Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Under City Lights
24- Tragedy
3 reviewsThe real tragedy wasn't Juliet's romantic life but it was the only tragedy she could really control.
1Moving
Chelsea laughed at another thing Spencer let slip, as he cleverly sized her up. As the night fell darker she became different, and was no longer the enemy. Then again she’d never been Spencer’s enemy. He was aiming for something completely different, and his aim was spot on.
He sent her a dazzling smile and watched her melt.
It was all just a matter of time, and then he’d make his motives clear.
**
Ryan blinked up at the ceiling. It was morning, and his alarm wouldn’t stop beeping. He could easily shut it up but he didn’t have an ounce of motivation. His cell phone screen was blank, signifying no one had returned his messages.
He felt alone, and tired- and confused.
He’d set himself apart from his best friend with his honesty, and now he wasn’t sure he could ever make it alright again with her.
He meant what he said though, and eventually…
Well, eventually Juliet would have to face up to the truth.
Brendon wasn’t the issue here, and neither was Jon. Ryan could clearly see the problem, and it was Juliet.
They were after all, their own greatest enemies.
He couldn’t let Juliet self-destruct as he was.
Sometimes a little heart break was worth knowing.
**
Jon was the first to wake up, and as he knocked Juliet’s alarm to the ground it kept buzzing. In absolute annoyance he dived off the bed for it.
Juliet woke at the crash, and blinked her eyes open to watch the spectacle in front of her.
“This thing is immortal!” Jon cried out, as he smashed it against the ground. Finally, it died. Unfortunately it died forever.
Juliet rolled her eyes, “Uh, not anymore.”
Jon shrugged, “I owe you an alarm clock. I’ll make it easier to shut off.”
“Great.” Juliet chuckled, “Here I thought the reason behind alarm clocks was to wake up.”
“That’s a lie.” Jon replied, “It’s so that people think you’re trying to wake up. They are really just great creations meant to draw blame away when you’re late for class.”
“Shit, are we going to be late?” Juliet asked.
“Nope. You set your alarm freakishly early. Unfortunately we will be on time.”
Juliet groaned, “Good.”
“Good?” Jon shook his head. “You know, your transcripts may say you’re smart but that’s a pretty damn stupid statement.”
“I like school.” Juliet shrugged, “Learning is good, and I’m good at it- so I like to be on time to class. It’s like my entire future.”
“You’re in high school.” Jon replied, “You shouldn’t give a damn about your future.”
“Don’t you?” Juliet asked.
Jon shrugged, “I have dreams but nothing substantial yet. I’ve got time.”
“The earlier you figure out what you want… the sooner you get there.” Juliet answered.
“Not necessarily true.” Jon answered, “But I’ll let you win this super genius argument.”
Juliet didn’t reply, as she thought of Brendon. All last night she’d been able to ignore her feelings for him, but only because Ryan had hurt her feelings. Now she was probably on the bad side of the both of them. Brendon, because she hadn’t ‘shown up’ and Ryan, because he seemed to think she was heartless. Was she? She could feel pain, couldn’t he get that? She just didn’t want to. Hesitance didn’t make for heartless.
Jon cleared his throat, “I’m going to shower Juliet.”
“Okay.” Juliet awkwardly nodded, realizing she’d completely spaced out right in front of Jon. It wasn’t like her at all, but as she checked her cell phone she found herself spacing out all over again.
There were texts from Brendon, and Ryan. Ryan wanted to talk to her, but she couldn’t call him- not now, possibly never. Brendon was clearly upset, torn between an apology and a lecture.
The door opening woke Juliet from her thoughts again and when she saw her mother a large smile broke over her face. “Hey Mom, good morning.”
Her mom smiled, but it was a little forced. “Hi sweetheart, is everything alright?”
Juliet shrugged, “Um, yeah. I’m just tired.”
“Brendon’s in the living room.” Oh. “You know you can tell me anything.” She looked tired though.
“How long has he been here?” Juliet asked.
“He showed up about an hour ago.” With a deep sigh, Juliet’s mother ran her fingers through her hair. “He’s pretty broken up and you look so upset dear… and Jon, what is going on with Jon? Juliet I’m confused dear. I think we need to talk. I’ve never pressured you about anything, but it sounds like you need help. You know, I will always listen, right?”
Juliet nodded nervously, “Maybe we could… Maybe we could talk when Jon and Brendon leave. I can- I can be a little late to school, right?”
“If you need to talk to me then yes.” She yawned, and Juliet wondered how little sleep she’d gotten. “I’ll start some breakfast.”
Juliet just nodded, as she thought over how complicated things had gotten.
