Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Loss and memories.
I woke up to people shouting profanities at each other, from what sounded like right outside my door. I jumped off the bed and looked throught the peep hole of the door. They were in the room opposite me. I decided to get out of the unsanitary, unsafe place i'd spent the night in, as quick as I could. I made sure I hadn't taken anything out of my bag from the night before, picked it up along with the key and ran out the room, locking it behind me. I jogged down the hall, greeted the same grubby middle aged man, from the night before who was sat once again behind the desk, gave him the key, and ran as quick as I could to my car.
I began my journey back in the same direction I had came, except I wasn't going back home. I was going somewhere I hadn't been to in a long time. The cemetery. I didn't go very often because, well I didn't have the strength to go. It proved that he wasn't here anymore, than he really wasn't coming back, and I didn't want to face it. However, every now and again I went, it was a place where I needed to go sometimes. Whether that be to talk, or to face reality. It was very rare now that I lived in the real world. I knew it was there, but I had my own little world to live in. One where I could pretend Frank was still here, to live in the past, in the memories. Even though I knew it wasn't real, I prefered to pretend. Before Frank left, I liked it in the cemetery, I know it sounds creepy but there was something relaxing and mysterious about it. Plus, nobody else was there very often, it was a place where I could go to think as a kid, but ever since I met Frank I haven't liked them so much and never really went. I think it was the fact that it reminded me of death, obviously, something that had intrigued me as a kid but I lost that interest, that fascination when he came into my life. The thought of losing him was unbearable. Now I had lost him, the cemetery was a place I hated with a passion. I never went there anymore, I despised the place. Yet, now I had a reason to go. To be there.
When I got there, I parked the car in the coffee shop car park down the road. I had to admit the cemetery itself was serene and beautiful. It looked so out of place in this dull, grubby area of Jersey, well most of the state was like that. It had tall, black gates that seemed to always be open and beyond that was a narrow footpath that led to all different sections of the cemetery. Rows after rows of headstones, flowers, letters among other things. It was well kept and very clean. Each and every headstone, grave was made to look cared for, easy access and not one looked more important than another. I kept walking, the place was empty and I never stopped to look around, I knew where I wanted to go and I wanted to get there quick. That was until, it was in view, everytime I set eyes on it, I broke down. I pulled myself together as best I could and forced my converse-clad feet to carry on moving. When I got to it, I just stood there and stared, as tears ran down my face, falling to the floor.
Frank Iero Jr.
Loving partner and friend
May you rest in peace. We'll see you when he lets us.
10.31.1981 - 08.17.2006
I, along with my tears fell to the floor, dropped to my knees. I hated this so much. Why him? I cried my heart out for a long while before no more tears would come out. Then, I just spoke, I talked to him about everything. I let it all out, sounds stupid, but it felt natural.
'You know I miss you so much, baby. It hurts not having you here, I wish I could hold you.' I sighed. 'Everytime I sleep I dream of you, sometimes I forget that it's just a dream and wake up, expecting you to be lay next to me, but you never are.' I moved closer to the headstone. 'Mikey says I should move on, so does Ray and Bob, and I know you'd say the same thing. I just can't, nothing feels right without you. I can't be happy without you, sugar.' Silence, of course. I just sat there for a while taking in the scene, thinking about him. 'I don't think I can do it Frankie. I don't think I want to. Life isn't worth living without you. Sure Mikey is worth it, but he'll be okay. Hell, he'd probably be better off, he wouldn't need to look after me, worry or anything. He could live a normal life. One he should be living.' I shook my head. 'No, better than normal. It would be hard to leave him though, he would never understand and probably hate me forever. It's so hard, everything is so complicated, yet so simple. I just struggle and do everything wrong, I really hate it and I wish so badly you were here with me.' A single, pained tear slid down my cheek. I just sat there for a while longer in silence, watching, listening to everything around me before I got up and brushed myself off slightly.
'Goodbye Baby. I promise I will come and see you soon. I'm so sorry for not seeing you much before.' I looked at his grave before turning and walking away. It was agonizing.
When I got back in my car, I pulled my phone out my pocket and dialed Mikey's number.
'Hey Gee. Where have you been?'
