Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance
AN. I'm aware Gerard doesn't actually self-harm, don't worry.
“Frank, I don’t wanna bother you, I…” Mumbled the voice on the other end of the phone, “Please, just… Could you just tell me not to cut myself?”
“Gerard,” Frank said, softly, holding the phone against his ear with both hands, almost comfortingly, as if it would make Gerard himself feel better. “You don’t have to hurt yourself, you’re better than this, come on… You want me to come over?” There was a pause.
“Yeah. Please.”
Twenty minutes later, Frank showed up at Gerard’s apartment wearing the Misfits t-shirt he’d been sleeping in and black, worn out jeans with only socks on his feet. His hair wasn’t gelled upwards like it usually was, instead it was flat flipped messily over his forehead, and he hadn’t bothered to fix it before he left. He knocked on the door and waited until Gerard opened it, wearing a Batman t-shirt and pyjama pants, his eyes red and his hair a greasy, black mess. He looked at Frank and half-smiled. “Thank you,” He said, a guilty but grateful look on his tired face. “I didn’t mean to wake you up, I just thought, maybe, if you were awake already…”
“Don’t worry about it,” Frank smiled and stepped forward to hug Gerard tightly. He breathed in and smelled coffee, cigarettes and paint. “I told you, you can call me whenever you want.” Gerard blushed slightly and took Frank’s hand, leading him over to his bedroom where he sat on the unmade bed next to him. Frank put his arm around his waist and kissed his cheek softly. “What happened?” He asked.
“I, um,” Gerard stuttered quietly, “I just feel… Bad, I guess.” He looked down at his feet, “I feel ugly.” Frank sighed and pulled him closer and Gerard leaned against him, resting his head on his shoulder.
“You’re beautiful,” Frank whispered, “I promise.” He wiped Gerard’s cheek with his thumb and held him tightly. Gerard shook his head and his dark hair flipped over his face, covering one of his eyes. Frank reached forward to tuck it behind his ear and held his chin gently, tilting his head up so he could meet his dark, round eyes. Gerard’s eyes were red from crying and they flitted between Frank’s, taking them in.
“Can I show you?” Gerard mumbled, biting his lip and blushing.
“If you want to,” Frank said, flattered that he trusted him that much. “Thank you.” Gerard nodded, hesitated then pulled his t-shirt upwards slightly with shaking fingers, revealing uneven slashes against the pale skin on his hips, waist and on his stomach. Some were healed, some weren’t, and they varied in colour; purple, red, pink and white. The majority of them weren’t deep (although some were raised and looked painful despite age), but the number of them was what shocked Frank, and how they varied in how healed they were, revealing how long he’d been doing this. Frank had asked him how long before, but Gerard had just shrugged and changed the subject. Frank looked up into his eyes and saw tears in them, his bottom lip was trembling. He gestured towards his waist. “Can I…?” Gerard nodded and Frank ran his hand softly over his skin; Gerard winced and Frank moved his hand away, quickly. “Did I hurt-“
“No, it’s okay.” Frank nodded and looked back up at his face. Gerard looked so nervous – his eyebrows were tilted upwards and his eyes were moving from Frank’s eyes to the floor then back again, anxiously. “M’sorry,” He mumbled, cheeks still pink.
“Don’t ever apologise to me, okay?” Frank said, holding his hand. “I love you. You’re cute, you’re funny, you’re so, so talented and, more than anything, you are the least ugly person I’ve ever met.” He squeezed his fingers and looked up at Gerard, who smiled. He ran his fingers softly over his waist and looked into his hazel eyes with brown, curled eyelashes obscuring them slightly. “Don’t do this to yourself,” He whispered, “Please. If you ever want to, do what you did tonight and call me, ‘cause I’ll come over every time, you know that?” Gerard nodded and chewed the inside of his cheek.
“People say stuff,” He croaked, “All the time. About me, I mean. Not always to me but sometimes it is. They call me stuff all the time, and…” His eyes looked to the floor and a tear slid down his cheek. “No one likes me, no one but you. And everyone stares at me and laughs at me when I’m on my own at school and I hate it so much. And Mikey…” He took a deep breath and his voice broke. Frank squeezed his fingers, gently.
“Mikey loves you,” He said, pulling Gerard’s t-shirt back down tactfully, “You know that.”
“No, I know,” He nodded, “But he’s ashamed of being my brother, I know he is, I would be too. People pick on him sometimes for it; not much ‘cause he has so many friends and he’s popular, but as a joke sometimes. Stuff like ‘how’s your emo brother?’, stuff like… Sometimes he laughs, too, when they say it. He hardly talks to me at school, he’s embarrassed to be seen with me. I don’t blame him…” Frank watched him, feeling his chest sink as he listened to what he was saying – it wasn’t fair. He loved Gerard and couldn’t understand how people could dislike him, let alone hate him. Gerard was kind and shy and generally unable to stand up for himself, scared of what may happen if he did, Frank supposed, but he wished he could protect him himself. Bad things only ever happened when Gerard was alone, however, so he couldn’t, not really.
