FicWad

A/N: I found a short ryden I wrote forever ago and just thought I'd share. It's not the best I've written, but I guess it's not the worst either. Title belongs to The Killers.


Ryan hadn’t been to a Panic! show since their last performance pre-split. He still couldn’t believe he was going tonight.

As far as Ryan was concerned, they were all still friends. He could have called Brendon or Spencer. Watched them from backstage. He could have just showed up and talked to Zack if he wanted to. Zack would let him in.

Except he didn’t want them to know he’d be in the audience. Not yet, anyway. So, he called Carol. She was happy to help, but refused to lie to Zack. She said if he asked, she would have to tell him.

She gave him an extra pass to get into the venue early and he hid out in the bathroom. Ryan wore a pair of dark faded jeans with black Chuck Taylors. He slipped on a navy blue hoodie reading ‘Panic! at the Disco’ in big white and yellow letters. “Just another fan,” He told himself. “That’s all I am tonight.”

At exactly seven thirty the girls rushed in, eager for spots right up by the barrier. Trying to be as discreet as possible, Ryan lurked behind the crowd until the opening bands finished their sets and left the stage.

He worked his way around the group, mumbling apologies and “Excuse me”s, until he was in the fourth row.

Brendon’s stage presence hadn’t changed. He was hyper and loud as ever. Maybe moreso now that Ryan wasn’t there to help Zack keep him under control.

Ryan had to admit, the new songs weren’t bad. He’d underestimated Brendon and Spencer. He knew they could write, but Ryan usually read through the drafts and made the final changes.

He was snapped out of his current thought when a girl to his left screeched so loud Ryan thought he’d gone deaf. He momentarily covered his ears and looked up to the stage.

Ryan’s jaw dropped. He didn’t just keep up the stage acts. He took them further. He kissed the new bassist. Dallon Something-or-other. But he didn’t stop there. No, he unbuttoned Dallon’s shirt completely and trailed a finger down his chest. Then he pulled him closer and kissed his neck.

Ryan thought he was going to be sick. Physically sick. He bolted for the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face.

“It’s just for show. Just an act. That’s all it is. An act.”

So maybe there was another reason Ryan had decided to see Panic! that night. Maybe he wanted Brendon back. Maybe he thought that by some divine miracle… Brendon might just want him back, too.

When Ryan finally exited the restrooms, the place was empty. Mostly. Just a few security guards and techs.

“Ross! What are you doing here?” Shit. It was Brendon. “Hey!” He jogged up to Ryan, about to pull him into a hug.

Ryan put his arms out in front of him. “Not feeling too good. Doc says it could be contagious.”

“You’re possibly contagious and you came to a concert?”

“I should really go,” Ryan stammered and turned to leave.

Brendon pulled him back by the wrist. “Don’t lie to me, Ryan. You don’t even look sick.”

Ryan faked a cough.

“Weak.” Brendon rolled his eyes. “Come on. Seriously, what’s up? And don’t you dare give me that ‘I’m fine’ crap. Tell me what’s up.”

Ryan’s eyes began to water and he let out a hiccup. Brendon pulled him close and whispered into his ear, “It’s okay, Ry. I’m right here, talk to me.”

Ryan squeezed the younger boy tighter. As tight as he could manage. “I don’t want to let you go again. Not ever,” He whispered back.

It was Brendon’s turn to let the waterworks through. Ryan had left him. He didn’t think anything could ever get them back together.

“Ryan, I…” Brendon tried to speak between sniffles. “I love you. I still love you, I never stopped.”

Ryan sobs quieted down to mere hiccups. “I do, too. I love you, Brendon. So much it hurts.”

Brendon leaned closer and pressed his lips to Ryan’s. They pulled away for a moment and embraced each other again. “It won’t hurt anymore, Ryan. I promise.”