Categories > Original > Humor
"Hurry up, PewDie! We are going to be late!" Stephano said to PewDie
"Alright Stephano! I was killing a barrel! I'm done now!" PewDiePie said, rushing into the church.
Just as they had entered the church, they saw a couple, arguing.
"Trip...Grace?" Pewdie said, looking at the couple
"Not now, PewDie!" Grace said
"Trip, your girl's a bitch, bro" Pewdie said
Trip and Grace both looked at Pewdie, shocked, when Trip's shocked expression turned into an angry one.
"Alright!" Trip said "Pewdie, I think it's time for you to leave."
"WHAT?!" the gamer exclaimed
"We'll be fine" Trip said "You just have to go!"
And with that, he threw PewDiePie out of the church. Pewdie opened up the church door and walked in again. The couple was still arguing.
"Hold your tongue, PewDie." Stephano said "You have to marry this couple without getting kicked out."
"Ughhh I'll try not to get kicked out, Stephano." Pewdie said "What kind of wedding is this, anyway?" PewDie asked
"I have no idea, PewDie. Just don't do anything stupid" the gold statue said
They walked into the part of the church with the pews, where they expected people to be sitting. Instead of everyone in dresses and suits, sitting down, quietly chatting, no one was sitting and no one was in a suit or dress, except for 4 guys: two were blond and two had brown hair. Although there were 4 guys in suits, only 2 actually looked sane.
"HEY! You must be the one who marries AJ and Sam!" one of the blond guys said to PewDie
"Yeah! And you are.."
"I'm Bob. You see, AJ, or her OC, Jennifer, is my ho" Bob said, with a smile
"What's an OC?" PewDie said. He could only think of Oreo Cookies, but they wouldn't name Oreo cookies Jennifer. Then again, PewDie names a rock Jennifer.
"And original character. Jennifer is the closest she can get without revealing her name." Bob explained
"Wait...is this a fan fiction wedding?" Pewdie asked
"Yes. Specifically, a FicWad wedding" Bob said
"Oh...that's...different" PewDie said
"ABSTINENCE!" a brown haired guy in a suit screamed
"Ryan, give it a rest." another brown haired guy in a suit said
"NO! ABSTINENCE!" Ryan said, flailing
"Excuse him, guys" Jon said "He's a very persistent virgin"
"I'M ABSTINENT! JESUS IS ABSTINENT! DON'T YOU WANT TO BE LIKE US?" Ryan screamed
"Shhh, it's ok. There's not much sexual tension" Bob said
"Good." Ryan said with a smile
"He's one of those abstinent crazies" Stephano said, startling Ryan, Jon, and Bob
"It...talks?" Ryan asked
"Yes! Of course! It's Stephano!" PewDie said
"I WANT ONE!"Ryan screamed
"Here. Have Gonzales!" PewDie said, giving Ryan and identical gold statue
"WHAT? Alright, PewDie! I see how much I mean to you! I'm working with the Barrels!" Gonzales said
There was silence for a few seconds, followed by PewDiePie's horrified expression taking over his face.
"I'm just kidding!" Gonzales said
"Oh! I thought you were serious!" Pewdie said
"Well I wasn't! Now, Ryan" Gonzales started "tell me more about this 'Abstinence' of yours"
They walked away.
Pewdie laughed, but the laughter turned into screams when he felt someone's teeth greet his neck.
"HEY! GET OFF THE MINISTER!" someone screamed
He felt the teeth leave his neck. He turned around to see a girl, in red skinny jeans and a black Vladimir Todd hoodie. She ran from whoever yelled at her
"STOP BITING PEOPLE, CLAIR! IT ISN'T VERY HEALTHY!" the mystery person screamed, as Clair kept running.
"NEVER!" she screamed, as she bit another guest.
The person who screamed at Clair came up to Pewdie.
"I'm atomickilljoy! You can call me AJ" she said
"I'm PewDie! I'll be marrying you today! So, who's the lucky guy?" he said
"Nope. Not a guy. A girl. We're just meant to be" AJ said
"So cute!" PewDie said
"I know!" AJ said
"This is probably the most laid back wedding...EVER" Pewdie said
"OHMYGOSH" someone screamed "STEPHANO!"
