Categories > Original > Humor
The Dynamic Fools
2 reviewsHoly Hilarity Batman! That's exactly what happens when Stan and Roger obtain a flying potion from the CIA. Please R&R.
1Funny
American Dad!
Fanfic Title:
The Dynamic Fools
Opening Credits Scene
Roger's Disguise: Ricky Spanish
Scene 1:
At the CIA Headquarters in Langley Falls on a cool spring Thursday afternoon,Reginald enters the room and has an announcement, Stan and his CIA buddies are listening.
Reginald: I have some mighty fine ass great news for y'all!
Dick: We already know!
Jackson: 30 Rock is in it's final season!
Stan: Uh, I don't think that's what he means, and by the way, that _is_ great news!
Reginald: Our scientist honkies invented some super fly potion!
Bullock (walks into confrence room): You may go now, Reginald.
Reginald: Need to go to my probation officer anyway, got caught with a hooker and some coke! Just like Marion Barry!
Bullock (holding a beaker): Behold! What Reginald meant by 'super fly' is we invented a potion that can make you fly, literaly!
Dick: Wow! That's amazing!
Jackson: What are we supposed to do with it?
Stan: Good thing Iraq didn't think to make that, or else we'd be getting suicide bombed!
Everyone laughs.
Bullock: Brilliant deduction, Smith. Indeed they would. (hands everyone a small beaker of potion) I'm giving this potion to each of you. Now, remember, use this wisely!
Stan: Can we use this on a mission, like in case we get stranded?
Bullock: No, because if anyone else found out, they would definately want in on it.
Dick: Like those 'stay awake' pills Stan and I used to take.
Bullock: Exactly.
Scene 2:
Later that day, as Stan was driving home from work in his SUV, he couldn't help but be curious about the flying potion.
Stan: Does this stuff _really_ make you fly?
Bullock's voice (echoing): Use this wisely.......wisely......wisely.......
The SUV stops at a vacant location and Stan gets out. He drinks a little bit and starts to levitate.
Song: Sonic Youth's Sacred Trickster plays.
Stan (flying): Oh, my gosh! It's true! We Americans did it again! This'll come in handy if we ever have to go to Benghazi!
As Stan was flying loop the loops in the sky, he sees a old decrepit billboard for the TV Show, 'The Greatest American Hero' and stops to look at it.
Stan: Ha! In your face, William Katt! And shame on you for having the same last name as the guy who shot the greatest President ever! (flips off billboard and flies away). I'm a better flyer than that asshole! That show sucked! B.J. and The Bear was a better show!
Then Stan was done flying and drove back in his SUV.
Stan: Woooo! That was a wild ride! I was like Rocky the Flying Squirrel! But much more cooler!
From a distance, Stan was unaware that Roger and Klaus were watching him from home with binoculars.
Song Ends.
Scene 3:
That evening, Stan was a little late for dinner and Francine was asking him about it.
Francine: Why are you late for dinner? You know how insecure I get when you come home late!
Stan: Bullock was riding my ass today. Had a lot of paperwork to do.....
Francine: You're not secretly eating out agin, are you?
Stan: Wouldn't dream of it. Besides, we had those alligators in that pit banished to the Everglades, remember?
Then they are both interrupted by the sound of video game gunshots and explosions.
Stan: Is Steve playing Call of Duty again?
Francine: No, that's Roger and Klaus. They're playing an XBOX game they invented where you shoot commercial mascots. They made the game after they saw The Dictator.
Stan goes in and sees and game Roger and Klaus are playing.
Roger: This is the best game we ever made! Which mascots should we shoot? Male or Female?
Klaus: Well, we already did the Male ones.
Roger: Let's do the Female ones.
Then Klaus picks on the menu list on the game that says, "FEMALE". Then the game shows a door open and it's Flo from the Progressive commercials.
Flo (in the game): May I help you?
Roger (shoots Flo): Blow it out your ass, bitch! You have the same name as a period!
Flo was bloody and dead on the game. Then the British girl from the Orbit Gum commercials comes.
British Girl (in the game): Dirty Mouth? Then clean it up.....
On the game, Roger shot, stabeed, and strangled the British Girl.
Roger (singing): Shoot, Stab, Choke! You're dead!
Stan: That's a pretty cool game you have there.
Klaus: Don't pretend like there's nothing going on.....
Roger: We know why you're really late... (turns off game)
Stan: I told Francine why I was late. Thought you heard.
Klaus: bullbeep.
Roger and Klaus walk up to Stan and gang up on him.
Stan: Okay, I give. What's this thing you think you know about me?
Klaus: You can fly.
Roger: We saw you while we were playing Shoot the Annoying Mascots.
Stan (takes out becker): This stuff? The CIA invented it to make people fly.
Roger: I want in on it!
Stan: OKay, and if I don't?
Klaus: We'll tell Francine you're eating out again! After all, when Roger was in Iraq, I convinced you to tell her. I have ways to make her believe it again......
Stan (scared): NO! NOT THAT! NOT THAT! (runs away)
Klaus: We did it, Roger!
Roger (Maxwell Smart voice): We did the old "Blackmail the CIA Agent So We Can Have Some Fun Trick".
Scene 4:
Roger and Stan were in his study. Roger has a plan as to what to do with the potion.
Stan: What's this plan you have with the potion?
Roger: We are going to become superheroes!
Stan: Bullock was right about this......Seriously? Superheroes? That's the dream of geeky 20-something slackers!
Roger: Just thought of a cool name for you. What about, "The Patriot Missile"?
Stan: I stand corrected. Like the name. It's sounds so George Bush!
Roger starts making their costumes. Stan's costume consisted of car parts, gray cape and boots, and a black spandex suit. Roger's was a monkey mask, monkey suit that only fit the torso, a yellow cape and red boots, and a tarzan outfit. Stan's helmet was black and Roger's was yellow, as were the same colors as their eyemasks. They then sip the potion.
Stan: Wow! I'm an even bigger man of the law, now!
Roger: Check out mine!
Stan: You look like you walked off the set of Bela Lugosi Meets A Brooklyn Gorilla! Martin and Lewis rip-offs!
Roger: For I am your faithful sidekick, Spanky Monkey!
Klaus (walks in): Can I be in on this too?
Stan: Sure you can, Klaus. Just don't tell Francine.
Roger: You can report crimes to us with that old police radio. You can be like Chloe from 24!
Klaus: All right, I guess. I'm never part of the action.
Stan and Roger both jump out of the window and fly around Langley Falls.
