Categories > Celebrities > 30 Seconds to Mars > Come Away
Jared drummed his fingers on the steering wheel for several moments, his eyes never leaving her apartment building. The ring case was in the pocket of his coat and the soft wind from outside tried its best to calm the nervousness overwhelming him. He told himself that he just had to get out and go on up to her place. He would apologize to her, take her up in his arms and tell her that everything was going to be alright between them now. He wasn't sure when exactly he would present the ring to her or what he would say to her. He would just do that when it got to the best point. He could only imagine then the look on her face. Would it be surprise? Would she cry?
The memory filled his mind of when he had asked Bianca to marry him. He had been so nervous as he stood at the counter in the jewelry store waiting for the jeweler to hand him the neat case. He had thought then that he could never feel as complete as he did in that moment. Everything had begun to make sense as the world became somehow more bearable. He had made sure that everything was set up, that there was a dinner, a perfectly rehearsed speech. He had planned everything, down to the kiss he would give her after he had slipped the ring on her finger. She had cried so happily, had told him that the world was theirs now and that nothing at all could hurt either of them. How foolish had he been to believe those ridiculous words? Had there been signs form the beginning? Were there things that he should have noticed even then?
He hated that he always came back to that. Hated that no matter what the remnants he was left with always dragged behind him, always followed as closely as a demon at his back. He pushed his hand back through his hair and sat back. His eyes looking out his windshield. The night was calm but alive. He couldn't imagine anyone else out there breathing though, couldn't think that there were other people filled with emotions. It was only him and her in her apartment and the ring in his coat.
He sighed to himself before he let go of the wheel and opened the car door. He stepped out, his shoes hitting the night sidewalk that he parked beside. After shutting the door he made sure that the case was still there before he slowly made his way towards the building.
He entered quietly, not wanting her to know that he was there and made careful steps up the stairs. They creaked under his steps, the whole building made more noises than he would have liked. He couldn't quiet though, he didn't want her to know right away or have any sort of expectation.
Finally he reached the door and softly knocked. There was no answer. Again he knocked and again he was left in silence. A couple more times he knocked before he resolved that she wasn't home. But where could she go? She told him herself that the only place she had gone to was work and it was much too late for that.
Nervously he swallowed before wrapping his hand around the knob. He knew that he was perhaps pushing some kind of boundaries by simply walking inside but he couldn't really help a kind of foreboding feeling that was growing inside of him. Nothing felt right as he stood there outside her door in absolute silence. Would that be the exact excuse he would use if she was indeed inside and didn't want to see him? He had to think of that possibility too didn't he? That she didn't answer because she didn't want to see him? He couldn't blame her either. How could he when he had been shutting her out and forcing her to reside only in the dark of their relationship?
Either way it didn't feel right. he held onto his worry not caring at that moment that she would possibly be upset with him. He was unsure and he felt something rising up with it inside.
He turned the knob, pushing the door open and quietly stepped in. A breath hitched in his throat as he saw the way the living room was in disarray. It looked like some sort of fight had taken place. Things were turned over, tossed elsewhere. Besides the lack of order the other thing that stood out was the deafening silence that met his presence there. He made his way into the bedroom and although nothing there was really disturbed it was completely empty.
His brow knitted, confusion rose inside him and so did that same intense worry. He took his phone out of his coat and dialed her phone number. His heart tightened when it went to voice mail. Again he called and no answer came. Every other time he had called her she had answered, almost immediately, like she wanted nothing more than to talk to him.
He dropped his phone back into his coat as he tried to think of someone he could call but he didn't know anyone that she did. Hurriedly he remembered the place she worked and he called it. They hadn't seen her since the day before when she had come into work. Frustrated he tossed his phone on her bed and dropped to sit on the edge of it. He covered his face with his hands.
He tried to think of what could have sent her away like this. What could have put her living room in such a messy state. He didn't think that she would have done something like this on purpose, leaving him and his worry up in the air. He closed his eyes as he curled his hand up into a fist pressed against his forehead. He stood up off the bed and looked around then for some kind of note, maybe he had missed something? Didn't seem very likely but it was worth some kind of a shot. But like before he turned nothing up and he was left with the same worried uncertainty.
He didn't know what to do. He couldn't help but feel responsibility over this. If he had been able to show her himself then nothing like this would have ever happened. He could see how upset she had been but to leave like this without even letting him know? He wouldn't be able to blame her but something just told him that she wouldn't have done that, especially not to him. The more desperate side of himself hated the thought that she just didn't want to be found and he really was as helpless as he felt.
He went back to the room and took his phone back up again. He dialed Shannon's number and listened to the way it rang a couple of times before the click of it being answered on the other end sounded.
"Shannon?" He called out worriedly.
"Jared?" There was something dark about Shannon's voice, like he really wasn't sure how to approach the conversation.
"Has Rowan been by?" He gripped his hair in his hand and let his eyes close in silence waiting for some kind of hope to make its way back into his being.
"No one called you?" Shannon asked his voice dropping with more worry than at first.
"What do you mean? Called me for what?" He couldn't help the panic that arrived in his tone.
"Rowan's dad called, he took her to the hospital....they had some kind of fight and he said she just went nuts on him." He wasn't sure what way to say it but he knew that he had to. When no answer came back he let out a small breath. "Jared where are you? I'll get you and I can bring you to the hospital, alright?"
"Which hospital is it?" Jared demanded.