'Hi Mikes, nowhere really. Listen, i'm on my way home now. Is there anything we need from the shop?' I asked.
'I don't think so. Gee, how about we order a pizza and watch an old horror film together. Just me and you, like old times. Yeah?' I didn't fancy it but he sounded so excited and it was the least I could do for him after everything he does for me. It could be fun anyway.
'Yeah, okay Mikes!' I tried my best to sound enthusiastic. I could tell he was grinning on the other end of the line.
'Great! It'll be really fun!' He was ecstatic, I wish I was.
When I got home, the pizzas along with a film sat on the coffee table and I could hear Mikey doing something in the kitchen. I walked in there and he greeted me with a huge smile and an even bigger hug.
'Hey Gee!' He exclaimed. I had to smile at him, sometimes he was just like a kid.
'Hiya Mikes, you okay?' I asked walking over to the fridge.
'Yep, really excited about our movie night, bro!'
'Good, me too.' I lied. He grabbed my arm and dragged me into the sitting room and I sat down.
'I picked Dawn of the dead, I know it's your favourite!' He giggled.
'Cool. What you waiting for then?' I smiled. He lept of the couch and put the DVD in, then tucked into some pizza. About forty minutes into the film, the gory stuff started to happen and Mikey was never really that keen on it. He kept hiding behind the blanket he was wrapped up in.
'Mikey, i'm sorry!' I looked over at him and he stared at me in confusion.
'Um, what for Gee?' He whispered.
'Everything, I know i've been a crap brother for a while, well since Frank left. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have been but it's just hard you know, and I know i've been selfish and I want to make it up to you, I do, but i'm like stuck in a hole and I can't seem to get out and I just don't want to talk to anybody. I just, hate the way i've treated you and thankyou so much for being the best brother in the world and suporting me through this, when I really haven't deserved it. I love you Mikey.' I began to cry quietly. He just looked at me, before pulling me into a hug. No words were said we just sat there for a long while, then he spoke.
'Gee, I know it's hard and it's not your fault. Frank was your life. You're not a crap brother and I love you too.' He smiled at me, then pulled away. 'Ready to watch the rest of this gory movie?' I laughed at his question, I really did love him.
'You bet I am!' I exclaimed, a little more enthusiastic than before.
A/N: Please, please, please rate and review. Thankyou! :)
I began my journey back in the same direction I had came, except I wasn't going back home. I was going somewhere I hadn't been to in a long time. The cemetery. I didn't go very often because, well I didn't have the strength to go. It proved that he wasn't here anymore, than he really wasn't coming back, and I didn't want to face it. However, every now and again I went, it was a place where I needed to go sometimes. Whether that be to talk, or to face reality. It was very rare now that I lived in the real world. I knew it was there, but I had my own little world to live in. One where I could pretend Frank was still here, to live in the past, in the memories. Even though I knew it wasn't real, I prefered to pretend. Before Frank left, I liked it in the cemetery, I know it sounds creepy but there was something relaxing and mysterious about it. Plus, nobody else was there very often, it was a place where I could go to think as a kid, but ever since I met Frank I haven't liked them so much and never really went. I think it was the fact that it reminded me of death, obviously, something that had intrigued me as a kid but I lost that interest, that fascination when he came into my life. The thought of losing him was unbearable. Now I had lost him, the cemetery was a place I hated with a passion. I never went there anymore, I despised the place. Yet, now I had a reason to go. To be there.
When I got there, I parked the car in the coffee shop car park down the road. I had to admit the cemetery itself was serene and beautiful. It looked so out of place in this dull, grubby area of Jersey, well most of the state was like that. It had tall, black gates that seemed to always be open and beyond that was a narrow footpath that led to all different sections of the cemetery. Rows after rows of headstones, flowers, letters among other things. It was well kept and very clean. Each and every headstone, grave was made to look cared for, easy access and not one looked more important than another. I kept walking, the place was empty and I never stopped to look around, I knew where I wanted to go and I wanted to get there quick. That was until, it was in view, everytime I set eyes on it, I broke down. I pulled myself together as best I could and forced my converse-clad feet to carry on moving. When I got to it, I just stood there and stared, as tears ran down my face, falling to the floor.
