Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > With Dying Words.
The Thing About Fading Away
5 reviewsFor the second time today, I realised that I was crying. Hot tears, streaking down my perpetually pale cheeks. I scrubbed at my face with the corner of my blanket, wanting nothing more than to rid ...
5Moving
Chapter Two-
A/N: Just a quick note, Mikey is a tad OOC. Sorry, it just fit in much better with the story.
The last line in Kurt Cobian’s suicide note was ‘It’s better to burn out, then to fade away’. To tell you the truth I beg to differ, why make a huge deal out of it? You’re just dying. As the great and wise Wikipedia once told me 105 people die every minute. So that means every minute another person ceases to exist, every minute someone is missed, someone is longed for and someone is forgotten. Why must we long for someone that we never really knew really, yet 105 people just died completed unnoticed by us? And what does he mean by ‘burn out’? Is he saying that we should make a big hazzah out of death? Snake that last little bit of attention? Though then again fading away doesn’t offer much in the whole dying department either. You slowly wither as everyone you love watches. Actually dying kind of sucked all round. To think I will never get to get into clubs, vote, go to university and most of all fall in love. Oh wait no that was a lie, the thing that probably sucks the most is that I’m going to die a fucking virgin!
I very vaguely pondered a) Franks sexuality and b) the intactness of his virginity. Suddenly an image that I really should NOT be thinking about popped into my head. Along with several inappropriate questions; would he be loud? A scratcher? A biter? Spit or swallow? Dominate or submissive? Any weird kinks? I swallow loudly, my Adams apple bobbing up and down. I tried to think of, I don’t know, dead puppies and starving African children in a vain attempted to rid my mind of these thoughts about a guy who I had spoken to for a total of about sixty-nine seconds! Heh sixty-nine… dammit Gerard, you seedy fucker! SHUT UP!
I abruptly attempted to calm myself when my mother tiptoed into the room. I sat up a bit, smiling awkwardly at her.
“Hey sweetie” she caressed pale cheek. As usual she looked frazzled, at best. Her hair pulled into a messy bun on the top of her head, dark circles under her eyes and her bad attempt at putting on makeup.
“Hi mum. How’s umm Mikey?” I inquired about my beloved younger brother.
“Well Mikey, unsurprisingly, got a total of six parent teacher interviews on this past report” I suddenly felt guilty. Mikey was a good kid, only thirteen, but he acted out… a lot. But then again who could blame him? He had a dying brother, parents who were never there and he kinda had to fend for himself
“He made you another card, though” Mom added, pulling out a messy and slightly crumpled card, which had been made out of old comic book panels. Scrawled in his very best writing read ‘To Gee, I the latest issue of Batman just came out, and I got to read it BEFORE YOU HA! School is crap, but there is this girl that I kinda fancy so you’ve got to like I don’t break out of there and come and give me some bloody relationship advice! Dad says you’re coming home soon! I can’t wait until it’s back to the old days of sitting in that basement of yours watching B-Grade horror movies, eating obscene amounts of cookies and guzzling down litres of coffee. Anyway I like, you know, love you and stuff. Xo Mikey
Before I knew it the tears were rolling down my cheeks. He hasn’t been told that I’m terminal yet.
“Why haven’t you told Mikes yet?” I asked, wiping my eyes on my sleeve. She caught on rather quickly and answered.
“He’s, thirteen sweetheart. He can barely handle it when Sully and Mike fight in Monster Inc.” I guess she was right. Why not let him believe the lie just that little bit longer, not have to spend the last few months of my life worrying
After mum left I spent the rest of the day contemplating away to not tell Mikey at all that I had died. They could say that I’ve moved to china for special treatment or some other bull shit like that. Then I thought about how much it would hurt him when he’s older and catches on. And he was probably the one person in this world that I didn’t want to hurt. And there lies the problem with dying. You spend so much time hurting everyone else instead of worry about how much you hurt. You kind of forget that you’re dying and forget how much you hurt sometimes.