Roger: Now all you need is a catchphrase!
Stan: I got one! BEE HEE HEE HA HA! Good thing I'm trained in hand to hand combat!
Scene 5:
The next night, Stan and Roger got done eating and ran into the study, much to Francine's chagrin. Roger opens a bookcase that has two poles inside. Stan and Roger slide down the poles and become The Patriot Missile and Spanky Monkey. They take a tank from the CIA to drive around and wait for Klaus to report a ctime as they drove into the night.
Patriot Missile: Well, I wonder what fun adventures await us?
Spanky Monkey: Maybe we'll bust a prostitution ring!
The car radio beeps.
Spanky Monkey: Oh, there's Klaus now. (picks up the mic to the police radio): What's the
sitaution, 'Chloe'? (laughs)
Klaus: Very funny, dickhead! There's a bank robbery in progress in Chimdale.
Patriot Missile: Any word on who it is?
Klaus: No, the police report said, unknown assilants in Obama masks.
Patriot Missile: As Dick Tracy used to say, "we're on our way"! Chimdale's a long way off.
Spanky Monkey (puts down mic): How about we play some mood music to get us pumped?
Patriot Missile: What do you have?
Spanky Monkey (picks up CD): Soundgarden Superunknown!
Patroit Missile: Play Black Hole Sun!
Spanky Monkey puts in the CD and Black Hole Sun plays as they drive into Chimdale.
Patriot Missile: Wish we Republicans had a 'black hole sun', suck in those whiny democrats!
Scene 6:
At the Chimdale National Bank, two robbers in Obama masks are holding everyone hostage. Greg and Terry were there, too.
Greg: If only there was someone here to save us!
Terry: This is the end, we're gonna die! Libby's going to be an orphan!
Greg and Terry were hugging each other.
Bank Robber #1: Shut up you whiny little beep!
Bank Robber #2: Anyone moves, we'll fill them full of holes like swiss cheese!
A crash is heard and in comes Stan and Roger as the Patriot Missile and Spanky Monkey. They both fly into the bank.
Bank Robber #1: Who the beep are you?
Patriot Missile: I am the Patriot Missile! I am here to bring you to justice!
Bank Robber #2: What the beep are you supposed to be? RoboCop?
Spanky Monkey: I'm his sidekick, Spanky Monkey! Ooooh, that's really tough, two black gang bangers picking on some helpless gays!
Greg: We resent that!
Terry: I work out at the gym!
Bank Robber #1: We's gonna lick your honky asses, so don't beep with us!
The Bank Robbers dove at The Patriot Missile, and he beat them up. He punched and kicked them.
Patriot Missile: Swing Low! Rob Lowe! Chad Lowe!
The Bank Robbers, even thought they're beaten, they try to shoot The Patriot Missile, but he's bullet proof, then Spanky Monkey takes out a whip with a banana at the end.
Bank Robber #1: We shoot you now, goofy asshole!
Spanky Monkey: Like Al Pacino in Scarface! Say Hello To My Little Friend!
Spanky Monkey uses his whip to take the guns away from the Bank Robbers.
Greg: Wow! These people are amazing!
Terry: They're like Knights In Shining Armour!
Bank Robber #2: What the hell, man?
Spanky Monkey: You're both about to be banished......
Bank Robber #1: What cho talkin' 'bout, Homes?
Spanky Monkey: Banished into a Football Stadium!
Much to everyone's surprise, Spanky Monkey spins hinself into a torando and the Robbers get thrown into the night sky. Everyone clapped and cheered.
Patriot Missile: If they had stayed in school, they wouldn't have talked in ebonics!
Greg: Oh, thank you Patriot Missile for saving us!
Terry: How can we ever repay you?
Spanky Monkey: How about doing a news report on us?
Greg and Terry: We will!
The Patriot Missile: You can go home now, knowing that you're safe. Until next time. BEE HEE HEE HA HA!
Spanky Monkey and The Patriot Missile fly away into the night sky with Greg, Terry, and everyone else in the bank waving at them.
Scene 7:
The next night, Stan and Roger were watching Greg and Terry on the local news.
Stan: Here it comes, Roger! Here is comes!
Greg: Good Evening. On the news today, we were rescued by some mysterious heroes.
Terry: We were in the midst of a bank robbery in Chimdale, only to be saved by the one known as The Patriot Missile!
Greg: We interviewed him this morning and here's what he had to say.....
The screen shows Stan as the Patriot Missile, as he was being interviewed, his head was turning side to side.
Patriot Missile (on TV): Wherever there is crime in Langley Falls, beware! Because I will be there! Justice will always prevail when we are around.......
Roger: Sheesh, Stan. Why are you moving your head back and forth?
Stan: I wasn't. The camera man had Parkinsons.
Francine (angerly): Stan?! Why did you walk out of dinner.....
Roger: Look, Frannie! A superhero's in town.
Patriot Missile (on TV): So remember boys and girls. Love your country, stay in school, eat lots of meats, and remember that crimes like converting to Islam never pays! BEE HEE HEE HA HA!
Francine: Wow! He seems amazing. Wonder who he really is? Anyway, why did you walk out on.....
Just then, a siren that sounded like a cellphone ringtone is heard. Stan and Roger run upstairs.
Stan: I'll go fix whatever that is.....
Roger: I'll go with him for moral support.
Francine (turns of TV): Ohhhh! I'll find out what's going on.......
Stan and Roger run into the study,open the bookcase, sip some potion, slide down the pole and once again become the Patriot Missile and Spanky Monkey.
Roger: I'm like Denis Leary in Rescue Me!
Stan: The Ref was one of his better works......
Spanky Monkey and The Patriot Missile run into the tank and ride into town. The Patriot Missile answers the police radio via a mic.
Patriot Missile: What's the situation, Klaus?
Klaus: There's actually two crimes. The Russian Mafia are doing a drug ring at the docs, and there's a burning building.
Spanky Monkey: Like Steve McGarrett in Hawaii Five-0, 10-4!
Patriot Missile: You going to do that tornado thingy again? And where did you get that from?
Spanky Monkey: A lot of superheroes spin themselves into tornadoes. Uma Thurman did it in My Super Ex-Girlfriend.
Patriot Missile: Maybe that potion does more for aliens than it does humans. Anyway, the law of the superhero states that the sidekick can never have better powers than the hero!
Spanky Monkey (scoffs): And you think I have a big ego.
The Patriot Missile and Spanky Monkey have arrived on the docs.
