FicWad

Gerard sat rigidly on the couch across from the chair where Dr. Schechter sat, his back hunched forwards, his hands at his mouth and elbows resting on his knees. Dr. Schechter, on the other hand, had his legs comfortably crossed, a legal pad in one hand, the other playing with a black pen. At this point, he was moderately agitated, though he knew he should not have been. Gerard had barely opened up even though the program was almost over and he found that Gerard rarely answered to questions that could be responded with a “yes” or a “no.” He worked with this for a while, but it was far more difficult than if Gerard just told Brian his feelings. He asked,

“Gerard, what’s the most important thing in your life now?” Almost immediately, Gerard answered,

“Bandit and Lindsey.”

“Yes, of course. Now, think beside yourself. How do you think Lindsey thinks of your alcoholism?” Gerard did not answer for a moment, and Brian waited before elaborating the question. “How do think Lindsey felt when she found you unconscious in your car?” Gerard looked down at her feet.

“Scared,” he said quietly.

“Yes, scared. What else?”

“Angry.”

“Maybe, angry. Now how would you feel if Lindsey was about to die?” Gerard’s head shot up at the appalling question. Dr. Schechter nodded, urging Gerard to answer. Finally, Gerard decided that he had enough. He wasn’t feeling well and his mind was spinning. All of this resisting, though he did not understand why he did it, frustrated him. He tried to break down the mental block that he had against telling people of his true emotions. At this point he knew that Dr. Schechter was only trying to help him, that he would never judge him in any way, and that he was acting like a stubborn child, not an adult. He would push away all the fear of being judged or looked down upon and answered Dr. Schechter,
“I don’t know what I would do without her. She’s what’s been holding me up all these years. I mean, I don’t know where I would be without her.” Brian’s expression lit up. He had finally gotten Gerard to open up.

“So what do you think your alcoholism meant to her?”

“I mean, I accidently hurt Bandit once before when I was drinking, but I didn’t want to be depressed all the time, so I started drinking again. I didn’t want to hurt them though, so I just stayed away. I never drank at home.”

“That may have seemed like an ideal plan to you, but what do you think it meant for Lindsey and Bandit. Don’t you think they missed you?”

“Well, Lindsey started to ignore me, and Bandit shouldn’t have me as a role model anyway, so I just stayed away.”

“Gerard, Lindsey wasn’t ignoring you. She had problems of her own. Did she not tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“Well, Lindsey met with me before and she told me about her side of the story. I’m sure you’re aware she had anxiety problems before?” Gerard nodded. “Well, when you wouldn’t come home until late at night, or not at all, she thought you didn’t care. She thought you didn’t love her anymore, and that you had given up on her.” Gerard had completely misinterpreted Lindsey’s actions. The whole time he had thought Lindsey did not care about him, when it was the complete opposite. Lindsey thought the world of him, but because he was not there for her, obviously she would think he did not love her anymore. Gerard finally realized the true pain he had caused towards Lindsey and Bandit. Being a husband and father did not mean that he had to provide for them in monetary value, but intimately and emotionally. Alcohol should not have been his savior, but Lindsey should have been. If he had felt alone, depressed, or like a failure, he should not have turned to alcohol, but to the ones who cared most. Alcohol did not give back; it only took his health, mentally and physically, but Lindsey, on the other hand, gave and gave to Gerard. She gave him everything, yet Gerard did not act grateful. He had not seen Lindsey during the time he was in the hospital, but as he was told, she did everything in her power to help. She went through hell to save him, and still worked hard.

“So she though I didn’t love her?”

“Exactly.”

“But I knew my drunkenness hurt her, so I stayed away. Shouldn’t that count as love?”

