Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > 'Cause Love Isn't About Affection, It's About Leadership
GAHHHH - okay, so, since it's been a horribly long time since the last update, I decided to post the next one without any editing.. I pretty much just read it through, and I'm quite sure I'll be back to edit it afterwards. Oh and I did take the last part out, the next chapter will begin with the part that was cut off of this one. It just didn't fit. Meehhhh, this sucks and I'm so goddamn busy (e.i. lazy) sometimes that I'm just gonna go to the corner and feel ashamed of myself now. Good night. bows
Everything happened with such speed that even with my eyes and ears more alert than a human's could ever be I was too slow to fully comprehend. And my temporarily sharpened senses, as usually, were quickly dulling as I felt myself being tossed away from Frank.
My body let a loud sound as it landed somewhere on the concrete. I could feel the cold brick wall behind me, not giving in an inch as my body collapsed against it.
"What the fuck?" I heard someone roar "WHAT THE FUCK" the sound was almost a cry. Not exactly a sob, but the kind of strangled voice that sounds like it just about got stuck in your throat, the kind of sound that is produced by such a sudden surface of extreme bewilderment and fear. It was Frank.
My mind was just about as blank as my body had been just a moment ago, my sight was a strange inaccurate blur and my thoughts resembled a pack of lunatic cows that circled around my brain making my head throb and then, eventually, disappear into thin air. I blinked.
There was someone - Frank, I'm sure - pacing around the alley, back and forth, with his palm pressed against his mouth. I could see dark liquid oozing from between his fingers.
The door burst open and before I even had the time to gather my thoughts and to try and take a look at the damage I'd done, I felt myself being picked up from the ground. Several figures seemed to have thrusted themselves through the small doorway into the alley. The figures were all very loud, too.
My head spun due to the swift movement as the strong arms lifted me to a remarkably strong shoulder, holding on to my legs. My upper body swung to the rhythm of his legs in the most uncomfortable way, but I couldn't make myself say so, or even try to move in protest or free myself.
There were many voices, loud and urgent, someone was pursuing the person carrying me to put me back down and the others seemed to just try to get someone to explain the situation to them, begged for a better understanding of what was happening. The only voice I heard as clearly as my own thoughts were Frank's, though.
His hysteric and slurred speach made me realize that he had felt it, too. that he knew.
Or maybe not that he knew, but that he felt the need to know.
No one would ever be able to convince him that I'd just got carried away in the kiss, in the fucking heat of the moment. Or that I just happened to like it rough, I thought bitterly.
I hadn't just bit him, I had tasted his blood, consuming as much as I had been able to in my fraction of a second of weakness before he had pushed me away like a ragdoll in attempt to save his life.
I've heard a saying that a person can feel the closeness of death, the impending end, and would never forget the reality of it even if he had walked out without a scratch. That he hadn't - he was obviously bleeding, but he obviously knew that something had just threathened his life. His body knew, his instincts knew, and he couldn't get his head around any of it. Hence the hysteria.
Anxious didn't even begin to cover my feelings - I felt like dying myself.
I was fairly sure I'd never in my existance felt so drained before, like he had sucked the life out of me and not vice versa... I let out a horrified gasp that itched and scratched my throat but received a dull 'shut up' from the man carrying me. The fabric of his coat brushed against my cheek and I finally identified him as Gerard.
"Let her the fuck down, Gerard!" a girl yelled, an edge of panic in her too high-pitched, too shrill voice.
"You stay out of this!" He spat "You don't know a thing about what's going on here!"
"She fucking bit me!" Another voice, Frank's. The words were soon followed by another 'what the fuck'. I cringed. Everyone was yelling - why hadn't I noticed that before? Had I hit my head at my ungraceful landing? Had Frank pushed me away like that, hard enough to send me flying against a brick wall?
I felt an irrational pang of hurt, forgetting for just a secong that I was the one who had just bit him. I cringed again, squeezing my eyes shut in a desperate attempt to block out all the yelling and screaming. My head kept on spinning.
"Let her down, Gerard!" A male voice. Matt, maybe? "Her head is bleeding, I think she needs help"
"Do it, Gee!" screamed the girl. Oh, it was that blonde girl - I knew that high nasal voice!
