FicWad

A/N: First of all, I realize this may not be exactly what tickles most of you peoples' taste buds, but eh :D Second, with that being said, I'll still post the rest of the chapters (two-three) no matter what the response is.

Chapter 1: First encounters and homosexual humpin'

This may come as a surprise to some people, but Ray hasn't always been the dashing, confident package of pure sex that a great majority of his fans consider him to be. There was a time that when it came to women, he didn't know what he was doing. Speaking to a girl was nearly impossible, and having a girl speak back to him made him want to faint. So then, with this compulsive shyness, how on earth did he score such a beautiful wife?

It was love at first sight. The first time he saw Christa was when he was sitting in a dirty McDonalds booth with his bandmates after a successful gig. The shouting and throwing of hamburger wrappers ceased to exist to Ray when he saw her waiting in line. She was without a doubt the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, and his face flushed crimson when she looked his way, as if sensing his intensive stare. If he had been a more confident man, he would've gone up to her and asked her out. Of course, being the way he was, he only wished to stay quiet and hope to admire her from afar. Neither of those things happened.

"Guys!" Frank suddenly gasped, his mouth gaping open so that the half-chewed mush of French fries was visible to everyone who dared to look. "Ray's face is red! Are you choking?!" Frank sat up on the other side of the booth, climbed on the table and crawled across it. He sat down next to Ray, partly on top of Gerard who refused to make room on the already crowded bench, and began to beat up Ray's back with his tiny tattoo-covered fists. "Breathe, Ray!"

Mikey, ever so gullible, actually bought into Frank's insanity, and began to panic. "Heimlich!" he shouted, pointing a finger at Ray, and Frank did as commanded.

Panic rose in Ray as the shorter guitarist wrapped his arms around his midriff and began to make twitching moves. No, Ray wasn't worried about the two of them looking like they were dry humping in the middle of a fast food restaurant in which the majority of customers at the time were children. No, that's not the part that made him want to kill himself. It would've been fine if Christa hadn't witnessed everything.

"I don't think that's right," Gerard thought out loud from where he was sitting behind Frank, and wrapped his arms around Frank's chest to show the proper spot. "I think this is where your hands should be."

"I don't wanna touch his boobs!" Frank snapped and then continued to huff and puff in his attempt of saving his friend from choking. "Don't you dare die on me, Ray! I will not be the lead guitarist, that's too much responsibility! Guys, he's even redder now!"

"I am NOT choking!" Ray shouted and pushed Frank off of him. "But I'll choke you if you don't stop!"

"Ray, you're alive?" Frank asked, gasping for air. From being pushed by Ray, he was now mostly sitting on Gerard's lap and ignored the singer's attempt at pushing him onto the floor. "Don't go towards the light!"

Ray left Frank to be dealt with by Gerard, and looked back at the girl. She was looking the other way, but as soon as he glanced towards her, she turned to face him again. She had a smile on her face, as did most of the other people at the restaurant. Now Ray knew for sure that his chances were ruined, and he looked away, feeling like his actually might choke Frank.

And that was the first time he met the woman he was going to marry. Not the most fairytale encounter but there it was.