Categories > Original > Poetry
Suicide in Silence
4 reviewsYup a suicide note I decided to write before my first attempt
1Insightful
I haven't used this, I havent been hospitaltizes, but yes I have attempted suicide and this is the note
So, am I perfect now? Not the "little bitch" of a daughter? "Fatass slut" you see at school, "little emo fag" that has nothing better to do with her life than 'whine and complain about how her life is 'soooo bad'?
Hm, well HERE YOU GO!
It's all over, nothing left, no way to go back.
And for the record I am in no way sorry this happened.
Why? Because you pushed me to the limit, off the cliff and over the edge.
Well not all of you, some actually gave 5 fucks about my well-being. For those of you, I am deeply sorry for the sorrow you're probably feeling.
Mom and dad. 2 people who think they deserve the apology. Heh sorry about that, you don't deserve it. My explanation and lack of remorse for doing this to you, is YOU TREATED ME LIKE SHIT! Not kidding, not just a spoiled brat thinking 'one pair of shoes offline' is the end of the world (remember that mom? I offered to pay for them and everything; and when I got fed up with your excuses you flipped out thinking my bad mood was all based off this). Or a kid who lies through her teeth on everything (dad, "up yours you little bitch -flips the bird-; to your 14 year old, who was suffering through so much!)
Thanks guys, you did buy my affection for a bit; until the cutting started, which you decided 'hey therapy works' causing me to fall into a depression, worse self harm (yes; i cut, deeper and more to feel something besides the numbness). I WAS A FREAK! Yes you made me feel worse, more self couscous, more like a freak.
After all this? Well the result is evident.
Now, to the people at my school. I have decided not to name names but the one girl who I decided to trust. Tell about the pain, vaugely about my family problems. So much that was told to the other one, the total bitch. The one who pushed me the farthest.
Now why oh why would you tell your "best friend since pre-school" all this shit? Hm
And to the "best friend from pre-school" yes; you were right I DO FUCKING HATE YOU! Wow, so much confession after my demise! New record? But you, talking shit about me, shoving me with your bitchy attitude, talking shit about me, hooking me up with my best friend?
Fuck it, the one I trusted, Bri? I slightly apologize, why? You were there in the beginning; found it kind of hurtful that you were pissed about my 'problem'.
And Winter, I couldnt stand you, you made my life a living hell.
Now there is Angela, seemed like she gave a fuck; but really? She made me feel worse, saying how "I need to talk to a counsellar" because I told her about the self-harm at camp; and she thought, well assumed I was anorexic (good job, found out about a hidden eating disorder)
You get a little apology. Why? You treated me like shit, for your new friends or I wasnt the same person? I don't know. But still...
Now someone who deserves the apology. My best friend for 12 years of my worthless life, Tommy.
You don't fit into this shit like the rest. You only really pissed me off once. Camp, over a few skittles. But hey! I talked to you about it and boom-bada-bing you were back to the same guy I became so close to.
The apology, is for you. Sorry I did this (even if you may or may not care) wish it could've been diffrent but the suffering has stopped, it all went away.
As for the rest, think. Did I look at all sad? Like I was about to give up? Maybe I was that quiet for a reason...you never know
xXxSam
So, am I perfect now? Not the "little bitch" of a daughter? "Fatass slut" you see at school, "little emo fag" that has nothing better to do with her life than 'whine and complain about how her life is 'soooo bad'?
Hm, well HERE YOU GO!
It's all over, nothing left, no way to go back.
And for the record I am in no way sorry this happened.
Why? Because you pushed me to the limit, off the cliff and over the edge.
Well not all of you, some actually gave 5 fucks about my well-being. For those of you, I am deeply sorry for the sorrow you're probably feeling.
Mom and dad. 2 people who think they deserve the apology. Heh sorry about that, you don't deserve it. My explanation and lack of remorse for doing this to you, is YOU TREATED ME LIKE SHIT! Not kidding, not just a spoiled brat thinking 'one pair of shoes offline' is the end of the world (remember that mom? I offered to pay for them and everything; and when I got fed up with your excuses you flipped out thinking my bad mood was all based off this). Or a kid who lies through her teeth on everything (dad, "up yours you little bitch -flips the bird-; to your 14 year old, who was suffering through so much!)
Thanks guys, you did buy my affection for a bit; until the cutting started, which you decided 'hey therapy works' causing me to fall into a depression, worse self harm (yes; i cut, deeper and more to feel something besides the numbness). I WAS A FREAK! Yes you made me feel worse, more self couscous, more like a freak.
After all this? Well the result is evident.
Now, to the people at my school. I have decided not to name names but the one girl who I decided to trust. Tell about the pain, vaugely about my family problems. So much that was told to the other one, the total bitch. The one who pushed me the farthest.
Now why oh why would you tell your "best friend since pre-school" all this shit? Hm
And to the "best friend from pre-school" yes; you were right I DO FUCKING HATE YOU! Wow, so much confession after my demise! New record? But you, talking shit about me, shoving me with your bitchy attitude, talking shit about me, hooking me up with my best friend?
Fuck it, the one I trusted, Bri? I slightly apologize, why? You were there in the beginning; found it kind of hurtful that you were pissed about my 'problem'.
And Winter, I couldnt stand you, you made my life a living hell.
Now there is Angela, seemed like she gave a fuck; but really? She made me feel worse, saying how "I need to talk to a counsellar" because I told her about the self-harm at camp; and she thought, well assumed I was anorexic (good job, found out about a hidden eating disorder)
You get a little apology. Why? You treated me like shit, for your new friends or I wasnt the same person? I don't know. But still...
Now someone who deserves the apology. My best friend for 12 years of my worthless life, Tommy.
You don't fit into this shit like the rest. You only really pissed me off once. Camp, over a few skittles. But hey! I talked to you about it and boom-bada-bing you were back to the same guy I became so close to.
The apology, is for you. Sorry I did this (even if you may or may not care) wish it could've been diffrent but the suffering has stopped, it all went away.
As for the rest, think. Did I look at all sad? Like I was about to give up? Maybe I was that quiet for a reason...you never know
xXxSam
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