FicWad

I'd like to start this note with a poem.
It's a little cliche, sure. But it's better than your average joe "I love you all, goodbye" note. Nah, I know I'm definitely nothing special, but I'm not going out that easy.


Is there any point living if there's nobody there
They used to tell you that you needed love in order to live
I thought they were wrong, I was sure of it, I knew it
I locked myself away behind concrete and steel
Under creaking floorboards and away from your gaze
I didn't know it would hurt you, I didn't know you would love me
I didn't know I needed that love to live
I didn't know I needed you to live.

I'm not going to talk about how I got this bad. I think you guys know.
I'm just going to talk about you.
Not me.

Ray.

What can I say about you?
Let's just start off by saying you are one of my best friends. You're like a brother to me, and I can't thank you for everything you've ever done for me. You're so talented, so intelligent, you're the backbone of this band and everything I've ever wanted to do. You're fantastic. You're one of the ones who really pushed me to do what I want. And I'll miss you. What I'm doing is not your fault and will never ever be your fault.

Frank.

You're definitely the most insane person I know. The friendliest person, the most spontaneous, interesting person. There's never been a time in my life when you haven't been able to make me laugh and grin. You always dried those tears away from my cheeks and you make me a better person. You're so incredibly talented, everything you do is something new and original, because you're so unique. I've never met a person like you. Very few people do, and those people are lucky.

Mikey.

I don't know how I can even start writing about you, Mikey.
The truth is, there's no one that I am going to miss more than you. When I go, please don't.. don't cry for me. You're so talented. You're so intelligent and sometimes, I don't think you even realise quite how special you are. You've always been such a fantastic brother to me, you looked after me and made me feel special, even when I was supposed to be the older one. I hope I helped you too. Even just a little bit. You are the only reason that I'm still alive today.

All those years ago, you saved me.
You didn't even mean to. But that night when I selected my razor blades and started to tear of my clothes and I received that call from Mom - you were in hospital. I threw the razor blades under my bed and shoved my clothes back on and I didn't see them for years later. I was desperate to see you, and since I was so desperate - you saved me.

It's a bit late for that now. Because things just get low. And I just kept getting lower. And now I'm where I am now, hitting rock bottom. You did everything you could and I just - I love you so much for doing that. You were the best fucking brother in the entire world and my best friend I could ever ask for; I don't deserve you, I don't deserve the love that you gave me.

I love you all so fucking much and I can't stand the fact that I'm doing this to myself, I hate myself for doing it but every inch of me is screaming to just pull this trigger.

I just love you all more than I can take. I really do, I can't.. I wish I wasn't this useless.

I'm just too weak to do this any more.
I'm just too weak to bother living.
And I'm just too weak to love you.


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i'm so sorry for the angst but fghjk i needed to write something angsty
r&r