Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance
That night I arrive home I try to avoid Arianna as much as I can, but when I get home she has ordered a pizza, and it is too much for me not to grab a piece. I sneak into the kitchen hoping she won’t be anywhere near, but of course she is. She is sitting at the bar munching on a piece of pepperoni pizza and looking at the newspaper. She looks concentrated so maybe if I am quiet enough she won’t notice I am in the room. I set the duffle bag on the floor and quietly open the box of pizza. I grab a piece and go to grab the bag, when she notices.
“What that?” She asks pointing to the bag. Damn it. The newspaper is laid across the table and she is giving me a weird look.
“Some books a local vet lent me, I have a pig that I have no idea what is wrong with him so hopefully these books will help. Have a lot of reading to do tonight” I lie trying to make my way out of the room.
“Wait! Aren’t you going to ask how my interview went?” She hops off the bar stool and makes her way towards me.
“No, I am sorry, I am so tired and I really need to read this stuff so I can help him as soon as possible. Maybe in the morning?” I step into the living room and head for the stairs.
“Okay, fine. But did the lead singer come by?” She asks excitedly. I roll my eyes start up the stairs.
“No, not that I know of maybe he got lost” I lie.
“Well then he sucks because I gave him damn good directions!” she shouts up after me. I just ignore her and walk into my room closing the door behind me.
I plop the bag down on the bed and take a bite out of my pizza and stare at it and tap my foot. To open it or not to open it that is the question….. I start to pace in front conciliating if I will or not while eating my pizza when I hear rustling from under my bed. I stop and look and there is Batman. He looks at me with a confused look then hops on the bed and starts rubbing against the bag. I sigh and go over to him. I sit down and he immediately crawls into my lap. It is like he knows, maybe this is the sign I should open it. I snuggle him and decide it is time to open the bag.
I unzip it slowly, as if I am about to open Pandora’s box. Once it is unfully zipped I take a deep breath and reach inside. The first thing I pull out is a hand full of magazines, and on the cover of all of them are the guys. I stare at Gerard. In one he is completely covered in blood with a creepy smile on his face, in the other he is wearing no make up but in a school uniform, and the last one he is wearing his deep red eye shadow, the one I first put on him. My eyes are glued to him. He looks so different, so angry, so hot. I shake the thought out of my head and open the first magazine the one where he is covered in blood.
The interview is mainly about where they got their start and what it is like being where they are at. Then they talk about the new album in the article it reads “Q.) What inspired you to write this album, a lot of your songs are very angry, or sad. A.) A lot of things, the fact that I was just very angry over a certain situation in my life, and also that Mine and Mikey’s grandma had passed away” I gasp. His grandma died?! Fuck! I know how much he loved her. My heart hurts. And what events? The event that I did to him? I close the magazine not wanting to read more. Batman walks in front of me and on the magazine and stares at me. Okay fine, I have to do this. I pick up the one of him in a school uniform.
The magazine asks about the same things as the other. Don’t they ever get tired of answering the same questions? I continue to read when there is another question. “ Question: So any of you have any ladies? Answer: No, not right now.-Mikey Yes- Frank No- Mikey. There has been a few but none that I think are right-Gerard” I throw the magazine to the floor. Oh really?! Well fuck you too! While I have been here spending 3 years trying to recover from that heart break he is out there fucking every chick he can see! God I hate him! I look at the last magazine and decide might as well since I am still so mad.
This article it is just an interview with Gerard none of the other guys. The same questions are asked again, and the same answers are given again. Seriously? There is a thing called copy and paste why even interview them? When again there are a couple questions that catch my eye.
Question: What is the most pain you’ve experienced in your life?
Answer: Heart break by far is the worst thing I have ever felt.
Question : Someone broke your heart? Seems like it would be the other way around don’t you think?
Answer: You’d think, but no I had my heart smashed to the ground. That is what kind of inspired this album, all the pain, the sadness the anger I felt from that.
Question: I am sure she is regretting it now don’t you think?
Answer: No, she isn’t. I hope she is living the life she said she wanted too.
