Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > The Sound Of Breaking

5- Now Or Never

by XxPerfectTomorrowxX 2 reviews

In a black and white world this was my gray, and there was no way that I could win in the end.

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: R - Genres: Drama - Published: 2012-10-08 - Updated: 2012-10-08 - 1633 words - Complete

“/No!/” I shook my head violently as tears poured freely down my cheeks. “No, please- please don’t take him!” The officer looked sympathetic as he cuffed Brendon, but he was just doing his job and I knew that. I couldn’t help but beg and plead though. They couldn’t take Brendon. They couldn’t take him from me.

“Hey.” Brendon spoke so softly. At first I thought I’d just imagined it but then I looked in to his eyes and saw that he was waiting for my undivided attention. It was so hard to look at him, with the cuffs locking his arms in place. “It’s okay sis.” His voice was so soothing but it wasn’t okay. Without him nothing would be okay, ever again. “I did the crime now I’m going to do the time. Don’t worry. I thought this through.” The officer allowed him enough movement to lean forward and kiss me on the forehead. His lips were soft and wet. Generally I would complain but right now I just wanted him to /stay/. I needed him. I needed to know /why/.

The officer mumbled something to Brendon and then together they started to turn away from me but I couldn’t allow that, not yet. “Why Brendon? Why’d you do it?” I whispered, loud enough for him to hear.

Brendon turned and smiled faintly, his lips pulled up but it seemed to take an incredible amount of energy. “I finally opened my eyes and saw what was happening right in front of me. No one is going to beat my little sister while I just stand by and smile.” How did he find out?

I just nodded, as more tears built in my eyes. I was so tired of crying. I already did enough of that with Ryan. “I’m sorry.” And I was so embarrassed. This never should have happened.

“I’m not.” Brendon responded but then he was leaving, and there wasn’t a single thing that I could do.

I could have fixed things a long time ago, when Ryan first started hitting me. I could have just ended it. I could have saved us all.

And as much as I hated Ryan…

Right now I still needed him.

I needed to know that he was okay because there was so much blood, and blood was bad. And Brendon shot him, and I just couldn’t- I couldn’t think about it all.


“Avery, are you okay?” I was so fucking tired of being asked that.

“What do you think?” I snapped.

Spencer nodded, “Look, I’m sorry… I just don’t know what else to ask.”

“I know.” I frowned, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to blow up on you.”

The room was cold and impersonal. Spencer was the only one with me. Brendon had called him. I didn’t want to be here. Spencer didn’t seem to want to be here either. It was the waiting room- and I was waiting for my courage to gather so that I could see Ryan again. Last time I saw him he was so high on the hospital drugs that he probably didn’t even know I was there, but now he was better. He was better but Brendon wasn’t. Brendon was paying for his crime… I thought that Ryan should too. And so here I was.

“You can go in and see him.” A friendly nurse urged us. She probably thought she was being helpful. I didn’t want to see him though. I never wanted to see his face again.

“Come on.” Spencer whispered, “Let’s get this over with.”

Chills washed over my body and I reached out and grabbed for Spencer’s hand. He paused and shot me a quick smile. “I’m going to be here the entire time. It’s okay.”

I nodded, “I know… I’m sorry.” I let go of his hand, instantly regretting it.

Spencer shook his head and let out a chuckle as he recaptured my hand. “I’m Brendon today.” He assured me. “Feel free to grab on to my hand if that’s what you need. I’m here for you.” Brendon had asked Spencer to come with me, since he couldn’t come.

I squeezed his hand and pushed the door open, choking on the air that I was breathing as I caught sight of Ryan in the hospital bed.

Ryan looked at me in complete and utter surprise, “Avery?”

I continued on in to the room and Ryan’s eyes travelled to my hand, which was still holding on to Spencer’s. “Really?” He laughed bitterly. “Should have seen that coming.”

“It might come as a surprise but I don’t fuck every guy who holds my hand.” I spit out, as my anger bubbled up. Ryan was in a hospital bed with a gunshot wound. He couldn’t hurt me anymore. Oh, but I could hurt him.

“It does come as a surprise.” Ryan bitterly responded.

“I don’t care.” I snapped. “I don’t care anymore. I just… I wanted to see you. I wanted to know- to know that you’re in pain.”

“I’m not.” Ryan angrily answered. “I have all the pain meds I can take. This is fucking heaven. It’s Brendon you should be worried about. He’s such a pretty boy. Prison guards really dig that, oh and there are the other inmates… Yeah, your brother will get a quick lesson in being a slut and then you guys will really be able to relate to each other.”

Spencer’s hand tightened on mine, and it was all that kept me from physically reacting to what Ryan was saying. “I’m pressing charges.” I handed my cell phone to Ryan. “I have evidence of the abuse Ryan. I was never as stupid as you thought I was. I just never had a reason to hurt you. You can mess with me all you want, but Brendon is my family. That’s different.”

Ryan’s hands tightened on the cell phone as he watched the video that had been shot at our apartment. I’d used my webcam to capture it. It was an accidently actually. I was going to record something nice for Ryan, something to life his mood. Instead he came home early and ended up kicking me in the stomach and back until I could no longer breathe.

“He’s still going to prison Avery. He shot me.” Ryan said, but he sounded hesitant now that he knew he was in trouble too.

It was funny how fast the tables turned.

“Yeah, but I’m testifying at his trial.” I shook my head. “I’m not afraid of you anymore Ryan. You can’t hurt me anymore.”

“I won’t be in this bed forever.” Ryan snapped.

“Well once you get out of that bed you’ll be in jail, and by the time you’re done there Brendon will be out.” Spencer spoke up. “I’m pretty sure Brendon wouldn’t mind finishing the job he started if you touch Avery again, and if he doesn’t want to do it then I will.”

Ryan’s eyes widened. “You’re my friend Spencer! You’re going to turn your back on me for some hoe?”

Spencer just nodded.

I grabbed my phone out of Ryan’s hand but said nothing more. I’d gotten what I wanted. The look of anger on his face wasn’t worth it though, because he was right. Brendon still had to spend time in jail. I’d temporarily lost my brother, and permanently lost the love of my life.

In a black and white world this was my gray, and there was no way that I could win in the end.

Especially not when I got home and took the pregnancy test waiting for me.

A positive sign wasn’t positive at all.


Brendon served three years in prison for unlawful use of a firearm, and aggravated assault. He was sentenced to two years of probation. Strangely enough the shooting was great press for Panic! At the Disco and the entire world wanted the real story. Spencer was the one that told it. He was short and sweet with the press, discussing everything but what they wanted.

Ryan served two years for assault. Against Spencer’s wishes Avery wrote to him the whole time. She felt he needed to know that he had a little girl that he would never meet. She worded it as if she was rubbing it in his face but she really wasn’t. She still missed him.

Avery named her daughter Cassandra Urie. Spencer was by her side for the entire three years that Brendon was behind bars but nothing romantic ever happened between them. Avery wrote off romance completely, seeing as how her heart was still with Ryan- the man she couldn’t let herself have, especially now that her daughter was in her life. She couldn’t let her daughter see the kind of love that she shared with Ryan.

Once Brendon got out of prison he surprised both Spencer and Avery by suggesting that Cassandra meet her father. Though Avery was still somewhat afraid of Ryan, she couldn’t help but agree with Brendon. Cassandra deserved to know her father.

Nothing was ever the same for any of them.


(The sentences were pretty light and the ending kind of sucked but I wanted something that wasn’t all hearts and roses. Thanks to anyone who reviewed! I’m going to have one follow up chapter in which Ryan meets Cassandra, in case anyone is interested in it.)
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