FicWad

Chapter 9

Don’t Let Them See Your Back

It’s been weeks since the alley incident. Mikey hasn’t said anything to anyone about what he witnessed that night. Gerard and I haven’t talked about it and Gerard hasn’t really spoken to me about anything other than stuff to do with our new band.

Matt Pelissier came over to the Way house the day after the alley incident and began to talk to Gerard about the band.

Gerard, Matt, Ray Toro, and I had begun writing songs and practicing at the Pencey Prep practice space that my brother, Frank, had let us use. Yes, we are practicing. I couldn’t believe it myself. We were become a real band, playing our own songs. Mikey had been practicing the bass to join the band. He was amazing at it, but wasn’t good in time to be part of the demo process. Frank was talk to our cousin about playing our first show, but first we needed a demo.

Today we were at Matt’s house trying to record a couple demos. We had about four full songs at this point in time.

“I think we should record in the attic,” I suggested. “The acoustics would be a lot better to record with.”

“The attic?” Matt questioned. Of course he was always questioning my motives. He hated me and didn’t like that Gerard spent all his time with me, well before the last few weeks. Matt had issues with me that I didn’t understand. Fuck you, Matt. I would never say it out loud, because he was Gerard’s friend. You’re a douche.

“She’s right,” Ray replied while giving me a smile. He always had my back.

Matt shrugged and showed us to the attic. Ray turned to Gerard and said, “Hey you should use the shower to record the vocals. They would come out better in an enclosed space.”

Gerard looked at me for a moment and replied, “Ok. I’ll go set up in the shower.” Would he ever talk about what happened between us?


“Oh my god! Fuck yea! This shit is the best!” Frank was sitting on my bed, at our house, listening to the Attic Demos that we had recorded. I was letting him listen before we sent off a copy to Eyeball Records. “I think I have a gig booked for you guys for next week. What band name have you guys picked?”

I looked up from my laptop and answered, “Well Gerard and I have been pestering Mikey to use his band name.” It fit the band and the situation between Gerard and I quite well.

“What is it?” Frank was curious and he seemed like he would be our biggest fan. I have a great brother, if I do say so myself.

“My Chemical Romance,” I sighed. It was perfect.

“Why had I not thought of that?” Frank questioned. I laughed. I thought the same thing when the words came out of Mikey’s mouth a few months ago.

“I know right. It’s perfect.” I smiled to myself.


“Guys I seriously think you’ve had enough,” Frank frowned at the five of us getting plastered in the back of Pencey Prep’s blue van. Ray, Matt, Gerard, and Mikey were all trying to get over their stage fright before the very first My Chemical Romance show in Trenton, New Jersey. I on the other hand was drinking because of the stuff going on or not going on between Gerard and me. They were downing beers like there was no tomorrow and I was drinking a tremendous amount of vodka. I could hardly walk. Gerard had to help me up onto the stage to play.

Frank stood on a chair off in the crowd, watching the show with a huge grin on his midget face. He was so excited to see the first my chem show and I couldn’t believe how he was fan boying over our band.

“Welcome to the first My Chemical Romance show!” Gerard transformed into a new person when walked onto the tiny stage. He was flamboyant and he was shouting vicious things at the crowd, who reciprocated the words with cheers for more.

This show was the most insane experience of my life. I was on the one side of the stage with Ray, while Mikey was on the other side alone. I enjoyed the atmosphere of the room and the cheering of the crowd was giving me inspiration to play my hardest.

Mikey stood and played his bass with determination and no expression on his face. I had never seen him like that before.

Ray tore up the electric guitar with graceful strums from his long fingers and I played the hardest I had ever played. It was an electric show that ran through me like a fierce burning rage. I breathe to the beat of the music, feeling it rushing around in my veins. Nothing can touch me right now. The alcohol in my system has made me numb and I stumbled around in my small space to the beat of the drums.

Matt couldn’t keep time for shit. I didn’t want to cause a scene, but when I couldn’t play my instrument in the right time, I got a little bit angry. I shook my head at his incompetence.

“Thank you and good night!” Gerard shouted as we finished our last song. Frank cheered so loudly that I could hear him over the roar of the crowd.

