Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Wrong Time, Wrong Place
The Price
I looked up as Ryan got onto his platform. I looked at his scars with a wicked smirk on my lips. I gave him those scars. They were beautiful. People thought it was fake, that he just painted those on, but I knew the truth. He was mine, only mine. Most people give hickeys, but I give scars. Scars that only he knows I gave them to him. But I was okay with that. As he danced, he glanced over at me every few minutes, probably to keep an eye on me. Every time, I grinned and he immediately looked away. Oh Ryan, Ryan, Ryan…
Ryan’s POV
I may live alone, but my landlady has started to notice that I’ve been coming home limping. This can’t go on. I need to tell him that I need to stop, at least for the time being. I can’t be coming home with scars every night. She might call the cops at some point or put me into therapy because of an abusive boyfriend. And, okay, he might be abusive, but it’s all in a sexual way. And I like it.
I’m so messed up, holy shit. Maybe I do need therapy. I was never this masochistic before. I never liked pain. Now I love it, crave it, need it. Yeah, I’m fucked up, hardcore. Maybe I should go into therapy. I need to cut this thing off with him. All it’s been is some sick sex thing. We aren’t a thing, an item, boyfriends, whatever. This means nothing to him. If we break up, he’ll just find a new boytoy. He doesn’t need me. I’ll miss it, but I’ll recover. Besides, someday, he’ll get tired of me and he won’t want me anymore.
After work, I went into the back to get dressed. I felt arms around my waist and a harsh pull back. I gasped and looked up at Brendon’s face. He smirked at me and I pushed him away, “Brendon… We need to talk.”
“No, we don’t,” he moved close and caressed the side of my face. He’s too irresistible. I melted into the touch, stupidly. He moved closer and kissed me on the lips. God dammit!
I pushed him off, “Brendon, stop it!” he frowned and stepped away from me, “I can’t do this anymore. I’ve become some… messed up masochistic sex machine. The only way to get better is to disconnect myself from you. Also, I need more than just sex. I can’t have a relationship with someone if I’m off having sex with you every night. So this needs to stop. You can go find one of the other go-go dancers to go off with. But between us… This thing needs to stop,” he had no expression on his face and he didn’t respond. So I turned. I picked up my things and went out to the back. I got into my car and drove home.
I didn’t know why he didn’t stop me. It didn’t make sense. I guess I had a glimmer of hope that he did care, maybe a little, but he obviously didn’t. If he cared, he would have stopped me. I just imagined it going a certain way and it didn’t.
”We can’t do this anymore, Brendon, we need to stop. This doesn’t mean anything to you—”
“Yes, it does! It means everything to me. What do you want me to do? Do you want me to pamper you? I can do that! I can take you on dates. I want to be with you!”
But no. He gave me silence. Just silence. I didn’t know what that meant. Silence? He’d probably be off with another guy the following night. Of that, I was sure. I didn’t know when they started, but tears were falling by the time I got home. I parked in front of the building and tried to compose myself. I’d be fine. I did what I knew I had to do. Okay, so he didn’t care about me, it’s fine, whatever. It’s not like I actually expected him to care. It was just a fleeting thought. A thought of no importance! I took a deep breath and wiped my face. I got out of my car and walked in. I passed my landlady and gave her a smile. Why she was up, I still don’t know, but I didn’t give it much thought. I went into my apartment and screamed, “HOW?!” I yelled. I watched as he turned around, giving me a smile. I just stared at him, waiting for an explanation, “Brendon! How did you get in here and what are you doing here?!”
“I don’t want it to end,” he whispered, walking over to me. I backed up into the door. But he moved over to me and placed a hand on the side of my face, “I didn’t mean to fuck you up. I really didn’t. I swear. But I could tell you were enjoying yourself the very first time we did it. So I didn’t turn you into anything. You just figured it out because of me. I don’t want to lose you… I sound crazy, don’t I?” I nodded slowly. He laughed a little and turned away from me, “I’ll leave,” he turned back toward me, “Just… move from the door. I won’t bother you again.”