Scene 8:
At the Docs, The Patriot Missile and Spanky Monkey come out of the tank and hide, they are on the other side of the docs, only to see Steve, Snot, Barry, and Toshi get beat up by the Russian Mafia.
Steve: Stop! Why are you beating us up, for?
Snot: We never done anything to you.
Barry: We're just little kids.
Toshi (in Japanese): If only I had my samari sword!
Russian Gangster #1: We just like to beat up kids!
Russian Gangster #2: Yes, especially geeks like you! (laughs evilly).
Russian Gangster #3: You're getting beaten because you refuse to buy drugs from us!
Patriot Missile: I remember those guys. They tied me up once because I had evidence against them.
Spanky Monkey: Remember them, too. I entangled with them when I was a corrupt cop that one time.
Then they both come out of hiding and fly over the river to the other side of the docs.
Patriot Missile: BEE HEE HEE HA HA!!!!
Russian Gangster #4: Who are you?
Patriot Missile: Your worst nightmare! And here to serve justice on a plate served ice cold! Prepare to feel our wrath you commie bastards!
Spanky Monkey: Kids, stay away!
Steve, Snot, Barry, and Toshi are lead to safety by Spanky Monkey and watch the fight.
Patriot Missile (beating up the gangsters): You'll all about to fall down! Michael Douglas style!
Two of them come after Spanky Monkey.
Russian Gangster #3: Who are you supposed to be?
Spanky Monkey: I am Spanky Monkey! The trusted sidekick that quotes movie lines while I'm kicking ass!
Russian Gangster #4 (holding a gun to Spanky Monkey): I got a better name for you! What about, "Poorly Dressed Dead Guy!" (laughs evilly).
Spanky Monkey: Like Terrance Stamp in Superman 2, Kneel Before Spank!
As the Russian Mafia try to get after Roger, he takes out his whip and snatches away their guns, and makes them slip on the banana that's attached to the whip.
Patriot Missile: Swing Low! Rob Lowe! Chad Lowe! (punches and kicks the gangsters)
Then The Patriot Missile throws the Russian Gangsters into the sky and they both land in a police car. Then Spanky Monkey finishes off the other two by pressing a button on his belt that makes a boxing glove come out and punch them.
Spanky Monkey: Hurt's don't it? Go tell the others!
Then those two gangsters fly into the sky and land into a police car as well, and the police car drives away.
Steve: Wow! Thank you! You're like the Christian Bale version of Batman!
Snot: That was awesome! You were both A-1, and I don't mean the steak sauce!
Barry: Can you be our bodyguards so you can beat up bullies for us?
Patriot Missile: We'd love to, but we are needed elsewhere.
Spanky Monkey: In the meantime, stay away from that geeky fandom stuff! Chicks hate that!
Steve, Snot, Barry, and Toshi say their goodbyes. Just a block away The Patriot Missile and Spanky Monkey see a burning building in the distance. They both fly to it.
Patriot Missile: BEE HEE HEE HA HA!
Spanky Monkey: Like Bender from Futurama, Let's Go Already!
Once they get to the scene of the fire, they were already too late. People were on fire running out of the building and screaming.
Patriot Missile: Oh, no! We're too late! Superheroes are _always_ on time!
Spanky Monkey: Maybe there's still some hope! There always is....
Patriot Missile: Are you beeping kidding me right now? Look at that place, you dumbass! It's like the series finale of House!
Spanky Monkey: Yeah, tell me about it. Somebody must've left Stan Laurel in charge!
Patriot Missile: Or Richard Pryor!
Spanky Monkey and Patriot Missile (together): Oooooooooohhhhhhhhh!
Then they both put out the fire by using firehoses built inside their costumes. The fire eventually was put out. Meanwhile from another distance, Sergei sees the whole thing, everything from the Russian Mafia and the burning building.
Sergei: The Patriot Missile will pay for what he did to thise Russian Gangsters! Let's see how patriotic he is once I get through with him! (laughes evilly)
A thunderbolt strikes as Sergei is laughing.
Scene 9:
The next night, Francine was in Stan's study with Hayley.
Hayley: Any luck trying to find out why Dad keeps ditching you?
Francine: Nope, not so far! (scoffs angerly): He always does this to me! First him and Roger are cryptic about their trip to Atlantic City, then he divorces me for some competitive bitch, then that whole Valentine's Day scenario, then he ditches me for some posessed hot tub, he reveals to me that he never liked my cooking, and recently, he leaves me to try to track down a killer on our vacation! What the beep is going on?
Hayley (picks up beaker): This seems to be half full.
Francine: You could be onto something there, Hayley.
Stan and Roger run into the living room, turn on the TV and watch the news. Hayley and Francine soon join them, and they decide not to confront them about the beaker.
Greg: Good evening, Langley Falls, in the news today, the Patriot Missile strikes again.
Terry: Yes indeed he has! Last night, he took down some Russian Gangsters and saved people from a burning building!
Francine: Hmmmm. Why can't you be more like the Patriot Missile, Stan? I'll be _he_ doesn't keep ditching his wife after dinner every night!
Roger: Careful, Frannie! Don't compare Stan to other men.
Stan: I doubt he even had a wife. He's probably gay.
Hayley: Steve told me The Patriot Missile saved him. Wonder who he really is?
Then on the TV, an alert is heard.
Greg (shocked): Oh, no! This just in! Someone wants to challange The Patriot Missile.
Terry (shocked): You're right, sweetie! It's ex-KGB agent Sergei......can't pronounce his last name!
Greg: This is what he had to say, switch camera!
Then Sergei comes on the TV with an annoucement.
Sergei: Attention Patriot Missile. You will pay for what you did to those Russian Mobsters! They happened to be good friends of mine. Come to the Langley Falls Civic Center tonight! Everyone is invited to see the Patriot Missile go up against my boxing android...Sputnik! Be there, or Beware!
Sputnik looks like a fat, bald, muscular man who is wearing a Russian hat and and boxers with a hammer and sickle on them.
Francine: Hey, Stan. You don't have to go anywhere, tonight. How about we go see this boxing match?
Stan: Sure, love to. Want to see The Patriot Missile kick some commie ass!
Roger: Yeah, Frannie, we wouldn't miss that for the world!
Hayley: Boxing? Jeff and I are going to protest against this!
Francine: Everyone go upstairs and get ready.
Stan and Roger fool Francine into thinking he's taking a shower. They both sneak off and do their usual routine to become The Patriot Missile and Spanky Monkey. They all go to the Langley Falls Civic Center to meet Sputnik.