I smiled and vacated the stage feeling high. I walked backstage, grabbed my black hoodie, and decided I needed to go out the back door to get some air. I was drunk and my head was spinning from all the energy I had exerted on stage.


The cold December night was crisp and clear. The snow had blanketed the ground earlier that day and now it was glowing in the moonlight and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.

I breathed out; trying to keep myself from getting sick and I could see my breath in the air. It was cold and I held my arms tighter around my chest to keep the warmth in. I leaned up against the wall next to the backdoor and looked out into the side parking lot. I could see the Pencey Prep van not too far from me. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes to keep my world from spinning. I drank too much.

“There’s that fucking bitch!” I heard a women say, not too far from me. I opened my eyes to see Kat and about a dozen of her skanky friends. I made the face like are-you-fucking-kidding-me.

“Oh my god….” I sighed, “What the fuck do you want?” I wasn’t playing with her this time. This bitch had drugged me and had treated Gerard like shit, so I couldn’t take it anymore.

“What do I want?” Kat mocked as she walked up to me and was standing a few feet away. Her friends circled me and the wall was behind me. I was surrounded. Fuck.

I stood up as straight as I could, my head was swimming in alcohol and I think it gave me crazy lady balls. “Yes, I asked what do you want.” I was being a sarcastic bitch and smiled at my question.

“You bitch.” Kat spat. “I know you kissed him.” I was surprised when I heard the words fall from her pink mouth.

“What?” I questioned, trying to act dumb and oblivious to her actuations.

“Don’t you dare play dumb, bitch,” One of Kat’s many skanks spat at me and came a little closer.

“Tristan…quit lying to me. You are the reason he dumped me,” Kat spoke through gritted teeth. Wait, what? He what? He broke up with her? When did he do that? This hit me like a cliché ton of bricks. He. Broke. Up. With. Kat. I can’t believe it.

“What makes you think I was the reason? You are like the worst person I know,” I stood my ground and didn’t back down. You are the reason he broke up with you, you stupid cunt.

“I don’t believe you,” Kat stepped forward to where she was now towering over me with her long blond hair and scary long and monster like fingernails. “Hold her.” Kat instructed her friends to hold me. Two of her minions took my arms and pushed me against the wall. I gasped when I hit the hard brick wall.

I knew what was coming next, but I wasn’t prepared for it. The first blow hit me on the side of my face and my eye got the brunt of the force. I screamed out in pain, but didn’t move. The next hit me in the abdomen and it knocked the wind out of my lungs.

“You fucking bitch!” Kat yelled as she struck me countless times in the face and in my abdomen. I laughed at her rage and that only made her angrier.

I laughed, “You are so damn weak,” I took the next few blows to my body with dignity. The girls finally let me go and I could feel the blood flow down my chin from my busted lip and nose. I smiled through the blood and staggered forward, while looking at her with wild look in my eyes. I laughed again. I wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or the fact that I was just fed up with everything, but my laughter only made her and her friends mad.

They all jumped me. I was being hit from all directions. Fists and bodies pushing into mine from everywhere. Why? The pain was shooting through my body and I fell to my knees on the snow-covered parking lot. That’s when the kicks started. I balled up into the fetal position and tried to protect my face.

“Back off!” I heard Frank yell over the insults of the army of skanks trying to murder me.

“Kat! Get your fucking friends off TRISTAN!” Gerard’s tone was that of anger and malice.

The girls backed off me and I looked up from my cocoon to meet Gerard’s hooded eyes. Sweat was dripping off his face and onto the frozen ground that was I was laid out on. He reached down and helped me to my feet. I leaned into him and put his arm around me as he faced Kat.

Ray stood behind us and he put his arm around me on the other side. Mikey stood next to him and Frank stood on the other side of Gerard. Matt just watched from the door; snickering to himself.

“What the hell do you think you are doing?” Gerard questioned Kat. She took a step back and met his eyes with hers.

“Finishing something I should have long ago,” Kat answered. Her friends stood behind her, ready to pounce again if need be.

I clung to Gerard, then turned behind him and retched. Blood was pouring out of my mouth along with alcohol and vomit. Ray held my hair back as I through my guts up onto the white powder snow of the parking lot.

“If you ever touch her again, I will call the police on you about you trying to poison Tristan on Halloween,” Gerard finally spoke up. Frank gasped when he heard what came from Gerard.