Question: Why did she leave you?
Answer: I’d rather not get into that.
Question: Have you found someone else?
Answer: No, still looking.
And that is where I stop because tears flood my eyes. I take a deep breath not letting any of them fall. I can’t I have to be strong. I can’t believe he said he wanted me to live the life I always wanted. But here I am, not doing what I wanted because I am still too hung up on him. He is better why can’t I be? It just isn’t fair. I sigh and reach into the bag and pull out the CD. On the cover of it are a man and a women splashed in blood. This is one of Gerard’s drawings I remember him drawing something like this. I grab my Walkman CD player off of my night stand and place the Cd inside. I can feel the anxiety kicking in but I ignore it and press play.
The first song plays, and the moment I hear his voice I can’t control the tears I just let them come not trying to stop them at all. I missed this, I missed his voice. I cry though the first song until the second one comes up. And I hear the lyrics and I can’t help is it referring to me?
“ If you were here I’d never have a fear so go on live your life, but I’ll miss you more than I did yesterday. You’re beautiful.”
“ We are young and we don’t care. Your dreams and your hopeless hair, we never wanted it to be this way for all our lives, do you care? If you were here I’d never have a fear, so go on live your life, but I’ll miss you more than I did yesterday, you’re so far away”
Tears still stream down my face and I keep listening onto the next song. Then it hits me, I gave him the inspiration for this song!
“If You marry me, will you burry me” I told him that!
The Next song sounds a little weird to me. He was definitely high when he wrote this. I look at the back of the CD. ‘You know what they do to guys like us in prison’ I sigh and wait for the next song to come up.
It starts off good with a guitar solo, then Gerard starts to sing. And I know 100% this song is about me.
Well if you wanted honesty
That's all you had to say
I never want to let you down or have you go
It's better off this way
For all the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
Remember when you broke your foot
From jumping out the second floor?
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out
What will it take to show you
That it's not the life it seems?
(I'm not okay)
I've told you time and time again
You sing the words
But don't know what it means
(I'm not okay)
To be a joke and look
Another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook
For the last time
Take a good hard look!
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out
Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
You said you read me like a book
But the pages all are torn and frayed
I'm okay
I'm okay!
I'm okay, now
But you really need to listen to me
Because I'm telling you the truth
I mean this
I'm okay!
I look at the back of the CD and see the song is called. I’m not okay (I Promise) and I remember the way I ended the letter to him. “You’ll be okay, I promise” he put in there about Chad taking pictures of me, the way he kept telling me that the life we were living wasn’t what it seemed, and how I wouldn’t listen. This song is for me, but what I don’t understand is he telling me he is okay? Or isn’t? I feel my cheeks get hot and the tears build up. This is all my fault. The next song comes on. Ghost of you. I know this one is about his grandma. The next one The Jetset Life is gonna kill you. I am not sure what or who it is about, maybe another one who wrote while he was high? I don’t know.
Thank you for the venom, is he singing about his drug addiction? Our drug addiction? I don’t know same with the next one. I can’t tell if it is to me or not, but I do know that it is angry. She won't stop me, put it down
She won't stop me, put it down
She won't stop me, put it down
So get your gun and meet me by the door
Is that about me? Me stop him from doing what?
The next one I know has something to do with me.
“ DO you remember back when we met you told me this gets harder, well it did, been holding on forever, promise me that when I’m gone you’ll kill my enemies, the damage you’ve inflicted temporary wounds, I am coming back from the dead and when I take you home with me, I’m taking back the life you stole.” I flinch as the words come out. I did tell him that it would get harder. More hurtful words come out.
“ Hip Hip hooray for me, you talked to me, but would you kill me in my sleep? Lay still like the dead, from the razour to the rosary we could lose ourselves and paint these walls a pitch fork red. I will avenge my ghost with every breath I take, I am coming back from the dead, and when I take you home with me, I am taking back the life you stole. This hole you put me in, wasn’t deep enough and I’m climbing out right now, you’re running out of places to hide from me. But when you go, just know that I will remember you.” A tear escapes my eye. I quickly wipe it away, they are so mean.