Brendon’s POV
As he moved from the door, I watched. I don’t think I’ll ever know how to show people what I want, what I feel. It’s just not possible or probable. I tried telling Ryan and look how that turned out. I fail miserably. I walked out and didn’t turn when he said ‘Bye.’ I heard the door close as I made my way down the stairs and was stopped by the landlady, “Are you Brendon?”
I turned to look at her with a confused look on my face, “Uh… Yeah?”
“He’s a good boy. Don’t lose him,” she smiled at me and patted my cheek, “He likes you. You should give him what he wants, not what you think he wants. Now go home. It’s 4 am,” she patted my shoulder and turned me away from her, pushing me out the door. He liked me? How? Why? I was some fucked up guy who liked to tie people up and torture them for some kind of perverse pleasure. I made my way home and went to my dad and plopped down on the couch in front of him.
“What’s wrong, Brendon?” he asked, seemingly disinterested. But he wouldn’t ask if he wasn’t at least semi-intrigued. I needed advice and he was the only person I could ask, which was horrible.
“Ryan broke things off. But I didn’t want him to. I don’t know why. I want more with him and I don’t… I don’t get it. I’ve never wanted more with anyone before. He expects me to go home with another guy tomorrow night. And I don’t want to. I want to go home with him tomorrow night. And I don’t want to lose him, but he said he doesn’t want this anymore. Is there something wrong with me? Or is this just a phase that will pass? Have you felt like this before?”
He sat up, putting his book down. He leaned over, placing his elbows on his thighs, “Brendon, you like him. Like more than just a sex partner. You legitimately like him. And if you don’t show him, you will lose him forever. He won’t be at my club forever. I got a call from a Broadway agent, asking about him, and I told him that he was one of my best dancers. So if you don’t do it soon, he’ll be gone and you’ll never get another chance. I never condoned your habits and this was the reason why. I knew you’d fall for someone and you’d have no idea how to go about it. So take my advice. Go find him tomorrow and just confess how you feel. Does he like you?”
I sat up and sighed, “I don’t know. His landlady said he does, but I don’t know. How can I tell?”
“Why is he breaking it off? Did he tell you?”
I nodded, putting my face in his hands, “He said he needs more, that he can’t have a relationship if he’s coming home with me and having sex every night. But that just means that he wants someone else. That doesn’t mean he wants anything to do with me.”
“Brendon,” I looked up, “That means he wants everything to do with you. He was waiting for you to tell him you could give him that. He wasn’t telling you that he wanted a relationship with someone else. So you have to give him more than sex.”
“What did you do with mom?”
“Well, she was dating my brother and he cheated on her, so she got depressed and had sex with me, then you were born and I haven’t seen her since. So… your mom’s not the best example. But what I did with Lucy… I found out I liked her and I told her we couldn’t have sex anymore. It was a friends with benefits relationship. She got upset and wouldn’t talk to me. Finally, I showed up to her house with a bouquet of flowers and a small boombox, playing her favorite song. It was 2 am and the neighborhood hated me. But she loved me for it.”
“Why didn’t you stay with her?”
“She cheated on me and got knocked up. I was going to forgive her, but when she found out she was pregnant, she had to make a choice and she didn’t want to raise the kid with someone who wasn’t his dad. You were born a year later.”
I sighed, “That’s what I’m scared of. How can I trust that I’ll ever be in a good relationship if you’ve never been married?” I flopped back down on the couch, “I hate life.”
He moved over and sat down next to me on the floor, “You’ll never know if you don’t try. Try talking to him tomorrow. If he tells you to leave, show up to his house with someone you know he’ll love.”
“I don’t know anything about him!”
“I do.”
