FicWad

Gerards POV


Here I am, just waiting. Waiting for a reason to do it. Do what? I really don't know, something. Something that could stop what happened to us, happening to someone else.

You see, I had a brother. He was called Joey. I wasn't as close to him as I was with Mikey, my other brother. Joey was always the youngest, the one that got the good attention. Not like me or Mikes; I was the fat emo loner on anti-depressants, while Mikey was the kid that never talked to anyone but me or Joey. Joey, on the other hand, was the little golden boy. We all loved him, and yes, me and Mikes were jealous- but he was our little bro, of course we were jealous.

Then one day, he came to my room. He said he thought he was like me- gay. I asked how he knew. He said, "I really like this guy. He's been really helpful these past few monthes." I said as long as he was happy, and he didn't let the guy pressure him into anything, I was happy for him. I'd kind of had inklings on his sexuality, probably just my brotherly instincts working. I was so glad he'd discovered himself. But I forgot to warn him. I didn't tell him my mistake. I had become openly gay from the second I knew. Later, I'd realised that was a massive mistake, especially in high school.

By the end of the week, he had bruises lining his athletic body. His friends had left him; kicked their king out of the popular group. His eyes were dark bruises, his face looking permanently hopeless. His whole body was covered in wounds, physical and mental.

By the end of the month, he wasn't coming home till dark. My mom would have a panic attack every night, so much that she had to go to the hospital numerous times. In Jersey, coming home could mean anything, especially out of a horror movie scenario. The cops never did their job, people were kidnapped, raped, killed all the time. They found bodies in the local park.

One night, he came home on time. Then went out again, and didn't come back. When it was around midnight, I went searching for him. I looked in the school grounds, the river, the library, even the church. But he was not there. So I just took to wandering around, my mind worrying itself into a terrified frenzy. After hours of mindlessly hurrying around the dangerous streets, I came to my childhood kingdom: the playground. I used to go there when I felt particularly miserable. The trees surrounding the area swayed around me, the breeze picking up, swiftly turning into sharp gusts of wind swirling around me. It whipped my hair into my face, almost stopping me from seeing him. It was almost like they didn't want me to see him. I didn't want to see him, but I knew I had to.

The one tree not swaying in the blasts of frozen wind, it stood the furthest away from anything. Deep in the shadows, you could only see it if you were stood in front of it. My feet moved of their own accord. My brain was numb, although not because of the cold.

I got closer, and fully saw the swinging shape hanging from the tree. It swung to the rhythm of my heart, dancing to the breeze. I was just a few metres away then, and able to see his face; grey skin, delicately closed eyes, and a smiling mouth. His arms sagging by his side, his legs hanging limply down from his body. His dark hair was ruffling, the smokey topaz strands trembling in the air. He was still wearing his school uniform, dark slacks, white shirt, and a navy and red striped tie, circling the bruised neck. He'd hung himself from a branch in an oak tree, on the contour of a New Jersey playground. My old place of personal salvation.

I stepped forward even closer, and reached my hand out. My usually cold fingers, warm against his skin as I stroked my hand down his cheek. He wasn't even old enough to grow facial hair. My fourteen year old baby brother had killed himself. Hung himself from a tree with nothing but a note pinned to the same aformentioned plant. I took my eyes off him to spare a look for the piece of paper. I ripped it from the tree, the pin tearing the top half of the paper off. But my mind was elsewhere- scanning the hastily scrawled letters.

'Dear whoever it may concern, I've written this letter to say goodbye. To Mom, Dad, Gerard and Mikey. The people that mean the most to me. Even if they never see this letter, I'll be there with them forever. I love you guys, and know that I am doing this for me. I just want to escape everything. This is the only way. Goodbye.'

I squinted my eyes at the letter, Joey was never that well-spoken. But it was a suicide note. I folded it in two, kissed it and shoved it in my pocket. Then I went home.

I told Mikey first. When he cried, it finally hit me. I then cried too, so much that we then fell asleep in each others arms, sobbing uncontrolably, drowning in our own bubble of despair.

Then I remember Dad coming in, and asking if I'd found him. I just nodded, pulled out the letter and pushed my face back into Mikeys hair. He'd tucked himself under my arm and snuggled into my side. It was the closest we'd been for a while, and even in those circumstances, it was nice. I waited for Dads reaction, but I just heard footsteps going back down the stairs.

Mom had to go to hospital that night, she had a panic attack so great she fainted. Now we can't even mention Joey when she's around. The funeral was a small one, just me, Mikey, Mom and Dad in the local church. I didn't pray. I didn't even think about him. I just sang to myself in my head. It distracted me from the feelings of depression gassing the church. It was only the four people in here that felt that suffocating despair, everyone else was safe.

Now I'm still waiting. Waiting for a reason to do something. A catalyst. I don't want people to know about Joey. Me and Mikey decided we'll never speak of him in public again. He's just a thing we save for lonely nights, when we need to talk. When I do something, I wanna do it for a reason that people won't feel sorry for us for.


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Okay. So this is knew, and I have no clue where it came from. This was just the 'background information' bit. The next chapter will actually be the present day, with Gerard about to start the band. There's gonna be more plot, a mystery, and... probably Frerard. Probably. Likey. VERY likely... eh, I don't know. If it is, I'll probably have to get someone to write the romancey parts for me; they make me so awkward! So please wait for the next chapter, as this is my first story that isn't gonna be short. It'll grow, but you might have to wait a few days till the next instalment. Sorry, I've got a concert tonight. (X Bye! PLEASE rate and - more importantly, to me anyway - review!