“Gerard,” He said, holding his waist again, “I know it hurts, I know, but you can’t let them get to you. Not anyone, they’re stupid and they don’t understand. We leave school soon, remember? It won’t be long until then and then you’ll never have to see any of them ever again. We’ll both be eighteen by then and I’ll convince my mom to let me move in with you – Hell, even if she won’t let me, I will. I love you Gerard, I want you to be happy, even if one day it’s not me you’re happy with.” He squeezed his waist and kissed his cheek. “Gerard, I really love you.”
“I love you too, Frank,” Gerard smiled, and he meant it, it was easy to see that. His eyes lit up when he looked at Frank and he still got butterflies, even after all the years they’d known each other. When he was with him he felt safe and happy and loved and wanted Frank to always feel the same way, and he honestly believed that he would. He’d never met anyone like him before. Frank was everything to him, and the fact that he’d walked to his apartment in the middle of the night? He was so amazing. Gerard didn’t understand why Frank wanted to be with him, he was just Gerard.
He looked at Frank and couldn’t help but smile. He pulled him up so he was sitting on his knee like a kid and hugged his waist tightly – he smelled like body spray and something Gerard couldn’t name, it was just Frank. Frank put his arms around his neck and leaned closer to kiss him gently, his lips pressed against Gerard’s softly and moving slowly against them. It wasn’t sexual at all, and that was the best part, Gerard thought – he knew Frank wasn’t after that, he really just loved him.
Gerard kissed back and held Frank’s back tightly, pulling him closer so he was pressed against him. He felt warm and soft, and he kissed like an angel. Sometimes he’d taste sweet or like cigarettes, other times chewing gum and even pot, sometimes, but Gerard didn’t care about that. Frank could do whatever he wanted as long as he still loved him. They’d smoked weed together, before, and Gerard remembered it as one of the best nights of his life – what he remembered of it, anyway.
“Gerard,” Frank asked, quietly, his hand stroking his long, black hair delicately. “Would it be okay if I slept here tonight?”
“Frank, I don’t wanna bother you, I…” Mumbled the voice on the other end of the phone, “Please, just… Could you just tell me not to cut myself?”
“Gerard,” Frank said, softly, holding the phone against his ear with both hands, almost comfortingly, as if it would make Gerard himself feel better. “You don’t have to hurt yourself, you’re better than this, come on… You want me to come over?” There was a pause.
“Yeah. Please.”
Twenty minutes later, Frank showed up at Gerard’s apartment wearing the Misfits t-shirt he’d been sleeping in and black, worn out jeans with only socks on his feet. His hair wasn’t gelled upwards like it usually was, instead it was flat flipped messily over his forehead, and he hadn’t bothered to fix it before he left. He knocked on the door and waited until Gerard opened it, wearing a Batman t-shirt and pyjama pants, his eyes red and his hair a greasy, black mess. He looked at Frank and half-smiled. “Thank you,” He said, a guilty but grateful look on his tired face. “I didn’t mean to wake you up, I just thought, maybe, if you were awake already…”
“Don’t worry about it,” Frank smiled and stepped forward to hug Gerard tightly. He breathed in and smelled coffee, cigarettes and paint. “I told you, you can call me whenever you want.” Gerard blushed slightly and took Frank’s hand, leading him over to his bedroom where he sat on the unmade bed next to him. Frank put his arm around his waist and kissed his cheek softly. “What happened?” He asked.
“I, um,” Gerard stuttered quietly, “I just feel… Bad, I guess.” He looked down at his feet, “I feel ugly.” Frank sighed and pulled him closer and Gerard leaned against him, resting his head on his shoulder.
“You’re beautiful,” Frank whispered, “I promise.” He wiped Gerard’s cheek with his thumb and held him tightly. Gerard shook his head and his dark hair flipped over his face, covering one of his eyes. Frank reached forward to tuck it behind his ear and held his chin gently, tilting his head up so he could meet his dark, round eyes. Gerard’s eyes were red from crying and they flitted between Frank’s, taking them in.
“Can I show you?” Gerard mumbled, biting his lip and blushing.
