FicWad

When All Else Fails, Cry.

An average sized blonde teen slouched in his chair, breath catching in is throat as he looked at the glaring computer screen. Oh holy hell, what had he just done? That wasn't what he'd meant to say. Fuck. Comment delete, comment delete... Motherfucker. Jared had seen it already. He was fucked. God damn it... Oh lord. This was bad. Very very bad. Jared was pissed. Beyond pissed. Fuck... He felt like he'd been punched in the stomach as he saw the new words appearing on the screen. The tears rose in his eyes and he felt short of breath.
"Babe, you shouldn't choose me over your friends..."
"They aren't my friends if they're making me choose. It's not a choice, anyway." Oh god. Jared hated him. Just then, the little message icon popped up on the bottom of his screen. Jared. He hesitantly opened the message, and as he read it, started to sob.
"Look, I'm sorry, but I'm fucking sick of the shit. You hate all of my friends, you started a shitstorm with my boyfriend, and we've fought so many times over the stupidest shit that I'm not going to try to change anything anymore without dropping you. I mean it when I say I'm DONE, alright? I don't know where you hoped this was going, and I hope you're fucking happy now." That hit him like a thousand knives, stabbing into him from every single part of his body. That killed him. His fingers shook as he wrote a reply, barely able to see the keyboard or screen straight.
"Here, I'll save you the trouble and just make myself scarce. I apologize to you and to Simon. It's just so fucking hard to stay calm when it hurts this much, alright? It killed me to read those words when you wrote them the day we broke up; you saying you were still in love with him. It was fucking hell to read, alright? But what hurts the most was realizing I was second best even when we were dating. I just wanted to be best once in my life, alright? And I thought maybe when we were dating, I was best to you. I'm sorry for everything I've done and said to make you angry or to make you cry or to make you upset at all. And I never wanted you to choose, Babe. Not between me and Ashlee, not between me and Simon. I never asked you to. Not once. I just wanted to say I'm sorry and I'll never bug you again after this. Bye, Babe. I really loved you." He pressed send, practically unable to breath do to the sobs that were raking his entire body. As a text came to through and his phone went off, he lifted it off the desk, chucking it at a wall. He didn't want to talk to anyone. Not a single person. Except Jared. And that was history; what they had was deteriorated. It was over. Permenantly gone. That thought made him cry harder. He went to attempt to inbox Jared, to grovel for forgiveness, ready to beg on his hands and knees for him to keep him as a friend, but he'd been removed as Jared's friend and therefore unable to. He hated himself completely. Why the hell did he have to go and wreck everything with the person that was his world...? The message icon popped up again, and he clicked it quickly, hoping for it to be Jared. He felt disappointed when he saw that it was Nicholas.
"Hey." He ignored it, still not ready to talk to anyone.
"Owen?" He sighed and replied.
"... I need to talk to someone."
"Why? What's wrong?"
"... I fucked up bad."
"How?"
"I got into a huge fight with Jared's boyfriend and Jared blocked me on facebook and pretty much told me to never speak to him again because he's completely done with me."
"Got in a fight with her boyfriend?"
"Yep."
"So correct me if I'm wrong. You and his boyfriend got into a fight. Jared took his boyfriends side. Blocked you and doesn't want to talk to you."
"Yep."
"Honestly I don't know what to say. You are 14, she is 15 and I'm 16. LET US PUT ON OUR BIG BOY PANTIES AND GROW UP. Jared took his boyfriend over you because he's his boyfriend. When his boyfriend fucks him over then he will crawl back to reality. He lost you, the best friend EVER. OWEN FRAYM DON'T EVER CRY OVER SOME BITCH WHO DOES YOU WRONG LIKE THAT. Dry your face off and smile because he left room for a new best friend. You may want him but it's better to save yourself the heartache and pain. I know i'm not making sense."
"I stop crying but then I think about everything we had and how it was all my fucking fault that now he's gone and it'll never be the same and god it fucking hurts."
"I may be just a bitch, a friend, a past lover, a fucking boy. I don't know the world but I do know as hard as it hurts and as much is lost there will be new smiles, new friends. It gets better. Yeah, I thought it was a lie back then. I know how stubborn you are and I get that this wont make any effort on you."