Spanky Monkey: What do we say to Francine? She's going to notice you're gone.
Patriot Missile: I wrote her a note and told her I'd meet her.
They both drive the tank to the Civic Center.
Scene 10:
At the Langley Falls Civic Center, Jeff and Hayley were already there protesting against the boxing match. Francine sits in the front row. Bulock, Jackson, Reginald, and Dick were there, too.
Francine: Hope Stan shows up soon. (sees Bullock) What are you guys doing here?
Bullock: We're here to root for The Patriot Missile.
Reginald: Quiet dudes, it's about to begin!
The Patriot Missile, Spanky Monkey, and Sputnik are all in the ring. Sergei was under the ring with a remote control.
Francine: Stan told me he'd be here. He left me a note.
Bullock: I'm sure he'll turn up.
Spanky Monkey: I'm going to be likr Burgess Meredith in those Rocky movies.
The referee introduces them and gives them rules.
Referee: In this corner, the champion! Patriot Missile!
Everyone cheers.
Referee: In this corner the challanger! Sputnik!
Everyone boos.
Referee: All right, you two. I want a good, clean fight. No hitting below the belt or nothing like that. Now let's get it on!
Spanky Monkey: LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE! (rings bell).
Patriot Missile: This'll be easy, like Tyson and Holyfield back in '95! BEE HEE HEE HA HA!
As The Patriot Missile tries to fight Sputnik, he proves too powerful for him.
Patriot Missile: What the hell?
Sputnik: I must break you! (punches The Patriot Missile into the ground).
Patriot Missile: Why you son of a bitch, I'll.....
Sergei uses his remote control to hold The Patriot Missile down on a magnet. Under the stage so Sputnik could beat him up.
Sputnik: I must break you! (punches The Patriot Missile mulitiple times).
Francine: Oh, no! He's losing. If only there was some way I can....
Then Francine discovers the magnet under the ring.
Francine: If only Stan was here to see......Oh, hell! I'll be right back.
Bullock: Where are you going?
Spanky Monkey: Do you Swing Low, Rob Lowe moves!
Patriot Missile: I want to, but I can't!
Spanky Monkey: Patriot Missile, you're a BUM!
Then Spanky Monkey tries to whip Sputnik with his banana whip to now avail. Sergei is under the ring enjoying what he started.
Sergei (laughs evilly): Patriotism will die! Communism will prevail!
Francine goes under the stage with a rope that has a U-shaped magnet tied to the end, and twirls it. Hayley wondered what she was doing.
Hayley: Mom, you're not promoting this barbaric sport, are you?
Francine: I feel I must help The Patriot Missile, I feel connected to him somehow.
Sergei notices the U-shaped magnet and it comes his way and then it disables the magnet that was holding The Patriot Missile down who was now free from it's grip. Francine pulled the rope back and the whole ring collapses.
Hayley: Where did you learn how to do that?
Francine: You learn a lot of tricks when you're in prison, if you catch my drift.
Sergei (sees Francine): Stan's wife!
Francine: Yes, you commie asshole! We meet again!
Sergei gets chased by Francine and everyone cheers as The Patriot Missile was beating up Sputnik. Then soon stops as he sees Francine chase Sergei. Spunky Monkey and he get off the stage and follow them.
Scene 11 Conclusion:
Everyone in the audience was murmuring as Jeff and Hayley went into the ring.
Jeff: You should all be ashamed of youselves.
Hayley: Entertaining yourselves with violence!
Jeff: Non-violence can be just as fun.....(hands Hayley a bucket)
Bullock: I can't believe I dated her once.
Reginald: Me, neither dawg!
Hayley: We are going to entertain you with non-violence! Watch!
Jeff looks on as Hayley throws water at Sputnik which causes him to deactivate.
Sputnik (sputtering): I.....must.......break.....you.......
Meanwhile back stage The Patriot Missile and Spanky Monkey confront Sergei who was tied to a chair.
Patriot Missile: What happened to you, comrade?
Sergei: She's what happened to me!
Francine was sitting on a ledge on the ceiling.
Spanky Monkey: The jig is up, stroganoff! You're going downtown, where all the lights are bright!
Sergei: Never! I'm not beated yet!
Just then a bunch of guys in Russian suits comes into the room.
Spanky Monkey (laughs): What is this, Yakov Smirnoff Appriciation Day?
Sergei: ATTACK!
The Russians charge at The Patriot Missile and Spanky Monkey. The Russians try to beat them up, but fail. Even Francine gets in on the fight by kicking them.
Patriot Missile: Swing Low! Rob Lowe! Chad Lowe!
Spanky Monkey: Get on my whip! The banana whip!
The Russians were soon defeated and Sergei gets knocked on the head.
Patriot Missile: We did it, old chum! All in a good days work!
Spanky Monkey: Holy Ass Kicking!
Patriot Missile: And thank you, kind civilian.
Francine: You're welcome. For all you did in Langley Falls, it was the least I can do. Wish my husband would meet you, but he keeps ditching me.....
They all walk out of the civic center.
Spanky Monkey: Since this is all over, I guess we could tell you.
The Patriot Missile and Spanky Monkey reveal themselves to be Stan and Roger.
Francine: Stan? You were The Patriot Missile?
Stan: Sure was, Francine. Bullock invented a flying potion. Wanted to do more than just be a CIA agent......
Francine: So you became a superhero?
Stan: Correct. But now I see, I don't need to be a hero.
Roger: And I already have enough alter egos to last me a lifetime.
Stan: Then I realized I already am a hero.
Francine: You sure are, honey. You'll always be my hero, Stan Smith.
As Stan and Francine were about to kiss, Klaus calls them from The Police Radio in their tank.
Klaus: There's another crime! Someone hypnotized a bunch of mental hospital patients and they're wrecking havox.....
Roger (into mic): Sorry, Klaus, we're not doing it anymore! (breaks police radio)
Klaus: NEIN!
Stan: Let's go home and leave crime fighting to the professionals.
Francine: And here I thought you lost interest in me, and leave to go eat out....
Stan: I already have adventure in my life. I'll never sneak out again.
Roger: What do you all say we go to the bar and get hammered!
Francine: Yes, Tequila shots on me! Whooooo!
Stan, Roger, and Francine leave the Civic Center and the tank and walk to the bar. As they were going there, a kid and a teenage babysitter come up to Roger.
Child: My Mommy says everytime The Patriot Missile says BEE HEE HEE HA HA, an angel gets it's wings!
Roger: You're Mommy is full of beep! Hey, fellas wait for me!