“Better yet, I have my phone right here,” Frank produced a small cell phone and dialed 9-1-1. “All I have to do is push talk.” Frank showed Kat his phone.

“Don’t worry. He’s not worth it. She’s not worth it.” Kat smiled viciously and she turned on her heel and walked away, along with all her friends.

Gerard turned to check on me. I had finished vomiting and was trying to keep from throwing up again. “Are you ok?” He asked with a concerned tone.

“She got the hell beaten out of her!” Mikey chimed in as he studied my swollen face. I had a black eye, a busted and bloody nose, a busted lip, a swollen cheek, and bruises all over the top half of my body. And somehow with all of that, I was still laughing.

“She’s got to be drunk,” Ray tried to explain my laughter. But to be completely honest, I was laughing to keep from crying from all the pain that was plaguing my body.

“Come on let’s get her to the hospital,” Frank insisted. I choked on some blood and spit the crimson liquid out onto the ground.

“No. No hospital.” I whined. “Please, I’m fine.” I begged.

“Tristan,” Gerard started, but stopped. He looked to Frank and said, “I’ll take care of her. She’ll be fine and Mom is a nurse if she needs medical care.” Gerard explained. He knew of my hatred for hospitals and he was vouching for me.

“Yea….” I coughed, “I’m fine.” I tried to smile, but all he saw was bloody teeth. I’m sure that wasn’t very convincing, but I didn’t want to go to the hospital and have a big deal made again.

“Fine, but if something happens to her, take her to the hospital.” Frank was playing this time. He knew me too well and knew that it was just me not wanting to go to the hospital.


The cold porcelain is soothing on my swollen face as I sit there in the floor of the bathroom, recuperating from the rough before night of drinking and having the fuck beaten out of me. I had downed just a little too much vodka, and as a result I’ve spent the night in the bathroom, keeping my regurgitation of the alcohol as quiet as I possibly could, but Gerard sat in the floor of the bathroom with me for hours as I puked up blood and alcohol. He later left me there to give me some privacy as I showered earlier.

My whole body hurt from the beating and my head was pounding from the alcohol. I wasn’t laughing anymore, but I wasn’t crying either. I was ok. Gerard was showing that he cared again, but he hardly touched me. I don’t understand.

I wiped my swollen mouth off with my hand then ran it down my pants, groaning.

"Ah," I groan to myself, attempting to get back on my feet. As I walked toward the bathroom door, I looked into the mirror to see my horrific face.

"Shit!" I hiss, running my hand through my long, dark hair. My eye was black and swollen. My lip was busted and had dried blood going down to my chin. My nose was red and swollen. “Ugh,” I groaned, I looked like hell.

I collected myself, and slowly made my way through the dark, down the hallway to Gerard’s bedroom. I flicked on the light, blinding myself for a few seconds. I blinked, adjusted my eyes to the light change, and somehow managed to get my bearings. I looked around; to see Gerard passed out on the bed. I flipped off the light…it hurts too much.

I stumbled across the room and slowly laid down on the couch. Fucking bitch, Kat. She’s so big and bad with it being one to fucking a million. Damn bitch.

I woke up hours later to the faint lamp light on Gerard’s desk. He was sitting there drawing. I lifted myself up off the couch and sat up. “Oh fuck,” I groaned.

Gerard turned to see me, “How are you feeling?” I rolled my eyes at the question and didn’t answer.

Gerard disregarded my eye roll and asked, “So I guess she told you I dumped her?”

I nodded slowly, trying not to hurt my head even worse.

“I’m sorry.” Gerard nearly whispered.

“For what?” I questioned. I was confused by his apology.

“For everything,” he breathed. “Kat jumped you because of me. She drugged you because of me. We aren’t talking because I can’t control my feelings for you. My feelings are so wrong.” Gerard was trying to explain all the reasons he was sorry.

“Your feels are wrong?” I slowly questioned. “What do you mean?”

“Trist, you are sixteen years old. It’s wrong for me to feel the way I do about you. It’s wrong for me to give into those feelings.” Gerard’s voice cracked at the last part.

I didn’t know what to say, so I stared blankly at him. I wanted him more than anything, but we couldn’t. It was wrong. Wrong.