**
“Ryan thinks I’m heartless.” Juliet started.
“I have a feeling you’re starting in the middle.” Juliet’s mother commented, “When I need a beginning to work with. Look honey, Brendon said a few things… but he was pretty distraught. Why don’t you start with the first step, and then go from there?”
Juliet looked down, “You’re going to think I’m so stupid Mom.”
“I know you’re not stupid.” That was reassurance that Juliet desperately needed.
And so Juliet began.
**
Brendon glanced at Jon apprehensively, “How mad is she?” He finally asked, since Jon hadn’t yet gotten out of his car. They were sitting outside the school, and it just happened that they hated each other a little less than they hated school.
“How mad would you be?” Jon asked.
“I already hate myself. I just need to know if she hates me.” Brendon answered, “I need to know if I can make this right, because I really need to make it right.”
“Why?” Jon was surprised.
“I like her.” Brendon shrugged, “I don’t like hurting her.”
“Well, aren’t you all gooey?” Jon rolled his eyes.
“Jon, I’m not exactly Romeo.” Brendon replied, groaning in frustration. “But it hurts me when she’s hurt and I think… I think that’s romance. I think that’s what all those stupid stories try to tell us, you know? When you like someone and it hurts to hurt them then well, that’s what being together is all about.”
Jon just shook his head.
“What about you?” Brendon asked.
“What about me?” Jon asked.
“When are you going to stop hurting Ryan?” Brendon glanced over, but Jon was quickly exiting the car.
The door slammed shut and Brendon sighed, “They should’ve educated us about romantics a lot sooner than this.”
**
Spencer showed up at school alone but as he passed Chelsea in the hallway her eyes were glued to him, a smile firmly plastered on to her face. Alex looked past Chelsea in confusion. “What’s got you acting like a love struck pup?”
Chelsea giggled and shrugged, “I just had a good night.”
“With Brendon?” Alex’s eyes narrowed.
“Nope.” But Chelsea didn’t give any details.
“No?” Alex was confused, and irritated.
**
“What?” Juliet sat shocked.
She couldn’t believe her mother’s advice.
Her mother sighed heavily, “As your mother… it is my job to agree with you, no matter what but as someone who wants the best for you… it’s also my job to tell you that sometimes the best things hurt, and sometimes they are worth it. I think that Brendon might just be worth it for you.”
“So what? I should just… just forgive him, and let him hurt me again- and again? Where do I draw my lines?”
“That’s something you have to figure out along the way, but obviously you still care for him.”
“But he- he drugged me, and then… then he lied about it!” Juliet shook her head angrily, as the thoughts she’d been pushing away filtered through her mind all at once.
She didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t want to think about Brendon.
“He made a choice Juliet, but you made a decision.”
“When did our family turn in to a fortune cookie?” Juliet asked, as she thought over the words.
“When I got diagnosed with cancer, and you had to grow up well before I wanted you to.” There was a sad sigh, and then her mother continued, “I always wanted life to be better for you, easier. You deserved to be a kid, but you never really got the chance and now you’re suffering because Brendon’s still a kid and you haven’t been a kid in a very long time. He doesn’t understand things the way that you do.”
“The idea of forgiving Brendon is painful though. I want to know why it all hurts so much. It shouldn’t hurt so much. I should be able to just feel how I want to feel.”
“If you felt only how you wanted to feel then those wouldn’t really be feelings. You’d be more like a robot.” Juliet paused as her mother’s kind smile slipped away. “There’s something that I need to tell you.”
“What?” Juliet almost didn’t want to ask.
“The cancer is back Jul.”
“W-what? Already? What?” Juliet felt shocked. That part of their life was supposed to be over. “When?”
“The doctor rang yesterday.” Juliet’s mother wouldn’t make eye contact, making it obvious to Julie that the worst news had yet to come. “I’m not seeking treatment this time.”
“What?” Juliet’s voice sounded weak to her own ears.
“Juliet, I’ve fought this all I can and it keeps coming back, and I’m just weakening myself with all of the medication and chemotherapy… and I’m wasting my time trying, when I should be spending what time I have left with your father and you.”
“What?” It was all Juliet could think of to ask. She didn’t understand. She didn’t want to understand. “W- we can fight this again. I- I’ll do anything to help you, and Dad… dad will do anything to help you. We can fight this.”
“Don’t you think we’ve spent a little too long fighting this already?” She asked softly, “I want to spend the rest of my time being your mother, and watching you grow- and your father, I’ve missed so much time with your father. All of our time and energy has been spent looking in to the future, when for me there might not even be one. Honey, I’m tired of fighting for something that might never happen. I just want to be here, right now- and I want you to do that too. I want you to forgive Brendon. That doesn’t mean you have to be with him, it just means you shouldn’t hold on to that pain. It’s not worth it. Believe me Juliet. It’s not worth it at all.”