Then Roger runs to join Stan and Francine.
Stan: BEE HEE HEE HA HA!
THE END
Closing Credits.
Fanfic Title:
The Dynamic Fools
Opening Credits Scene
Roger's Disguise: Ricky Spanish
Scene 1:
At the CIA Headquarters in Langley Falls on a cool spring Thursday afternoon,Reginald enters the room and has an announcement, Stan and his CIA buddies are listening.
Reginald: I have some mighty fine ass great news for y'all!
Dick: We already know!
Jackson: 30 Rock is in it's final season!
Stan: Uh, I don't think that's what he means, and by the way, that _is_ great news!
Reginald: Our scientist honkies invented some super fly potion!
Bullock (walks into confrence room): You may go now, Reginald.
Reginald: Need to go to my probation officer anyway, got caught with a hooker and some coke! Just like Marion Barry!
Bullock (holding a beaker): Behold! What Reginald meant by 'super fly' is we invented a potion that can make you fly, literaly!
Dick: Wow! That's amazing!
Jackson: What are we supposed to do with it?
Stan: Good thing Iraq didn't think to make that, or else we'd be getting suicide bombed!
Everyone laughs.
Bullock: Brilliant deduction, Smith. Indeed they would. (hands everyone a small beaker of potion) I'm giving this potion to each of you. Now, remember, use this wisely!
Stan: Can we use this on a mission, like in case we get stranded?
Bullock: No, because if anyone else found out, they would definately want in on it.
Dick: Like those 'stay awake' pills Stan and I used to take.
Bullock: Exactly.
Scene 2:
Later that day, as Stan was driving home from work in his SUV, he couldn't help but be curious about the flying potion.
Stan: Does this stuff _really_ make you fly?
Bullock's voice (echoing): Use this wisely.......wisely......wisely.......
The SUV stops at a vacant location and Stan gets out. He drinks a little bit and starts to levitate.
Song: Sonic Youth's Sacred Trickster plays.
Stan (flying): Oh, my gosh! It's true! We Americans did it again! This'll come in handy if we ever have to go to Benghazi!
As Stan was flying loop the loops in the sky, he sees a old decrepit billboard for the TV Show, 'The Greatest American Hero' and stops to look at it.
Stan: Ha! In your face, William Katt! And shame on you for having the same last name as the guy who shot the greatest President ever! (flips off billboard and flies away). I'm a better flyer than that asshole! That show sucked! B.J. and The Bear was a better show!
Then Stan was done flying and drove back in his SUV.
Stan: Woooo! That was a wild ride! I was like Rocky the Flying Squirrel! But much more cooler!
From a distance, Stan was unaware that Roger and Klaus were watching him from home with binoculars.
Song Ends.
Scene 3:
That evening, Stan was a little late for dinner and Francine was asking him about it.
Francine: Why are you late for dinner? You know how insecure I get when you come home late!
Stan: Bullock was riding my ass today. Had a lot of paperwork to do.....
Francine: You're not secretly eating out agin, are you?
Stan: Wouldn't dream of it. Besides, we had those alligators in that pit banished to the Everglades, remember?
Then they are both interrupted by the sound of video game gunshots and explosions.
Stan: Is Steve playing Call of Duty again?
Francine: No, that's Roger and Klaus. They're playing an XBOX game they invented where you shoot commercial mascots. They made the game after they saw The Dictator.
Stan goes in and sees and game Roger and Klaus are playing.
Roger: This is the best game we ever made! Which mascots should we shoot? Male or Female?
Klaus: Well, we already did the Male ones.
Roger: Let's do the Female ones.
Then Klaus picks on the menu list on the game that says, "FEMALE". Then the game shows a door open and it's Flo from the Progressive commercials.
Flo (in the game): May I help you?
Roger (shoots Flo): Blow it out your ass, bitch! You have the same name as a period!
Flo was bloody and dead on the game. Then the British girl from the Orbit Gum commercials comes.
British Girl (in the game): Dirty Mouth? Then clean it up.....
On the game, Roger shot, stabeed, and strangled the British Girl.
Roger (singing): Shoot, Stab, Choke! You're dead!
Stan: That's a pretty cool game you have there.
Klaus: Don't pretend like there's nothing going on.....
Roger: We know why you're really late... (turns off game)
Stan: I told Francine why I was late. Thought you heard.
Klaus: bullbeep.
Roger and Klaus walk up to Stan and gang up on him.
Stan: Okay, I give. What's this thing you think you know about me?
Klaus: You can fly.
Roger: We saw you while we were playing Shoot the Annoying Mascots.
Stan (takes out becker): This stuff? The CIA invented it to make people fly.
Roger: I want in on it!
Stan: OKay, and if I don't?
Klaus: We'll tell Francine you're eating out again! After all, when Roger was in Iraq, I convinced you to tell her. I have ways to make her believe it again......
Stan (scared): NO! NOT THAT! NOT THAT! (runs away)
Klaus: We did it, Roger!
Roger (Maxwell Smart voice): We did the old "Blackmail the CIA Agent So We Can Have Some Fun Trick".
Scene 4:
Roger and Stan were in his study. Roger has a plan as to what to do with the potion.
Stan: What's this plan you have with the potion?
Roger: We are going to become superheroes!
Stan: Bullock was right about this......Seriously? Superheroes? That's the dream of geeky 20-something slackers!
Roger: Just thought of a cool name for you. What about, "The Patriot Missile"?
Stan: I stand corrected. Like the name. It's sounds so George Bush!
Roger starts making their costumes. Stan's costume consisted of car parts, gray cape and boots, and a black spandex suit. Roger's was a monkey mask, monkey suit that only fit the torso, a yellow cape and red boots, and a tarzan outfit. Stan's helmet was black and Roger's was yellow, as were the same colors as their eyemasks. They then sip the potion.
Stan: Wow! I'm an even bigger man of the law, now!
Roger: Check out mine!
Stan: You look like you walked off the set of Bela Lugosi Meets A Brooklyn Gorilla! Martin and Lewis rip-offs!
Roger: For I am your faithful sidekick, Spanky Monkey!
Klaus (walks in): Can I be in on this too?
Stan: Sure you can, Klaus. Just don't tell Francine.
Roger: You can report crimes to us with that old police radio. You can be like Chloe from 24!
Klaus: All right, I guess. I'm never part of the action.
Stan and Roger both jump out of the window and fly around Langley Falls.
Roger: Now all you need is a catchphrase!
Stan: I got one! BEE HEE HEE HA HA! Good thing I'm trained in hand to hand combat!
