FicWad

Hello everyone. So, when I came home from school today, this was flitting around in my head, and I just had to write it down. I apologize if you hate it, but I have a tiny feeling that you won't.

Frank couldn’t stop the tears that flowed out of his eyes and down his cheeks, staining them even more than they already were. It didn’t matter though. Frank’s cheeks were permanently stained by now.

He was positive of that.

He just stared at the dirty, crumpled piece of paper in his hands. For the thousandth time that month, he was forced to face the truth.

Gerard was gone. He wasn’t coming back. Never ever.

And with that, he crumpled the paper even more and threw it into the blackness of his room, the sobs escaping his chest, strong and full of raw pain.

His throat was sore from crying, but he just couldn’t stop. And he was sure he couldn’t ever stop.

The words on the page reeled through his mind like a never ending slide show. He knew every word by heart. Inside and out. Gerard’s tiny, loopy writing flitted across the back of his eyelids.

Dear everyone-

I can’t even begin to say tell you how sorry I am. I let you all down, I was a failure. A freak. I’m so sorry I let you all down.

Mikey-

This wasn’t your fault. And don’t you ever think that. I love you… and that never changed. Batman and Robin forever, right?

Frank could almost feel Gerard’s raw pain in those last few words. Mikey and Gerard had that brotherly relationship everyone envied. They never left each other’s sides. They told each other everything. That is, until the end.

Frankie-

I love you so much. And this most certainly wasn’t your fault, Frankie. If anything, you’re the only one that I could trust with anything. Those days when I was beaten so bad, ready to give up on everything, you were there. You never left me. You were everything that I ever wanted. Even if you move on, I hope that you never forget me. I hope I’m always in your heart. Please don’t let this ruin your dream. Continue in your dream of being in a band. Any person would be lucky to have you playing for them. And if they can’t see that, well… Fuck them baby. Fuck them.

Frank couldn’t help but let a small smile turn his lips up when he read that. He always told Frank that, even if Frank had just laughed and shook his head.

I want you to know that I never forgot anything. I never will. And after all this, I want you to pick up the pieces of my life and be everything that I wasn’t. I love you Frankie. And I always will.

Gerard.

Gerard was right. He couldn’t let this stop him. He had to go on. For Gerard. He sat up, making sure that Gerard’s beautiful, smiling face was in his mind. All of his tiny, baby vampire teeth on display.

The way he looked before that horrid night.

He let the good memories fill his foggy head.

His silky, long, raven hair tickling Frank’s cheeks. His pale, soft skin against Frank’s. His lips pressed to Frank’s. His hand in Frank’s. His fingertips grazing every part of Frank.

The way he looked when he was drawing. The way he looked when he laughed, the soft sound filling the vast air that always surrounded this stupid place. His beautiful voice.

Everything about him.

He hated every single one of the people that beat Gerard every day. The ones that called him names and made him feel worthless. Frank would make them pay one day.

He had sworn to Gerard.

When Mikey called Frank that night, at 1 in the morning, he didn’t care what his parents said. He ran. In only his boxers and a simple white shirt. The cold air bit at his smooth, soft cheeks, and the snow stung at his bare feet.

The tears that fell froze like icicles as they dripped down from his cheeks.

He should have been able to stop him.

He should have been there for him.

He should have been able to tell something was wrong.

But he couldn’t. He didn’t. And that’s why Frank blamed himself for everything.

He was supposed to be the one that protected him from everything. From all the bullies. All the scary dreams and monsters.

Frank had ripped the door open, sprinting down to Gerard’s large, dark, basement bedroom.

The one place that Frank knew by heart.

Every band poster, every piece of art. Every.Single.Thing.

Mikey and his parents stood around Frank’s one true love’s lifeless body. He hung from a rope, dangling uselessly.

Frank vaguely remember screamed. Pushing everyone away and pulling Gerard’s body down from the rope, Frank’s tears splashing hopelessly onto his cold cheeks.

He had crumpled to the floor, Gerard in his lap, sobbing helplessly. The sobs were startlingly loud in the silence of the room.

Frank rocked back and forth, crying more than he ever had.

He screamed at the shaken family standing there. He wailed from the raw pain clenching his heart.

He begged for his baby to come back.

But, deep down, Frank knew nothing would change anything.

Gerard was gone. Dead.

Forever. And he was never coming back. Never ever.

Frank stayed like that the rest of the night. He screamed and shouted and shriek and threw everything he could find.

His parents told him that even him, once that night, had tried to take a knife to his own throat.

When Frank had finally calmed down, curling up next to his love’s cold body, crying softly, everyone had walked around gingerly, afraid that they would break Frank’s heart into tiny pieces again.

The rest of the next weeks had went by in a blur. Frank was numb. Lifeless.

Until the funeral, where he had lost it again, having to be drug out, screaming and crying, begging Gerard to come back.

Asking why. Why could such a beautiful, amazing person do this?

Frank gazed at the huge, blown up drawing on his wall. It was him. They had found it taped onto Gerard’s suicide note.

Gerard had managed to capture every aspect of Frank’s face, making it the most amazing thing Frank had ever seen. His head tipped back in laughter, his eyes twinkling and crinkled.

It made Frank feel beautiful.

That was all a month ago. Frank knew he had to pick himself up soon, and get on with his life. But, Frank couldn’t help but feel like he was leaving a part of him behind. A part of his life.

And yet, somehow, standing up, Frank knew that he would get that part of him back sometime. Not now, not soon, but one day.

He could just feel it.

So, that's that. I really hope you like it, cause I worked pretty hard on it. And if you did like it, R&R would be seriously appreciated.(:
~Cassie Raye