"You don't understand" Gerard voice was urgent and confident, even though he definitely just took a tiny step back. "He needs help"
"Frank?" The girl scoffed in disbelief "Hardly" She snorted "I don't know what's happening here but I see a fucking drunk Frank and a bleeding Avery in a very dark and deserted alley and you're practicly abusing her right now so just let her down already!"
That was true, by head felt like nothing ever had before, it still throbbed and ached from the earlier meeting with the wall, but now it was also starting to feel like a pressure cooker, with my temples almost exploding as I had been held upsidedown for five fucking minutes too long now.
He took another step back. Oh please don't start running, I begged silently.
"Mhhm" A muffled grunt escaped my lips as I was beginning to feel unhealthily uncomfortable.
"Just let her down, okay?" Matt's voice was stable and assurring. I was starting to hope that Gerard would listen to him and put me down already, I mean, what was the point in this anyhow?
Holding me up here even though everyone else seemed to be concerned about my apparently bleeding head? Was he trying to protect me from being discovered, was he going to take me away from the audience and then see for himself if I was okay? It wasn't exactly a gentle way to do it, if so, and Gerard would be one to understand that. Why was he being so aggressive, so rough? Why was h-- oh.
Oh. All the questions abandoned my head in as the reality dawned on me. There was no doubt about it.
He wasn't caring for me, he was trying to hold me back!
The realization made me sick to my stomach and I felt my involuntary legs start kicking in some sort of panic and finally, finally, I was able to gush out a loud scream that reflected the panic I felt. Gerard's arms tightened around my legs. I never realized he was that strong.
Was I really just as weak as I felt - like half of everything I had had just evaporated my body and left for good?
I felt a single sob rock my body as the knowledge of what I had done was slowly starting to sink in. What about Frank -oh my god- what about Frank? Was he okay? My breathing was forced and heavy as I struggled for air, struggled for a glimpse of Frank.
"She's coming with me" Gerard whispered and started backing away, nervous but determined. I detected the van immediately, and without really even knowing why, I kicked harder than I had before all the while throwing tiny pathetic punches wherever I could. Gerard didn't seem to notice.
"But.. You can't drive" Matt's voice declared, as if the idea was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard.
"Come on, Frank" Gerard called.
"Don't get behind the wheel, Gee, you're way too drunk" The blonde chick's scream had turned into a dead serious whisper. "Don't do anything stupid, Gee"
"Come ON, Frank" Gerard called again, my head bounced as he took a several more steps towards the van. My head almost hit the cold steel of the back door.
"I am NOT getting in that van! Not with her, Gerard, not in a million fucking years!" I heard his horrified yell from somewhere a bit farther away."Nuh-uh!"
It was obvius that he'd rather jump into a pool filled with ferocious crocodiles than spend another moment within ten feet of me.
"Come on, man! We'll take care of this, I'll fucking explain. We'll deal with her, I promise" Gerard pleaded
"No way"
"Frank.."
"NO"
"Just get in the van, Frank" though the words came as a tired sigh, they spoke of a silent plea which Frank, apparently, could not defy.
A moment passed, and I could almost see the wordless exchange of thoughts between the men. Both defiant, both grave.
The air was thick. I could feel eyes on me, even though I was unable to actually see anything. The silent conversation between the men seemed to go on for minutes, and I could feel everyone present holding their breaths for the outcome.
"You keep her the fuck away from me" Frank finally muttered through his teeth.
An exasperated sigh. Steps coming closer. Going By. A door opened, and slammed shut.
"Thank you" I heard Gerard whisper even though I was quite sure Frank was already sitting on the front seat, Gerard's words completely inaudible to him.
My thought was interrupted with the sound of another door opening, and once again, my body was swung into a short flight and landed on the floor of the back of the van. I was too tried, too aching, to worry about my limbs that I was quite sure I had heard cracking and popping in protest.
"You said there was no danger" Gerard's dark, broken voice came from somewhere above. "You said you were human now"
I was trying my hardest to get out the words that desperately needed to be spoken but all I could manage was another set of incoherent grunts and sobs.
I heard a heavy sigh.
"You promised. And now look what you've done" he hissed and with that the door was slammed shut with such force that it made the entire van tremble.