"Jared...."
"What hospital is it?' He repeated a bit more harsher as his fingers tightened around the phone. Everything was falling apart inside and an anger took firm root inside. He swore that if anything had happened to her not only would he take on the blame but he knew that he better not see her dad face to face. Not after this.
The memory filled his mind of when he had asked Bianca to marry him. He had been so nervous as he stood at the counter in the jewelry store waiting for the jeweler to hand him the neat case. He had thought then that he could never feel as complete as he did in that moment. Everything had begun to make sense as the world became somehow more bearable. He had made sure that everything was set up, that there was a dinner, a perfectly rehearsed speech. He had planned everything, down to the kiss he would give her after he had slipped the ring on her finger. She had cried so happily, had told him that the world was theirs now and that nothing at all could hurt either of them. How foolish had he been to believe those ridiculous words? Had there been signs form the beginning? Were there things that he should have noticed even then?
He hated that he always came back to that. Hated that no matter what the remnants he was left with always dragged behind him, always followed as closely as a demon at his back. He pushed his hand back through his hair and sat back. His eyes looking out his windshield. The night was calm but alive. He couldn't imagine anyone else out there breathing though, couldn't think that there were other people filled with emotions. It was only him and her in her apartment and the ring in his coat.
He sighed to himself before he let go of the wheel and opened the car door. He stepped out, his shoes hitting the night sidewalk that he parked beside. After shutting the door he made sure that the case was still there before he slowly made his way towards the building.
He entered quietly, not wanting her to know that he was there and made careful steps up the stairs. They creaked under his steps, the whole building made more noises than he would have liked. He couldn't quiet though, he didn't want her to know right away or have any sort of expectation.
Finally he reached the door and softly knocked. There was no answer. Again he knocked and again he was left in silence. A couple more times he knocked before he resolved that she wasn't home. But where could she go? She told him herself that the only place she had gone to was work and it was much too late for that.
Nervously he swallowed before wrapping his hand around the knob. He knew that he was perhaps pushing some kind of boundaries by simply walking inside but he couldn't really help a kind of foreboding feeling that was growing inside of him. Nothing felt right as he stood there outside her door in absolute silence. Would that be the exact excuse he would use if she was indeed inside and didn't want to see him? He had to think of that possibility too didn't he? That she didn't answer because she didn't want to see him? He couldn't blame her either. How could he when he had been shutting her out and forcing her to reside only in the dark of their relationship?
Either way it didn't feel right. he held onto his worry not caring at that moment that she would possibly be upset with him. He was unsure and he felt something rising up with it inside.
He turned the knob, pushing the door open and quietly stepped in. A breath hitched in his throat as he saw the way the living room was in disarray. It looked like some sort of fight had taken place. Things were turned over, tossed elsewhere. Besides the lack of order the other thing that stood out was the deafening silence that met his presence there. He made his way into the bedroom and although nothing there was really disturbed it was completely empty.
His brow knitted, confusion rose inside him and so did that same intense worry. He took his phone out of his coat and dialed her phone number. His heart tightened when it went to voice mail. Again he called and no answer came. Every other time he had called her she had answered, almost immediately, like she wanted nothing more than to talk to him.
He dropped his phone back into his coat as he tried to think of someone he could call but he didn't know anyone that she did. Hurriedly he remembered the place she worked and he called it. They hadn't seen her since the day before when she had come into work. Frustrated he tossed his phone on her bed and dropped to sit on the edge of it. He covered his face with his hands.
He tried to think of what could have sent her away like this. What could have put her living room in such a messy state. He didn't think that she would have done something like this on purpose, leaving him and his worry up in the air. He closed his eyes as he curled his hand up into a fist pressed against his forehead. He stood up off the bed and looked around then for some kind of note, maybe he had missed something? Didn't seem very likely but it was worth some kind of a shot. But like before he turned nothing up and he was left with the same worried uncertainty.
He didn't know what to do. He couldn't help but feel responsibility over this. If he had been able to show her himself then nothing like this would have ever happened. He could see how upset she had been but to leave like this without even letting him know? He wouldn't be able to blame her but something just told him that she wouldn't have done that, especially not to him. The more desperate side of himself hated the thought that she just didn't want to be found and he really was as helpless as he felt.
He went back to the room and took his phone back up again. He dialed Shannon's number and listened to the way it rang a couple of times before the click of it being answered on the other end sounded.
"Shannon?" He called out worriedly.
"Jared?" There was something dark about Shannon's voice, like he really wasn't sure how to approach the conversation.
"Has Rowan been by?" He gripped his hair in his hand and let his eyes close in silence waiting for some kind of hope to make its way back into his being.
"No one called you?" Shannon asked his voice dropping with more worry than at first.
"What do you mean? Called me for what?" He couldn't help the panic that arrived in his tone.
"Rowan's dad called, he took her to the hospital....they had some kind of fight and he said she just went nuts on him." He wasn't sure what way to say it but he knew that he had to. When no answer came back he let out a small breath. "Jared where are you? I'll get you and I can bring you to the hospital, alright?"
"Which hospital is it?" Jared demanded.
"Jared...."
"What hospital is it?' He repeated a bit more harsher as his fingers tightened around the phone. Everything was falling apart inside and an anger took firm root inside. He swore that if anything had happened to her not only would he take on the blame but he knew that he better not see her dad face to face. Not after this.
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