"SAM!" Stephano exclaimed
"How did you know my name?" Sam asked
"I guessed. I am Stephano. Allos, Sam" Stephano said
"I came here to tell AJ that Ryan keeps on telling people you're fucking Bob, and that you refuse to remain abstinent. Also, Clair refuses to stop biting the guests" Sam said
"Ok, I'll be right back!" AJ said, and she disappeared.
In the distance, PewDie was listening to the background noise. He heard, what sounded like, a slap, and someone shouting "DAMMIT RYRO, GET IT TOGETHER", when he was interrupted by a girl, in yellow skinny jeans, a tuxedo shirt, and purple eyes, crying.
"Oh no, what's wrong?" Pewdie asked the girl
"It's all...so...beautiful!" she cried
"Amanda, get it together!" Sam told the girl
"I can't! It's all so beautiful! I'm so happy for you!" she wailed, hugging Sam
"Can I get a hug?" a girl, with drak brown hair and tanned skin, wearing a purple leopard print shirt, asked.
"No Elizabeth. Amanda forced the hug upon me. It's hug rape."
Elizabeth walked up to PewDie and shook his hand.
"I'm Elizabeth!" she said "I'm also dead on arrival"
"What?" PewDie asked
"...nevermind."
"When are we going to start the wedding?" Stephano asked
"It depends when the couple wants to start" PewDie said
"HEY! EVERYONE SIT DOWN! THE WEDDING WILL START SOON!" Sam screamed.
No one listened
"HEY YOU FUCKERS SIT THE FUCK DOWN BEFORE I BUST A CAP IN YO ASS!" AJ screamed, appearing with Ryan, who was trying to get AJ's hand off of his ear.
Everyone quickly sat down and took their places.
"Ryan, I'm very disappointed in you. Do you understand why I spanked you today?" AJ asked Ryan
He nodded
"That's a good boy. Now go take your place as Man of Honor. WHERE'S SAM'S MAN OF HONOR?!" AJ yelled
"RIGHT HERE!" a blond guy screamed
"David, go take your place! Stop walking so weird!"
"Alright!"
Everyone took their place, and AJ and Sam quickly ran into the back of the church with Bob and Jon. About 10 minutes later, AJ came out, in a Green Day shirt and skinny jeans, with Bob holding her. They were walking slowly. As they were walking down, Amanda was wailing.
"IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!"
Bob kept a straight face, while AJ tried not to laugh. They finally made it to the front, and Bob had to give her away.
"AJ, I'll miss you being single" he cried
"It's ok. We'll be swingers! I'll still be your whore!" she said
"Yeah, but you'll forget me!"
"No I won't! I haven't forgotten Patrick Stump! I was his whore from 5th grade to 7th grade! I'm still his whore, but I'm your whore,too! I won't forget you!" she said
"Ok. Fine! But the minute you forget me, I'm coming to haunt you!"
AJ laughed in response. Soon, Sam came out with Jon, in a Panic! At The Disco shirt, and ripped jeans.
"Will you still be my whore?" Jon asked
"Of course I will! We're swingers! I audition to be your girlfriend whenever possible" Sam said
Jon teared up. He was overwhelmed with happiness.
"Are we ready to start?" Pewdie asked
"Yes" AJ responded
"Can we skip all of the boring shit and go right to the vows?" David asked
"I agree. That shit is boring" Sam said
"Ok. Who wants to start?" Stephano asked
"I will!" AJ said "Sam, or XEvil_AngelX, I knew we were meant to be from the minute you fangirled over Ryan, The Pushy Virgin. When you fangirled over Green Day, I began to slowly realize that we were meant to be married Ficwaddians. And then, when you held auditions titled "BARRELS AND STEPHANO", and had a spot Bob's love interest, I new that we were destined to be together as a FicWaddian couple"
People were crying, even torso, who didn't have a face.
"IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!" Amanda cried
"I'm thirsty" a kid in the back said
"I DONT CAAAARRREE!" his dad said
"Now XEvil_Angle" Pewdie said
"Angel! Damnit Pewdie, get it right!" Stephano said
"Just call me Sam NOT A GUY!" she said
"Just say your vows" Pewdie said
"AJ, or atomickilljoy, although I don't even know your name, when I saw that you wrote Ryan, as a pushy, abstinent virgin, I adored you. Every time I heard the word 'assonance', I thought of abstinent, then thought of Ryan. I flipped out when Green Day made an appearance in your fiction "Growing Up" and when you admitted to being a bro, I loved you. We're meant to be."
"SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!" Amanda wailed
"Do you, atomickilljoy, promise to take XEvil_Angel, in sickness or health, hiatus or constant updates, for as long as you two live?"
"I do"
"And do you, XEvil_Angel, promise to take atomickilljoy in sickness or health, in hiatus or constant updates, for as long as you two live?"
"I do"
"Ryan, David- David what are you doing?" Stephano asked
"THEY'RE DOUBLE BANANAS" David screamed, fiddling with a package.
"HE SURE LIKES HIS DOUBLE BANANAS, AM I RIGHT?" Elizabeth yelled
When no one laughed, she sat down quietly
"DAVID, PUT THE DAMN BANANAS DOWN AND GIVE US THE DAMN RINGS!" AJ said
He quietly put the bananas back in his pocket and took out the ring and handed it to Sam. Ryan took out the ring and handed it to Jennifer. They each quietly put the FicWad rings on each other.
"I now pronounce you, the first married couple on FicWad. You may now bro fist." PewDie said
"THAT'S NOT THE ONLY WAY THEY'LL FIST, AM I RIGHT?!" Elizabeth asked.
No one laughed, again, so she quietly sat down.
Sam and AJ bro fisted. They walked down the aisle, greeted by Bob and Jon. They were happy that Sam and AJ would still be their whores.
Clair walked over to give AJ a hug, and bit her instead.
"Alright" AJ said, pulling away "enough of that"
"Can we have an orgy now?" Piggeh asked Sam
"No Piggeh" Sam said "I'll only fuck Jon and AJ will fuck Bob. We will also fuck PewDie. We're swingers. We just won't have an orgy with you."
"Please?"
"No"
"You know you want to"
As Sam was going to open her mouth, a rock grabbed a microphone, and said something:
"I LOVE YOU PEWDIE! LET'S GET MARRIED!"
"NO Jennifer!" Pewdie said
"But Pewdie" Jennifer said "I love you"
"YEAH TAKE PICTURES OF ME!" a chair shouted
"Mr.Chair!" Pewdie exclaimed
"I was made for the camera!" Mr.Chair exclaimed
There was taping on the door, interrupting all conversations. Stephano, somehow, got to the window and screamed
"IT'S MCPIXEL!"
McPixel soon made it in. They had heard he was a menace. Mr.Chair got in front of everyone and said
"Chairmode, activate. Boop!"
Somehow, and to this day, no one knows, McPixel disappeared.
"How did you do that?" PewDiePie asked, amazed
"I'm Mr.Chair. I can do stuff like that."
After a half hour, everyone was ready to leave, when Ryan made his speech
"Guys, I am so happy for Sam and AJ. They are awesome, and they were abstinent, which makes me proud. AJ has made me into the guy I am today, and I thank her. Just remember whenever you're making out with your partner, whenever you get that giant throbbing erection, whenever you're about to pull out a condom, ABSTINENCE! REMAIN ABSTINENT! BE ABSTINENT!"
"Yes. Ryan has convinced me to be abstinent" Gonzalez said
"Just remain abstinent! That is all! AJ, Sam, congrats!" Ryan said, as he finished his speech
"THESE FUCKING DOUBLE BANANAS!" David screamed
"SO BEAUTIFUL!" Amanda wailed, as Clair tried to bite her
"ISN'T CLAIR KINKY?!" Elizabeth screamed. When no one laughed, she sat in her seat.
"We're a FicWaffle couple!" AJ gushed
"But we're swingers!" Sam said
"Wheres PewDie?" AJ asked, looking around the church, checking to see if anyone was there. Everyone had left.
"I'm here!" PewDie said, hearing his name "I was trying to get Gonzalez back from Ryan. I finally did"
"I saw a really dark room around here." Sam said
"Well, when a FicWaffle couple are in a room with a PewDiePie, well, no one will know what happens." AJ said, as she quickly pulled Sam and PewDie in a room
"Why not?" PewDiePie asked
"Because we wouldn't want to waste our lantern, now would we?" Sam said with a smile
That was our wedding. God, we're gross, but PEWDIEPIE IS SO ATTRACTIVE I DON'T CARE XD
"Alright Stephano! I was killing a barrel! I'm done now!" PewDiePie said, rushing into the church.