He sent her a dazzling smile and watched her melt.
It was all just a matter of time, and then he’d make his motives clear.
**
Ryan blinked up at the ceiling. It was morning, and his alarm wouldn’t stop beeping. He could easily shut it up but he didn’t have an ounce of motivation. His cell phone screen was blank, signifying no one had returned his messages.
He felt alone, and tired- and confused.
He’d set himself apart from his best friend with his honesty, and now he wasn’t sure he could ever make it alright again with her.
He meant what he said though, and eventually…
Well, eventually Juliet would have to face up to the truth.
Brendon wasn’t the issue here, and neither was Jon. Ryan could clearly see the problem, and it was Juliet.
They were after all, their own greatest enemies.
He couldn’t let Juliet self-destruct as he was.
Sometimes a little heart break was worth knowing.
**
Jon was the first to wake up, and as he knocked Juliet’s alarm to the ground it kept buzzing. In absolute annoyance he dived off the bed for it.
Juliet woke at the crash, and blinked her eyes open to watch the spectacle in front of her.
“This thing is immortal!” Jon cried out, as he smashed it against the ground. Finally, it died. Unfortunately it died forever.
Juliet rolled her eyes, “Uh, not anymore.”
Jon shrugged, “I owe you an alarm clock. I’ll make it easier to shut off.”
“Great.” Juliet chuckled, “Here I thought the reason behind alarm clocks was to wake up.”
“That’s a lie.” Jon replied, “It’s so that people think you’re trying to wake up. They are really just great creations meant to draw blame away when you’re late for class.”
“Shit, are we going to be late?” Juliet asked.
“Nope. You set your alarm freakishly early. Unfortunately we will be on time.”
Juliet groaned, “Good.”
“Good?” Jon shook his head. “You know, your transcripts may say you’re smart but that’s a pretty damn stupid statement.”
“I like school.” Juliet shrugged, “Learning is good, and I’m good at it- so I like to be on time to class. It’s like my entire future.”
“You’re in high school.” Jon replied, “You shouldn’t give a damn about your future.”
“Don’t you?” Juliet asked.
Jon shrugged, “I have dreams but nothing substantial yet. I’ve got time.”
“The earlier you figure out what you want… the sooner you get there.” Juliet answered.
“Not necessarily true.” Jon answered, “But I’ll let you win this super genius argument.”
Juliet didn’t reply, as she thought of Brendon. All last night she’d been able to ignore her feelings for him, but only because Ryan had hurt her feelings. Now she was probably on the bad side of the both of them. Brendon, because she hadn’t ‘shown up’ and Ryan, because he seemed to think she was heartless. Was she? She could feel pain, couldn’t he get that? She just didn’t want to. Hesitance didn’t make for heartless.
Jon cleared his throat, “I’m going to shower Juliet.”
“Okay.” Juliet awkwardly nodded, realizing she’d completely spaced out right in front of Jon. It wasn’t like her at all, but as she checked her cell phone she found herself spacing out all over again.
There were texts from Brendon, and Ryan. Ryan wanted to talk to her, but she couldn’t call him- not now, possibly never. Brendon was clearly upset, torn between an apology and a lecture.
The door opening woke Juliet from her thoughts again and when she saw her mother a large smile broke over her face. “Hey Mom, good morning.”
Her mom smiled, but it was a little forced. “Hi sweetheart, is everything alright?”
Juliet shrugged, “Um, yeah. I’m just tired.”
“Brendon’s in the living room.” Oh. “You know you can tell me anything.” She looked tired though.
“How long has he been here?” Juliet asked.
“He showed up about an hour ago.” With a deep sigh, Juliet’s mother ran her fingers through her hair. “He’s pretty broken up and you look so upset dear… and Jon, what is going on with Jon? Juliet I’m confused dear. I think we need to talk. I’ve never pressured you about anything, but it sounds like you need help. You know, I will always listen, right?”
Juliet nodded nervously, “Maybe we could… Maybe we could talk when Jon and Brendon leave. I can- I can be a little late to school, right?”
“If you need to talk to me then yes.” She yawned, and Juliet wondered how little sleep she’d gotten. “I’ll start some breakfast.”
Juliet just nodded, as she thought over how complicated things had gotten.
**
“Ryan thinks I’m heartless.” Juliet started.
“I have a feeling you’re starting in the middle.” Juliet’s mother commented, “When I need a beginning to work with. Look honey, Brendon said a few things… but he was pretty distraught. Why don’t you start with the first step, and then go from there?”