Scene 5:
The next night, Stan and Roger got done eating and ran into the study, much to Francine's chagrin. Roger opens a bookcase that has two poles inside. Stan and Roger slide down the poles and become The Patriot Missile and Spanky Monkey. They take a tank from the CIA to drive around and wait for Klaus to report a ctime as they drove into the night.
Patriot Missile: Well, I wonder what fun adventures await us?
Spanky Monkey: Maybe we'll bust a prostitution ring!
The car radio beeps.
Spanky Monkey: Oh, there's Klaus now. (picks up the mic to the police radio): What's the
sitaution, 'Chloe'? (laughs)
Klaus: Very funny, dickhead! There's a bank robbery in progress in Chimdale.
Patriot Missile: Any word on who it is?
Klaus: No, the police report said, unknown assilants in Obama masks.
Patriot Missile: As Dick Tracy used to say, "we're on our way"! Chimdale's a long way off.
Spanky Monkey (puts down mic): How about we play some mood music to get us pumped?
Patriot Missile: What do you have?
Spanky Monkey (picks up CD): Soundgarden Superunknown!
Patroit Missile: Play Black Hole Sun!
Spanky Monkey puts in the CD and Black Hole Sun plays as they drive into Chimdale.
Patriot Missile: Wish we Republicans had a 'black hole sun', suck in those whiny democrats!
Scene 6:
At the Chimdale National Bank, two robbers in Obama masks are holding everyone hostage. Greg and Terry were there, too.
Greg: If only there was someone here to save us!
Terry: This is the end, we're gonna die! Libby's going to be an orphan!
Greg and Terry were hugging each other.
Bank Robber #1: Shut up you whiny little beep!
Bank Robber #2: Anyone moves, we'll fill them full of holes like swiss cheese!
A crash is heard and in comes Stan and Roger as the Patriot Missile and Spanky Monkey. They both fly into the bank.
Bank Robber #1: Who the beep are you?
Patriot Missile: I am the Patriot Missile! I am here to bring you to justice!
Bank Robber #2: What the beep are you supposed to be? RoboCop?
Spanky Monkey: I'm his sidekick, Spanky Monkey! Ooooh, that's really tough, two black gang bangers picking on some helpless gays!
Greg: We resent that!
Terry: I work out at the gym!
Bank Robber #1: We's gonna lick your honky asses, so don't beep with us!
The Bank Robbers dove at The Patriot Missile, and he beat them up. He punched and kicked them.
Patriot Missile: Swing Low! Rob Lowe! Chad Lowe!
The Bank Robbers, even thought they're beaten, they try to shoot The Patriot Missile, but he's bullet proof, then Spanky Monkey takes out a whip with a banana at the end.
Bank Robber #1: We shoot you now, goofy asshole!
Spanky Monkey: Like Al Pacino in Scarface! Say Hello To My Little Friend!
Spanky Monkey uses his whip to take the guns away from the Bank Robbers.
Greg: Wow! These people are amazing!
Terry: They're like Knights In Shining Armour!
Bank Robber #2: What the hell, man?
Spanky Monkey: You're both about to be banished......
Bank Robber #1: What cho talkin' 'bout, Homes?
Spanky Monkey: Banished into a Football Stadium!
Much to everyone's surprise, Spanky Monkey spins hinself into a torando and the Robbers get thrown into the night sky. Everyone clapped and cheered.
Patriot Missile: If they had stayed in school, they wouldn't have talked in ebonics!
Greg: Oh, thank you Patriot Missile for saving us!
Terry: How can we ever repay you?
Spanky Monkey: How about doing a news report on us?
Greg and Terry: We will!
The Patriot Missile: You can go home now, knowing that you're safe. Until next time. BEE HEE HEE HA HA!
Spanky Monkey and The Patriot Missile fly away into the night sky with Greg, Terry, and everyone else in the bank waving at them.
Scene 7:
The next night, Stan and Roger were watching Greg and Terry on the local news.
Stan: Here it comes, Roger! Here is comes!
Greg: Good Evening. On the news today, we were rescued by some mysterious heroes.
Terry: We were in the midst of a bank robbery in Chimdale, only to be saved by the one known as The Patriot Missile!
Greg: We interviewed him this morning and here's what he had to say.....
The screen shows Stan as the Patriot Missile, as he was being interviewed, his head was turning side to side.
Patriot Missile (on TV): Wherever there is crime in Langley Falls, beware! Because I will be there! Justice will always prevail when we are around.......
Roger: Sheesh, Stan. Why are you moving your head back and forth?
Stan: I wasn't. The camera man had Parkinsons.
Francine (angerly): Stan?! Why did you walk out of dinner.....
Roger: Look, Frannie! A superhero's in town.
Patriot Missile (on TV): So remember boys and girls. Love your country, stay in school, eat lots of meats, and remember that crimes like converting to Islam never pays! BEE HEE HEE HA HA!
Francine: Wow! He seems amazing. Wonder who he really is? Anyway, why did you walk out on.....
Just then, a siren that sounded like a cellphone ringtone is heard. Stan and Roger run upstairs.
Stan: I'll go fix whatever that is.....
Roger: I'll go with him for moral support.
Francine (turns of TV): Ohhhh! I'll find out what's going on.......
Stan and Roger run into the study,open the bookcase, sip some potion, slide down the pole and once again become the Patriot Missile and Spanky Monkey.
Roger: I'm like Denis Leary in Rescue Me!
Stan: The Ref was one of his better works......
Spanky Monkey and The Patriot Missile run into the tank and ride into town. The Patriot Missile answers the police radio via a mic.
Patriot Missile: What's the situation, Klaus?
Klaus: There's actually two crimes. The Russian Mafia are doing a drug ring at the docs, and there's a burning building.
Spanky Monkey: Like Steve McGarrett in Hawaii Five-0, 10-4!
Patriot Missile: You going to do that tornado thingy again? And where did you get that from?
Spanky Monkey: A lot of superheroes spin themselves into tornadoes. Uma Thurman did it in My Super Ex-Girlfriend.
Patriot Missile: Maybe that potion does more for aliens than it does humans. Anyway, the law of the superhero states that the sidekick can never have better powers than the hero!
Spanky Monkey (scoffs): And you think I have a big ego.
The Patriot Missile and Spanky Monkey have arrived on the docs.
Scene 8:
At the Docs, The Patriot Missile and Spanky Monkey come out of the tank and hide, they are on the other side of the docs, only to see Steve, Snot, Barry, and Toshi get beat up by the Russian Mafia.
