Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > How Ray met Christa
Chapter 3: Homosexual douchenozzles in da house
Ray Toro looked at himself in the full-body mirror while his friends were scattered around the large clothing store, picking out items. He had no idea how he was going to get Christa now that she surely thought he was gay. He wasn’t, but that kiss with Frank left no questions unanswered, especially in the eyes of someone who was unaware of the potion. And Ray still couldn’t understand how the potion worked. It made no sense.
Anyway, after the love potion disaster at the bar, Gerard announced that he may know how to catch Christa’s attention - in a more positive way, of course. So, here they were, in a clothing store for men, searching for the appropriate props for making Ray look more appealing to the lady folk.
The curtain to the fitting room opened, and Ray had a pile of garments thrown at his face. “Try these on!” Gerard commanded, and the curtain closed.
Five minutes later, Ray emerged from the stall. He had a sour look on his face and clearly he was displeased with the outfit his bandmates had chosen for him. “Guys... I look like a total douchenozzle.”
Frank, Gerard and Mikey were all sitting on the leather-covered benches that were scattered around the waiting area outside of the small changing stalls. “What are you talking about?” Gerard asked. “You look great!”
“Yeah, you look like a total badass.”
“I’m really not sure this will work,” Ray sighed, and turned to look at himself in the mirror again. The baseball cap on his head barely fit, because his fro kept stubbornly pushing it up. He was wearing a colorful Hawaii shirt with a black leather jacket on top, and his legs were covered with black ripped jeans, and the shoes were skateshoes.
“I don’t know if you can tell, but we had a bit of an argument about the style,” Mikey admitted. “See, I wanted to go in the surfer direction, Gerard was pushing for the punk rock style, and Frank insisted on skateboarder. But I think overall, we managed to mix them all pretty well.”
Ray wondered if those three styles should ever be combined, but shrugged. Might as well try it. It’s not like he could ruin anything any further than he already had.
“Ray, I am telling you,” Gerard said. “Chicks LOVE bad guys. And not only bad guys, but bad guys that know how to dress well. You’re all set. She takes one look at you and she’ll be throwing off her clothes and clawing off yours. Trust me. I know.”
Ray raised an eyebrow at the singer, and asked: “How exactly would you know? You’ve never even had a girlfriend.”
“I had a girlfriend! Once. Okay, it was one night.” When the three others stared at him, he groaned and admitted. “Fine! She let me touch her boobs because of a dare! Get off my back! It’s not like any of you lot have even kissed a girl!”
“I have kissed a girl,” Frank pointed out.
“Yeah, but your mom doesn’t count.”
“I didn’t mean my mom!” Frank protested. “She was my grandma.”
“Whatever. Ray, are you going to do this or not?”
Everyone’s attention turned back to the guitarist, who glanced at the mirror, already regretting this decision, and said: “Why not.”
________________________
“I’m not sure about this,” Ray whispered, crouching behind a low shelf of DVD’s.
“Don’t think about it, just remember what we taught you. Act natural, but don’t be yourself. And remember, be cool. It’s so easy, even you can do it,” Gerard said, giving his friend a nudge. Frank and Mikey were elsewhere with their walkie talkies, looking out for Christa’s arrival at the DVD rental store. They were lucky Christa had such a consistent week schedule, it made stalking her so much easier.
“Now go,” Gerard hissed when Mikey said through the walkie talkie that the girl was approaching them.
Ray was pushed up and out of the comforting invisibility of the DVD’s, and he stumbled a bit when he realized he was face to face with Christa.
“Oh, hello,” Christa said, feeling a bit befuddled by the sudden appearance of the man. In fact, his entire appearance was a bit confusing.
“H- hi,” Ray stammered, gulping so loudly that he was sure she heard him.
“Uh... You look nice,” Christa commented.
Those words made Ray remember the role he was trying to play. “Yeah, totally,” he replied. “I mean, fo shizzle. I’m Ray, by the way. It’s sort of like rad, which I am. I’m rad.”
Christa stared at him for a moment, trying to decide if he looked like he had a concussion. “Are you okay?”
“Hey I’m cool babe. I mean I’m a bit drunk still from last night, you know what I’m saying? Got wasted. At my gig. Yeah, I’m in a band... I play the guitar. Gets all the chicks, you know?”
“I see,” Christa replied, nodding. “Chicks, though?”
“Yeah of course. I’m a real chick magnet, bitches just can’t get enough of me, you know?” he awkwardly explained, trying hard to remember the words Gerard, Frank and Mikey had fed him.
