FicWad

Dan lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He’d recently been sent to a boarding school, part of his parent’s plan to curb his ‘reckless behaviour’. It wasn’t particularly working, though. He still smuggled in all the contraband he could and caused a fair bit of trouble. He was in his room today though, partly because he was in trouble, again, and partly because he was anticipating the arrival of his new room-mate. He sighed, deciding the kid would probably be like most who went here, rich, poncy and snobby.

Phil was led to the room he would be bunking in for the rest of the year. He was nervous as hell. The lady he was with knocked on the door and left. Phil waited for a response, shifting his weight from foot to foot and trying to prevent his face from turning red.

Dan jumped to his feet and darted over to the door, pervertly eager to find out who his new room-mate was. He opened the door, leaning against the frame. “Hey,” he said, giving the boy a half smirk.

“H-hey.” Phil reprimanded himself for stuttering. He offered his hand. “I’m Phil.

“Lovely to meet you Phil, I’m Dan.” he replied, looking the boy up and down. He stood out of the way, letting Phil enter the room.

Phil walked past Dan, aware of the pair of eyes that followed him. Phil blushed and ignored Dan. His parents had sent him here to try and ‘cure’ his gayness. Sure, it was a catholic boarding school, but that didn’t change anything. He protested against his parents by trying to use facts from the bible. But to no prevail, and now he was here. Phil walked over to the empty bed and dumped his bag on it, unzipping it and starting to unpack the thing.

Dan moved over to his bed, laying down on it in the relaxed position he previously had, but with his head tilted up so he could see Phil. “So, Phil, what brings you to this hell hole?” he asked, watching him unpack.

“My parents think that this school will ‘convert’ me. They think I’m wrong and that I need to be ‘cleansed’. Hence why I’m here.” Phil explained. He was very vague, but he wasn’t sure how Dan would react when he found out that Phil was gay.

Dan furrowed his brow, deducing what Phil meant and asked bluntly, “You’re gay?”. There wasn’t any anger or judgement in his voice, just curiosity.

Phil nodded. “Please don’t hurt me.” was all he could manage to say as he threw himself into unpacking, finishing in record time.

“Wasn’t planning on it love,” Dan answered. “They sent you to an all boys school to cure the gay away?” he asked, chuckling.

“I think they overlooked that part for the catholic part. It’s not gonna work anyway. They don’t understand that gayness isn’t something to be cured.” Phil frowned. He had ignored Dan’s pet name and sat down on his bed.

Dan chuckled a bit at Phil’s reply. “You’re right, it’s not. There’s quite a few gay/bi-sexual guys here though, even if it is Catholic.” Dan answered.

“As long as the boys don’t hurt me, I think I’ll survive. You know what? I feel like doing something stupid. First day and all, away from my rents, why not?” Phil suggested.

“I’m sure they won’t. Oh, tell me more, what are you thinking?” Dan replied, leaning forward as he was intrigued.

“I dunno. My parents are so tight. What is there to do?” Phil hated being so naive and innocent, but it was how he was brought up.

Dan shrugged. “I have alcohol and smokes, if that’s what you mean.” he answered, grinning fiendishly.

“Really? But aren’t they banned here? It sounds awesome, but are you sure?” Phil’s mouth fell open. He couldn’t believe that Dan had managed to sneak that kind of stuff into this place.

“Of course they’re banned here, but we have our ways. Come on, we’ll go have a smoke. I’m craving one anyway,” he offered, standing up from his bed and grinning.

Phil nodded and pushed himself up. He allowed Dan to lead the way, excited to finally do something else his parents disapproved of. “Maybe this school won’t be so bad after all.” Phil muttered.

Dan turned around and smiled at him. “Not if you know the right people,” and winked, continuing to lead him down the hall and out the back of the school.

“And I spose that’s you right?” Phil chuckled. He followed Dan, not really knowing where they were going. “Never done anything like this before. ‘Worst’ I’ve done is kiss a guy. Bad according to my parents anyway.”

“Living on the wild side, huh? Just a warning, you’ll probably cough.” he replied, getting a cigarette out of his pocket and lighting it with a lighter, as he leant against the back of the building. “We’ll have to share, I’m running low at the moment.” he added, taking a drag.