My eyes widened and I sat up, “You’ll help me?!” he nodded with a laugh. I was so excited. I’d never been this excited about another guy in my life. Why was I excited about Ryan fucking Ross? He meant nothing to me three months ago. I barely knew he existed. He was just another dancer at the club. And now… Now he was the guy that I was determined to end up with. The world works in weird ways…
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A/N: So I'm so sorry I disappeared. But I discovered WoW (thank my mom for that, btw) and I've been distracted hardcore. But I refuse to play that dorky game in public because I'll be judged hardcore, so I wrote instead. I'll try and write as much as I can before Friday. I owe you one other story, I think. So yeah, I'll try to write that and have it up by tonight. Oh yeah, rate and review, pretty please, lovielies! :)
I looked up as Ryan got onto his platform. I looked at his scars with a wicked smirk on my lips. I gave him those scars. They were beautiful. People thought it was fake, that he just painted those on, but I knew the truth. He was mine, only mine. Most people give hickeys, but I give scars. Scars that only he knows I gave them to him. But I was okay with that. As he danced, he glanced over at me every few minutes, probably to keep an eye on me. Every time, I grinned and he immediately looked away. Oh Ryan, Ryan, Ryan…
Ryan’s POV
I may live alone, but my landlady has started to notice that I’ve been coming home limping. This can’t go on. I need to tell him that I need to stop, at least for the time being. I can’t be coming home with scars every night. She might call the cops at some point or put me into therapy because of an abusive boyfriend. And, okay, he might be abusive, but it’s all in a sexual way. And I like it.
I’m so messed up, holy shit. Maybe I do need therapy. I was never this masochistic before. I never liked pain. Now I love it, crave it, need it. Yeah, I’m fucked up, hardcore. Maybe I should go into therapy. I need to cut this thing off with him. All it’s been is some sick sex thing. We aren’t a thing, an item, boyfriends, whatever. This means nothing to him. If we break up, he’ll just find a new boytoy. He doesn’t need me. I’ll miss it, but I’ll recover. Besides, someday, he’ll get tired of me and he won’t want me anymore.
After work, I went into the back to get dressed. I felt arms around my waist and a harsh pull back. I gasped and looked up at Brendon’s face. He smirked at me and I pushed him away, “Brendon… We need to talk.”
“No, we don’t,” he moved close and caressed the side of my face. He’s too irresistible. I melted into the touch, stupidly. He moved closer and kissed me on the lips. God dammit!
I pushed him off, “Brendon, stop it!” he frowned and stepped away from me, “I can’t do this anymore. I’ve become some… messed up masochistic sex machine. The only way to get better is to disconnect myself from you. Also, I need more than just sex. I can’t have a relationship with someone if I’m off having sex with you every night. So this needs to stop. You can go find one of the other go-go dancers to go off with. But between us… This thing needs to stop,” he had no expression on his face and he didn’t respond. So I turned. I picked up my things and went out to the back. I got into my car and drove home.
I didn’t know why he didn’t stop me. It didn’t make sense. I guess I had a glimmer of hope that he did care, maybe a little, but he obviously didn’t. If he cared, he would have stopped me. I just imagined it going a certain way and it didn’t.
”We can’t do this anymore, Brendon, we need to stop. This doesn’t mean anything to you—”
“Yes, it does! It means everything to me. What do you want me to do? Do you want me to pamper you? I can do that! I can take you on dates. I want to be with you!”
But no. He gave me silence. Just silence. I didn’t know what that meant. Silence? He’d probably be off with another guy the following night. Of that, I was sure. I didn’t know when they started, but tears were falling by the time I got home. I parked in front of the building and tried to compose myself. I’d be fine. I did what I knew I had to do. Okay, so he didn’t care about me, it’s fine, whatever. It’s not like I actually expected him to care. It was just a fleeting thought. A thought of no importance! I took a deep breath and wiped my face. I got out of my car and walked in. I passed my landlady and gave her a smile. Why she was up, I still don’t know, but I didn’t give it much thought. I went into my apartment and screamed, “HOW?!” I yelled. I watched as he turned around, giving me a smile. I just stared at him, waiting for an explanation, “Brendon! How did you get in here and what are you doing here?!”
“I don’t want it to end,” he whispered, walking over to me. I backed up into the door. But he moved over to me and placed a hand on the side of my face, “I didn’t mean to fuck you up. I really didn’t. I swear. But I could tell you were enjoying yourself the very first time we did it. So I didn’t turn you into anything. You just figured it out because of me. I don’t want to lose you… I sound crazy, don’t I?” I nodded slowly. He laughed a little and turned away from me, “I’ll leave,” he turned back toward me, “Just… move from the door. I won’t bother you again.”
Brendon’s POV
As he moved from the door, I watched. I don’t think I’ll ever know how to show people what I want, what I feel. It’s just not possible or probable. I tried telling Ryan and look how that turned out. I fail miserably. I walked out and didn’t turn when he said ‘Bye.’ I heard the door close as I made my way down the stairs and was stopped by the landlady, “Are you Brendon?”
