FicWad

The stars are amazing. Somewhere, millions of miles away, these beautiful flashes of gas are burning themselves out against the inky black skies that stretch on forever, reaching every nook and cranny of the universe, painting every glittering galaxy a definite black. Yet, despite their distance from the Earth and (as some would say) their insignificance, we still see them. You can see them all if you look hard enough. But by far the most astounding thing about them is that they are already dead by the time we see them. The beacons we see from our place on the ground are but echoes of a life once lived and shadows of broken, dispersed particles. In a way it is tragic that these stunning phenomena no longer exist in reality; it is almost as if we are all dreaming and unaware that life died out whilst we were asleep.

And the moon! A vast, shining orb hanging in the sky like a giant balloon, hovering over everything and glowing peacefully, untouched but for the footprints of the lucky few who’d experienced it’s unique wilderness. Generations of children and adults alike have dreamed of going there, but what for? Because of the natural human instinct to want only what is unobtainable? Or, perhaps, the inescapable desire to possess everything, the nagging selfishness we’d all prefer to pretend does not exist; although, many among us are all too aware that ignorance certainly isn’t bliss.

Gerard looked up at the night sky whilst lying on the ground outside their house and smiled. He’d always loved looking, ever since he’d been old enough to understand how spectacular it really was up there. His eyes gleamed as he stared up at the never ending expanse of clusters and planets and despite how cold it was, he felt no inclination to go inside. He stretched out on the dying, flaky grass with his hair draped over his forehead and took a long drag from his cigarette, then blew the smoke up into the air above his head, spreading grey clouds across the sky like dye exploding into a pool of water.

He thought about everything, his mind feeling clear as he breathed in the sharp, cool air and heard the hum of cars in the distance. He had reluctantly decided upon calling his mother, Donna, the next day; they hadn’t spoken in months and she had no idea where he was so she’d undoubtedly be angry to say the least, but he didn’t see as how he had any choice. Frank may have told him he had the money to pay for rehab but somehow Gerard didn’t quite believe him – even if, by some miracle, he really did have the money, Gerard didn’t want him to blow it all on him, despite knowing he would without hesitation. He’s put Frank through so much in the past year and to then ask this of him? It wasn’t fair, he thought. But he had no idea how Donna would react if he called her. Angry, upset, relieved? He didn’t know. He didn’t know which he’d prefer, either.

Gerard heard a soft crunching sound behind him and sat up to see Frank steeping out of the front door, dragging Gerard’s zip hoodie behind him. He had a stretched out and faded grey t-shirt on with a distressed Misfits logo printed on the front and blue pyjama pants patterned with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles logo that dragged under the socks on feet, at least two inches two long for him. “Hey,” He called, “Put your fucking jacket on if you’re staying outside!” Gerard giggled.
“I haven’t even been out long,” He said, smiling at Frank, “And I was gonna come in soon, I wanted to talk to you about something… It’s important, I guess.” Frank raised his eyebrows and went to sit on the ground next to him, wrapping the hoodie around his shoulders and hugging his waist, leaning against him.
“What’s up?” He asked, looking up at him with his big, round eyes. Gerard sighed.
“I, um… I’m gonna call my mom tomorrow.” He said, holding Frank close with one arm, feeling his soft warmth against him. A crease appeared between his eyebrows.
“How come?”
“Need to. I need to borrow money, I don’t think she’d mind if I told her what it was for, y’know?” He looked at Frank and smiled, guiltily.
“Gee,” Frank said, comfortingly, “I told you, we can afford it, you… You don’t have to call her if you don’t want to. Unless you do want to, which is fine, it’s great! Don’t get me wrong, it’s just… Don’t feel like you have to, okay?” Gerard nodded and squeezed Frank’s waist – he was so kind to him, it made him feel bad sometimes.
“I have to,” He croaked, “I won’t let you pay for it, I… I’ve put you through enough already and…” He took a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop the tears falling from them again but failing. He hated himself for crying so often, he felt like a stupid little kid. “Frank, I’m sorry, I just wanna make you happy, I-I dunno what to do, and-“
“Gerard,” Frank interrupted, leaning again him and hugging him tightly, stroking his hair gently. “Please, you do make me happy, I promise. I love you, you know that.”
“No, I know,” Gerard choked, looking up at the sky with only his sparkling eyes. “I know, I love you too, I’m just… I’m a failure,” He coughed, breaking down into tears with his head against Frank’s shoulder and his arms around his soft, warm waist.

Frank looked at him and bit his lip, then kissed the top of his head and stroked the side of his neck gently. He looked beautiful like this, Frank thought, his dark hair spread across his face delicately with the moonlight lighting him up, softly; he looked like an angel.
“Baby,” He whispered softly, “That’s not true.” He tilted Gerard’s chin upwards with his fingers and kissed him gently, looking at him reassuringly and smiling slightly, his thin lips turning upwards on one side. “C’mon, you wanna come inside where it’s warm?” Gerard shook his head causing his hair to fall over his eyes..
“You’re warm,” He said, holding Frank tightly. “I… I just wanna look at the stars with you. Please?” Frank softened and kissed his cheek.
“Okay. But not for too long; I don’t want you to get sick.” He giggled, stroking Gerard’s cheek and lying down on the ground with him. They shuffled apart slightly and held hands, looking up at the sky.
“I love the stars.” Gerard said, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.
“Good,” Said Frank, happily, playing with Gerard’s fingers.
“How come?” Gerard turned his head and looked at Frank, smiling slightly despite the redness around his eyes.
“Because,” Frank smiled, squeezing his fingers tightly and meeting his eyes, “The way you look at them, well… You look at me like that, sometimes.” Gerard blushed and looked back up at the glittering sky.
“Come on,” He said, “You’re cold, come inside.”
“Carry me in, fucker,” Frank joked, lying on the grass with his arms folded stubbornly. Gerard laughed and took Frank by surprise by scooping him up in his arms and holding him like a baby.
“There, princess,” He giggled, kissing Frank’s nose and feeling his lips go cold on contact, “And does her majesty desire anything else?” Frank laughed and held Gerard’s neck.
“I fucking want a cigarette, man.” He said, holding Gerard’s collar tightly.
“Cute,” He laughed, then kissed Frank softly before carrying him inside, clicking the door shut behind them.