had its own stench.
“I got your letter.” I nervously placed my hands in my lap.
“I’ve missed you.”
I couldn’t lie to him. “I’ve missed you too.”
The smile that touched his lips was mirrored on my own.
Once outside the air blew through my hair and I took a deep breath, clearing my mind. “How’d it go?” Spencer’s voice met my ears, filling me with happiness as it always did.
“It went well, I think. I miss him but I’m happy that he’s getting the help he’s always needed.” I looked at the dark building, seeing the light within it.
“Do you forgive him?” Spencer’s hand found mine and he gave it a gentle squeeze, which I returned.
“I do.” It felt good to forgive him, and when I finally had it was like letting go of so much weight. I was finally able to love Spencer with all of my heart, the dark cloud moving away. “I forgive him, and he knows. We both love each other very much, but I don’t think I’ll be seeing him again.”
“Does he understand?” Spencer opened the car door for me, and I slipped inside, waiting for him to join me in the car before I answered.
“I hope so.”
“It’s for the best.” Spencer mumbled, starting the car.
I nodded, completely agreeing with him. “It is, for both of us. I know that seeing me still hurts him, and seeing him doesn’t do me a lot of good. I told him I’d write, and he could write me if he wanted.”
“Good; I love the way your face lights up when you get a letter from him.” It had taken Spencer awhile to forgive as well, and he was just getting used to the letters arriving.
“I love you Spencer.” I really did.
“I love you too Kade.”
I now knew what love felt like, and it wasn’t something that could easily disappear. I knew that if Spencer and I were to ever go our separate ways I would be okay. I’d learned to love myself because of him. I didn’t see a break up in our future but the fact that he’d given me the strength to actually love myself was something more valuable than life itself, and it was something that gave me the strength to live.
**
(A/N: So I completely forgot to add it in because I was too focused on the rest of the story but Damien was the one that dropped her off, so he got arrested.)
I shoved my way through yet another door, pushing past people, ignoring their protests. “Where is she?” I asked, gaining a confused expression from the nurse behind the counter. “Kadence Perite.” I hadn’t heard anything, other than the news that she was at the hospital. Evidently, someone dropped her off. Who? I didn’t know. I needed to know how she was.
“And you are?” The nurse gave me a stern look and I inwardly groaned, falling apart slowly. Was she okay? Damn it I just needed to know.
“Mr. Smith.” Someone stepped from the visitors’ area in to view, and I instantly recognized him. Officer Roy. He was the man handling Kade’s case. Oh god, her case. This was all just so real and so unexpected. How could this happen, really happen?
“Officer Roy.” I spoke his name quickly, turning from the nurse. “How is she?” I breathed out the words, waiting impatiently for the response.
Officer Roy frowned, and I knew he probably didn’t feel comfortable giving me information since I wasn’t family. Then again Kade’s only living relative happened to be the man who’d placed her in this situation. “I don’t know yet.” That didn’t sound good.
“How can you not know? There has to be someone here who knows.” I glanced around frantically, needing an answer. I was falling apart so quickly. If I didn’t find out then I was afraid there would be no coming back intact.
Officer Roy sighed loudly, “Son, she’s in the emergency unit. They will tell us as soon as they know. She was admitted with two stab wounds, one much deeper than the other. That’s all I know right now.”
My heart sunk as I imagined Kade’s pain. She’d been stabbed twice. Wasn’t once enough? Why did she have to endure all this pain? I wanted to take it all away. I wanted to take the pain as my own and I would if I could. She didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve any of this.
I numbly followed Officer Roy to the waiting area, sinking in to one of the chairs. Now all I could do was wait, once again. At least now I knew where she was. Unfortunately since it was a hospital that knowledge didn’t make me feel much better.
“Please.” I whispered, gaining attention from those sitting around me. “Please let her be okay.” Officer Roy let out a sigh of sympathy but I paid him very little attention, shutting my eyes tightly. “I’m so sorry for all of my sins.” Was I praying? Evidently. It was all I had left inside of me. “I’m so sorry but she hasn’t done anything. She’s the most innocent person I’ve ever known.” People shifted uncomfortably, shooting me dirty looks and I knew they probably thought I was insane. For the moment I was. I’d lost a little bit of my sanity when Kade had gone missing and it could only be restored by her safe return. So far she’d returned but safely? I wasn’t sure about that part.
