FicWad

Here I was once again, turning to my diary to express my feelings. My diary was neither human nor caring, but how I longed for someone who was. One thing I could say, was that it understood me, as it felt every fine line I wrote into it about how much I hated myself. How I wanted to be anyone, but me. But maybe that could change, if I just found that one thing that made me happy. Maybe then would it be worth it.

I closed my diary and took a sigh of relief. I brushed back my long blonde hair from covering my icy blue eyes, pinning it behind my ears. Many hours had gone by since I'd stormed out of class and ran home crying. It was tough, but it started to become a regular thing. The constant taunting, the names, the insults. It all hurt me in a way the people who gained nothing but 'a laugh' out of it, would never understand. It was dark now, and I stared out of my window towards the New York skyline. It was as beautiful as ever, with lights brightening every aspect of the breathtaking view. I smiled a little, then returned to the usual saddened face. I picked up the photo frame, that sat pride of place next to my bed. I smiled and gave yet another sigh of sadness. 'If only you were still with me.' I thought over and over again. 'If only you were able to be with me right now, staring across the skyline where I could sit with you forever'. A tear slowly rolled down my face where I quickly brushed it away. I grabbed a blanket from my bed and made myself comfy on my window seat, the windows wide open with the air rushing in. I held the photo frame tightly in my arms, curled up in a ball staring out of my window. I let the last thing I saw be the skyline, bringing back so many memories. 'I miss you mom' I thought, as I slowly fell asleep, where nobody could hurt me.

I woke to a bright light, piercing through my closed eyelids. I slowly slurred out of sleep, to realise it was indeed the sun, rising proudly above the skyline. I slowly sat up, almost hanging out of my open window, and took a look at the time. 5 am, I should have guessed. Sunrise. But still, I could hardly moan at witnessing such a spectacular moment. Watching this everyday,meant I seemed a little happier, as it brought back memories of how me and my mom used to do the exact same thing. I glanced at the photo frame again. My mum hadn't realised I was taking a photo and was mid-laugh. I remember the exact time and place I took it. We had gone to the beach and were having a picnic. My dad was standing right next to me, pulling the funniest face ever imaginable. My mom saw him and just let out a tremendous laugh. My little brother Carter had joined in with my dad, the most adorable smile you'd ever see. It was a day I'll never forget. I let out a sigh, and continued to stare out of the window. I heard movement from the next room; my dad's room.Look's like he couldn't sleep either. After mom died, me and my dad lost how close we used to be. We used to sit hugging each other, laughng and just being happy. What happened? I heard a small tap on my door. 'Phoenix?' a small voice whispered. 'Yes?' i replied. My dad walked in, hot chocolate in hand with a perkier face than usual. 'I thought I'd make you this.' He smiled, in which I smiled back. 'Thanks dad.' I said. He came and sat down next to me on my window seat, and civered himself in my blanket too. He stared out the window, the smile almost disappearing from his face, replaced a solemn look. 'It's a beautiful sunrise.' he said, sighing. 'As always.' I answered. He looked over at the photo frame, picking it up and letting out a smile. 'I miss her so much.' he said. My heart sank. It saddened me to know my dad still felt so upset, even after it being a year. I nodded, a tear falling from my dry eyes. He put his arm around me, 'It'll be alright button' he said hugging me tightly. 'I know dad, I know'.Those words where all I could say, even though it wasn't alright. It was far from alright. Somehow, his reassurance made me feel better. He kissed me on the forehead, and went to get ready for work, leaving me with a hot chocolate with marshmallows on top resembling a smiley face. Maybe he thought we weren't close anymore too. I liked his attempts however, to regain what we had.

I sat for a while, drinking the hot chocolate, and staring out the window, watching New York slowly begin its dailt routine. I loved living here; the scenery, the atmosphere, the memories. After an hour of taking in my surroundings, I got dressed, did my hair, and made my way to Carter's room. Since mom wasn't around, I did most things, which included getting Carter ready for school. I made a small knock and walked in. 'Hello little man' i said. He turned over to look at me, a smile widening by the second. 'Phoenix!' he yelled. I hugged him and he hugged me. I gave him his glass of milk, a tradition which I got from my mom. I got his clothes ready and once he was done, got him ready. We made our way downstairs to see my dad at the table, reading the daily newspaper.
'Anything interesting happen?' I said.
Carter ran over to him, immersing him in hugs. 'Daddy!' he yelled. I loved my brother to pieces. He was so strong, emotionally, even after what had happened. My dad gave me the usual look, 'Nope, same old stuff.' he said. We ate breakfast and I got my stuff ready. The doorbell chimed at precisely 7:30 and I opened it to see Hunter standing there.
'Hey dude' I smiled, high-fiving him. Hunter and me had been friends for a long time, and he's helped me through a lot of things. That's why I'm proud to call him my best friend. He walked in, his black hair kept in place with a blue beanie hat, his beautifully blue eyes standing out as usual.
'How are you?' I asked, brushing back my hair.
'Yeah, I'm good.' he said.
I picked up my school bag, kissed my brother good bye and walked towards the door. 'Later dad' I smiled. I closed the door behind me, as I walked out onto the sidewalk.
'So, what's up Hunter' I smiled. He looked at me, grinning back.
'Ah, same old. I meant to ask you, someone said you ran out of class crying yesterday? Are you okay?' he said, concerned. I looked down at my feet. I honestly didn't want to talk about it, but he made me feel better about things. I continued looking at my feet however, trying to avoid the subject.
'Phoenix.' he said, 'please?' his puppy dog eyes staring straight at me.
'I'm fine. Just some girls, just the usual.' He stopped walking.
'It's not fine if you ran out of class crying. Now just tell me what they said' He spoke sternly, but with a comforting tone. I told him everything; the names, the insults, how they were making me feel. We continued walking the seven blocks to school, through tall skyscrapers and busy New Yorker's. I could always count on Hunter to listen to me, even if I couldn't tell him everything.

AFter a long conversation and a lot of walking, we reached the school gates. He turned to me and looked me straight in the eyes. 'It's gonna be alright' those same words everyone kept saying to me. I nodded and smiled, even though deep within I was beginning to lose faith in that motto. He gave me a hug and we both went our seperate ways, him to the library to study for an exam, and me to class. I walked, my hair falling over my face as slowly as possible, avoiding attention at all costs. I then took my place in class, and looked down at my feet. My teacher, Miss Hannigan strode in, her hair tied back in a tight bun her usual blouse and skirt framed by her black leather heels.
'Hello class' she chimed, her usual greeting.
Everyone just stared at her, their blank expressions showing no kind of response.
From then, I just drowned her out staring out of the window at the beautiful city that surrounded us.
'Phoenix' a voice yelled, interuptting my moment. I looked up to see her standing over me, frowning.
'Are you paying attention?' I nodded.
She looked me up and down, 'homework?' she said sternly, looking down her nose straight at me.
Damn!All those times I'd spent thinking must have made me oblivious to the fact she was setting us tasks. I gulped, quickly trying to find an appropriate excuse.
'Well,you see.' I stuttered, skimming my mind. 'I, it... My dog ate it.'
That was all I could come up with. She handed me a detention slip and smiled sarcastically. Well, it was worth a try.

The bell rang as a signal that we were get out of this hell hole. It was such a shame as I journeyed down to the detention room, slip in hand, my mind ready for an hour of pure boredom. I opened the door, unexpected of what would have awaited me. There were three students, each dressed with baseball hats complete with tracksuit bottoms and 'bling'. This was going to be the longest hour of my life.