FicWad

i'm not scared of rollercoasters anymore.


"Rollercoasters are dangerous.", I mumble with a nervous smile, looking for any excuse to get out of this.

"Oh stop being such a baby.", Gerard said as he ducks under the chains that set boundaries for the line. I have boundaries, too. And getting on this death contraption was crossing them. "It's an amusement park ride, not the Holocaust." With a roll of his eyes, he turns to watch the ongoing ride.

'It's okay, just get on the ride. It's two minutes and you'll be done. All he wants is for you to ride this with him. You know you'll disappoint him if you don't. Don't you think you've dissapointed him enough? Just do it. Deep breath. C'mon, we can do this.' I begin to follow Gee, persuaded by the braver and more manipulative side of my inner thoughts. However, as the coaster rocketed over the tracks above my head, I freeze in my tracks and emmit something of a pitiful whimper. My coward side has always been stronger than my courageous one.

I snap from my fear induced trance to see Gerard climbing into the contraption. I trip over my gray laces as I run to him. I lift my foot to climb on the ride. Suddenly, my vision blurs and that when I see it.

The rollercoaster chugs upwards, if I wasn't too scared to open my eyes, I would have been able to see the untroubled blue sky almost mocking my fears. I peeked over at Gerard who gave me an excited grin and grabbed my hand to put it up in the air like his. Even though I was scared shitless, I was satisfied with knowing I was able to cause my brother feelings other than the disappointment or sympathy that normally dominated his emotions around me. With this newfound happiness, I forgot my fears and smiled along with Gee.

As we got to the top, he squeezed my shaking hand, which did comfort me. I shut my eyes as we sped downhill, but forced them open as we reached the first loop. 'Yanno, this ain't so ba-' I lurched forward as the rollercoaster came to an abrupt halt. I peeled open my eyes from where they had closed by reflex. I looked around to see we were stuck at the top of the loop. 'Holy shit. We're stuck upside down. Shit.' Now with Gerard's hand gone and nothing to comfort me, I begin to freak out. My breathing becomes laboured and I wish I have my inhaler that I had to leave before I got on. I see Gee from the corner of my eye who is having the exact opposite reaction from mine. He's watching the employees who are running around frantically, but I can't see them quite clearly enough to see their equally as frightened expressions, since I had also been forced to remove my glasses before regrettably climbing on.

I saw a man with keys walk to the operating box below. He turned his keys and hit a button which loosened our shoulder harnesses. I gripped the handles and gave the blurry man a 'Whatthefuck?' look which would have been impossible for him to see. The man looked up and smiled before he hit another button and our restraints flew all the way up. I cringed as the unprepared ones screamed and fell to the concrete 60 feet below. My feet dangled and I tightened my grip on the handle I was holding onto for, quite literally, dear life.

I glanced down into my brother's hazel eyes that screamed with terror as he hugged the flimsy headrest. I used what little upper body strength I have to pull him up to where I am. He wraps his arm around my waist trying to calm my close to panic attack self. We both grip a handle, but soon the rundown shoulder harness was groaning from our weight, which isn't much, but is obviously enough. I lurch again as the harness we hold onto falls an inch under our weight.

I knew it could only hold one of us. Only one of us could stay. Only one of us could outlive this. Gee is smarter, more talented, he is all around better at life than me. He deserves to live.

I take his long fingered hand from around my waist in my shaking one. I kiss it before placing it above my other hand on the handle. He gives me a questioning look before I let go and begin to fall, my Smashing Pumpkins shirt just narrowly missing Gerard's desperate grasps. I close my eyes waiting to hit the ground. Waiting for all the fear to end.

I'm jerked from my gory thoughts by Gee shaking my leg. I'm still stood with my leg inside the ride. He and everyone around us are watching me with careful eyes.

"I can't ride this," I whipser in a frantic tone. A look of dissapointment sets on his features before I continue. "We'll die if we ride this."

Gerard arches his eyebrow and I know he's wondering if I took my meds this morning. I had not. They don't help. If anything, they just in intensify my schizophrenia.

"Well, you do whatever you want. I don't care. I'm riding." Gee put his chin high in the air and crossed his arms, giving off the effect of a moody toddler. He casts his gaze my way and I beg him with my eyes to get off and come with me. As an awnser, he pulls the bar down that clicks with a sense of finality.

With one last glance at my brother, I walk away. I quicken my pace on my quest for the front entrance wanting to get out of here as soon as possible. As the exit sign comes into view, I hear the screams. I don't dare look back, not wanting to replay the events from my head from a different angle.

Those around me are oblivious to the horror those screams truly hold. They play it off as normal rollercoaster behaviour. But I know better. Rollercoasters are dangerous.