“I know she’d make such a good angel.” I murmured. “But I still need her. I still need her. Please, let her stay.”
That was all that I could manage to get out before the tears took control and I could no longer speak for fear of my cracking voice, and shaky sanity. Anymore and I’d be finished; unable to control myself.
**
She’s okay.
I breathed out, relief flooding my body. I’d only had seconds to digest the information and the smile upon my lips faded slightly as Ryan gestured to the two pieces of paper I held in my hands, “Are you going to read them?”
I shrugged, glancing down. “I don’t know… don’t you think maybe it’s a little too personal?”
“I think Kade and you are personal enough for you to read those letters. Plus, Officer Roy gave them to you, thinking that maybe it’d help in some way. He figured Kade might want to hold on to them, after all they were dropped off with her.”
“Yeah, she might want them. I’m not sure she’d want me to read them though.”
“I think that she’s going to need you, more than she’ll need any of us and I think that those letters might tell you what you’re protecting her from.”
Other than the obvious? “I guess you’re right.” I sat back down in the uncomfortable chair, shaking hands pulling the letters apart. I decided to start with the longer one.
**
She looked so vulnerable lying in the hospital bed. I reached out, stopping before I touched her. The letters told me more than I wanted to know; but everything I needed to know. Her family was screwed up beyond reason. It was weird how two completely fucked up people could create such a beautiful person. Kade was truly beautiful, inside and out. I felt a flutter in my heart as I looked down at her, knowing that I was the one that needed her. She was strong enough to live past this; she was stronger than any of us could guess.
“We’re not like them, you know?” I muttered, feeling the need to speak the words aloud. “We’re not like your parents and we never will be. Our love isn’t like theirs.”
Our love, because I was in love with Kade.
As I continued looking down at her I wondered if she would ever be able to actually accept my love, having only ever had bad experiences with the emotion.
Somehow she’d come out the opposite of her mother and her father; somehow she’d made her way through hell and straight in to my arms. I couldn’t let her fall again.
It was my turn to show her just how beautiful life could be.
“Spencer?” Her small voice was like music to my ears.
“Yeah Kade, I’m here.” And I always would be.
**
(Four years later- Kade’s POV)
“Kade, you came.” My father’s soft voice was something I savored, and I knew I’d have to hold on to it for memories sake. The stench of alcohol was nowhere near but prison had its own stench.
“I got your letter.” I nervously placed my hands in my lap.
“I’ve missed you.”
I couldn’t lie to him. “I’ve missed you too.”
The smile that touched his lips was mirrored on my own.
Once outside the air blew through my hair and I took a deep breath, clearing my mind. “How’d it go?” Spencer’s voice met my ears, filling me with happiness as it always did.
“It went well, I think. I miss him but I’m happy that he’s getting the help he’s always needed.” I looked at the dark building, seeing the light within it.
“Do you forgive him?” Spencer’s hand found mine and he gave it a gentle squeeze, which I returned.
“I do.” It felt good to forgive him, and when I finally had it was like letting go of so much weight. I was finally able to love Spencer with all of my heart, the dark cloud moving away. “I forgive him, and he knows. We both love each other very much, but I don’t think I’ll be seeing him again.”
“Does he understand?” Spencer opened the car door for me, and I slipped inside, waiting for him to join me in the car before I answered.
“I hope so.”
“It’s for the best.” Spencer mumbled, starting the car.
I nodded, completely agreeing with him. “It is, for both of us. I know that seeing me still hurts him, and seeing him doesn’t do me a lot of good. I told him I’d write, and he could write me if he wanted.”
“Good; I love the way your face lights up when you get a letter from him.” It had taken Spencer awhile to forgive as well, and he was just getting used to the letters arriving.
“I love you Spencer.” I really did.
“I love you too Kade.”
I now knew what love felt like, and it wasn’t something that could easily disappear. I knew that if Spencer and I were to ever go our separate ways I would be okay. I’d learned to love myself because of him. I didn’t see a break up in our future but the fact that he’d given me the strength to actually love myself was something more valuable than life itself, and it was something that gave me the strength to live.
**
(A/N: So I completely forgot to add it in because I was too focused on the rest of the story but Damien was the one that dropped her off, so he got arrested.)
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