FicWad

Chapter 1
I could hear them. The pretty popular girls . The bitchy bullies. They were laughing , giggling. At me. Shouting names at me , about my hair ,my weight , my clothes. Everything. I laughed it off , I always did. Kept a smile on my face , painted the perfect mask. You have to seem strong ,be the one that doesn't care what people think other wise people would see you as weak - an easy target.
I continued walk , the sun beating down on me. These uniforms were terrible in the summer heat. “Doesn't it bother you when they make fun of you Sam?” I shook my head
“Not when you've been bullied your entire life.” I replied , starring at the floor.
“Aww , really?” Taylor asked.
I just nodded , quickening my pace. I didn't want to talk about this , I didn't want to cry.
I was quiet on the walk home ,in a world of my own. Taylor chatted with Phoebe , I felt so invisible. I imagined my self fading away, like you see in films. Just disappearing while everyone around me continued smiling and laughing. No ones lives any different.
Before I knew it I was home , sitting alone in my room. ,Paul was drunk and my mum was waiting on his every need as always , not completely sober herself. They'd be better off without me , they all would. Then Mum and Paul could drink whenever , no child to worry about, that stupid 15 year old up in her room. I still had flash backs. No I wouldn't think about it ,I'd already had a bad enough day I wouldn't think about it. I tried to continue with my maths homework but I couldn't concentrate , my mind drifting to memories. My vision began to blur and tears fell to the paper , smudging my ink.
I dug threw my draw pulling out the blade off a sharpener and pressing it against my wrist. I slowly dragged it across my arm and watch the blood well up , I hurried to press a cloth against the cut, if there was any blood on the sheets it would anger Mum. I curled into a ball , tears still streaming down my face blood trickling down my arm. I'd regret this tomorrow ,not being able to wear my sleeves up .
I stayed up most of the night, I couldn't sleep and my mind just kept playing over things, memories. I could hear Paul throwing his weight around downstairs ; glasses smashing , music blazing and fist being thrown.
Eventually – after what felt like a lifetime- the birds began to sing , and the sun broke through the clouds. I finally had an excuse to get up , so I carefully tiptoed downstairs and began cleaning. Empty beer cans , pint glasses and wine bottles. Plates and crisp packets. I brushed and mopped , making sure it was as neat and tidy as it had been the morning before. I went back to my bed room to get ready for the day ahead , making sure my arms were covered.
When Mum finally emerged from her slumber she had a split lip and what looked like a black eye she had attempted to conceal with make up. Despite the fact she was horrible to me , I hated Paul and how he treated her. My father had walked all over her and now Paul was, but of course I was just a stupid 15 year old. I didn't understand why she stayed with him , I would when I grew up.
Quiet as a mouse I made her black coffee and ran her bath while Paul remained sleeping. His loud snores echoing through the silent house , I sat reading waiting for him to wake up and demand his breakfast- mum sat in the bath gently cleaning any cuts or bruises she had collected.
The snoring stopped. There was pressure on the floor boards, creating a slight creaking sound. I quickly hid my book and ran to the kitchen just as Paul reached the bottom of the stairs. I pulled out the pans and clicked on the stove , “No food yet? Lazy cow!” he hit the back of my head and opened the fridge ,he seemed to have a never ending supply of cans. I had learnt to control the tears , if I showed any sign of pain or emotion he would mock me and beat me. I'd learnt that the hard way.
The sizzling fat of the bacon made me feel sick , I hadn't eaten yet and I didn't intend to. I added eggs to the pan and carefully flipped them ,I couldn't brake the yokes, I couldn't waste food. He'd think I was doing it on purpose so I got some , so the little fatty got food.
I carried the plate in my hands shaking as I presented him his food. He snatched it , a look of disgust n his face , “It'll do.” he commented before beginning to stuff his face like a pig.