All thoughts of Frank left my mind; all my thoughts had turned to Mikey. I would not only be missing out on everything in my life, but I would never get the chance to be part of Mikey’s life either. I would never get to make a toast at his wedding, I would never be an uncle, and I wouldn’t even ever get to embarrass him in front of his friends!
Life is fucked. Well when I say life… I couldn’t help but think that sooner or later I was going to be forgotten even by Mikey. One day he is going to get to a point in his life when I am just a patchy memory, of playing vampire hunters and teaching him how to read manga. I would just be the vague reminisces of a life lost at the smell of cheap oil paint and raspberry shampoo. Even to Mikey I would just be words on a marble tablet scrawled with meaningless letters. I would just be a date that came around every year when, I would hope, he would come and play flowers on my grave, and maybe a comic book or two, you know something to read in oblivion.
Only then did I realize, as much as I tried to make myself believe I did not want to be forgotten. I did not want to become just another statistic, another date, another gravestone. I wanted to live. I wanted to live! And dammit I was never going to get the fucking chance.
But I guess that the result of fading away…
For the second time today, I realised that I was crying. Hot tears, streaking down my perpetually pale cheeks. I scrubbed at my face with the corner of my blanket, wanting nothing more than to rid myself of the weakness that tears inevitably enticed. I longed for a hug. As stupid as it sounds, I just wanted to be held in a close embrace. Just for a little while, by someone who would coo and whisper in my ear.
Out the window I saw the children playground below. Sitting on the exact swing that I had remained perched for the majority of the afternoon, was Frank. His dark hair shielding his eyes from the sun, even from here I could tell that he was biting his lip. Maybe he was having the same thought process that I was? I didn’t know. But what I did know was that at the moment all I wanted was for that hug… to be from him.
A/N: Heh watched geegasm on youtube last night with my friend. My dad basically came in and was like:
Dad: Are you two watching porn?
Me: …Somewhat…
Dad: Oh god it isn’t that Gerard Way guy again is it?
Me: heh….
Awkward! Also for any of you for some UNKOWN reason do not know about geegasm it’s basically a video of Gerard moaning like a whore! It’s GRAND. Also sorry about the short chapter in a huge rush, the next chapter will be much longer!
~Always Leaves Love Alexandra
A/N: Just a quick note, Mikey is a tad OOC. Sorry, it just fit in much better with the story.
The last line in Kurt Cobian’s suicide note was ‘It’s better to burn out, then to fade away’. To tell you the truth I beg to differ, why make a huge deal out of it? You’re just dying. As the great and wise Wikipedia once told me 105 people die every minute. So that means every minute another person ceases to exist, every minute someone is missed, someone is longed for and someone is forgotten. Why must we long for someone that we never really knew really, yet 105 people just died completed unnoticed by us? And what does he mean by ‘burn out’? Is he saying that we should make a big hazzah out of death? Snake that last little bit of attention? Though then again fading away doesn’t offer much in the whole dying department either. You slowly wither as everyone you love watches. Actually dying kind of sucked all round. To think I will never get to get into clubs, vote, go to university and most of all fall in love. Oh wait no that was a lie, the thing that probably sucks the most is that I’m going to die a fucking virgin!
I very vaguely pondered a) Franks sexuality and b) the intactness of his virginity. Suddenly an image that I really should NOT be thinking about popped into my head. Along with several inappropriate questions; would he be loud? A scratcher? A biter? Spit or swallow? Dominate or submissive? Any weird kinks? I swallow loudly, my Adams apple bobbing up and down. I tried to think of, I don’t know, dead puppies and starving African children in a vain attempted to rid my mind of these thoughts about a guy who I had spoken to for a total of about sixty-nine seconds! Heh sixty-nine… dammit Gerard, you seedy fucker! SHUT UP!
I abruptly attempted to calm myself when my mother tiptoed into the room. I sat up a bit, smiling awkwardly at her.
“Hey sweetie” she caressed pale cheek. As usual she looked frazzled, at best. Her hair pulled into a messy bun on the top of her head, dark circles under her eyes and her bad attempt at putting on makeup.