“I don’t mean to be offensive, but... I thought... I mean, at the bar the other day I saw...”
Ray had been trained to answer to this. “Yeah, that was nothing. It was my evil twin brother, you know? He’s totally gay, I’m not. I’m fully straight. I like boobs and, you know, vaginas and stuff...”
Christa nodded, smiling awkwardly. “Right, I’m just gonna go then!”
“But, wait!” Ray called after her when she was leaving. This wasn’t going the way it was supposed to, at all.
“Ray, I’ll be honest with you,” Christa said. “I’m sure you might’ve noticed that I’ve been going to the same places as you have, recently. I was going to ask you out, but then there was that thing at the bar, and now this... Um... It’s sort of weird, you know?”
Ray just stared at her. She was going to ask him out? This was starting to get too confusing. “What?” he asked.
“I just thought you seemed like a good guy. I’m not so sure anymore.”
Ray scoffed. “This isn’t me! This is so far from me! I like you, too, but I didn’t know how to ask you out so I took my friends’ advice and this happened!”
“What exactly is ‘this’?”
“You know, this whole douche nuggetry, and there was this thing about a love potion, it’s a long story, really.”
Christa smiled. “Yeah? Well, I guess I could give you another chance.”
“Really?” he asked, not believing his ears.
“Sure. So, would you like to go out with me sometime?”
A few DVD shelves away from them, Gerard, Mikey and Frank were spying on them in disbelief. The turn of events was unbelievable.
“Wait, so does that mean the outfit worked?” Frank asked, not really sure what had just happened.
“I don’t think so,” Mikey replied.
“Guys... That girl has more balls than all four of us combined,” Gerard said, shaking his head.
“Yeah,” Frank agreed. “So who wants to help me hook up with a girl?”
“You mean your grandma?”
“No, I don’t mean my grandma!”
“Oh, sorry, you mean your mommy?”
“Gerard, that’s disgusting!”
“And hooking up with your grandma isn’t?”
“Leave Nana out of this!”
“Is that what you call her when you -- Ouch!” Gerard shouted when Frank slapped him with a DVD cover.
Back with Ray and Christa, she wrote her number on a piece of paper and handed to Ray.
And the rest, well, we know the boy got the girl of his dreams, and they both got their happy ending.
A/N: And the lesson here, I guess, is this: Always be yourself, kids! XD
Ray Toro looked at himself in the full-body mirror while his friends were scattered around the large clothing store, picking out items. He had no idea how he was going to get Christa now that she surely thought he was gay. He wasn’t, but that kiss with Frank left no questions unanswered, especially in the eyes of someone who was unaware of the potion. And Ray still couldn’t understand how the potion worked. It made no sense.
Anyway, after the love potion disaster at the bar, Gerard announced that he may know how to catch Christa’s attention - in a more positive way, of course. So, here they were, in a clothing store for men, searching for the appropriate props for making Ray look more appealing to the lady folk.
The curtain to the fitting room opened, and Ray had a pile of garments thrown at his face. “Try these on!” Gerard commanded, and the curtain closed.
Five minutes later, Ray emerged from the stall. He had a sour look on his face and clearly he was displeased with the outfit his bandmates had chosen for him. “Guys... I look like a total douchenozzle.”
Frank, Gerard and Mikey were all sitting on the leather-covered benches that were scattered around the waiting area outside of the small changing stalls. “What are you talking about?” Gerard asked. “You look great!”
“Yeah, you look like a total badass.”
“I’m really not sure this will work,” Ray sighed, and turned to look at himself in the mirror again. The baseball cap on his head barely fit, because his fro kept stubbornly pushing it up. He was wearing a colorful Hawaii shirt with a black leather jacket on top, and his legs were covered with black ripped jeans, and the shoes were skateshoes.
“I don’t know if you can tell, but we had a bit of an argument about the style,” Mikey admitted. “See, I wanted to go in the surfer direction, Gerard was pushing for the punk rock style, and Frank insisted on skateboarder. But I think overall, we managed to mix them all pretty well.”
Ray wondered if those three styles should ever be combined, but shrugged. Might as well try it. It’s not like he could ruin anything any further than he already had.
“Ray, I am telling you,” Gerard said. “Chicks LOVE bad guys. And not only bad guys, but bad guys that know how to dress well. You’re all set. She takes one look at you and she’ll be throwing off her clothes and clawing off yours. Trust me. I know.”
Ray raised an eyebrow at the singer, and asked: “How exactly would you know? You’ve never even had a girlfriend.”
