Categories > Original > Drama > The Sue and You

Body types

by Mynameisnotimportant 0 reviews

I rant about breasts, hair, eyes that are like limpid tears, and self-inserts.

Category: Drama - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor - Published: 2012-08-10 - Updated: 2012-08-10 - 958 words

0Unrated
APPEARANCE

Body types
Not every girl is built the same. Everybody’s different, but you know one build that most girls don’t have naturally?

It’s the eight-inch waist paired with Double D boobs. That doesn’t happen without the help of skilled plastic surgeon. I DON’T CARE HOW SPECIAL SHE IS. THOSE THINGS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE MAMMARY GLANDS, NOT FLOATATION DEVICES.

Keep in mind, there are hindering factors to body types. If she’s skinny, she’ll probably not have much in the way of cleavage. Hourglass figures do happen, but they’re rare, so keep that in mind. Only Jessica Rabbit is able to pull off a true hourglass. And she’s animated.
Girls with bigger bodies have bigger breasts, but most people don’t want to write about “Fat” women, so they are largely ignored.

If you choose to disregard this and give her the best curves nature can bestow, then just keep in mind that bigger breasts are actually sort of a pain in the ass. They knock things over. They hurt when you run. Nobody looks you in the face. Nobody takes you seriously.

While writing, you will develop a ‘type’ that you like to write-skinny and flat-chested, crazy hips, defined shoulders, etc- and you will most likely stick with it. Why? Because it works for you. Generally, that’s the main rule for writing. If if works for you, then roll with it.
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Eyes

To start, EYES DO NOT CHANGE COLORS. IT JUST DOESN’T HAPPEN. Nobody’s eyes will change from green to blue based on a whim. The only excuse for that would be that your character can change appearance, and even then you skate dangerously close to creating something too speshul to be unleashed on the writing community.

Pick an eye color. Stick with said eye color. It’s not rocket science. Make sure that the eye color you pick is something normal, like blue, brown, hazel, or, even sometimes, green.
Please don’t give out eyes that are yellow, pink, red, indigo, or any other sort of color that does not come naturally. The only reason out is albinism. There are no other excuses. We are done with girls who have the eye color of limpid tears.
Having eyes that are two different colors does happen. That is excusable.
Again, try to keep within the realm of normal colors. Blue and green are fine. Pink and yellow, not so much.
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Hair

Hair color isn’t really that big a deal. If you want to give her green hair, fine, it’s your choice.
If your character dyes her hair, keep in mind that she probably doesn’t dye her eyebrows, so don’t spout things about “Having naturally pink hair”.
Nobody has naturally pink hair. Shut up. Sit down.
Hair length is usually short. Waist-length hair is almost always impractical, although it looks cool. Longer hair is usually just past shoulder blades. Nobody really has pound upon pound of layered hairstyles. The hairspray alone used to maintain them puts holes in the ozone. Rule of thumb: If you can’t describe it and have to put a picture, then that’s a bad thing.
The best thing to do is just use your judgement.
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Quick Questions:

Is there such a thing as looking too pretty?

YES.

My character’s naturally pretty. What should I do to keep her from Suedom?

If she’s really pretty, make her really flawed. The prettier she is, the more messed up she should be. But really, would it kill you to make her uglier?

How do I tell if my character’s a Mary-Sue?

Ask yourself if she would survive as a human being. If not, then she probably is. Basically, use your judgement. If you think she’s a Mary-Sue, then fix her. If you don’t think she’s a MS, then fix her anyway.

Is there such a thing as ‘too flawed’ or ‘too evil’?

Personally, I think so. Instead of just writing flaw after flaw after flaw, just try to write one big, all-encompassing flaw that carries throughout the story. Make it an actual flaw, too. Being “Too Beautiful” is not a flaw. IT IS NOT A FLAW, SO STOP WRITING IT.
If you need stuff to write, then research. Think about people you hate. Why do you hate them? What irritates you? What makes your heroes heroic in your eyes?
Too evil happens when you try to over-compensate. If they are evil, then they are probably evil for a reason. Stop using ‘Because I said so.’ That’s sloppy authoring.

“They’ve always been that way” is also not a good reason. There is a reason for everything. SO WRITE IT. Don’t write characters, write people. People have weaknesses, idiosyncrasies, hang-ups, weird habits, poor grooming habits, and personalities. Including them in your writing will make your character more relatable to your audience and actually help story development.

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Last Note

So, for the overall physical appearance of your female character, she should look like a human being instead of a tarty video-game chick.
Do you know what your character should definitely NOT look like?

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE SHOULD YOUR CHARACTER RESEMBLE YOU.
IT SHOULD ALSO, NEVER, EVER, EVER RESEMBLE YOU WITH ALL THE ATTRIBUTES YOU WANT.

Self-inserts don’t help you become a better author. Create your own characters, create your own plot, just go for it. You’ll only become a better writer with practice.

(If you have any questions, I’ll be glad to answer them. The views in this tutorial are subjective and not really for everyone. Leave all questions in reviews and I’ll answer them as soon as possible.)
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