Steve: Stop! Why are you beating us up, for?
Snot: We never done anything to you.
Barry: We're just little kids.
Toshi (in Japanese): If only I had my samari sword!
Russian Gangster #1: We just like to beat up kids!
Russian Gangster #2: Yes, especially geeks like you! (laughs evilly).
Russian Gangster #3: You're getting beaten because you refuse to buy drugs from us!
Patriot Missile: I remember those guys. They tied me up once because I had evidence against them.
Spanky Monkey: Remember them, too. I entangled with them when I was a corrupt cop that one time.
Then they both come out of hiding and fly over the river to the other side of the docs.
Patriot Missile: BEE HEE HEE HA HA!!!!
Russian Gangster #4: Who are you?
Patriot Missile: Your worst nightmare! And here to serve justice on a plate served ice cold! Prepare to feel our wrath you commie bastards!
Spanky Monkey: Kids, stay away!
Steve, Snot, Barry, and Toshi are lead to safety by Spanky Monkey and watch the fight.
Patriot Missile (beating up the gangsters): You'll all about to fall down! Michael Douglas style!
Two of them come after Spanky Monkey.
Russian Gangster #3: Who are you supposed to be?
Spanky Monkey: I am Spanky Monkey! The trusted sidekick that quotes movie lines while I'm kicking ass!
Russian Gangster #4 (holding a gun to Spanky Monkey): I got a better name for you! What about, "Poorly Dressed Dead Guy!" (laughs evilly).
Spanky Monkey: Like Terrance Stamp in Superman 2, Kneel Before Spank!
As the Russian Mafia try to get after Roger, he takes out his whip and snatches away their guns, and makes them slip on the banana that's attached to the whip.
Patriot Missile: Swing Low! Rob Lowe! Chad Lowe! (punches and kicks the gangsters)
Then The Patriot Missile throws the Russian Gangsters into the sky and they both land in a police car. Then Spanky Monkey finishes off the other two by pressing a button on his belt that makes a boxing glove come out and punch them.
Spanky Monkey: Hurt's don't it? Go tell the others!
Then those two gangsters fly into the sky and land into a police car as well, and the police car drives away.
Steve: Wow! Thank you! You're like the Christian Bale version of Batman!
Snot: That was awesome! You were both A-1, and I don't mean the steak sauce!
Barry: Can you be our bodyguards so you can beat up bullies for us?
Patriot Missile: We'd love to, but we are needed elsewhere.
Spanky Monkey: In the meantime, stay away from that geeky fandom stuff! Chicks hate that!
Steve, Snot, Barry, and Toshi say their goodbyes. Just a block away The Patriot Missile and Spanky Monkey see a burning building in the distance. They both fly to it.
Patriot Missile: BEE HEE HEE HA HA!
Spanky Monkey: Like Bender from Futurama, Let's Go Already!
Once they get to the scene of the fire, they were already too late. People were on fire running out of the building and screaming.
Patriot Missile: Oh, no! We're too late! Superheroes are _always_ on time!
Spanky Monkey: Maybe there's still some hope! There always is....
Patriot Missile: Are you beeping kidding me right now? Look at that place, you dumbass! It's like the series finale of House!
Spanky Monkey: Yeah, tell me about it. Somebody must've left Stan Laurel in charge!
Patriot Missile: Or Richard Pryor!
Spanky Monkey and Patriot Missile (together): Oooooooooohhhhhhhhh!
Then they both put out the fire by using firehoses built inside their costumes. The fire eventually was put out. Meanwhile from another distance, Sergei sees the whole thing, everything from the Russian Mafia and the burning building.
Sergei: The Patriot Missile will pay for what he did to thise Russian Gangsters! Let's see how patriotic he is once I get through with him! (laughes evilly)
A thunderbolt strikes as Sergei is laughing.
Scene 9:
The next night, Francine was in Stan's study with Hayley.
Hayley: Any luck trying to find out why Dad keeps ditching you?
Francine: Nope, not so far! (scoffs angerly): He always does this to me! First him and Roger are cryptic about their trip to Atlantic City, then he divorces me for some competitive bitch, then that whole Valentine's Day scenario, then he ditches me for some posessed hot tub, he reveals to me that he never liked my cooking, and recently, he leaves me to try to track down a killer on our vacation! What the beep is going on?
Hayley (picks up beaker): This seems to be half full.
Francine: You could be onto something there, Hayley.
Stan and Roger run into the living room, turn on the TV and watch the news. Hayley and Francine soon join them, and they decide not to confront them about the beaker.
Greg: Good evening, Langley Falls, in the news today, the Patriot Missile strikes again.
Terry: Yes indeed he has! Last night, he took down some Russian Gangsters and saved people from a burning building!
Francine: Hmmmm. Why can't you be more like the Patriot Missile, Stan? I'll be _he_ doesn't keep ditching his wife after dinner every night!
Roger: Careful, Frannie! Don't compare Stan to other men.
Stan: I doubt he even had a wife. He's probably gay.
Hayley: Steve told me The Patriot Missile saved him. Wonder who he really is?
Then on the TV, an alert is heard.
Greg (shocked): Oh, no! This just in! Someone wants to challange The Patriot Missile.
Terry (shocked): You're right, sweetie! It's ex-KGB agent Sergei......can't pronounce his last name!
Greg: This is what he had to say, switch camera!
Then Sergei comes on the TV with an annoucement.
Sergei: Attention Patriot Missile. You will pay for what you did to those Russian Mobsters! They happened to be good friends of mine. Come to the Langley Falls Civic Center tonight! Everyone is invited to see the Patriot Missile go up against my boxing android...Sputnik! Be there, or Beware!
Sputnik looks like a fat, bald, muscular man who is wearing a Russian hat and and boxers with a hammer and sickle on them.
Francine: Hey, Stan. You don't have to go anywhere, tonight. How about we go see this boxing match?
Stan: Sure, love to. Want to see The Patriot Missile kick some commie ass!
Roger: Yeah, Frannie, we wouldn't miss that for the world!
Hayley: Boxing? Jeff and I are going to protest against this!
Francine: Everyone go upstairs and get ready.
Stan and Roger fool Francine into thinking he's taking a shower. They both sneak off and do their usual routine to become The Patriot Missile and Spanky Monkey. They all go to the Langley Falls Civic Center to meet Sputnik.
Spanky Monkey: What do we say to Francine? She's going to notice you're gone.
Patriot Missile: I wrote her a note and told her I'd meet her.