*
From behind the closed foor, I could hear the girl squealing and the man that I suspected to be Matt was trying his hardest to knock some sense into Gerard.
I understood what the incident had looked like to them - a girl and a drunk guy, although a friend of theirs, alone in an alleyway. Screams, clatter.. They had burst through the door at the worst possible moment. I had been lying in the corner, bleeding and barely conscious.
Frank had been pacing around, fierce and uncharacteristically crazed, the only physical damage in sight a bleeding wound on his lower lip. They would've seen it as self-defence on my part.
A kiss, a rejection, a fight..
And then there was Gerard, dragging me away from the scene, refusing to calm down or give any explanation on the matter.
It was only natural that they were worried.
I let out a shaky breath as I tried to collect my trembling bones. I managed to sit up but even then I felt the lack of power in my muscles.
What on earth had happened - to me? The void of energy, of life, was too definite to be thought of as a sign of concussion, as a reasonable result of a body slamming into a brick wall. It was as much mental as it was physical, and I couldn't help but think that even though Frank had been the one losing blood, I had lost something as well. Whatever had passes between us, had passed both ways.
The idea confused and scared me to no end.
I was too tired to worry about where I was being taken to, or what Gerard had on his mind, and I sat back quietly, closing my stinging dry eyes and tried to make out the words that were spoken on the cabin of the van. There was a dark plastic wall between us, the kind that they had on the subways and taxis for safety. Somewhat see-through, like stained glass but unshatterable. It blocked out a lot of sound, too.
"You look.. awful" I thought I heard Gerard say.
I couldn't hear any response from Frank.
"Are you going into shock?"
Gerard again.
"You're not turning, are you?"
If the situation hadn't been so tragically terrifying, I would've chuckled at Gerard's indiscourageable imagination.
Laughing was the last thing I felt I could do right now.
"What did you say? What's that supposed to mean?" Frank's voice was stern and grave, no longer holding any traces of panic or hysteria.
"Nothing.." I heard Gerard mumble, and then there was silence.
I wanna apologize to the people that have the story on alerts - i have a bad habit of spotting typos after uploading the chapter and cannot live with myself until I correct them.. (The program I used to write this and still use for writing other stuff and editing this does not have spell-check. Old-school - I know!)
I'm sorry if your email gets clogged up because of me or if you get the impression that several chapters have been posted when in reality it's just one... Sorry!
Everything happened with such speed that even with my eyes and ears more alert than a human's could ever be I was too slow to fully comprehend. And my temporarily sharpened senses, as usually, were quickly dulling as I felt myself being tossed away from Frank.
My body let a loud sound as it landed somewhere on the concrete. I could feel the cold brick wall behind me, not giving in an inch as my body collapsed against it.
"What the fuck?" I heard someone roar "WHAT THE FUCK" the sound was almost a cry. Not exactly a sob, but the kind of strangled voice that sounds like it just about got stuck in your throat, the kind of sound that is produced by such a sudden surface of extreme bewilderment and fear. It was Frank.
My mind was just about as blank as my body had been just a moment ago, my sight was a strange inaccurate blur and my thoughts resembled a pack of lunatic cows that circled around my brain making my head throb and then, eventually, disappear into thin air. I blinked.
There was someone - Frank, I'm sure - pacing around the alley, back and forth, with his palm pressed against his mouth. I could see dark liquid oozing from between his fingers.
The door burst open and before I even had the time to gather my thoughts and to try and take a look at the damage I'd done, I felt myself being picked up from the ground. Several figures seemed to have thrusted themselves through the small doorway into the alley. The figures were all very loud, too.
My head spun due to the swift movement as the strong arms lifted me to a remarkably strong shoulder, holding on to my legs. My upper body swung to the rhythm of his legs in the most uncomfortable way, but I couldn't make myself say so, or even try to move in protest or free myself.
There were many voices, loud and urgent, someone was pursuing the person carrying me to put me back down and the others seemed to just try to get someone to explain the situation to them, begged for a better understanding of what was happening. The only voice I heard as clearly as my own thoughts were Frank's, though.
His hysteric and slurred speach made me realize that he had felt it, too. that he knew.
Or maybe not that he knew, but that he felt the need to know.