Frank Iero Jr.
Loving partner and friend
May you rest in peace. We'll see you when he lets us.
10.31.1981 - 08.17.2006
I, along with my tears fell to the floor, dropped to my knees. I hated this so much. Why him? I cried my heart out for a long while before no more tears would come out. Then, I just spoke, I talked to him about everything. I let it all out, sounds stupid, but it felt natural.
'You know I miss you so much, baby. It hurts not having you here, I wish I could hold you.' I sighed. 'Everytime I sleep I dream of you, sometimes I forget that it's just a dream and wake up, expecting you to be lay next to me, but you never are.' I moved closer to the headstone. 'Mikey says I should move on, so does Ray and Bob, and I know you'd say the same thing. I just can't, nothing feels right without you. I can't be happy without you, sugar.' Silence, of course. I just sat there for a while taking in the scene, thinking about him. 'I don't think I can do it Frankie. I don't think I want to. Life isn't worth living without you. Sure Mikey is worth it, but he'll be okay. Hell, he'd probably be better off, he wouldn't need to look after me, worry or anything. He could live a normal life. One he should be living.' I shook my head. 'No, better than normal. It would be hard to leave him though, he would never understand and probably hate me forever. It's so hard, everything is so complicated, yet so simple. I just struggle and do everything wrong, I really hate it and I wish so badly you were here with me.' A single, pained tear slid down my cheek. I just sat there for a while longer in silence, watching, listening to everything around me before I got up and brushed myself off slightly.
'Goodbye Baby. I promise I will come and see you soon. I'm so sorry for not seeing you much before.' I looked at his grave before turning and walking away. It was agonizing.
When I got back in my car, I pulled my phone out my pocket and dialed Mikey's number.
'Hey Gee. Where have you been?'
'Hi Mikes, nowhere really. Listen, i'm on my way home now. Is there anything we need from the shop?' I asked.
'I don't think so. Gee, how about we order a pizza and watch an old horror film together. Just me and you, like old times. Yeah?' I didn't fancy it but he sounded so excited and it was the least I could do for him after everything he does for me. It could be fun anyway.
'Yeah, okay Mikes!' I tried my best to sound enthusiastic. I could tell he was grinning on the other end of the line.
'Great! It'll be really fun!' He was ecstatic, I wish I was.
When I got home, the pizzas along with a film sat on the coffee table and I could hear Mikey doing something in the kitchen. I walked in there and he greeted me with a huge smile and an even bigger hug.
'Hey Gee!' He exclaimed. I had to smile at him, sometimes he was just like a kid.
'Hiya Mikes, you okay?' I asked walking over to the fridge.
'Yep, really excited about our movie night, bro!'
'Good, me too.' I lied. He grabbed my arm and dragged me into the sitting room and I sat down.
'I picked Dawn of the dead, I know it's your favourite!' He giggled.
'Cool. What you waiting for then?' I smiled. He lept of the couch and put the DVD in, then tucked into some pizza. About forty minutes into the film, the gory stuff started to happen and Mikey was never really that keen on it. He kept hiding behind the blanket he was wrapped up in.
'Mikey, i'm sorry!' I looked over at him and he stared at me in confusion.
'Um, what for Gee?' He whispered.
'Everything, I know i've been a crap brother for a while, well since Frank left. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have been but it's just hard you know, and I know i've been selfish and I want to make it up to you, I do, but i'm like stuck in a hole and I can't seem to get out and I just don't want to talk to anybody. I just, hate the way i've treated you and thankyou so much for being the best brother in the world and suporting me through this, when I really haven't deserved it. I love you Mikey.' I began to cry quietly. He just looked at me, before pulling me into a hug. No words were said we just sat there for a long while, then he spoke.
'Gee, I know it's hard and it's not your fault. Frank was your life. You're not a crap brother and I love you too.' He smiled at me, then pulled away. 'Ready to watch the rest of this gory movie?' I laughed at his question, I really did love him.
'You bet I am!' I exclaimed, a little more enthusiastic than before.
A/N: Please, please, please rate and review. Thankyou! :)
Sign up to rate and review this story