“I had a girlfriend! Once. Okay, it was one night.” When the three others stared at him, he groaned and admitted. “Fine! She let me touch her boobs because of a dare! Get off my back! It’s not like any of you lot have even kissed a girl!”
“I have kissed a girl,” Frank pointed out.
“Yeah, but your mom doesn’t count.”
“I didn’t mean my mom!” Frank protested. “She was my grandma.”
“Whatever. Ray, are you going to do this or not?”
Everyone’s attention turned back to the guitarist, who glanced at the mirror, already regretting this decision, and said: “Why not.”
________________________
“I’m not sure about this,” Ray whispered, crouching behind a low shelf of DVD’s.
“Don’t think about it, just remember what we taught you. Act natural, but don’t be yourself. And remember, be cool. It’s so easy, even you can do it,” Gerard said, giving his friend a nudge. Frank and Mikey were elsewhere with their walkie talkies, looking out for Christa’s arrival at the DVD rental store. They were lucky Christa had such a consistent week schedule, it made stalking her so much easier.
“Now go,” Gerard hissed when Mikey said through the walkie talkie that the girl was approaching them.
Ray was pushed up and out of the comforting invisibility of the DVD’s, and he stumbled a bit when he realized he was face to face with Christa.
“Oh, hello,” Christa said, feeling a bit befuddled by the sudden appearance of the man. In fact, his entire appearance was a bit confusing.
“H- hi,” Ray stammered, gulping so loudly that he was sure she heard him.
“Uh... You look nice,” Christa commented.
Those words made Ray remember the role he was trying to play. “Yeah, totally,” he replied. “I mean, fo shizzle. I’m Ray, by the way. It’s sort of like rad, which I am. I’m rad.”
Christa stared at him for a moment, trying to decide if he looked like he had a concussion. “Are you okay?”
“Hey I’m cool babe. I mean I’m a bit drunk still from last night, you know what I’m saying? Got wasted. At my gig. Yeah, I’m in a band... I play the guitar. Gets all the chicks, you know?”
“I see,” Christa replied, nodding. “Chicks, though?”
“Yeah of course. I’m a real chick magnet, bitches just can’t get enough of me, you know?” he awkwardly explained, trying hard to remember the words Gerard, Frank and Mikey had fed him.
“I don’t mean to be offensive, but... I thought... I mean, at the bar the other day I saw...”
Ray had been trained to answer to this. “Yeah, that was nothing. It was my evil twin brother, you know? He’s totally gay, I’m not. I’m fully straight. I like boobs and, you know, vaginas and stuff...”
Christa nodded, smiling awkwardly. “Right, I’m just gonna go then!”
“But, wait!” Ray called after her when she was leaving. This wasn’t going the way it was supposed to, at all.
“Ray, I’ll be honest with you,” Christa said. “I’m sure you might’ve noticed that I’ve been going to the same places as you have, recently. I was going to ask you out, but then there was that thing at the bar, and now this... Um... It’s sort of weird, you know?”
Ray just stared at her. She was going to ask him out? This was starting to get too confusing. “What?” he asked.
“I just thought you seemed like a good guy. I’m not so sure anymore.”
Ray scoffed. “This isn’t me! This is so far from me! I like you, too, but I didn’t know how to ask you out so I took my friends’ advice and this happened!”
“What exactly is ‘this’?”
“You know, this whole douche nuggetry, and there was this thing about a love potion, it’s a long story, really.”
Christa smiled. “Yeah? Well, I guess I could give you another chance.”
“Really?” he asked, not believing his ears.
“Sure. So, would you like to go out with me sometime?”
A few DVD shelves away from them, Gerard, Mikey and Frank were spying on them in disbelief. The turn of events was unbelievable.
“Wait, so does that mean the outfit worked?” Frank asked, not really sure what had just happened.
“I don’t think so,” Mikey replied.
“Guys... That girl has more balls than all four of us combined,” Gerard said, shaking his head.
“Yeah,” Frank agreed. “So who wants to help me hook up with a girl?”
“You mean your grandma?”
“No, I don’t mean my grandma!”
“Oh, sorry, you mean your mommy?”
“Gerard, that’s disgusting!”
“And hooking up with your grandma isn’t?”
“Leave Nana out of this!”
“Is that what you call her when you -- Ouch!” Gerard shouted when Frank slapped him with a DVD cover.
Back with Ray and Christa, she wrote her number on a piece of paper and handed to Ray.
And the rest, well, we know the boy got the girl of his dreams, and they both got their happy ending.
A/N: And the lesson here, I guess, is this: Always be yourself, kids! XD
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