Phil nodded. “Oh yes, Definitely living wild.” Phil slapped on the sarcasm. “My parents are so anal that not going to church is a bit wild.” Phil took the cigarette off Dan and breathed in. He quickly passed it back to Dan before coughing violently.


Dan smiled, taking it from him and rubbing Phil’s back as he coughed. “It’s not so bad the second time round, I promise.” he exclaimed, taking another deep drag. “This might help you get used to it,” he announced, pulling Phil close so their lips were almost touching, and blew the smoke into his mouth.

Phil shivered at the closeness but accepted the nicotine laced smoke with less coughing and spluttering. He still coughed a little, but he felt better. Phil pulled back with a smile on his face, which turned a shade of red as he tried to comprehend what had just happened.
(i sent this after)

”Better?” Dan asked, grinning and taking another drag and blowing the smoke into the air, offering the stick to Phil again.

Phil nodded and breathed the smoke in again. He managed to keep it in before breathing it out through his nose. “I did it.” he mused with a huge grin on his face.

”You’re meant to blow the smoke out your mouth silly, you’re not a dragon.” Dan chided, but with a grin. He took it back off Phil, inhaling deep. “But very good, I’m proud.”

”But why can’t I be a dragon?” Phil asked childishly. “Dragons are cool!” Phil grinned at his statement. He wanted to act all cool in front of Dan but he couldn’t help what came out of his mouth when in the brown haired boy’s presence.

Dan giggled, listening to the boy. “Dragons are cool,” he admitted, then blew the smoke he was holding out of his own nose, grinning at Phil and feeling his own dimples invert.

”Sorry.” Phil hung his head a little, but accepting the cancer stick. “I’m such a child.” He sucked at the butt of the stick and tried to swallow the smoke. He breathed it out of his mouth, trying to act more adult.

”Aw, don’t worry.” Dan giggled, taking the cigarette and taking the last drag. “I’ll be a child with you,” he added, putting his face close to Phil’s again, but blowing the smoke out his nose, screwing up his face in a grin and dropping the butt to the ground, stepping it out.

Phil smiled. He was glad he wasn’t being pushed away for his naivety and innocence. “How do we get back to the room? What time’s dinner? I have no idea where we are.”

”We may as well go straight to dinner, it’s about now.” Dan replied, checking the time on his phone then pulling Phil to follow him by his waist.

Phil bit his lip as he felt tingling where Dan’s hand touched him. “Lead the way then. Maybe we can do something else stupid. I enjoyed that.”

”Probably not over dinner love, there are teachers all around. I’ll show you something after, though.” he winked, keeping his arm around Phil as he lead him through the hallways.

”That’s the second time you’ve called me that. Any reason why?” Phil was lost already. His face was hot and his jeans were starting to feel a bit tight. It’s not that he didn’t enjoy it, it was just new and he was in public.

”I use pet names a lot, sorry.” Dan replied, looking at Phil. “Does that weird you out? I can try and stop.” he offered, searching Phil’s face for an answer.

”No, it’s who you are. It’s fine. I’m just not used to it. Is that one specific for me?” Phil smiled at Dan and tried to prevent himself from smashing his lips into Dan’s.

”Good,” Dan smiled. He thought for a moment, looking at Phil and falling into step with him so it was easier to walk closer. “I suppose it is, I don’t really call anyone else love.” he grinned, taking in Phil’s reaction.

Phil’s smile widened into a grin. “Never been called pet names before. It’s kinda nice.” He loved the feel of Dan next to him, but wasn’t sure if he should be doing anything back.

”Get used to it then, love.” Dan replied, adding the love at the end somewhat on purpose. He dropped his arm from his waist, turning them into a large dining hall and leading him towards a table that was semi-full with other boys. He greeted them with fistbumps and shakes, then sat down, patting the seat next to him as an invitation to Dan.

Phil tentatively sat down next to Dan. He was always nervous with new people. He grasped at his hands, wringing them together.

”Guys, this is Phil.” he introduced, as they all chanted different “Hey’s” and “Sups” toward Phil, generally dismissive in favour of their previous conversations.

Phil nodded and said a quiet “Hi.” in response. He stuck his finger nails into his hand, it gave him something to concentrate on.

