Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Happily Never After

15- I Loved You More

by XxPerfectTomorrowxX 2 reviews

Brendon is pushed too far, the prospect of losing everything pushing him directly over the edge.

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama,Romance - Published: 2012-08-07 - Updated: 2012-08-07 - 1341 words

The tension in the room was unbearable, closing in around all three of us. I glanced between Spencer and Brendon, fighting to find words that could diffuse the situation but I could think of nothing.

Spencer was shaking with anger. I’d never seen his face so red, his fists clenched so tightly. Brendon’s aggression instantly turned towards Spencer as he openly glared at him, at a loss as to what he wanted to say.

For a few sweet moments there was only silence, but of course that couldn’t last.

“So, you’re fucking my wife now?” Brendon’s voice was deadly quiet, and though it seemed calm I could clearly hear the anger dripping behind the words, as his eyes filled with hate.

I felt myself fall, morally and emotionally. Last night had been one moment of passion after another. I’d allowed myself the ultimate indiscretion. Now I was paying for it. When had I become so thoughtless? As the window next to the sink shattered- Brendon having thrown something at it- I felt as if I were the glass, crumbling and falling apart.

“Watch what you’re saying Brendon.” Spencer warned; his voice just as dangerous.

“Don’t fucking tell me what to do in my house Spencer!” Brendon shot back. “This is my house and Kacy is my wife! You’re wrecking our marriage, and our son’s life!” I watched helplessly as the blame was shifted on to an unsuspecting Spencer. “You’re wrecking our band, all for some fucking whore!”

Spencer blinked in surprise but that was his only sign of weakness in the pissing contest taking place in my once beautiful kitchen. They had somehow turned it in to ‘who gets the girl’ game night, instead of a tragic divorce talk. “You’ll regret this tomorrow.” Spencer spoke so calmly. “And if you call her a whore one more time I swear to god that I will knock your ass out.”

“You’re just so great, aren’t you?” Brendon whispered, voice breaking. “You think this is so great because Kacy will just go running straight to you.” Brendon’s gaze turned to me and I shuddered, horrified at the pain clearly defined in his eyes. “You don’t even know everything and yet you’re jumping to conclusions.” Brendon said, ignoring Spencer’s presence completely. “Spencer knew. Didn’t you Spence?” He finally acknowledged his friend once again.

“What?” Spencer was clearly confused.

“What?” I mirrored Spencer’s confusion, eyes widening in horror.

Brendon nodded, “Spencer knew, and Jon knew… and even Ryan knew. They all knew that I was lying to you.” Spencer’s mouth dropped open. “They didn’t tell you either. How does that feel? Your knight in shining armor isn’t so great after all.”

I glanced at Spencer, “Is it true?” I finally asked, my mouth struggling against me. I didn’t want to know but I had to find out. How far did the betrayal go?

Spencer said nothing, staring at me.

“Did you know?” I asked, clearly my throat. The emotion was building and it was just too much. “Did you know that Brendon lied about our entire relationship? Did you know that I- that I never had a choice in the matter?”

Spencer blinked multiple times. “You remember?” He finally asked.

That was answer enough.

They’d all lied to me.

I was the only one who knew… Oh god. The horrifying realization hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt so alone, and so sickened. Why was I the only one who seemed to find this a big deal? I’d lost a huge chunk of my life to a guy I hadn’t even chosen to be with in the first place. I never got the chance to make my own decision.

“Just go.” I spit out, glaring at Spencer. “Just g- get out!” I was so angry, all over again.

I was so angry … I was so angry at myself.

Spencer’s eyes widened, “Kacy, can we just talk-“

“No.” I closed my eyes tightly. “Just go. I don’t want to see you again.” The words stung, coming out with more hate than I had even meant.

I could hear the sick smile in Brendon’s voice. “She told you to leave, now get out.”

“If you hurt her then I’ll make sure you regret it Brendon.” Spencer warned, seconds before leaving out the back door.

The tension remained, cutting through the remains of my heart.

“I told you-“ Brendon breathed out deeply, “I told you that you weren’t going anywhere.” I heard the car keys I’d dropped on the kitchen counter being picked up and I glanced at Brendon, watching as he pocketed them.

I hated him.

But I couldn’t bring myself to hate him half as much as I hated myself.

“Get some sleep.” Brendon mumbled, expression softening. “You look exhausted.” Then his gaze darkened. “It appears you didn’t get much sleep at Spencer’s last night.”

“I don’t want to be here.” I mumbled, holding my hand out, “Please give my keys back. I don’t want to be here with you Brendon.”

“I only have two more band mates left.” Brendon replied, “I don’t want you fucking them too.”

I gazed in to his eyes, “You’re not stupid enough to think that you can make me stay here against my will.” I knew he wasn’t. He was just upset and not thinking clearly. There was a lot of that going around, and suddenly I wished I hadn’t told Spencer to leave.

Emotions were running high and it was the perfect opportunity for us to make more mistakes that we’d regret. “You’re right. I can’t.” Brendon responded. “But without me what do you have?”

I was surprised by the question, “What do you mean?”

Brendon stared right through me, as if not even seeing me. “You’re unemployed with no degree Kacy. All you’ve done for the last six years is be with me. What else can you do?”

The question hurt, the reality behind it crashing down on me. Without Brendon I really did have nothing. How was I supposed to take care of Adam with nothing? “I have my mother.” I weakly replied. “She’ll help me.”

“Yeah?” Brendon asked, raising an eyebrow. I was too surprised to stop him as he reached in to my pocket and grabbed my cell phone, “How will you get a hold of her without a phone, or change to call from a pay phone? You have no car keys to drive your car to her, so how will you get to her?”

“I never thought you could be like this.” I said, watching Brendon with weary eyes. I refused to cry though. I wasn’t weak, and I wasn’t going to let him get the best of me. If he wanted a war then he would have a fucking war. If he wanted to take everything from me then I would do the same to him.

Brendon seemed surprised for a moment but then his gaze hardened again, “You’re forcing my hand Kacy.” He responded coldly, “You’re my wife and despite the way you acted last night… I still love you, and I will always love you. I will do whatever it takes to keep what is mine.”

“I’m not yours anymore.”

Brendon leaned down, crushing his lips to mine. I was too stunned to even pull away, “I’m just begging you to piss me off.” Brendon growled, once he pulled away. “I’ve given you everything Kacy. Don’t you dare fucking threaten to take it all away. This is mine.” Brendon gestured to the kitchen, a wild look in his eyes. “You are mine.”

I said nothing, watching him with horror.

I’d pushed Brendon over the edge.

Right where he’d shoved me.

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