Juliet looked down, “You’re going to think I’m so stupid Mom.”
“I know you’re not stupid.” That was reassurance that Juliet desperately needed.
And so Juliet began.
**
Brendon glanced at Jon apprehensively, “How mad is she?” He finally asked, since Jon hadn’t yet gotten out of his car. They were sitting outside the school, and it just happened that they hated each other a little less than they hated school.
“How mad would you be?” Jon asked.
“I already hate myself. I just need to know if she hates me.” Brendon answered, “I need to know if I can make this right, because I really need to make it right.”
“Why?” Jon was surprised.
“I like her.” Brendon shrugged, “I don’t like hurting her.”
“Well, aren’t you all gooey?” Jon rolled his eyes.
“Jon, I’m not exactly Romeo.” Brendon replied, groaning in frustration. “But it hurts me when she’s hurt and I think… I think that’s romance. I think that’s what all those stupid stories try to tell us, you know? When you like someone and it hurts to hurt them then well, that’s what being together is all about.”
Jon just shook his head.
“What about you?” Brendon asked.
“What about me?” Jon asked.
“When are you going to stop hurting Ryan?” Brendon glanced over, but Jon was quickly exiting the car.
The door slammed shut and Brendon sighed, “They should’ve educated us about romantics a lot sooner than this.”
**
Spencer showed up at school alone but as he passed Chelsea in the hallway her eyes were glued to him, a smile firmly plastered on to her face. Alex looked past Chelsea in confusion. “What’s got you acting like a love struck pup?”
Chelsea giggled and shrugged, “I just had a good night.”
“With Brendon?” Alex’s eyes narrowed.
“Nope.” But Chelsea didn’t give any details.
“No?” Alex was confused, and irritated.
**
“What?” Juliet sat shocked.
She couldn’t believe her mother’s advice.
Her mother sighed heavily, “As your mother… it is my job to agree with you, no matter what but as someone who wants the best for you… it’s also my job to tell you that sometimes the best things hurt, and sometimes they are worth it. I think that Brendon might just be worth it for you.”
“So what? I should just… just forgive him, and let him hurt me again- and again? Where do I draw my lines?”
“That’s something you have to figure out along the way, but obviously you still care for him.”
“But he- he drugged me, and then… then he lied about it!” Juliet shook her head angrily, as the thoughts she’d been pushing away filtered through her mind all at once.
She didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t want to think about Brendon.
“He made a choice Juliet, but you made a decision.”
“When did our family turn in to a fortune cookie?” Juliet asked, as she thought over the words.
“When I got diagnosed with cancer, and you had to grow up well before I wanted you to.” There was a sad sigh, and then her mother continued, “I always wanted life to be better for you, easier. You deserved to be a kid, but you never really got the chance and now you’re suffering because Brendon’s still a kid and you haven’t been a kid in a very long time. He doesn’t understand things the way that you do.”
“The idea of forgiving Brendon is painful though. I want to know why it all hurts so much. It shouldn’t hurt so much. I should be able to just feel how I want to feel.”
“If you felt only how you wanted to feel then those wouldn’t really be feelings. You’d be more like a robot.” Juliet paused as her mother’s kind smile slipped away. “There’s something that I need to tell you.”
“What?” Juliet almost didn’t want to ask.
“The cancer is back Jul.”
“W-what? Already? What?” Juliet felt shocked. That part of their life was supposed to be over. “When?”
“The doctor rang yesterday.” Juliet’s mother wouldn’t make eye contact, making it obvious to Julie that the worst news had yet to come. “I’m not seeking treatment this time.”
“What?” Juliet’s voice sounded weak to her own ears.
“Juliet, I’ve fought this all I can and it keeps coming back, and I’m just weakening myself with all of the medication and chemotherapy… and I’m wasting my time trying, when I should be spending what time I have left with your father and you.”
“What?” It was all Juliet could think of to ask. She didn’t understand. She didn’t want to understand. “W- we can fight this again. I- I’ll do anything to help you, and Dad… dad will do anything to help you. We can fight this.”
“Don’t you think we’ve spent a little too long fighting this already?” She asked softly, “I want to spend the rest of my time being your mother, and watching you grow- and your father, I’ve missed so much time with your father. All of our time and energy has been spent looking in to the future, when for me there might not even be one. Honey, I’m tired of fighting for something that might never happen. I just want to be here, right now- and I want you to do that too. I want you to forgive Brendon. That doesn’t mean you have to be with him, it just means you shouldn’t hold on to that pain. It’s not worth it. Believe me Juliet. It’s not worth it at all.”
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