FicWad

Part 14: Notes

November was cold. There wasn’t any other way to put. It wasn’t as bad as Canada or upper north, but it was cold. It was starting to snow lightly these days, and it put a damper on my mood since I had to walk home everyday. Scott insisted on driving me to school that Monday, and I was bundled in my thick hoodie and grey beanie with a pair of ankle boots. I liked the winter, but
I’d rather stay inside than actually go outside… if that actually makes sense.

After saying goodbye to my brother, I headed up the concrete steps and into the building. I was met with a rush of heat and began to feel my fingers again. I could feel the blonde cheerleaders gaze on me and their snickering, and part of me told me to ignore them. Upon arriving to my locker, my heart sank at the sight in front of me. “Fat, ugly, emo” was scrawled on a piece of paper in pink marker was taped on the locker door. I ripped it off, and scowled at myself. Sometimes I’d think to myself and wonder if that was what I actually looked like.

I opened my locker, and to kill my mood even more, more notes fell out on the ground around my feet. I stooped down to pick them up and opened one that said, “Die, loser, die!” I frowned and I could feel my eyes prick. Behind me, I could here the high-pitched cackles of the cheerleaders. Fuck, did I despise them.

I sighed, and traded my notebooks for Government and Creative Writing. I walked to my first class, and immediately my stomach dropped as I realized that I’d have to keep my distance away from Gerard, Bob, and the others. I wondered if perhaps this whole Brandon thing would blow over and I could return.

Yeah, I thought to myself, when you graduate high school you will.

I walked into Government and saw Bob doodling on the worn wood of the desk. He looked up at me, and I guessed that he already knew that I wouldn’t be sitting by him, because he gave me a sad smile. I sat down at the far right of the classroom which was close to the teacher’s desk. Class started and we were surprised with a pop quiz. Most of the class groaned, and I sighed and took it. Right in the middle of it, a crumpled up piece of paper hit my head and landed in front of me. I cautiously opened it, and my hands hardened to fists as I gripped the evil paper.

“Roses are red, and you the stupid emo; fat and ugly is what you are, and we might run you over with a car, and you will go, go, go,” It read.

I bit my tongue so the tears wouldn’t fall. I turned my head to look behind me, and saw the two girls in Brandon’s group smirk evilly and giggle. I turned back to my quiz, and squeezed my eyes shut.

It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay, I chanted in my mind. You are okay.

No, I’m not okay.

The bell rang, and I left class with a heavy heart. This morning just seemed to get better and better. So many cruel notes in one day; it made me afraid of what to expect later in the school day.

Gerard gave me a warm smile when I walked into the classroom, and I felt some of my sorrow mellow a little. It didn’t help the fact that I still had a look of sadness in my eyes, because he frowned. I sat in the back again, and that emptiness filled the atmosphere. I could still feel that paper in my hands and the burn of the words as if it was a hot iron placed on my skin. Another paper landed on my desk, and my heart jumped, fearing that it was another one of the cheerleaders’ horrible messages.

With hesitation, I opened it slowly, and flooded with relief.

“You alright?” It read in Gerard’s messy hand writing.

I looked up to see him looking back at me with a look of concern. I gave him the best smile I could manage and nodded. He gave a nod back, not looking entirely convinced and turned back to Ms.Ross’s lecture.

Class ended, and soon after so was Study Hall, and I headed to lunch on my own… again. It was too cold outside, and I mentally cursed nature. I had to sit in the lunchroom… with other people. In the same room as Brandon; I was considering to sit outside in the frigid cold. I pushed past the doors to the cafeteria, met by the loud chatter, and I discreetly walked around the tables. There were so many people, all in groups, and then… there was me. I felt small in the room, and I literally was small; I am five foot four. Hell, I was the same height as Frank. But as I roamed the cafeteria, I realized that I was basically miniscule compared to the jocks and preps.

I found an empty table by the window, and I sat down. My stomach growled, but I ignored it; I hadn’t eating since yesterday morning. I took out bottled water and took a sip. I sighed, and leaned my head against my arms. I looked out the window to the cloudy sky. I couldn’t remember the last time I saw the sun; I had forgotten what pure sunlight looked like.

My eyes traveled around the cafeteria. I noticed Gerard and the boys sitting at a table not to far away. They didn’t talk a lot, just picked at their food, and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was because I wasn’t there with them. I wondered how important I was to them. Gerard looked up, and our gaze connected for a few seconds, till I blushed and quickly looked down. It was lonely by myself, especially without Gerard.

Who was I kidding; how could I even survive without them?

Two blondes, Brittany and another I learned to be Monica, walked past my table with their salads, stopping with malicious smirks.

“Heya, Willow,” Brittany said. She looked down at the bottled water I had, and no food. Her lips curled into a grin. “You finally took my advice? It’s about time; you already look disgusting as it is.”

I felt myself shrink back, and I blinked back the threatening tears. Monica giggled manically and Brittany joined her. They walked to Brandon’s table where all the cheerleaders were looking at me with malice. I felt like crying, but if I did then that’d give them something more to talk about.

A piece of folded paper was placed on the table, and I looked up to see Gerard walking away very quickly to his table. I opened it up to read,

542-784-8912
I think we need to talk. I’ve seen what they’re doing; I hate seeing you like this. Text me.
--Gee

I sighed, and folded it back up and put it in my hoodie pocket. At least I could still talk to him. What upset me most was that he had seen what Brittany her clan of blonde followers do to me. I wondered if he knew what they said, what they do; but how could he when I wouldn’t allow myself to go into range with him. It was truly upsetting.