“If you want to,” Frank said, flattered that he trusted him that much. “Thank you.” Gerard nodded, hesitated then pulled his t-shirt upwards slightly with shaking fingers, revealing uneven slashes against the pale skin on his hips, waist and on his stomach. Some were healed, some weren’t, and they varied in colour; purple, red, pink and white. The majority of them weren’t deep (although some were raised and looked painful despite age), but the number of them was what shocked Frank, and how they varied in how healed they were, revealing how long he’d been doing this. Frank had asked him how long before, but Gerard had just shrugged and changed the subject. Frank looked up into his eyes and saw tears in them, his bottom lip was trembling. He gestured towards his waist. “Can I…?” Gerard nodded and Frank ran his hand softly over his skin; Gerard winced and Frank moved his hand away, quickly. “Did I hurt-“
“No, it’s okay.” Frank nodded and looked back up at his face. Gerard looked so nervous – his eyebrows were tilted upwards and his eyes were moving from Frank’s eyes to the floor then back again, anxiously. “M’sorry,” He mumbled, cheeks still pink.
“Don’t ever apologise to me, okay?” Frank said, holding his hand. “I love you. You’re cute, you’re funny, you’re so, so talented and, more than anything, you are the least ugly person I’ve ever met.” He squeezed his fingers and looked up at Gerard, who smiled. He ran his fingers softly over his waist and looked into his hazel eyes with brown, curled eyelashes obscuring them slightly. “Don’t do this to yourself,” He whispered, “Please. If you ever want to, do what you did tonight and call me, ‘cause I’ll come over every time, you know that?” Gerard nodded and chewed the inside of his cheek.
“People say stuff,” He croaked, “All the time. About me, I mean. Not always to me but sometimes it is. They call me stuff all the time, and…” His eyes looked to the floor and a tear slid down his cheek. “No one likes me, no one but you. And everyone stares at me and laughs at me when I’m on my own at school and I hate it so much. And Mikey…” He took a deep breath and his voice broke. Frank squeezed his fingers, gently.
“Mikey loves you,” He said, pulling Gerard’s t-shirt back down tactfully, “You know that.”
“No, I know,” He nodded, “But he’s ashamed of being my brother, I know he is, I would be too. People pick on him sometimes for it; not much ‘cause he has so many friends and he’s popular, but as a joke sometimes. Stuff like ‘how’s your emo brother?’, stuff like… Sometimes he laughs, too, when they say it. He hardly talks to me at school, he’s embarrassed to be seen with me. I don’t blame him…” Frank watched him, feeling his chest sink as he listened to what he was saying – it wasn’t fair. He loved Gerard and couldn’t understand how people could dislike him, let alone hate him. Gerard was kind and shy and generally unable to stand up for himself, scared of what may happen if he did, Frank supposed, but he wished he could protect him himself. Bad things only ever happened when Gerard was alone, however, so he couldn’t, not really.
“Gerard,” He said, holding his waist again, “I know it hurts, I know, but you can’t let them get to you. Not anyone, they’re stupid and they don’t understand. We leave school soon, remember? It won’t be long until then and then you’ll never have to see any of them ever again. We’ll both be eighteen by then and I’ll convince my mom to let me move in with you – Hell, even if she won’t let me, I will. I love you Gerard, I want you to be happy, even if one day it’s not me you’re happy with.” He squeezed his waist and kissed his cheek. “Gerard, I really love you.”
“I love you too, Frank,” Gerard smiled, and he meant it, it was easy to see that. His eyes lit up when he looked at Frank and he still got butterflies, even after all the years they’d known each other. When he was with him he felt safe and happy and loved and wanted Frank to always feel the same way, and he honestly believed that he would. He’d never met anyone like him before. Frank was everything to him, and the fact that he’d walked to his apartment in the middle of the night? He was so amazing. Gerard didn’t understand why Frank wanted to be with him, he was just Gerard.
He looked at Frank and couldn’t help but smile. He pulled him up so he was sitting on his knee like a kid and hugged his waist tightly – he smelled like body spray and something Gerard couldn’t name, it was just Frank. Frank put his arms around his neck and leaned closer to kiss him gently, his lips pressed against Gerard’s softly and moving slowly against them. It wasn’t sexual at all, and that was the best part, Gerard thought – he knew Frank wasn’t after that, he really just loved him.
Gerard kissed back and held Frank’s back tightly, pulling him closer so he was pressed against him. He felt warm and soft, and he kissed like an angel. Sometimes he’d taste sweet or like cigarettes, other times chewing gum and even pot, sometimes, but Gerard didn’t care about that. Frank could do whatever he wanted as long as he still loved him. They’d smoked weed together, before, and Gerard remembered it as one of the best nights of his life – what he remembered of it, anyway.
“Gerard,” Frank asked, quietly, his hand stroking his long, black hair delicately. “Would it be okay if I slept here tonight?”
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