“Hi mum. How’s umm Mikey?” I inquired about my beloved younger brother.
“Well Mikey, unsurprisingly, got a total of six parent teacher interviews on this past report” I suddenly felt guilty. Mikey was a good kid, only thirteen, but he acted out… a lot. But then again who could blame him? He had a dying brother, parents who were never there and he kinda had to fend for himself
“He made you another card, though” Mom added, pulling out a messy and slightly crumpled card, which had been made out of old comic book panels. Scrawled in his very best writing read ‘To Gee, I the latest issue of Batman just came out, and I got to read it BEFORE YOU HA! School is crap, but there is this girl that I kinda fancy so you’ve got to like I don’t break out of there and come and give me some bloody relationship advice! Dad says you’re coming home soon! I can’t wait until it’s back to the old days of sitting in that basement of yours watching B-Grade horror movies, eating obscene amounts of cookies and guzzling down litres of coffee. Anyway I like, you know, love you and stuff. Xo Mikey
Before I knew it the tears were rolling down my cheeks. He hasn’t been told that I’m terminal yet.
“Why haven’t you told Mikes yet?” I asked, wiping my eyes on my sleeve. She caught on rather quickly and answered.
“He’s, thirteen sweetheart. He can barely handle it when Sully and Mike fight in Monster Inc.” I guess she was right. Why not let him believe the lie just that little bit longer, not have to spend the last few months of my life worrying
After mum left I spent the rest of the day contemplating away to not tell Mikey at all that I had died. They could say that I’ve moved to china for special treatment or some other bull shit like that. Then I thought about how much it would hurt him when he’s older and catches on. And he was probably the one person in this world that I didn’t want to hurt. And there lies the problem with dying. You spend so much time hurting everyone else instead of worry about how much you hurt. You kind of forget that you’re dying and forget how much you hurt sometimes.
All thoughts of Frank left my mind; all my thoughts had turned to Mikey. I would not only be missing out on everything in my life, but I would never get the chance to be part of Mikey’s life either. I would never get to make a toast at his wedding, I would never be an uncle, and I wouldn’t even ever get to embarrass him in front of his friends!
Life is fucked. Well when I say life… I couldn’t help but think that sooner or later I was going to be forgotten even by Mikey. One day he is going to get to a point in his life when I am just a patchy memory, of playing vampire hunters and teaching him how to read manga. I would just be the vague reminisces of a life lost at the smell of cheap oil paint and raspberry shampoo. Even to Mikey I would just be words on a marble tablet scrawled with meaningless letters. I would just be a date that came around every year when, I would hope, he would come and play flowers on my grave, and maybe a comic book or two, you know something to read in oblivion.
Only then did I realize, as much as I tried to make myself believe I did not want to be forgotten. I did not want to become just another statistic, another date, another gravestone. I wanted to live. I wanted to live! And dammit I was never going to get the fucking chance.
But I guess that the result of fading away…
For the second time today, I realised that I was crying. Hot tears, streaking down my perpetually pale cheeks. I scrubbed at my face with the corner of my blanket, wanting nothing more than to rid myself of the weakness that tears inevitably enticed. I longed for a hug. As stupid as it sounds, I just wanted to be held in a close embrace. Just for a little while, by someone who would coo and whisper in my ear.
Out the window I saw the children playground below. Sitting on the exact swing that I had remained perched for the majority of the afternoon, was Frank. His dark hair shielding his eyes from the sun, even from here I could tell that he was biting his lip. Maybe he was having the same thought process that I was? I didn’t know. But what I did know was that at the moment all I wanted was for that hug… to be from him.
A/N: Heh watched geegasm on youtube last night with my friend. My dad basically came in and was like:
Dad: Are you two watching porn?
Me: …Somewhat…
Dad: Oh god it isn’t that Gerard Way guy again is it?
Me: heh….
Awkward! Also for any of you for some UNKOWN reason do not know about geegasm it’s basically a video of Gerard moaning like a whore! It’s GRAND. Also sorry about the short chapter in a huge rush, the next chapter will be much longer!
~Always Leaves Love Alexandra
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