Just as they had entered the church, they saw a couple, arguing.
"Trip...Grace?" Pewdie said, looking at the couple
"Not now, PewDie!" Grace said
"Trip, your girl's a bitch, bro" Pewdie said
Trip and Grace both looked at Pewdie, shocked, when Trip's shocked expression turned into an angry one.
"Alright!" Trip said "Pewdie, I think it's time for you to leave."
"WHAT?!" the gamer exclaimed
"We'll be fine" Trip said "You just have to go!"
And with that, he threw PewDiePie out of the church. Pewdie opened up the church door and walked in again. The couple was still arguing.
"Hold your tongue, PewDie." Stephano said "You have to marry this couple without getting kicked out."
"Ughhh I'll try not to get kicked out, Stephano." Pewdie said "What kind of wedding is this, anyway?" PewDie asked
"I have no idea, PewDie. Just don't do anything stupid" the gold statue said
They walked into the part of the church with the pews, where they expected people to be sitting. Instead of everyone in dresses and suits, sitting down, quietly chatting, no one was sitting and no one was in a suit or dress, except for 4 guys: two were blond and two had brown hair. Although there were 4 guys in suits, only 2 actually looked sane.
"HEY! You must be the one who marries AJ and Sam!" one of the blond guys said to PewDie
"Yeah! And you are.."
"I'm Bob. You see, AJ, or her OC, Jennifer, is my ho" Bob said, with a smile
"What's an OC?" PewDie said. He could only think of Oreo Cookies, but they wouldn't name Oreo cookies Jennifer. Then again, PewDie names a rock Jennifer.
"And original character. Jennifer is the closest she can get without revealing her name." Bob explained
"Wait...is this a fan fiction wedding?" Pewdie asked
"Yes. Specifically, a FicWad wedding" Bob said
"Oh...that's...different" PewDie said
"ABSTINENCE!" a brown haired guy in a suit screamed
"Ryan, give it a rest." another brown haired guy in a suit said
"NO! ABSTINENCE!" Ryan said, flailing
"Excuse him, guys" Jon said "He's a very persistent virgin"
"I'M ABSTINENT! JESUS IS ABSTINENT! DON'T YOU WANT TO BE LIKE US?" Ryan screamed
"Shhh, it's ok. There's not much sexual tension" Bob said
"Good." Ryan said with a smile
"He's one of those abstinent crazies" Stephano said, startling Ryan, Jon, and Bob
"It...talks?" Ryan asked
"Yes! Of course! It's Stephano!" PewDie said
"I WANT ONE!"Ryan screamed
"Here. Have Gonzales!" PewDie said, giving Ryan and identical gold statue
"WHAT? Alright, PewDie! I see how much I mean to you! I'm working with the Barrels!" Gonzales said
There was silence for a few seconds, followed by PewDiePie's horrified expression taking over his face.
"I'm just kidding!" Gonzales said
"Oh! I thought you were serious!" Pewdie said
"Well I wasn't! Now, Ryan" Gonzales started "tell me more about this 'Abstinence' of yours"
They walked away.
Pewdie laughed, but the laughter turned into screams when he felt someone's teeth greet his neck.
"HEY! GET OFF THE MINISTER!" someone screamed
He felt the teeth leave his neck. He turned around to see a girl, in red skinny jeans and a black Vladimir Todd hoodie. She ran from whoever yelled at her
"STOP BITING PEOPLE, CLAIR! IT ISN'T VERY HEALTHY!" the mystery person screamed, as Clair kept running.
"NEVER!" she screamed, as she bit another guest.
The person who screamed at Clair came up to Pewdie.
"I'm atomickilljoy! You can call me AJ" she said
"I'm PewDie! I'll be marrying you today! So, who's the lucky guy?" he said
"Nope. Not a guy. A girl. We're just meant to be" AJ said
"So cute!" PewDie said
"I know!" AJ said
"This is probably the most laid back wedding...EVER" Pewdie said
"OHMYGOSH" someone screamed "STEPHANO!"