And that is the last song I can make any connection with on the CD. I take my head phones off and set them on the bed in front of me. I Sit there quiet for a while. I did make him mad, I broke his heart, I deserve all those mean words. I take a few deep breaths trying not to let the tears behind my eyes fall. I reach into the bag and there is only one thing left a DVD titled “life on the murder scene” I open it up and see that this is the DVD. I can handle hearing Gerards voice and seeing pictures. But will I be able to stand actually seeing him on a TV screen. Guess there is only one way to find out. I get off of my bed and walk across the room to my TV and put the DVD in and then sit back on my bed.
The moment I see Gerard I can’t hold the tears back. Seeing his smile and the way he makes his hand gestures, his hands, seeing how he is on stage, watching him smoke a cigarette, just all of it. And seeing all the guys Frank, Mikey, Ray and the new drummer Bob. I miss them all so much. It gets to the part where It really gets into Gerards drinking. He is stumbling around, and throwing up in bushes. I never saw him this drunk or high when we were together, I was always the one acting like how he is now.
The tears stream harder down my face. Did I cause him to do this? Or was it because of his grandma dying? Or was it both. It goes more in depth and says that Gerard even tried cocaine, and tried to kill himself. The tears blur my vision now and I hold my pillow close. How could I do that to him? I am such a bitch! But then it says he got sober, just like I am now. I turn off the tv not wanting to watch anymore. I lay on my bed and just let the tears flow.
My heart hurts so much. Why did he do that? Why did he get so drunk and almost kill himself?! Oh that’s right because of me. I cry even harder. He is better off without me, he got sober, he is helping people, he is doing what he always wanted to do. Me? I am still single, not married and not having kids like I told him I wanted to. I did all of that for nothing!
But if he is so happy then why is he still looking for me? So he can rub it my face most likely. Say “I told you so” and then run off. Why do I even care?! I shouldn’t and you know what I wont! But who am I kidding?
The tears just keep coming and I don’t even realize how loud and hard I am crying until Arianna comes bursting through the door.
“Oh my god Jo! What is wrong?!” He sits next to me and puts her hand on me. I just coninute to cry into my pillow. S
“Why do you have a bunch of My Chemical Romance stuff everywhere?” She asks again. I continue to cry.
“Come one Johanna I know they are a good band but to cry this much over them? Really?” She says in an agitated tone. I turn around and glare at her through my blurry vision. I wipe the tears away. It is time to tell her the truth.
“Im not fucking crying over them okay!” I hiss at her.
“Then what is going on?” She asks sternly.
“You’re not going to believe me” I say more calmly.
“Try me” She says with a hard face. I sigh.
“ While I was in New Jersey 3 years ago, Chad took me to a bar, that bar had My Chemical Romance playing. The moment I saw Gerard, it was game over, kind of like love at first sight, but it didn’t happen all the quickly. We became friends, and hung out almost every day for a week and that is all it took one week for me to fall head over hills in love with him. I called off the engagement with Chad, and he moved in. He left for tour for about a month and I couldn’t really take the pain of him being gone so my drinking got worse and worse. I couldn’t take it anymore so I flew out to him to stay for 3 weeks. I drank at almost every single show, getting black out drunk. It got to the point that I felt I couldn’t go without drinking. Same with him, we were both addicted. Then I found out I was pregnant, and I couldn’t drink anymore. We went to the Doctor and found out that I wasn’t thank God. But it got me thinking about the future, I wanted kids, a husband to come home to every day and with him that wasn’t going to happen, so I left him. I sold the house and left a note on the front door for him to find when he got back because losing him was so hard. That is why I went to rehab and got sober…that is why I didn’t want to hear anything you had to say about the interview. Gerard did come to the shelter and offered to pay the receptionist 1,000 dollars to find out where I was but she didn’t, so Ray came in and knew I was there. He talked to me and talked me into reading and listening to all of this. And I cant take it” I tell her. Her eyes are wide with shock. And then she laughs.
“Are you okay Jo? Are you sure youre not high right now?” She asks in a serious tone. She thinks I am lying. I feel my blood boil.