"Thank you so much. I just... I'm only hoping maybe he'll change his mind..."
"Don't be so attached to him and I know it's fucking hard and you love him to no goddamned end. Let him go, let him run off because he officaly ditched you. When he comes back he will remember how bad he treated you."
"... Can you tell me why I torture myself?"
"Because you love someone that leaves. You're mistreated. A mother who abuses you to no end. Some boy you think is just oh so up there and they treat you like shit. Friends who are 'there' for you that disappear when you need them the most makes you distrust the world. You want to die and get it all over with. You dont look at the positive side. Then again, I could be wrong. After all I'm just some boy."
"No. You're right."
"I am going to be honest as ever with you right here. When you left me I was way down. You got with him, then this happens. I wanted you to feel the pain, to get a taste but I know how fucking bad I needed a friend. Someone to talk to, a new lover, a sliver of peace of mind. Someone to hold me and save my sanity. I'm here for you and I always have been even when we didn't talk. I'm always fucking worried to no end about you."
"I know. And I'm so sorry for that. So fucking sorry."
"It's doesn't matter; the past, what happened. I fucked myself up bad and I was a line away from dying. I over reacted. I want to keep you safe and away from that. Love me as a brother or more I don't care I will always to no end just fucking worry and care for you. Don't fuck up your life over him."
"I won't... I just... I hate how I just love the things that hurt me."
"I can help you, but you have to want the help. I refuse to fight with you."
"... I don't know how to want it."
"Do you want to pick your ass off the ground and say 'Hey fuck you! I can survive without you!' or die in your own misery and miss out?"
"... I'm kind of in the wallowing in my own misery and feeling like I'm dying stage at the moment."
"You should be, it's normal. But you need to get your sweet ass up." Owen stared at these messages for a while, unreponsive. He changed the song he had on repeat to another, emotions steadily shifting from miserable to pissed in approximately an hour. He messaged Nicholas back with a copy of what he's last sent Jared.
"Ugh why was I sap I should have screamed ugh." he tacked on afterwards.
"Owen, you need to let it go. HOLD THE FUCK UP."
"WHUT?"
"I get the pain and friendship and every aspect. I GET IT SO HARD. But Baby, you need to drop him, them, it, and smile like the sadistic bitch you are and love the ones who stood by you."
"And that is why you are one of the five close friends I have."
"Why? What did I do?"
"You made me laugh."
"How?"
"I dunno. You just did."
"I DID SOMETHING RIGHT!"
"ILY5EVR."
";D"
"WELL FUCK. UGH."
"WHUT MAH OWEN?"
"I WAS LOOKING THROUGH SHIT AND I FOUND THIS POEM HE WROTE AND FUCK."
"Explain."
"'He dries his tears, but they still fall.
The sudden realization that he's not first at all.
He wipes his eyes, but tears still flow.
The pain in his heart never ceases or dulls.
At last, he's found the harsh reality.
Make him feel loved.
At last, he's discovered it's everything he feared.
Put him ahead of the rest.
Show him that he's not second best.'
UGH HE NEEDS TO SUCK IT HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S FUCKING TALKING ABOUT MAYBE HE SHOULD HAVE DONE WHAT HE WROTE ABOUT FUCK HIM DAMN HIM TO HELL! You know what? Fuck him. I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want and be happy with myself. Goddammit, I'm better than this.
I'm not going to wallow in my own misery over someone that couldn't give a shit."
"YOU DAMN STRAIGHT BABY IM PROUD OF YOU!"
"YOU BEING PROUD DOESN'T FIX ME BEING HUNGRY. OR THE FACT THAT I ALMOST GOT KICKED OUT OF WAL-MART TODAY."
". . Why the kicking out of Wal-mart?"
"I um... Went to buy the Lorax on DVD and ended up molesting the display case. Because I'm hardcore."
"Oh hell."
"BUT I SCARED SMALL CHILDREN! #WINNING!"
"YUSHH."
"BLOODY FUCKING HELL."
"WHATTT?"
"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, I WANT FOOD. UGH."
"GO GET FOOD."
"FINE. BRB."
"OTAYY."
"GOT SALT AND VINIGAR CHIPS + LORAX. AWWW HELL YUSH. THE REST OF THE NIGHT IS GOING TO BE /AMAZING/."
"BRO I LOVE DEM CHIPS."
"WANT SOME? ;D"
"YEEE!"
"/BRAINSENDSYOUCHIPS."
"YUSHHHHH!"




[And that is how I got over this for the moment. Though I'm pretty sure I'll be sobbing again tomorrow. I fucking love you too, Hushlyn.]