I turned to look at her with a confused look on my face, “Uh… Yeah?”
“He’s a good boy. Don’t lose him,” she smiled at me and patted my cheek, “He likes you. You should give him what he wants, not what you think he wants. Now go home. It’s 4 am,” she patted my shoulder and turned me away from her, pushing me out the door. He liked me? How? Why? I was some fucked up guy who liked to tie people up and torture them for some kind of perverse pleasure. I made my way home and went to my dad and plopped down on the couch in front of him.
“What’s wrong, Brendon?” he asked, seemingly disinterested. But he wouldn’t ask if he wasn’t at least semi-intrigued. I needed advice and he was the only person I could ask, which was horrible.
“Ryan broke things off. But I didn’t want him to. I don’t know why. I want more with him and I don’t… I don’t get it. I’ve never wanted more with anyone before. He expects me to go home with another guy tomorrow night. And I don’t want to. I want to go home with him tomorrow night. And I don’t want to lose him, but he said he doesn’t want this anymore. Is there something wrong with me? Or is this just a phase that will pass? Have you felt like this before?”
He sat up, putting his book down. He leaned over, placing his elbows on his thighs, “Brendon, you like him. Like more than just a sex partner. You legitimately like him. And if you don’t show him, you will lose him forever. He won’t be at my club forever. I got a call from a Broadway agent, asking about him, and I told him that he was one of my best dancers. So if you don’t do it soon, he’ll be gone and you’ll never get another chance. I never condoned your habits and this was the reason why. I knew you’d fall for someone and you’d have no idea how to go about it. So take my advice. Go find him tomorrow and just confess how you feel. Does he like you?”
I sat up and sighed, “I don’t know. His landlady said he does, but I don’t know. How can I tell?”
“Why is he breaking it off? Did he tell you?”
I nodded, putting my face in his hands, “He said he needs more, that he can’t have a relationship if he’s coming home with me and having sex every night. But that just means that he wants someone else. That doesn’t mean he wants anything to do with me.”
“Brendon,” I looked up, “That means he wants everything to do with you. He was waiting for you to tell him you could give him that. He wasn’t telling you that he wanted a relationship with someone else. So you have to give him more than sex.”
“What did you do with mom?”
“Well, she was dating my brother and he cheated on her, so she got depressed and had sex with me, then you were born and I haven’t seen her since. So… your mom’s not the best example. But what I did with Lucy… I found out I liked her and I told her we couldn’t have sex anymore. It was a friends with benefits relationship. She got upset and wouldn’t talk to me. Finally, I showed up to her house with a bouquet of flowers and a small boombox, playing her favorite song. It was 2 am and the neighborhood hated me. But she loved me for it.”
“Why didn’t you stay with her?”
“She cheated on me and got knocked up. I was going to forgive her, but when she found out she was pregnant, she had to make a choice and she didn’t want to raise the kid with someone who wasn’t his dad. You were born a year later.”
I sighed, “That’s what I’m scared of. How can I trust that I’ll ever be in a good relationship if you’ve never been married?” I flopped back down on the couch, “I hate life.”
He moved over and sat down next to me on the floor, “You’ll never know if you don’t try. Try talking to him tomorrow. If he tells you to leave, show up to his house with someone you know he’ll love.”
“I don’t know anything about him!”
“I do.”
My eyes widened and I sat up, “You’ll help me?!” he nodded with a laugh. I was so excited. I’d never been this excited about another guy in my life. Why was I excited about Ryan fucking Ross? He meant nothing to me three months ago. I barely knew he existed. He was just another dancer at the club. And now… Now he was the guy that I was determined to end up with. The world works in weird ways…
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A/N: So I'm so sorry I disappeared. But I discovered WoW (thank my mom for that, btw) and I've been distracted hardcore. But I refuse to play that dorky game in public because I'll be judged hardcore, so I wrote instead. I'll try and write as much as I can before Friday. I owe you one other story, I think. So yeah, I'll try to write that and have it up by tonight. Oh yeah, rate and review, pretty please, lovielies! :)
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