"SAM!" Stephano exclaimed
"How did you know my name?" Sam asked
"I guessed. I am Stephano. Allos, Sam" Stephano said
"I came here to tell AJ that Ryan keeps on telling people you're fucking Bob, and that you refuse to remain abstinent. Also, Clair refuses to stop biting the guests" Sam said
"Ok, I'll be right back!" AJ said, and she disappeared.
In the distance, PewDie was listening to the background noise. He heard, what sounded like, a slap, and someone shouting "DAMMIT RYRO, GET IT TOGETHER", when he was interrupted by a girl, in yellow skinny jeans, a tuxedo shirt, and purple eyes, crying.
"Oh no, what's wrong?" Pewdie asked the girl
"It's all...so...beautiful!" she cried
"Amanda, get it together!" Sam told the girl
"I can't! It's all so beautiful! I'm so happy for you!" she wailed, hugging Sam
"Can I get a hug?" a girl, with drak brown hair and tanned skin, wearing a purple leopard print shirt, asked.
"No Elizabeth. Amanda forced the hug upon me. It's hug rape."
Elizabeth walked up to PewDie and shook his hand.
"I'm Elizabeth!" she said "I'm also dead on arrival"
"What?" PewDie asked
"...nevermind."
"When are we going to start the wedding?" Stephano asked
"It depends when the couple wants to start" PewDie said
"HEY! EVERYONE SIT DOWN! THE WEDDING WILL START SOON!" Sam screamed.
No one listened
"HEY YOU FUCKERS SIT THE FUCK DOWN BEFORE I BUST A CAP IN YO ASS!" AJ screamed, appearing with Ryan, who was trying to get AJ's hand off of his ear.
Everyone quickly sat down and took their places.
"Ryan, I'm very disappointed in you. Do you understand why I spanked you today?" AJ asked Ryan
He nodded
"That's a good boy. Now go take your place as Man of Honor. WHERE'S SAM'S MAN OF HONOR?!" AJ yelled
"RIGHT HERE!" a blond guy screamed
"David, go take your place! Stop walking so weird!"
"Alright!"
Everyone took their place, and AJ and Sam quickly ran into the back of the church with Bob and Jon. About 10 minutes later, AJ came out, in a Green Day shirt and skinny jeans, with Bob holding her. They were walking slowly. As they were walking down, Amanda was wailing.
"IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!"
Bob kept a straight face, while AJ tried not to laugh. They finally made it to the front, and Bob had to give her away.
"AJ, I'll miss you being single" he cried
"It's ok. We'll be swingers! I'll still be your whore!" she said
"Yeah, but you'll forget me!"
"No I won't! I haven't forgotten Patrick Stump! I was his whore from 5th grade to 7th grade! I'm still his whore, but I'm your whore,too! I won't forget you!" she said
"Ok. Fine! But the minute you forget me, I'm coming to haunt you!"
AJ laughed in response. Soon, Sam came out with Jon, in a Panic! At The Disco shirt, and ripped jeans.
"Will you still be my whore?" Jon asked
"Of course I will! We're swingers! I audition to be your girlfriend whenever possible" Sam said
Jon teared up. He was overwhelmed with happiness.
"Are we ready to start?" Pewdie asked
"Yes" AJ responded
"Can we skip all of the boring shit and go right to the vows?" David asked
"I agree. That shit is boring" Sam said
"Ok. Who wants to start?" Stephano asked
"I will!" AJ said "Sam, or XEvil_AngelX, I knew we were meant to be from the minute you fangirled over Ryan, The Pushy Virgin. When you fangirled over Green Day, I began to slowly realize that we were meant to be married Ficwaddians. And then, when you held auditions titled "BARRELS AND STEPHANO", and had a spot Bob's love interest, I new that we were destined to be together as a FicWaddian couple"
People were crying, even torso, who didn't have a face.
"IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!" Amanda cried
"I'm thirsty" a kid in the back said
"I DONT CAAAARRREE!" his dad said
"Now XEvil_Angle" Pewdie said
"Angel! Damnit Pewdie, get it right!" Stephano said
"Just call me Sam NOT A GUY!" she said
"Just say your vows" Pewdie said
"AJ, or atomickilljoy, although I don't even know your name, when I saw that you wrote Ryan, as a pushy, abstinent virgin, I adored you. Every time I heard the word 'assonance', I thought of abstinent, then thought of Ryan. I flipped out when Green Day made an appearance in your fiction "Growing Up" and when you admitted to being a bro, I loved you. We're meant to be."
"SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!" Amanda wailed
"Do you, atomickilljoy, promise to take XEvil_Angel, in sickness or health, hiatus or constant updates, for as long as you two live?"
"I do"
"And do you, XEvil_Angel, promise to take atomickilljoy in sickness or health, in hiatus or constant updates, for as long as you two live?"
"I do"
"Ryan, David- David what are you doing?" Stephano asked
"THEY'RE DOUBLE BANANAS" David screamed, fiddling with a package.
"HE SURE LIKES HIS DOUBLE BANANAS, AM I RIGHT?" Elizabeth yelled
When no one laughed, she sat down quietly
"DAVID, PUT THE DAMN BANANAS DOWN AND GIVE US THE DAMN RINGS!" AJ said
He quietly put the bananas back in his pocket and took out the ring and handed it to Sam. Ryan took out the ring and handed it to Jennifer. They each quietly put the FicWad rings on each other.
"I now pronounce you, the first married couple on FicWad. You may now bro fist." PewDie said
"THAT'S NOT THE ONLY WAY THEY'LL FIST, AM I RIGHT?!" Elizabeth asked.
No one laughed, again, so she quietly sat down.
Sam and AJ bro fisted. They walked down the aisle, greeted by Bob and Jon. They were happy that Sam and AJ would still be their whores.
Clair walked over to give AJ a hug, and bit her instead.
"Alright" AJ said, pulling away "enough of that"
"Can we have an orgy now?" Piggeh asked Sam
"No Piggeh" Sam said "I'll only fuck Jon and AJ will fuck Bob. We will also fuck PewDie. We're swingers. We just won't have an orgy with you."
"Please?"
"No"
"You know you want to"
As Sam was going to open her mouth, a rock grabbed a microphone, and said something:
"I LOVE YOU PEWDIE! LET'S GET MARRIED!"
"NO Jennifer!" Pewdie said
"But Pewdie" Jennifer said "I love you"
"YEAH TAKE PICTURES OF ME!" a chair shouted
"Mr.Chair!" Pewdie exclaimed
"I was made for the camera!" Mr.Chair exclaimed
There was taping on the door, interrupting all conversations. Stephano, somehow, got to the window and screamed
"IT'S MCPIXEL!"
McPixel soon made it in. They had heard he was a menace. Mr.Chair got in front of everyone and said
"Chairmode, activate. Boop!"
Somehow, and to this day, no one knows, McPixel disappeared.
"How did you do that?" PewDiePie asked, amazed
"I'm Mr.Chair. I can do stuff like that."
After a half hour, everyone was ready to leave, when Ryan made his speech
"Guys, I am so happy for Sam and AJ. They are awesome, and they were abstinent, which makes me proud. AJ has made me into the guy I am today, and I thank her. Just remember whenever you're making out with your partner, whenever you get that giant throbbing erection, whenever you're about to pull out a condom, ABSTINENCE! REMAIN ABSTINENT! BE ABSTINENT!"
"Yes. Ryan has convinced me to be abstinent" Gonzalez said
"Just remain abstinent! That is all! AJ, Sam, congrats!" Ryan said, as he finished his speech
"THESE FUCKING DOUBLE BANANAS!" David screamed
"SO BEAUTIFUL!" Amanda wailed, as Clair tried to bite her
"ISN'T CLAIR KINKY?!" Elizabeth screamed. When no one laughed, she sat in her seat.
"We're a FicWaffle couple!" AJ gushed
"But we're swingers!" Sam said
"Wheres PewDie?" AJ asked, looking around the church, checking to see if anyone was there. Everyone had left.
"I'm here!" PewDie said, hearing his name "I was trying to get Gonzalez back from Ryan. I finally did"
"I saw a really dark room around here." Sam said
"Well, when a FicWaffle couple are in a room with a PewDiePie, well, no one will know what happens." AJ said, as she quickly pulled Sam and PewDie in a room
"Why not?" PewDiePie asked
"Because we wouldn't want to waste our lantern, now would we?" Sam said with a smile
That was our wedding. God, we're gross, but PEWDIEPIE IS SO ATTRACTIVE I DON'T CARE XD
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