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Why did Ryan to agree to this- he has no idea.

The bowling alley isn't that full because it is only eleven in the morning and Brendon was getting restless just sitting on the couch watching Gilmore Girls marathon.  

"Ever gone bowling before?" Brendon asks while tying the rental shoes. Ryan stares down at the shoes, not believing he has to put those on.

"Uh, maybe when I was younger. I don't know." 

Brendon grins and stands to choose his ball. Ryan follows after him. 

Those things look heavy.

"Um... Which one should I..." Ryan trails off, just grabbing a ten pound ball. It is heavy. 

Brendon grabs a thirteen pound, easily holding it with one arm. Damn. "You want to go first?" Brendon asks while typing in their names. "There. You can go." 

"I... How?" 

"Uh." Brendon moves to stand next to Ryan, giving him directions. "Hold it in your right- yeah- and put your fingers here and swing it back then forward." 

"You're really good at explaining." Ryan says sarcastically. 

"Just go." 

Ryan does what Brendon told him but lets go of the ball too late, it falling to the ground with a bang. Ryan wants to hide. This is just embarrassing.

"Fuck," Ryan mutters, watching the ball stay frozen in the lane. Really? It won't move? 

"I'll get it!" Brendon skips pass Ryan and gets the ball.

"Brendon... I swear to god if you do that agai-" a voice behind them starts.

"William. Chill." Brendon laughs, and so does "William". 

"How are things, man?" Brendon smiles as the words escape his mouth, giving him a short hug. Ryan just feels awkward. 

"Fine, fine. Who's this?"

"This is my friend Ryan from school!"

Ryan is instantly taken into a hug by William, him freezing from the touch. "Uh hey." 

"I'm William! Or you can call me Bill, or Bilvy, or Will! Whatever you want. Buuuut my boss is going to kill me if he sees me just socializing. Peace out." William rushes over to the offices in the back corner.

"William is cool," Ryan comments, backing up to stand next to Brendon. 

"He drinks a lot of caffeine." 

"Yeah well, it's your turn." Ryan mutters. If Brendon knows anything about Ryan he knows you have to listen carefully to hear everything he says.

Brendon grabs the ball and rolls it perfectly, receiving a strike. "Show off." Ryan mumbles. 

After a game which Brendon wins by a hundred points, Brendon orders a small pizza, and believe it or not Ryan actually eats it. He feels slightly better from this morning. He assumes it's from just getting out of the house and not at school. "So... Uh, Ryan." 

"Hm?" He swallows a bite. 

"You know... You're really different from this morning."

Right. Because he's bipolar.

"And I mean, why the certain change? I mean... You're like a new guy."

... He's bipolar.

"I'm bipolar." 

"Oh." 

"I swear to fucking god if you tell anybody-"

"Woah."

"Ugh." Ryan hides his face in his hands. "I'm more fucked up than you thought."

"You're still Ryan. So that doesn't change anything." 

Ryan peaks from his eyes, meeting Brendon's. He never really noticed his eyes, most of the time he's avoiding eye contact. But they're big and brown and goddamn he's actually really attractive. 

Brendon starts giggling and Ryan just smiles a bit, staring at how Brendon's lips curl upward and how they are clearly too big for his face. It's adorable.

Ryan stops his thoughts. "Ryan?"

"Yep?"

"I like your eyes." Brendon comments, leaning somewhat closer to him. Ryan gets tingled in his stomach. What...?

"I- Uh- thanks. Yours are pretty too." That makes Brendon smile and Ryan's face turn pink. 

"Eh, well. Yours are like... Brown, but they aren't too brown then they look like they have, I don't know..."

Ryan is satisfied by hearing Brendon babble about such a boring feature about Ryan. "What are they like?"

"Well... Kind of like honey." 

Oh, nice. 

"You know dark chocolate?"

"... yeah?"

"Yours are like that." Ryan pulls away because their faces are getting closer together by each word and human contact isn't something Ryan is used to. He scratches the back of his head and stares back down at the pizza.

"You guys should've kissed!" Ryan jumps to the sudden voice right next to him. William.

"Literally William, fuck off." Brendon bites.

William laughs loudly and walks away, breaking out in song. "Brendon and Ryan sitting in a... Booth." 

"He acts like he's seven." Ryan mumbles. 