“I’m not lying Arianna!” I yell. Her face gets serious again.
“Im sorry Jo, but its just hard to believe…” She rubs her neck and looks at the ground. I stand up and take off my shirt.
“What are you doing?!” Arianna asks.
“See this” I point to my tattoo. Arianna’s mouth falls open.
“I got this 3 years ago, he has one too over his heart that says my name.” She just looks at me shocked.
“Wow you are an over the top obsessed fan” She says in a shocked tone. I feel my face get red.
“Arianna are you fucking kidding me?! I’m not a fan okay?! I was madly in love with this guy and he was with me, we got tattoos to prove it. It says he doesn’t have one because he wanted it to be between us.” She still looks at me like I am crazy.
“Fine here” I stand up and go to my closet and reach for a box in the back. I blow the dust off of it and hand it to her.
“What is it?” She asks giving me a strange look.
“Just open it” I demand. She rolls her eyes and opens the box and lets out a gasp. In the box are pictures of Gerard and I. Some of us kissing, some of us just smiling, other were taken with out us knowing and we were cuddling.
“ im so sorry I didn’t believe you” She is sorting through the pictures.
“Oh my god, and those songs, all those mean songs are about you?!” She asks turning to me. I nod.
“You and his grandma inspired that album?!” I nod again.
“Holy shit. I had no idea…oh man I am going to rip him a new one tomorrow on air” She says with a smile.
“Wait what?! You’re talking to him again?!” I asked shocked.
“Yeah he called today, and wanted to do another one so we are doing an other one. Just holy shit Johanna. I am so sorry I didn’t believe you, and I can’t believe he said all those things about you on his CD, just wow. I am going to tear him a new one!” She says with an evil grin.
“Arianna don’t! He cant find me okay” She looks at me and I give her pleading eyes and she sighs.
“Fine. I wont . I promise” She promises. I smile and hug her.
“Please just keep this on the down low?” I beg.
“Come by the studio tomorrow okay? After the interview I want to take you to lunch”
“I cant risk him seeing me”
“He won’t just stay in my dressing room, listen to the show and then after he leaves we will leave okay? I love you Jo. You’re my sister. And I promise I wont let anything slip” She looks at me with sincere eyes but deep down I know she is planning something.
“What that?” She asks pointing to the bag. Damn it. The newspaper is laid across the table and she is giving me a weird look.
“Some books a local vet lent me, I have a pig that I have no idea what is wrong with him so hopefully these books will help. Have a lot of reading to do tonight” I lie trying to make my way out of the room.
“Wait! Aren’t you going to ask how my interview went?” She hops off the bar stool and makes her way towards me.
“No, I am sorry, I am so tired and I really need to read this stuff so I can help him as soon as possible. Maybe in the morning?” I step into the living room and head for the stairs.
“Okay, fine. But did the lead singer come by?” She asks excitedly. I roll my eyes start up the stairs.
“No, not that I know of maybe he got lost” I lie.
“Well then he sucks because I gave him damn good directions!” she shouts up after me. I just ignore her and walk into my room closing the door behind me.
I plop the bag down on the bed and take a bite out of my pizza and stare at it and tap my foot. To open it or not to open it that is the question….. I start to pace in front conciliating if I will or not while eating my pizza when I hear rustling from under my bed. I stop and look and there is Batman. He looks at me with a confused look then hops on the bed and starts rubbing against the bag. I sigh and go over to him. I sit down and he immediately crawls into my lap. It is like he knows, maybe this is the sign I should open it. I snuggle him and decide it is time to open the bag.
I unzip it slowly, as if I am about to open Pandora’s box. Once it is unfully zipped I take a deep breath and reach inside. The first thing I pull out is a hand full of magazines, and on the cover of all of them are the guys. I stare at Gerard. In one he is completely covered in blood with a creepy smile on his face, in the other he is wearing no make up but in a school uniform, and the last one he is wearing his deep red eye shadow, the one I first put on him. My eyes are glued to him. He looks so different, so angry, so hot. I shake the thought out of my head and open the first magazine the one where he is covered in blood.
