FicWad

It seems that now would be the easiest time to understand why a drink is not the answer. Why many drinks are not the answer to anything. I live with an unimaginable amount of hate towards anything and everything. I don't understand why things happen or why they are but I try and go through the motions. I go to work and don't seem to do well enough. I have friends but we aren't that close. And I although my family loves me in an unconditional way , it seems like that's only because that is the norm. What is expected of them.

So here I am. I drank enough to be drunk as fuck and text both my bosses and dance like I have never before ( I don't dance btw) and then get home in bed with my cousin snoring next to me I can't seem to be happy. Instead I get up to use the bathroom, if you've ever been drunk you know it happens way too often, and I catch my reflection in the mirror. I look at myself and first point out that I'm drunk as fuck but then I stare. Really look and I expect to see something. A glimpse of truth or an answer. Something deep. But it doesn't come. I replay the texts in my head and try to find the beauty but nothing. I realize that nothing is real. These words don't exist anywhere but in my head and you guys only exist in the same place. And as I start to write this down I can't help but figure... If this all made up in the far corners of my mind then why can't I even imagine something that will deliver me happiness? I don't know!!!

But anyway. I'm sorry for this. I'm sorry to confuse you but it's hard to make sense of things that aren't. I don't know. I don't know anything at all. Fuck this. Fuck life. I'm so done haha...