”Don’t mind them,” Dan replied, nudging his shoulder into Phil’s. “They’re an all right bunch, I suppose.” he added, not afraid to speak his mind as the others were absorbed in chatting with each other.

”But there’s so many of them.” Phil whispered. Crowds had always made him nervous. He just hoped his anxiety would stay at an ok level and that he wouldn’t cave in front of all of these people.

”Aww,” Dan cooed sympathetically. “Don’t do well in groups?” he guessed, sounding as empathetic as he could muster.

Phil shook his head and looked at his lap. His hands started to develop crescents from his nails and he was sure that he’d soon break the skin.

Dan put his hand over Phil’s, gently prying his fingers away from making the marks. “It’s okay, I’ve got your back.” he said quietly.

”Thanks. I just wanna get back to the room.” Phil blushed at the contact with Dan but he intertwined his fingers with Dan’s anyway.

”You have to eat first,” Dan giggled, letting his fingers lay between Phil’s as the servers put big plates of food in the middle of the tables.

”But I’m not hungry Dan.” Phil lied as his stomach rumbled loudly.

Dan put a slice of the large industrial sized pie they had served onto his plate, and then one onto Phil’s. “Come on,” he encouraged, hearing his stomach rumble.

Phil picked at his food and ate it slowly. He was trying to watch his waistline and this pie wasn’t helping. He only ate a few forkfuls before pushing his plate away.

Dan ate most of his, engaging in a few conversations with the other boys and generally being his confident self. He squeezed Phil’s hand when they’d finished. “Wanna head off?” he asked, guessing that he’d be dying to get out of there.

Phil nodded. “Please.” He tried to get up as quick as he could, but gripped the table as a tiny dizzy spell came over him.

Dan got up, releasing Phil’s hand and wrapping it around his waist as he stumbled. “You all right love?” he asked, clear concern written across his face.

”Sure. Let’s just get back yeah?” Phil tried to play it off as best he could. “Probably just the nicotine.” Phil knew that wasn’t the case, but he didn’t want Dan worried. His deception was evident in his eyes, which is why he tried to not look at Dan.

Dan searched Phil’s face worriedly for a second. “Okay, let’s.” he agreed, letting go of his waist and walking out of the dining hall next to him, leading them back to their room.

Phil managed to get out into the hallway and out of those doors before stumbling and almost falling over.

Dan laced his arm around Phil again, holding him upright. “What’s wrong?” he asked, “Do you need to sit down?” he added, looking at Phil concernedly.

Phil nodded, he felt physically sick. He was on the ground five seconds before he turned away from Dan and watched as his measly dinner hit the ground in front of him.

Dan frowned, rubbing his back as he threw up. “Do you want to go to the nurses office?” he asked tenderly.

Phil wiped his mouth and shook his head. “Bed. Please. Sorry.”

Dan helped him up, not really caring enough about the school to tell someone about the problem in the hallway. He hoisted Dan’s arm over his shoulder, and wrapped his arm around his waist and supported him back to their room.

Phil leaned on Dan heavily as they made their way back to their room. He was placed on his bed, but couldn’t keep upright and fell backwards onto his mattress. Phil’s eyes started to close as he felt his body shut down.

”Er, are you going to be okay?” Dan asked, still not entirely sure what was happening and whether he should get the nurse or not.

Phil nodded. “Sleeping usually helps. I’m not this bad usually, but our wild behaviour may have something to do with that. If you’re worried, then you can get the nurse if I don’t wake up when you try to wake me up.”

”Might have to tone down they partying then, huh.” he chuckled, patting Phil’s ankle lightly. “Sleep well,” he added, moving to his own side of the room and opening his laptop. He’d be on it pretty late given that the next day was Saturday.

Phil felt himself pass out and knew his body needed to repair itself. He was dead to the world, would be for several hours.

Dan woke around midday the next day, seeing that his laptop was still propped open in front of him. He must’ve fallen asleep at it. He sighed and stretched, releasing a few squeaky noises as he did so, temporarily forgetting he now had a room-mate.

Phil groaned as he came to. He didn’t recognise where he was. He pulled himself upright and noticed someone looking at him. “Scuse me? What happened?” Phil realised he was in his room with his new roommate Dan, he just didn’t remember how he came to be where he was.