The interview is mainly about where they got their start and what it is like being where they are at. Then they talk about the new album in the article it reads “Q.) What inspired you to write this album, a lot of your songs are very angry, or sad. A.) A lot of things, the fact that I was just very angry over a certain situation in my life, and also that Mine and Mikey’s grandma had passed away” I gasp. His grandma died?! Fuck! I know how much he loved her. My heart hurts. And what events? The event that I did to him? I close the magazine not wanting to read more. Batman walks in front of me and on the magazine and stares at me. Okay fine, I have to do this. I pick up the one of him in a school uniform.
The magazine asks about the same things as the other. Don’t they ever get tired of answering the same questions? I continue to read when there is another question. “ Question: So any of you have any ladies? Answer: No, not right now.-Mikey Yes- Frank No- Mikey. There has been a few but none that I think are right-Gerard” I throw the magazine to the floor. Oh really?! Well fuck you too! While I have been here spending 3 years trying to recover from that heart break he is out there fucking every chick he can see! God I hate him! I look at the last magazine and decide might as well since I am still so mad.
This article it is just an interview with Gerard none of the other guys. The same questions are asked again, and the same answers are given again. Seriously? There is a thing called copy and paste why even interview them? When again there are a couple questions that catch my eye.
Question: What is the most pain you’ve experienced in your life?
Answer: Heart break by far is the worst thing I have ever felt.
Question : Someone broke your heart? Seems like it would be the other way around don’t you think?
Answer: You’d think, but no I had my heart smashed to the ground. That is what kind of inspired this album, all the pain, the sadness the anger I felt from that.
Question: I am sure she is regretting it now don’t you think?
Answer: No, she isn’t. I hope she is living the life she said she wanted too.
Question: Why did she leave you?
Answer: I’d rather not get into that.
Question: Have you found someone else?
Answer: No, still looking.
And that is where I stop because tears flood my eyes. I take a deep breath not letting any of them fall. I can’t I have to be strong. I can’t believe he said he wanted me to live the life I always wanted. But here I am, not doing what I wanted because I am still too hung up on him. He is better why can’t I be? It just isn’t fair. I sigh and reach into the bag and pull out the CD. On the cover of it are a man and a women splashed in blood. This is one of Gerard’s drawings I remember him drawing something like this. I grab my Walkman CD player off of my night stand and place the Cd inside. I can feel the anxiety kicking in but I ignore it and press play.
The first song plays, and the moment I hear his voice I can’t control the tears I just let them come not trying to stop them at all. I missed this, I missed his voice. I cry though the first song until the second one comes up. And I hear the lyrics and I can’t help is it referring to me?
“ If you were here I’d never have a fear so go on live your life, but I’ll miss you more than I did yesterday. You’re beautiful.”
“ We are young and we don’t care. Your dreams and your hopeless hair, we never wanted it to be this way for all our lives, do you care? If you were here I’d never have a fear, so go on live your life, but I’ll miss you more than I did yesterday, you’re so far away”
Tears still stream down my face and I keep listening onto the next song. Then it hits me, I gave him the inspiration for this song!
“If You marry me, will you burry me” I told him that!
The Next song sounds a little weird to me. He was definitely high when he wrote this. I look at the back of the CD. ‘You know what they do to guys like us in prison’ I sigh and wait for the next song to come up.
It starts off good with a guitar solo, then Gerard starts to sing. And I know 100% this song is about me.
Well if you wanted honesty
That's all you had to say
I never want to let you down or have you go
It's better off this way
For all the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
Remember when you broke your foot
From jumping out the second floor?
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out
What will it take to show you
That it's not the life it seems?
(I'm not okay)
I've told you time and time again
You sing the words
But don't know what it means
(I'm not okay)
To be a joke and look
Another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook
For the last time
Take a good hard look!
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out
Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
You said you read me like a book
But the pages all are torn and frayed
I'm okay
I'm okay!
I'm okay, now
But you really need to listen to me
Because I'm telling you the truth
I mean this
I'm okay!