The bell rang, and I slung my backpack over my shoulder and left the cafeteria. I passed by Gerard’s table, and felt their stares. I knew they were sad stares. As I walked up the stairs to the second floor, my stomach dropped at the thought of seeing Brandon in there. He was more of threat since the teacher had him sit behind me, making me more vulnerable.

I trudged down the hall and into the classroom. He wasn’t there, and I let out a sigh of relief. I sat down at the desk, and my lab partner Soye, a straight A student and part of the National Japanese Honor Society, said hello to me. The bell rang and Ray and Bob walked in, giving me small smiles and sat at their desks. Brandon and his group of followers also filed in, and he gave me an evil grin. I kept my gaze in front of me, but I could hear the squeak of his stool as he sat down.

Class started with a slideshow about homeostasis, and all the while I was sitting in fear. Who wouldn’t be afraid? Especially when the person who scared me the most was sitting right behind me. I felt something hit the back of my head, and I flinched and was about to shriek. I looked down and saw a crumpled up piece of paper. I sighed inwardly; another note. I cautiously picked it up, and unfolded it.

Little girls shouldn’t disobey orders, and always get punished.

That one sentence caused me to cringe. Thousands of thoughts came flooding in. Oh, God, what was he going to do? Was he going to hurt the guys? Was he going to hurt Gerard? Mikey? Bob? Ray? Frank? What would he do to them? Horrible images of them came rushing in, bloody and bruised, and all because of me. I knew I shouldn’t have joined them for Halloween; of course it was such a risky thing to do, and I should’ve known. He was going to hurt them and it was going to be my entire fault. The thought of them beaten to a pulp… the thought of the boys mangled… the thought of Brandon and his group ganging up on them, one by one… It nearly sent me into fits of hyperventilating.

And then another thought occurred to me. What if Brandon was going to hurt me? I shivered at the thought. He wouldn’t hurt a girl… would he? He almost punched me that one time, but would he have the capability of doing such a thing? I quaking in my seat; I was afraid. I was afraid of the thought that he’d come after me.

We were all dead.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was lying on my bed, turning the slip of paper Gerard gave me in my hands. He wanted me to text him; should I? What if he was busy? What if he was just joking and didn’t want me to? I sighed to myself; I might as well.

I took my phone out and put his number in my contacts, then opened up a text message to send to him. What was I going to say to him? A simple hi or….? I just texted, “Hi Gee, it’s Willow.” I sent it to him and waited, and a minute later my phone vibrated with his reply.

Hey! (:

I tried to make it sound as casual as possible and texted back: Wassup?

Just drawing, you?

Nothing much…

Oh… so, how are you?

I hesitated. How was I really? I was tired and afraid; there wasn’t any other way to sum it up, especially after today. I was miserable.

Fine.

Immediately after sending my text, he answered thirty seconds later.

You know I can tell you’re lying even through text. How are you really?

I sighed; he didn’t know when to give up.

I’m fine, Gee, really.

Okay, then. A guy can worry…

I know, Gee, thanks.

So…

So…

I heard what those girls said.

“Shit,” I muttered. He heard them?

I don’t know what you’re talking about, I replied

Yes, you do. They’re wrong, okay? Don’t you dare listen to them.

Gerard, it doesn’t matter, okay?

Yes, it does! I was so pissed when I heard them, and I don’t want you to believe that you’re ugly or a freak, because you’re not.

But what if they’re right?

Fuck them! You’re amazing, Willow; you’re beautiful and talented. Those girls could never compare to you…

I was shocked. He said I was… beautiful? I was glad he wasn’t there, because I was blushing. I couldn’t tell if he was lying or not, but I really hoped he was telling the truth.

Really?

Yeah; they’re fake and plastic, but you’re great and fantastic! ;)

I laughed softly to myself and replied, That rhymed.

It was supposed to!

I smiled. I didn’t understand why I worried so much about texting Gerard before; I was glad I did.

Thanks, Gee

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gerard’s POV

I sat there gazing at my phone. Willow had just said goodbye because she was called to dinner. I resumed the drawing I was working on, a small smile playing on my lips. I couldn’t help but think about her. It was all I could do nowadays; I didn’t know why, I just did. There was something about her, something amazing. She was different from all those girls. One thing did stand out about her; it wasn’t hard to tell. She was broken; I could see it in her eyes.

I mostly blamed those cheerleaders. Hearing them say those awful things to her made me want to punch their fake faces off. The guys and I have always been bullied, verbally and physically. But for Willow, it must be terrible, and I had a feeling it’d only get worse. Her behavior worried me. The itching curiosity of why she was staying away made me concerned. I wanted to know why, to help her.

She was all I could think about now; her smile, her giggle, her amazing blue eyes…her kiss. I groaned; like Frank had recently said, I had Willow-itis.

“Aw crap…” I groaned into the wood of my desk.

“Aw crap what?” I looked up to see my mother at my basement door holding a laundry basket.

“Nothing,” I mumbled, and pushed aside my artwork.

“Come on, tell me!” She said, going over to my drawers and putting my clean shirts in.

“It’s nothing, Ma!”

She turned to me, arching a brow. “Gerard, I’m your mother, I know something’s up.”

“Nothing!” I sighed.

“What is it? A girl?” I groaned and slammed my head back on my desk. She smiled and. “Ooh! So it is a girl!”

“Mom…”

“Come on, Gerard, tell me!”

“Alright! It’s a girl!” I groaned.

“What’s her name? Have you kissed her yet?” She asked.

I blushed brightly. “What!”

“You heard me!”

“Okay, yeah, we kissed… and her name’s Willow,” I said.

“Aw, that’s my boy!” She gushed and messed my hair.

When she was about to walk up the stairs, I called to her, “You’re so nosy!”

“Shut it, Mister!”