”You threw up and passed out,” Dan explained, rubbing sleep out of his eyes with balled fists and stretching again, his top riding up slightly.

”Really? Oh god. Haven’t done that in a while. I’m sorry you had to witness that.” Phil was too caught up in trying to piece everything together to notice anything. He did what he always did in situations like this. He dug his nails into his hand, pressing so hard that he broke the skin.

”Is there something you want to tell me? I don’t think you’d do all that just from smoking.” Dan asked, trying to play it casually as he stood up to open the curtains.

”I guess I’m not the healthiest person. I’m trying to watch my waistline. That’s about it I suppose.” Phil tried to make it less of a deal then it really was.

Dan turned around. “Why? You’re skinny as fuck dude.” he said, chuckling slightly. “I mean, it’s hot, but you know. You don’t have much waist to watch.” he added, trying to explain himself.

”No I’m not. I’m seriously not. Hence why I diet. Diet, what an understatement.” Phil scoffed as he leaned back against the wall.

Dan walked over and sat on Phil’s bed, hoping he wasn’t intruding his personal space or something. “Love, I know it’s a mental thing, but seriously. You’re hot as fuck, please don’t change it.”

Phil nodded. “Maybe it’s time to eat again? New school, new start right?” Phil dug harder and watched as the blood flowed beneath his fingernails. He glanced up at Dan with tears in his eyes. He had never told anyone about his problem before.

”I think so,” Dan replied, tears prickling at his eyes at seeing Phil teary, but not letting himself cry. He moved his hand over Phil’s again, guiding his nails away from the marks he’d made.

”I’m sorry. I need to cope somehow.” Phil spread his fingers to hold Dan’s hand. It may have been inappropriate but he found some sort of weird comfort in it.

Dan nodded understandingly. “Hold my hand instead?” he offered, knowing that probably wouldn’t be the same deal.

Phil nodded. “Maybe it’s a good start.” Phil wasn’t letting Dan see the rest of him just yet. That could wait.

Dan smiled, bring his spare hand up to hold Phil’s other one, his forearms criss-crossed over each other.

”Thanks. For everything. You’ve cared more about me in the short time I’ve known you than most people ever have.” Phil had been alone. Even in his own home, nobody had accepted him before.

”Aw, baby, I don’t know why anyone wouldn’t care about you.” Dan answered, feeling sad that Phil obviously had some things to deal with.


”Coz I’m not worth it. Even my parents hate me. That’s why I’m here. They never noticed me.” Phil’s tears finally broke through as he relived the memories.


Dan pouted, moving so he was lying next to Phil and wrapped an arm around Phil’s shoulders, pulling him into a side hug. “I notice you.” he murmured.

”You’d be the only one.” Phil unintentionally snuggled into Dan. He felt at ease for some reason.

Dan used his spare hand to grab on of Phil’s again. “All you need is one, I suppose.” he said quietly.

”Someone cares. Gives me some hope I guess. Maybe I’ll find someone oneday.” Phil whispered. He was feeling a bit lonely as he opened up to Dan.

”You will,” Dan promised, rubbing Phil’s upper arm soothingly and leaning his head down onto Phil’s.

”Maybe. But you’re the only one who noticed me. Your mates only talked to me because you introduced me.” Phil’s tears were flowing freely now. He wanted to pick up his old habits again.

”That’s how you meet people Phil, by getting introduced.” Dan chuckled lightly. He held him a bit closer, not knowing how else to comfort him.

”Excuse me.” Phil struggled out of Dan’s grip and made his way to the bathroom, grabbing his cutthroat razor out of his drawer on the way. Once inside Phil closed the door, not finding a way to lock it, and sat against the vanity.

Dan sighed as Phil wriggled out of his hold. He lay on his bed a bit before returning to his own, waiting for Phil to return.

Phil lifted up his shirt and ran his fingers over his scars. He opened the razor and ran it across his stomach several times before cleaning himself up. He pulled his shirt back down and opened the door, returning the blade back to the drawer it came from before sitting back on his bed.

Dan glanced over at him. “You all right?” he asked, not seeing what Phil put back in his drawer.

Phil nodded. “I spose you could say that. I feel better anyway.”