FicWad

-If my heart says I’m sorry, can we leave it at that?-



**



My bed felt empty, even with me lying in it. It was cold, and even the blankets couldn’t warm me. I hadn’t brushed my teeth, the first time I could remember ever not brushing them, aside from when I was drunk. I just didn’t feel like it. I didn’t care about myself anymore. I wasn’t worth caring for, obviously. All I was doing was burdening this family. Why did they have to choose me to adopt? It was the first time I’d played this particular pity party, but it was the first pity party which had actually hurt me. 

“Want me to turn off your light?” Ryan asked from the doorway. 

I hadn’t even been paying attention to the light. It was something else that I had decided not to care about for the night, meaning I was also wasting electricity. To put it short; I was a waste. “Sure.” I mumbled, trying to keep the pain from my voice. I failed.

“I’m sorry I was so hard on your earlier.” Ryan murmured; the light shutting off.

 “It’s okay. I deserved it.” I whispered in to the dark. What felt like minutes passed by without a response and I figured Ryan had gone to bed.

“You don’t deserve any of this.” Ryan’s voice surprised me, and he sounded much closer than he had in the doorway. Where was he? 

“I deserve all of this actually.” I responded.

Ryan chuckled, now sounding as if he were only inches from me. “Still arguing with me.” He commented. “Well, that doesn’t really come as such a surprise. Someday you’re going to be a lawyer. Lawyer’s love arguing.” 

“I guess, depending on if we have any money left by the time I am ready to go to college. Hopefully our parents don’t get sued for all they are worth, just because of my stupid mistake.” Oh pity party, play it up. 

“It’s really not that bad Kassidy.” Ryan mumbled, and I felt the bed sink under his weight as he laid down beside me. “They can press charges all they want but that doesn’t mean the charges will stick. Most likely they will see you as an innocent girl, attempting to protect herself. Even if they try to play it all backwards, and play against the fact that girls can be stronger than guys then… it’ll be a longshot and it takes a lot of work to legally make someone an example.” 

“You sound pretty confident on the subject.” 

“I just got off the phone with Mr. Richards. He’s a damn good lawyer, and he has the tendency of making people believe what he says. You’re just hearing recycled words Kass.” 

“You recycle them well.” I blushed at the stupid comment, grateful for the lack of light.

“What has been going on between us lately?” Ryan sounded concerned. I made a move to reach out and touch him but quickly dropped my hand to my side, not wanting him to leave. Usually he wouldn’t but… everything was so backwards now. I couldn’t even attempt to guess at his reactions. 

“I don’t know.” I responded, throat dry and achy.

“You’re my best friend Kass. I don’t want to lose that because of whateverthefuck is going through your mind nowadays.” 

“You’re my best friend too Ry.” Oh, and I want so much more from you and it just isn’t fair. Why can’t I tell you? The fear of his reaction held me back, and probably always would.

“I have to tell you something.” Ryan breathed out, suddenly sounding extremely nervous.

“Tell me.” 

“I-“ Ryan swallowed hard but just as he was about to speak again he was cut off by a loud crash downstairs, followed by our alarm system loudly sounding throughout the house.

Ryan quickly jumped out of bed, and I heard rustling for a few seconds before his footsteps quickly exited my room. No! Where was he going? “Ryan, don’t leave me here.” I whispered, knowing that I was alone.

I hesitantly stepped out of bed, trying to be as quiet as I possibly could. I couldn’t let Ryan go downstairs alone though… not if someone was breaking in. Oh god, would someone really try to break in? Every horror movie I’d ever watched flashed through my mind as I quietly exited my room, nearing a mental breakdown.

I saw a light on downstairs and Ryan was nowhere in sight. Where was he? Panic shot through me and I could barely breath as I walked downstairs, trying to make my footsteps as silent as I could.

“What are you doing here?” I heard Ryan ask, sounding extremely angry. “You just broke in to my house. That is out of line and always will be.” The phone rang, and I heard another loud clatter. “Hello? Yes, I’m aware. It was a mistake. I’m sorry. Yes, everything is fine.” Ryan sounded aggravated as he held the brief phone conversation, and then his attention turned back to whoever was in the kitchen with him. “Never, ever break in to my house again.” He scolded.

I took a deep breath and forced myself in to the kitchen, needing to know who he was talking to. Allison. Fucking great. “Er, hi.” I spit out, shooting a cold glare in Allison’s direction. “Unless I’m mistaken you don’t live here so why are you here?”

Allison glared in return, “Why don’t you go to bed kid?” Kid? What the hell? I wasn’t that much younger than her. I was only a year younger, that I knew of. Either that or she’d been held back, which really wouldn’t surprise me actually. She wasn’t the brightest bulb.

“Why don’t you get the hell out of my house old woman?” I snapped in return, crossing my arms over my chest.

Ryan rolled his eyes, “Just go to bed Kass, I can handle this.”

Allison smirked, as if she’d won some award. Though I was sure she’d won plenty of awards for her ability to make her face look as fake as humanly possible, with as much makeup caked on as a clown usually wore. 

“No, I will not go to bed Ryan.” I smirked right back at Allison, “Not without you anyway.” Oh god, what did I just say? Oh god, take it back! 

Allison’s eyes widened, “Excuse me, what did you just say?” 

Ryan looked extremely annoyed at this point. “Go to bed Kassidy, and Allison it is time for you to go home.” 

“Do you sleep with your sister?” Allison asked, eyes still wide as they could be.

Ryan looked directly in to her eyes, “What the hell do you think?” He snapped.

Allison grinned, “You’re right baby, give me a kiss.”

“No.” Ryan snapped, then he turned and glared at me. “I told you to go to bed.”

“Newsflash: you aren’t my dad Ryan.” I snapped right back at him, throwing as much attitude in to the statement as I could. Hadn’t we just made up? Fuck. My glare became softer and I sighed heavily, “Fine, I’m sorry.” With that I reluctantly dragged myself from the room, waiting outside and eavesdropping since I just couldn’t help myself. Would he kiss the evil witch? She made my blood boil.

“Just one kiss?” Allison purred, sending shocks of disgust through my body. 

“I’m not going to reward you for breaking in to my house.” Ryan irritably responded. “You need to go home. Did you drive here?”

“Yeah.” Allison was pouting, that much was clear in her tone.

“Good, so get in your car and leave. Drive safely and go straight home.” Ryan, always the caring type, I just wish he’d stop caring for that whore and find someone else. Well, actually I wish he wouldn’t romantically care for anyone but that was just me being selfish. I couldn’t help it. 

“Are you really that mad Ryan?” I hated the way she said his name. It didn’t sound right. 

“Yes I really am that mad Allison, but aside from my evident anger… there is nothing between us. We fucked, but sex only goes so far.” 

The conversation was getting a little too personal and I didn’t want to hear anything else about Ryan’s sex life so I quietly made my way back upstairs, attempting to forget what I’d heard. Allison and Ryan slept together? Well, I knew they did but… I hadn’t really accepted it. 





Not too long after I’d gotten comfortable in bed again I heard Ryan’s footsteps. They stopped outside of my bedroom door and I held my breath, hoping he’d come back inside my room.

He didn’t and soon enough I heard his footsteps continue down the hall.







**



(Sorry, I admit this was more filler than I expected it to be. I had something planned but I ran out of time and didn’t get the chance to write it to the point that I wanted to be at and I didn’t want to rush it because no one likes reading rushed writing, right? I have part of the next part written up so it shouldn’t take as long as my other updates have taken thankfully. I’m actually shooting for getting it updated on Saturday!)