FicWad

Friday Evening
Frank

I was worried about my jeans. The whole walk home, I kept checking them, making sure the blood had stopped and was not soaking through. Thankfully, the bleeding must have stopped before I ever put my jeans back on. If a person was looking at me right now, they wouldn’t assume anything. Yeah, I was walking funny, but no one notices things like that.

Each step hurt, but it also brought me closer to home, closer to safety. Before long, I was standing at the end of the driveway, a little surprised to see Gerard’s car parked there. Gerard himself was standing on the front porch, frowning at me. “Where have you been?” There was no emotion in his voice.

I ran up the steps, regretting it as I did. Wrapped my arms tightly around his waist, I collapsed against his chest. I’d never felt so safe in my life, than I did right then.

His hands were on my shoulders, pushing me away before I had a chance to stop it. “Gerard...?” What was going on? He was usually happy to see me. Now, he seemed so distant.

“It’s almost five o’clock. Your mom was freaking out, so she called me to help look for you.” He ran a hand through his hair.

“I was at the park. With Bert. He called last night--”

Gerard held up his hands. “I know. I saw you.”

His words didn’t even register. “He called and said he was going to hurt Mikey if I didn’t meet him today. So, I did. And--” Tears were falling now. There was no way of stopping them, “He raped me, Gee. He said he would--”

“You don’t need to lie anymore, Frank. I saw you.” He sighed, looking out at the front yard. “I can’t believe you would do something like this. You said you loved me, and I believed you! I can’t believe I was ever so stupid.”

What? “Gerard, I do love you. I love you so much.” I paused, taking a deep breath. “I’d do anything for you.”

He wasn’t listening to me anymore. “I can’t believe I never saw this coming! I mean, you used Mikey to get to me, and then you used me to get to-- to Bert!” He shook his head. I could hear the anger in his voice, and it was terrifying. He didn’t believe me. This couldn’t be happening, not after what I just went through to save him. I knew I should have just forgot about him and Mikey and just moved on with my life. “Of all the people in the world, you wanted Bert! I can’t believe you!”

“Gerard, please! I never used anyone--” I was frantic now. I had to make him believe, I had to. He couldn’t leave me like this. Not when I needed him most. This was worse than anything Bert could have ever done to me.

“I don’t want to listen to anymore lies!” He was practically screaming now.

“But I’m not lying, just listen to me! Please.” I was begging now.

He shook his head, turning to face me again. His face was wet with tears and it made my heart ache. “No, Frank. We’re done. We can’t do this anymore.” He started walking down the steps, but I grabbed his arm and pulled him back to me. Before he could say or do anything, I kissed him. I kissed him with all the passion and love my body could muster.

His hands found their way to the back of my head, and I could feel him playing with my hair. I wrapped my arms as tightly around him as I could, pulling myself as close as possible. I wasn’t about to let him leave. No, I loved him too much. I couldn’t live without him.

All of a sudden, his hands were on my shoulders and pushing me away again. He looked into my eyes for a long time. They were filled with sadness, and guilt. “No. No more.” He pushed past me and ran to his car. He pulled open the door and turned to face me once more, “Just...” his voice trailed off. I could tell he didn’t want to say the words. “Just stay away from me, and my family. We don’t want to see you anymore.”

That was it. My heart couldn’t take anymore. I collapsed on the porch and watched in horror as Gerard drove away. He said he never wanted to see me again. Why couldn’t he just listen to me? This was Bert we were talking about. Gerard of all people should know that Bert is not the kind of person I would fall for.

I curled into myself and just lay there on the cold cement, waiting for death. Because if I couldn’t have Gerard, life wasn’t worth living anymore.

The sky was dark before my mom finally got home and found me. “Frankie! What happened?” She pulled me up off the porch and led me inside. She sat me down on the couch and stood in front of me, just taking everything in. I knew I probably looked terrible, but I didn’t care.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hearing her voice caused fresh tears to fall again. I had given up controlling my sobbing a long time ago. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. She rushed over to me and hugged me to her. Being in her arms wasn’t the same as being in Gerard’s. “Frank, I can’t help you if you don’t talk about it.”

Instead of speaking I buried my face in her shoulder and just continued to cry as she held me. This had been the worst day of my life. Nothing would ever come close to being as bad as this.

“Frankie--”

I shook my head, standing up. “I just want to go to bed.”

She sighed, but didn’t say anything else. Slowly, I walked upstairs to my bedroom. I closed the door behind me and collapsed on my bed. Deep down I knew I would get over this. The only reason it hurt so much was because I genuinely loved Gerard. I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone before. Someday someone amazing would come around and sweep me off my feet and I would forget all about Gerard and Mikey and Bert.

But it would never be the same. That person could never be Gerard.