"Well maybe..." Brendon starts but then stops. He hopes Ryan didn't hear him. (But he totally did but decides against mentioning it.)

Ryan keeps backtracking. He feels himself starting to like Brendon. He's noticing things he wouldn't notice if they were just friends. Like how Brendon's eyebrows tend to be raised while he speaks and how he only relaxes them when he's done talking. He's alert, and the way he moves is somewhat clumsy, telling over his own feet but smiling at himself when he does so. And he totally looks adorable while doing so.

He should not be feeling this towards Brendon.

"So anyway, what do you want to do?" Brendon asks, like nothing before that question mattered. 

"I think I'm gonna head home..." Ryan looks down at his hands. 

"But uh... If you want you can come." 

Brendon looks at Ryan, feeling somewhat confused. "Sure," 

-

Of course there really isn't much to do in the house. "What do you usually do around here?" Brendon complains. 

"I have CDs and a guitar... So." 

"Can I see?" 

Ryan takes him into his room where an electric guitar lies, him passing it over to Brendon. He takes it happily. Ryan's room is a lot different from the rest of his white-walled house. It has posters and is decorated nicely. He likes his room. "Why don't you play something?" Brendon questions.

"I don't want to." 

"Why not?" Brendon can't help but pry. "I'm sure you play much better than I do." 

Ryan just sits on his bed; being quite exhausted while Brendon starts playing some chords. He hears the guitar being higher pitched due to a capo, the progression being slow with a sweet strum pattern. Ryan watches Brendon's expression get more calmer and soften, the way his eyes being to unfocus into the music. He smiles like an idiot while he watches Brendon and he catches him. He smiles back, playing a different set of chords and stops. "Uh," Brendon and Ryan stare at each other even though Ryan really wants to look away- and he does. He hopes Brendon doesn't see how uncomfortable he feels because holy shit they were totally eye fucking for a steady thirty or more seconds. "Ryan?"

Ryan doesn't say anything but his heart skips a beat when he feels a cool hand resting on his cheek. He really is uncomfortable now because his hand is on his cheek and nobody is supposed to touch Ryan ever. Ryan is looking right at Brendon now, feeling a slight panic. 

Brendon feels Ryan relax into his touch and breath unhitch, moving his head closer. "B-" Brendon brushes his thumb close to Ryan's lower lip, silencing him as he leans in, pressing his lips against Ryan's slowly. Ryan doesn't move or kiss back. He feels paralyzed. Brendon's lips are chapped and huge and they feel just like he thought. He finally decides to kiss back, moving his lips against Brendon's mostly out of curiosity if he really was right and yes, he is. 

It takes a moment to realize-

Oh fuck.

He likes him. Ryan realllllllly likes him. Like, a lot. And his train of thought doesn't shut up even after he pulls away with wide, scared eyes.

"Oh m- go home."

"But Ryan?"

"Go home... Just... I can't. Leave." 

"You can't fucking just do that to me. You don't- wow. Um, bye." Brendon wonders what he did wrong or what thought hit Ryan's mind that made him freak out at him. He didn't think he was that bad, but he was wrong.

-

Monday comes slowly, Ryan not doing anything for the rest of the weekend except for homework and lying in bed. He couldn't help but be upset that he pushed his "friend" away.

His only friend. 

He woke up feeling sick again, a headache that won't seem to go away. He basically is dragging his feet as he walks, that soon back firing and making fall onto the ground, catching himself with his palms. A few people smirk in his direction, and he knows a certain someone saw it. His first three classes are fine. His forth period, pre calculus, he sees his seat and then the person next to it. Brendon is frantically trying to finish some problems and doesn't look up at him. Ryan just sits and slumps into his seat, resting his head on the desk until the teacher yells at him for poor posture. That bitch. "You look like shit again." Brendon mutters. 

"Sorry I'm no model." Ryan replies. The teacher looks over to Ryan with a scowl.

"I think we should talk after class." Brendon whispers. Ryan just nods.

The class goes by fine. Brendon doesn't exchange anymore words with Ryan, he's saving them. 

Once the bell rings, Brendon drags Ryan out to the courtyard and they sit on a bench. The hot air soaks into their skin. "What are you so scared of?" Brendon asks. 

Ryan doesn't answer.

"I cause no harm." 