They both drive the tank to the Civic Center.
Scene 10:
At the Langley Falls Civic Center, Jeff and Hayley were already there protesting against the boxing match. Francine sits in the front row. Bulock, Jackson, Reginald, and Dick were there, too.
Francine: Hope Stan shows up soon. (sees Bullock) What are you guys doing here?
Bullock: We're here to root for The Patriot Missile.
Reginald: Quiet dudes, it's about to begin!
The Patriot Missile, Spanky Monkey, and Sputnik are all in the ring. Sergei was under the ring with a remote control.
Francine: Stan told me he'd be here. He left me a note.
Bullock: I'm sure he'll turn up.
Spanky Monkey: I'm going to be likr Burgess Meredith in those Rocky movies.
The referee introduces them and gives them rules.
Referee: In this corner, the champion! Patriot Missile!
Everyone cheers.
Referee: In this corner the challanger! Sputnik!
Everyone boos.
Referee: All right, you two. I want a good, clean fight. No hitting below the belt or nothing like that. Now let's get it on!
Spanky Monkey: LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE! (rings bell).
Patriot Missile: This'll be easy, like Tyson and Holyfield back in '95! BEE HEE HEE HA HA!
As The Patriot Missile tries to fight Sputnik, he proves too powerful for him.
Patriot Missile: What the hell?
Sputnik: I must break you! (punches The Patriot Missile into the ground).
Patriot Missile: Why you son of a bitch, I'll.....
Sergei uses his remote control to hold The Patriot Missile down on a magnet. Under the stage so Sputnik could beat him up.
Sputnik: I must break you! (punches The Patriot Missile mulitiple times).
Francine: Oh, no! He's losing. If only there was some way I can....
Then Francine discovers the magnet under the ring.
Francine: If only Stan was here to see......Oh, hell! I'll be right back.
Bullock: Where are you going?
Spanky Monkey: Do you Swing Low, Rob Lowe moves!
Patriot Missile: I want to, but I can't!
Spanky Monkey: Patriot Missile, you're a BUM!
Then Spanky Monkey tries to whip Sputnik with his banana whip to now avail. Sergei is under the ring enjoying what he started.
Sergei (laughs evilly): Patriotism will die! Communism will prevail!
Francine goes under the stage with a rope that has a U-shaped magnet tied to the end, and twirls it. Hayley wondered what she was doing.
Hayley: Mom, you're not promoting this barbaric sport, are you?
Francine: I feel I must help The Patriot Missile, I feel connected to him somehow.
Sergei notices the U-shaped magnet and it comes his way and then it disables the magnet that was holding The Patriot Missile down who was now free from it's grip. Francine pulled the rope back and the whole ring collapses.
Hayley: Where did you learn how to do that?
Francine: You learn a lot of tricks when you're in prison, if you catch my drift.
Sergei (sees Francine): Stan's wife!
Francine: Yes, you commie asshole! We meet again!
Sergei gets chased by Francine and everyone cheers as The Patriot Missile was beating up Sputnik. Then soon stops as he sees Francine chase Sergei. Spunky Monkey and he get off the stage and follow them.
Scene 11 Conclusion:
Everyone in the audience was murmuring as Jeff and Hayley went into the ring.
Jeff: You should all be ashamed of youselves.
Hayley: Entertaining yourselves with violence!
Jeff: Non-violence can be just as fun.....(hands Hayley a bucket)
Bullock: I can't believe I dated her once.
Reginald: Me, neither dawg!
Hayley: We are going to entertain you with non-violence! Watch!
Jeff looks on as Hayley throws water at Sputnik which causes him to deactivate.
Sputnik (sputtering): I.....must.......break.....you.......
Meanwhile back stage The Patriot Missile and Spanky Monkey confront Sergei who was tied to a chair.
Patriot Missile: What happened to you, comrade?
Sergei: She's what happened to me!
Francine was sitting on a ledge on the ceiling.
Spanky Monkey: The jig is up, stroganoff! You're going downtown, where all the lights are bright!
Sergei: Never! I'm not beated yet!
Just then a bunch of guys in Russian suits comes into the room.
Spanky Monkey (laughs): What is this, Yakov Smirnoff Appriciation Day?
Sergei: ATTACK!
The Russians charge at The Patriot Missile and Spanky Monkey. The Russians try to beat them up, but fail. Even Francine gets in on the fight by kicking them.
Patriot Missile: Swing Low! Rob Lowe! Chad Lowe!
Spanky Monkey: Get on my whip! The banana whip!
The Russians were soon defeated and Sergei gets knocked on the head.
Patriot Missile: We did it, old chum! All in a good days work!
Spanky Monkey: Holy Ass Kicking!
Patriot Missile: And thank you, kind civilian.
Francine: You're welcome. For all you did in Langley Falls, it was the least I can do. Wish my husband would meet you, but he keeps ditching me.....
They all walk out of the civic center.
Spanky Monkey: Since this is all over, I guess we could tell you.
The Patriot Missile and Spanky Monkey reveal themselves to be Stan and Roger.
Francine: Stan? You were The Patriot Missile?
Stan: Sure was, Francine. Bullock invented a flying potion. Wanted to do more than just be a CIA agent......
Francine: So you became a superhero?
Stan: Correct. But now I see, I don't need to be a hero.
Roger: And I already have enough alter egos to last me a lifetime.
Stan: Then I realized I already am a hero.
Francine: You sure are, honey. You'll always be my hero, Stan Smith.
As Stan and Francine were about to kiss, Klaus calls them from The Police Radio in their tank.
Klaus: There's another crime! Someone hypnotized a bunch of mental hospital patients and they're wrecking havox.....
Roger (into mic): Sorry, Klaus, we're not doing it anymore! (breaks police radio)
Klaus: NEIN!
Stan: Let's go home and leave crime fighting to the professionals.
Francine: And here I thought you lost interest in me, and leave to go eat out....
Stan: I already have adventure in my life. I'll never sneak out again.
Roger: What do you all say we go to the bar and get hammered!
Francine: Yes, Tequila shots on me! Whooooo!
Stan, Roger, and Francine leave the Civic Center and the tank and walk to the bar. As they were going there, a kid and a teenage babysitter come up to Roger.
Child: My Mommy says everytime The Patriot Missile says BEE HEE HEE HA HA, an angel gets it's wings!
Roger: You're Mommy is full of beep! Hey, fellas wait for me!
Then Roger runs to join Stan and Francine.
Stan: BEE HEE HEE HA HA!
THE END
Closing Credits.
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