No one would ever be able to convince him that I'd just got carried away in the kiss, in the fucking heat of the moment. Or that I just happened to like it rough, I thought bitterly.
I hadn't just bit him, I had tasted his blood, consuming as much as I had been able to in my fraction of a second of weakness before he had pushed me away like a ragdoll in attempt to save his life.
I've heard a saying that a person can feel the closeness of death, the impending end, and would never forget the reality of it even if he had walked out without a scratch. That he hadn't - he was obviously bleeding, but he obviously knew that something had just threathened his life. His body knew, his instincts knew, and he couldn't get his head around any of it. Hence the hysteria.
Anxious didn't even begin to cover my feelings - I felt like dying myself.
I was fairly sure I'd never in my existance felt so drained before, like he had sucked the life out of me and not vice versa... I let out a horrified gasp that itched and scratched my throat but received a dull 'shut up' from the man carrying me. The fabric of his coat brushed against my cheek and I finally identified him as Gerard.
"Let her the fuck down, Gerard!" a girl yelled, an edge of panic in her too high-pitched, too shrill voice.
"You stay out of this!" He spat "You don't know a thing about what's going on here!"
"She fucking bit me!" Another voice, Frank's. The words were soon followed by another 'what the fuck'. I cringed. Everyone was yelling - why hadn't I noticed that before? Had I hit my head at my ungraceful landing? Had Frank pushed me away like that, hard enough to send me flying against a brick wall?
I felt an irrational pang of hurt, forgetting for just a secong that I was the one who had just bit him. I cringed again, squeezing my eyes shut in a desperate attempt to block out all the yelling and screaming. My head kept on spinning.
"Let her down, Gerard!" A male voice. Matt, maybe? "Her head is bleeding, I think she needs help"
"Do it, Gee!" screamed the girl. Oh, it was that blonde girl - I knew that high nasal voice!
"You don't understand" Gerard voice was urgent and confident, even though he definitely just took a tiny step back. "He needs help"
"Frank?" The girl scoffed in disbelief "Hardly" She snorted "I don't know what's happening here but I see a fucking drunk Frank and a bleeding Avery in a very dark and deserted alley and you're practicly abusing her right now so just let her down already!"
That was true, by head felt like nothing ever had before, it still throbbed and ached from the earlier meeting with the wall, but now it was also starting to feel like a pressure cooker, with my temples almost exploding as I had been held upsidedown for five fucking minutes too long now.
He took another step back. Oh please don't start running, I begged silently.
"Mhhm" A muffled grunt escaped my lips as I was beginning to feel unhealthily uncomfortable.
"Just let her down, okay?" Matt's voice was stable and assurring. I was starting to hope that Gerard would listen to him and put me down already, I mean, what was the point in this anyhow?
Holding me up here even though everyone else seemed to be concerned about my apparently bleeding head? Was he trying to protect me from being discovered, was he going to take me away from the audience and then see for himself if I was okay? It wasn't exactly a gentle way to do it, if so, and Gerard would be one to understand that. Why was he being so aggressive, so rough? Why was h-- oh.
Oh. All the questions abandoned my head in as the reality dawned on me. There was no doubt about it.
He wasn't caring for me, he was trying to hold me back!
The realization made me sick to my stomach and I felt my involuntary legs start kicking in some sort of panic and finally, finally, I was able to gush out a loud scream that reflected the panic I felt. Gerard's arms tightened around my legs. I never realized he was that strong.
Was I really just as weak as I felt - like half of everything I had had just evaporated my body and left for good?
I felt a single sob rock my body as the knowledge of what I had done was slowly starting to sink in. What about Frank -oh my god- what about Frank? Was he okay? My breathing was forced and heavy as I struggled for air, struggled for a glimpse of Frank.
"She's coming with me" Gerard whispered and started backing away, nervous but determined. I detected the van immediately, and without really even knowing why, I kicked harder than I had before all the while throwing tiny pathetic punches wherever I could. Gerard didn't seem to notice.
"But.. You can't drive" Matt's voice declared, as if the idea was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard.
"Come on, Frank" Gerard called.
