FicWad

Gerard's P.O.V

Jamia's words kept repeating in my head 'This is your fault Gerard, it's your fault he is in this mess'.

I mumbled to myself "Well it's my fault if he dies.." I wondered to the hospital toilets, my eyes blurred with tears. I kicked the door open to the toilets and shuffled inside, I stared in the mirror at my reflection. I rubbed my eyes with my hands, smudging black eyeliner across my cheeks.

My mind swimming with thoughts, This is my fault, I know it is. If I hadn't of forced myself upon him he wouldn't been in this mess. He was clearly not gay when I met him, He is just a young boy, well 19. I stole his innocence, he should of saved it for someone worth his time, someone worthy of him. Those men wouldn't of done that to him, if I hadn't of got involved in the first place. It's all my fault all of it, all of it, ALL OF IT, ALL OF IT.

I clenched my hand into a fist and punched the mirror with all my force in my body, the mirror cracked below my fist. I punched the mirror again, but harder this time, screaming; "This is my fault all my fault". I punched the mirror once more, smashing the mirror completely. I stream of warm tears began to roll down my face, I looked at my blooded and bruised hand. The blood slowly trickling through my fingers.

I looked down at the sink, turning the taps on full and quickly moving my hand under the ice cold water. I closed my eyes, feeling relief as the cold water ran over the open cuts upon my knuckles. I opened my eyes again and blinked a few times, looking around. I turned the taps off and dabbed my hand dry with the edge of my jacket.

I picked up a piece of broken mirror, the mirror glistening in the light. Slowly, I brang the piece of mirror to my wrist. In one sharp movement the piece of mirror sliced deep into my wrist, cutting straight through the veins and tendons. I screamed out in pain, the piece of bloody mirror slowly dropped from my hand and hit the floor braking into one hundred tinier pieces. Blood began to pour out of the deep cut in my wrist, landing on the floor forming a tiny dark red pool.

I sat down against the wall, letting the my hand drop beside me. I sat there waiting for death to take me. I closed my eyes, as tears rolled down my cheeks. I heard the door to the toilets slowly open. "Oh my god.." I heard someone shout, there voice sounded so distant. I opened my eyes slightly, the room felt like it was spinning.

"Gooo.. Aw-awayyy.." I slurred, leaning my head back against the wall.

I heard the person shout "Please can we get some help in here.." Suddenly three other people rushed in the room, slowly picking me to my feet. I opened my eyes again, my vision was more blurred. My head dropped forward.

"Lettt.. meeee.. die. It'ss forrr the besttt.. It'ss thee besttt for himmm.." I slurred.

The lied me down on a hospital bed, and numbed up my arm with local antithetic. I felt them began to sew up my arm, I felt the needle go under my skin with each individual stitch.

I felt my eyes slowly close, I was asleep.

7 Hours Later

I sat up gasping, I looked around confused. I looked down at my bandaged wrist. "I did that, I actually did it.." I whispered. I slowly climbed off the bed, letting my wrist drop down by my side. Omg! Frank, was he okay? Was he still alive.? I rushed down the hall to room 128, I barged into the room only to see Frank laying peacefully in his bed. A small smile stretched across my face. He was okay, the love of my life was okay.

I slowly walked into the room, sitting down on the chair next to his bed side. "Gerard?" He whispered. He still had a lot of wired attached to his body.

"Hey babe.." I said back, I reached out and gently took his hand in mine.

"Erm, Gee what happened.." He slowly raised his other hand and point to my wrist. I laughed nervously and looked away. Staying quiet..