I look at the back of the CD and see the song is called. I’m not okay (I Promise) and I remember the way I ended the letter to him. “You’ll be okay, I promise” he put in there about Chad taking pictures of me, the way he kept telling me that the life we were living wasn’t what it seemed, and how I wouldn’t listen. This song is for me, but what I don’t understand is he telling me he is okay? Or isn’t? I feel my cheeks get hot and the tears build up. This is all my fault. The next song comes on. Ghost of you. I know this one is about his grandma. The next one The Jetset Life is gonna kill you. I am not sure what or who it is about, maybe another one who wrote while he was high? I don’t know.
Thank you for the venom, is he singing about his drug addiction? Our drug addiction? I don’t know same with the next one. I can’t tell if it is to me or not, but I do know that it is angry. She won't stop me, put it down
She won't stop me, put it down
She won't stop me, put it down
So get your gun and meet me by the door
Is that about me? Me stop him from doing what?
The next one I know has something to do with me.
“ DO you remember back when we met you told me this gets harder, well it did, been holding on forever, promise me that when I’m gone you’ll kill my enemies, the damage you’ve inflicted temporary wounds, I am coming back from the dead and when I take you home with me, I’m taking back the life you stole.” I flinch as the words come out. I did tell him that it would get harder. More hurtful words come out.
“ Hip Hip hooray for me, you talked to me, but would you kill me in my sleep? Lay still like the dead, from the razour to the rosary we could lose ourselves and paint these walls a pitch fork red. I will avenge my ghost with every breath I take, I am coming back from the dead, and when I take you home with me, I am taking back the life you stole. This hole you put me in, wasn’t deep enough and I’m climbing out right now, you’re running out of places to hide from me. But when you go, just know that I will remember you.” A tear escapes my eye. I quickly wipe it away, they are so mean.
And that is the last song I can make any connection with on the CD. I take my head phones off and set them on the bed in front of me. I Sit there quiet for a while. I did make him mad, I broke his heart, I deserve all those mean words. I take a few deep breaths trying not to let the tears behind my eyes fall. I reach into the bag and there is only one thing left a DVD titled “life on the murder scene” I open it up and see that this is the DVD. I can handle hearing Gerards voice and seeing pictures. But will I be able to stand actually seeing him on a TV screen. Guess there is only one way to find out. I get off of my bed and walk across the room to my TV and put the DVD in and then sit back on my bed.
The moment I see Gerard I can’t hold the tears back. Seeing his smile and the way he makes his hand gestures, his hands, seeing how he is on stage, watching him smoke a cigarette, just all of it. And seeing all the guys Frank, Mikey, Ray and the new drummer Bob. I miss them all so much. It gets to the part where It really gets into Gerards drinking. He is stumbling around, and throwing up in bushes. I never saw him this drunk or high when we were together, I was always the one acting like how he is now.
The tears stream harder down my face. Did I cause him to do this? Or was it because of his grandma dying? Or was it both. It goes more in depth and says that Gerard even tried cocaine, and tried to kill himself. The tears blur my vision now and I hold my pillow close. How could I do that to him? I am such a bitch! But then it says he got sober, just like I am now. I turn off the tv not wanting to watch anymore. I lay on my bed and just let the tears flow.
My heart hurts so much. Why did he do that? Why did he get so drunk and almost kill himself?! Oh that’s right because of me. I cry even harder. He is better off without me, he got sober, he is helping people, he is doing what he always wanted to do. Me? I am still single, not married and not having kids like I told him I wanted to. I did all of that for nothing!
But if he is so happy then why is he still looking for me? So he can rub it my face most likely. Say “I told you so” and then run off. Why do I even care?! I shouldn’t and you know what I wont! But who am I kidding?
The tears just keep coming and I don’t even realize how loud and hard I am crying until Arianna comes bursting through the door.
“Oh my god Jo! What is wrong?!” He sits next to me and puts her hand on me. I just coninute to cry into my pillow. S
“Why do you have a bunch of My Chemical Romance stuff everywhere?” She asks again. I continue to cry.
