FicWad

I glanced around my cold and dreary room, noticing the ripped wall paper that was also peeling away at the corners where the ceiling met and the open fireplace that I barely lit, I looked closer and saw that there were still charcoal pieces scattered within the gloomy pit from when I had last ignited the flames. For one last time I went to light the fire, I watched the flames roar to life and lick the newly placed wood as it slowly destroyed something that was once living into something dark and black. I looked up to my steady, sturdy beams that held the roof together, they were not only beams in my eyes they were saviours, the rope that was twisted in my hand it’s sidekick to my release.

I left the rope still twisted and placed carefully on the bed as I slowly made my way to open the window, opening them fully. I looked out onto the smugly happy and bright day and became annoyed with it instantly, wrinkling my nose in disgust but I let myself forget about the day and got back to work. I stared at the rope that still lay on the bed and hoped for something new, a tear escaped my eye, just one, it trickled down slowly as if it was teasing or almost mocking me.

Silly me, I thought, what clear minded person wants to die yet is afraid of death, I reasoned with myself for a moment and corrected my last statement, not death itself but the idea of what’s on the other side, heaven? Hell? Or my worst fear of them all, nothing? Should I take the risk? Would I take the risk? I didn’t know why I was asking myself these questions, I already knew that the answer was yes. I was willing to take the chance that of nothing being on the other side, my only reason being that it was much more bearable than the life I lead today.

I grabbed the rope from off of the bed and now held it gingerly in my now shaking hands. This was it. I climbed onto the chair that was already expertly placed under the beam and tied the rope, getting a glance at my red scar covered wrists, I quickly pulled on the rope to check that it was secure, not wanting to see the previous damage I had done to myself. I was the missing piece of this puzzle of suicide but before I could take my place and complete the picture of my own judgement day a wondrous sight fluttered into my room.

She floated through, flaunting her magnificence before me, her eyes shining clearly for the entire world to see, they were a perfect shade of emerald green. She was delicate, majestic and enchanting. She was such a small creature yet she possessed so much beauty it seemed somewhat unfair but she deserved it for she was so much more that I could ever possibly be. To describe her was an almost impossible task, I felt as if words would demean her loveliness, you had to see it to believe that such a thing could exist, she was like a floating flower caught in the wind, a winged inspiration of exquisiteness, she was all of this yet it was short lived. I knew what she had been through to get to this place of admiration but she was living proof that no matter how hideous my life was, it can still change into something as stunning as her.

A quote that I had once read popped into my head “Butterflies can’t see their wings. They can’t see how truly beautiful they are, but everyone else can. People are like that as well.”

I stepped down from my chair and stood for a moment in awe, I was starting to realise something, starting to see the world in a clearer light and it broke my heart. To know that something as baronial as her couldn’t and never would know of its captivating glamour was tear jerking. Another thought hit me in that moment, what if I was like her as well? I could only hope to be like her, only hope to be a poor and sorrowful soul waiting to be as beautiful as her someday.

I unravelled the rope from the beam and placed the chair back in its rightful place. Suddenly I stopped and stared at the window, silently debating whether or not to let it remain open or not. I decided to continue to leave it open forever now, in the hope that my glorious visitor would come by again, leaving another magical imprint on my heart once more.

Written for English lit class.
Please rate and review so I know what you think.