"Don't get behind the wheel, Gee, you're way too drunk" The blonde chick's scream had turned into a dead serious whisper. "Don't do anything stupid, Gee"
"Come ON, Frank" Gerard called again, my head bounced as he took a several more steps towards the van. My head almost hit the cold steel of the back door.
"I am NOT getting in that van! Not with her, Gerard, not in a million fucking years!" I heard his horrified yell from somewhere a bit farther away."Nuh-uh!"
It was obvius that he'd rather jump into a pool filled with ferocious crocodiles than spend another moment within ten feet of me.
"Come on, man! We'll take care of this, I'll fucking explain. We'll deal with her, I promise" Gerard pleaded
"No way"
"Frank.."
"NO"
"Just get in the van, Frank" though the words came as a tired sigh, they spoke of a silent plea which Frank, apparently, could not defy.
A moment passed, and I could almost see the wordless exchange of thoughts between the men. Both defiant, both grave.
The air was thick. I could feel eyes on me, even though I was unable to actually see anything. The silent conversation between the men seemed to go on for minutes, and I could feel everyone present holding their breaths for the outcome.
"You keep her the fuck away from me" Frank finally muttered through his teeth.
An exasperated sigh. Steps coming closer. Going By. A door opened, and slammed shut.
"Thank you" I heard Gerard whisper even though I was quite sure Frank was already sitting on the front seat, Gerard's words completely inaudible to him.
My thought was interrupted with the sound of another door opening, and once again, my body was swung into a short flight and landed on the floor of the back of the van. I was too tried, too aching, to worry about my limbs that I was quite sure I had heard cracking and popping in protest.
"You said there was no danger" Gerard's dark, broken voice came from somewhere above. "You said you were human now"
I was trying my hardest to get out the words that desperately needed to be spoken but all I could manage was another set of incoherent grunts and sobs.
I heard a heavy sigh.
"You promised. And now look what you've done" he hissed and with that the door was slammed shut with such force that it made the entire van tremble.
*
From behind the closed foor, I could hear the girl squealing and the man that I suspected to be Matt was trying his hardest to knock some sense into Gerard.
I understood what the incident had looked like to them - a girl and a drunk guy, although a friend of theirs, alone in an alleyway. Screams, clatter.. They had burst through the door at the worst possible moment. I had been lying in the corner, bleeding and barely conscious.
Frank had been pacing around, fierce and uncharacteristically crazed, the only physical damage in sight a bleeding wound on his lower lip. They would've seen it as self-defence on my part.
A kiss, a rejection, a fight..
And then there was Gerard, dragging me away from the scene, refusing to calm down or give any explanation on the matter.
It was only natural that they were worried.
I let out a shaky breath as I tried to collect my trembling bones. I managed to sit up but even then I felt the lack of power in my muscles.
What on earth had happened - to me? The void of energy, of life, was too definite to be thought of as a sign of concussion, as a reasonable result of a body slamming into a brick wall. It was as much mental as it was physical, and I couldn't help but think that even though Frank had been the one losing blood, I had lost something as well. Whatever had passes between us, had passed both ways.
The idea confused and scared me to no end.
I was too tired to worry about where I was being taken to, or what Gerard had on his mind, and I sat back quietly, closing my stinging dry eyes and tried to make out the words that were spoken on the cabin of the van. There was a dark plastic wall between us, the kind that they had on the subways and taxis for safety. Somewhat see-through, like stained glass but unshatterable. It blocked out a lot of sound, too.
"You look.. awful" I thought I heard Gerard say.
I couldn't hear any response from Frank.
"Are you going into shock?"
Gerard again.
"You're not turning, are you?"
If the situation hadn't been so tragically terrifying, I would've chuckled at Gerard's indiscourageable imagination.
Laughing was the last thing I felt I could do right now.
"What did you say? What's that supposed to mean?" Frank's voice was stern and grave, no longer holding any traces of panic or hysteria.
"Nothing.." I heard Gerard mumble, and then there was silence.
I wanna apologize to the people that have the story on alerts - i have a bad habit of spotting typos after uploading the chapter and cannot live with myself until I correct them.. (The program I used to write this and still use for writing other stuff and editing this does not have spell-check. Old-school - I know!)
I'm sorry if your email gets clogged up because of me or if you get the impression that several chapters have been posted when in reality it's just one... Sorry!
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