"You already have." Ryan shoots Brendon a stern look and then looks back down at the ground.

"Because you won't give me a chance."

"Who said I want to give you one in the first place?" Ryan raises his voice. "You... You're lying to yourself. You don't like me. You just feel bad for me. Nobody actually likes me. And I- I'm falling for you... I think. And then you'll leave like everyone else in my life and I'll be alone. I'll be alone like I am meant to be."

"I liked you before I knew this was happening." Brendon admits. "I haven't left yet, why would I? I know about your problem, you told me your past which is a mystery to everyone else. I know how you roll up into a ball when you sleep... As creepy as it sounds. I know how ridiculously hard it is to make you smile. I know you." 

"That's barely knowing me." 

"I know you. You're sensitive. But you hide it because you fear getting stepped one more time." Brendon starts. "You don't trust people. You know that it's worthless because they'll leave. You say you aren't looking for anyone but you are. You're looking for someone you can be with. Someone you can touch- someone that will keep your best kept secrets. You hate things- bigger things. Things that have power over you or just people that can hurt you. Which is basically saying you just hate people- and that's true. Everyone seems out to get you. It kills you and it hurts, physically and mentally." Brendon pauses from his speech. "I know you."

Ryan is choking back tears, "Look at me," Brendon whispers. Ryan is hesitant but looks at the comforting eyes he had gotten so familiar with. "I'm that someone." Brendon's voice is soft, his words tying together. 

Ryan sniffles and rests his head on Brendon's shoulder, quietly crying into it. Brendon's hand strokes his back and plays with the hairs on the back of his neck. Ryan jumps to the touch but then relaxes. It's only Brendon. He's okay. Barely. 

Ryan looks up to him nervously, then unexpectedly kisses Brendon's cheek quickly. A simple peck. One that means so much to Brendon and Ryan both. "You know me better than I do."

And Ryan knows he isn't kidding.

-

"Brendon?" Ryan asks.

"Yeah?"

"I think... This is a bad idea- you know, us." Ryan looks out at the flat desert land, watching the sun lower. Brendon took him hear because he brought up how his parents brought him there all the time, him loving the place for how it's always dead silent. 

Brendon swallows. "We don't have to think about it. What we are- what we're doing. Are you happy to have me around?" He doesn't even know if Ryan will say yes. Asking that in the pure silence made him play it back over and over again in his mind.

"Yeah, I do." 

"Not to play twenty questions but I think I pushed myself onto you. Do you even like me? Not... As a friend." Brendon's voice is quieter now, but the questions are still hard to ask.

Ryan swallows. "Y-yeah. I like you." 

"Can I ask something?" 

Brendon nods, avoiding Ryan's eyes which are staring at his profile as they lie in the back of the truck. Ryan rolls over so his chest is pressed against Brendon's, trying to listen to his advice and not think about it. But Brendon is, he's really thinking about it because this is something he never thought would happen. Ryan leans in closer so their faces are only an inch away, and Brendon slowly wraps his arm around Ryan's small body; His other lies lazily by his side. "Can I kiss you?" Ryan whispers against Brendon's lips and places his against the younger boys softly, feeling the small gaps of air in between. 

Ryan continues to kiss him, tying his hand into Brendon's already messy hair. It's intense but so delicate at the same time that each kiss is slow with little breaks in between, each one making them long for the other even more.

It stays like that for minutes. This is something Ryan will want to remember. Even Brendon leaves one day. 

Brendon feels the exact same. He isn't definitely scared of losing someone like Ryan. He's known him for a while, talked to him, understands him. Knowing that he is there for somebody simply feels... Good.

Brendon's arms wrap around Ryan's neck, the falling down to Ryan's back where he rolls him over so he can look down at him and see him. They stare at each other, Ryan having a big sincere smile on his face and Brendon gladly returned it as he traces his fingers down Ryan's jaw bone. The quite, warm air is starting to cool down as the sun is low making it somewhat more comfortable. Brendon rests his head on Ryan's chest, eyes fixated on nothing in particular but the way his heart beat is so relaxed and slowed. 

He takes a deep breath and smells the scent that can only be described as Ryan. "When should we go back?" Ryan asks tiredly. 

"Just..." Brendon looks up and kisses the side of His neck, "now?" 

Ryan hums, "Mm, not now."

--
R&R? Sorry for the wait!