“Come one Johanna I know they are a good band but to cry this much over them? Really?” She says in an agitated tone. I turn around and glare at her through my blurry vision. I wipe the tears away. It is time to tell her the truth.
“Im not fucking crying over them okay!” I hiss at her.
“Then what is going on?” She asks sternly.
“You’re not going to believe me” I say more calmly.
“Try me” She says with a hard face. I sigh.
“ While I was in New Jersey 3 years ago, Chad took me to a bar, that bar had My Chemical Romance playing. The moment I saw Gerard, it was game over, kind of like love at first sight, but it didn’t happen all the quickly. We became friends, and hung out almost every day for a week and that is all it took one week for me to fall head over hills in love with him. I called off the engagement with Chad, and he moved in. He left for tour for about a month and I couldn’t really take the pain of him being gone so my drinking got worse and worse. I couldn’t take it anymore so I flew out to him to stay for 3 weeks. I drank at almost every single show, getting black out drunk. It got to the point that I felt I couldn’t go without drinking. Same with him, we were both addicted. Then I found out I was pregnant, and I couldn’t drink anymore. We went to the Doctor and found out that I wasn’t thank God. But it got me thinking about the future, I wanted kids, a husband to come home to every day and with him that wasn’t going to happen, so I left him. I sold the house and left a note on the front door for him to find when he got back because losing him was so hard. That is why I went to rehab and got sober…that is why I didn’t want to hear anything you had to say about the interview. Gerard did come to the shelter and offered to pay the receptionist 1,000 dollars to find out where I was but she didn’t, so Ray came in and knew I was there. He talked to me and talked me into reading and listening to all of this. And I cant take it” I tell her. Her eyes are wide with shock. And then she laughs.
“Are you okay Jo? Are you sure youre not high right now?” She asks in a serious tone. She thinks I am lying. I feel my blood boil.
“I’m not lying Arianna!” I yell. Her face gets serious again.
“Im sorry Jo, but its just hard to believe…” She rubs her neck and looks at the ground. I stand up and take off my shirt.
“What are you doing?!” Arianna asks.
“See this” I point to my tattoo. Arianna’s mouth falls open.
“I got this 3 years ago, he has one too over his heart that says my name.” She just looks at me shocked.
“Wow you are an over the top obsessed fan” She says in a shocked tone. I feel my face get red.
“Arianna are you fucking kidding me?! I’m not a fan okay?! I was madly in love with this guy and he was with me, we got tattoos to prove it. It says he doesn’t have one because he wanted it to be between us.” She still looks at me like I am crazy.
“Fine here” I stand up and go to my closet and reach for a box in the back. I blow the dust off of it and hand it to her.
“What is it?” She asks giving me a strange look.
“Just open it” I demand. She rolls her eyes and opens the box and lets out a gasp. In the box are pictures of Gerard and I. Some of us kissing, some of us just smiling, other were taken with out us knowing and we were cuddling.
“ im so sorry I didn’t believe you” She is sorting through the pictures.
“Oh my god, and those songs, all those mean songs are about you?!” She asks turning to me. I nod.
“You and his grandma inspired that album?!” I nod again.
“Holy shit. I had no idea…oh man I am going to rip him a new one tomorrow on air” She says with a smile.
“Wait what?! You’re talking to him again?!” I asked shocked.
“Yeah he called today, and wanted to do another one so we are doing an other one. Just holy shit Johanna. I am so sorry I didn’t believe you, and I can’t believe he said all those things about you on his CD, just wow. I am going to tear him a new one!” She says with an evil grin.
“Arianna don’t! He cant find me okay” She looks at me and I give her pleading eyes and she sighs.
“Fine. I wont . I promise” She promises. I smile and hug her.
“Please just keep this on the down low?” I beg.
“Come by the studio tomorrow okay? After the interview I want to take you to lunch”
“I cant risk him seeing me”
“He won’t just stay in my dressing room, listen to the show and then after he leaves we will leave okay? I love you Jo. You’re my sister. And I promise I wont let anything slip” She looks at me with sincere eyes but deep down I know she is planning something.
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