It was a long and tedious day after that , not a second of it enjoyable. It was late night and I was lying in bed,that's when he came to me. The light creeping slowly further across the floor to my bed. The smell of alcohol on his breath , his ruff fingers slowly caressing my skin, silent tears slid down my face. I knew what was happening and there was nothing I could do. He forced himself into me and the tears poured harder.
*
The week was a blur. School , cutting , crying. My monotonous life. I was distant , I always seemed to be staring off into space , deep in thought. I still couldn't get over what he had done. I hadn't told anyone, who could I tell? My mum didn't care and my friends would just think I was just whining.
Finally Friday spun around and I'd have to endure it all again, school was a haven for me. A place they couldn't touch me. Taylor and Phoebe were going the park, meeting up with a few friends and sure enough they asked me if I wanted to tag along. I knew if I wasn't home soon I'd get beaten but even if I was home on time I would , so why worry?
I followed them from a distance , occasionally listening in on their peculiar conversations with the friends which had turned out to be their boyfriends. I knew why they'd brought me along , because their boyfriends had brought another boy along; they were trying to get us together.
He was a tall boy with gentle brown eyes and deep chestnut brown hair . His skin seemed to glow under the sun and from what I could tell , he seemed shy. I chanced another glance at him and caught him gazing at me , we were in the park now and they were trying to find a prime tanning spot.
They finally settled on a spot near some trees , just encase it got too hot and we needed to cool down. I sat at the base of a horse chestnut tree and pulled out my book. I realised I was being anti-social but I didn't care , I hadn't come here to socialize. I heard quick, light footsteps approaching , I looked up to see Phoebe and Taylor hurtling towards me, their long blonde hair billowing out behind them. They collapsed to the ground giggling , I looked at them wondering what it felt like to be happy and care free.
“Come and sit with us Sammy!”
“Yeah don't be a loner , you could do with a tan any way, look how pale you are.” Phoebe compared her hand with mine
“And why don't you ever have your arms out?” Before Taylor could tug at my sleeve ,revealing countless scars and cuts , I grabbed the bottom of my cardigan and held it tight, before realizing all the boys were staring , I must have looked like a nut job, “I'm just going to go!” I sighed before collecting my bag and heading towards the path that ran through the park.
I walked slowly ,ignoring the industrial world that surrounded the park and concentrating on the animals that found a home and haven in the park , much like I had when I was younger; I still did. I began to daydream , I was flying higher than the trees , higher than the clouds , higher than anything! I was surrounded by open blue skies , free to roam where I wanted to go. No mum. No Paul. Just air.
My daydream was abruptly interrupted by the noise of heavier footsteps behind me , fast ones. I automatically stopped and turned ,the gentle eyed boy from earlier was clutching a stitch and was clearly out of breath, “Wait , please.”He eventually caught up with me , curious to why I wanted to leave so soon , he hadn't even had a chance to talk to me. His name was Dan.
“Sam , nice to meet you.” I said shyly , staring at the thick green grass. “Hey , sit down. Want to talk?” Dan sat down , patting a patch of grass next to him , I joined him. I felt ridiculously comfortable and safe with him.
“Did you get dragged along too?” I nodded
“it sucks doesn't it , they always do this to me.” I just stared blankly at him, he was tearing at the grass. He looked up and smiled , dimples appearing in his cheeks.
“Not much of a talker? That's okay ,do you mind if I play some music?” He pulled out a iPhone and put on the My Chemical Romance album: Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge. A smile spread across my face as I began humming along to Helena, Dan noticed and turned it up in response.
We talked after that , lying on our backs watching the clouds. My curls sprawled out on the grass , my piercing blue eyes sparkling in the sun. I could've lazed there forever , I wanted to, but Dan had to be home by 6 and I was already late. We agreed to meet here again through the approaching week.
I cautiously opened the front door, the smell of ale ripe in the thick and smoky air. I could hear the football In the living room , so I carefully crept upstairs. I showered and went to do some homework.