“Gerard, no, it’s selfish. There is a little edge of thoughtfulness in that, but you could have fought against your impulses. Your love should be more powerful than your urges.” Gerard agreed. Lindsey and Bandit should be equivalent, if not, a better alternative to alcohol. They should make him sufficiently happy enough to push through. Finally seeing a different perspective, his head spun even more, and grew dizzy, not to mention throbbing headaches that started to hit him, pulsing painfully through his head. He held his forehead in his hands, rubbing it, until Brian asked,

“Are you feeling okay?” Gerard shook his head. The pain in head distracted his thoughts and he felt himself slowly blacking out, seeing Brian rush over to his side.

~~~

It was Sunday, and the telephone rang persistently in the kitchen of Lindsey’s new apartment. They had just recently moved in that Thursday, settling in nicely, moving the furniture that was not sold from their old apartment. It seemed unlikely that they would have gotten a better apartment in a nicer, safer area, but with all the help from welfare and he HSC, a perfect medium for their situation was found. Every day, on her way to work, Lindsey dropped Bandit off at the Ieros to be taken care of, and went to the high school. The kids at this school were far different from those of Belleville. They were considerably better behaved and much more interested in the arts program. She enjoyed working with them every day, teaching them techniques in drawing, sculpting, most anything. Compatible with Lindsey view of the students, they immediately liked the young teacher who seemed to know what she was teaching, and genuinely cared about them.

Lindsey ran to the telephone to pick it up, looking at the caller ID, reading “Oasis.” Confused, she picked up the call and answered,

“Hello?”

“Mrs. Way?”

“Yes, this is she.”

“The is the Oasis Rehabilitation Center. I have to ask that you come to the center right away for your husband.” Lindsey stiffened and asked,
“Is he alright?”

“Yes, he’s okay, he’s just malnourished. We’ve found that he hasn’t been eating and he can’t function well right now. Are you available now?”

“Yes, of course, I’ll come right away.” Lindsey hung up and called for Bandit. From her room, she walked into the kitchen. “Bandit, we have to go to Cherry and Lily’s house okay?” Bandit nodded. She went to the Ieros practically every day and thought of their house as a second home. Lindsey called up Frank and told them what had happened, and asked whether they were available to take Bandit.

“Of course we’ll be here,” Frank said, concerned for both Lindsey and Gerard. Why wasn’t Gerard eating? What had happened?

20 minutes later, Lindsey pulled up in front of Frank’s house and took Bandit to the front door. Knowing she was welcome there after being there practically every day, Lindsey simply opened their front door and called out,

“Frank?” Instead, Mikey came down the stairs to greet Lindsey, and Jamia and Frank came out of the family room.

“Hey, Lindsey, is Gerard okay?” Mikey asked, worried.

“I think so…” she said,

“Can I come with you to see him?”

“Yeah, but we have to leave now. I really want to see him. I don’t want him to be hospitalized again.”

“Yup, I’m ready now. Let’s go.” Lindsey nodded, and to Frank and Jamia, said,

“Thank you so much for taking care of her.”

“Oh, it’s our pleasure. She’s really well behaved, so it’s no problem.” Lindsey smiled and hurried out the door, followed by Mikey.

~~~

Lindsey and Mikey burst into the lobby of the Oasis Rehabilitation Center and collected herself before asking the receptionist,

“I’m Gerard Way’s wife, Lindsey. I’ve been told to come for him.” Without looking up, she typed something in to the computer, and said,

“Yes, Mr. Way is fine. Just a little health complication. I’ll take you there now.” The receptionist stood up and smiled sweetly, her heels clicking against the tile floor, and led Lindsey and Mikey to Gerard’s room. Dr. Schechter stood above Gerard’s bed, along with a couple of nurses, tending to Gerard when they entered the room.

“Is he okay?” Lindsey asked.

“He’s perfectly stable now. We found that he had not been eating his meals or just tearing them up to seem as though he ate them. I don’t know what made him do this, so we’ll have to ask when he wakes up.” Why wouldn’t Gerard eat? Lindsey knew that he had been slightly self-conscious about his weight, but that was years ago. Lately, he didn’t seem to mind who he was, physically, but she could be wrong; after all, she didn’t know about his serious alcoholism until she found him in the car. Gerard was fidgeting slightly in his sleep, groaning softly at times, until he finally opened his eyes to see Lindsey leaning over him.

“Lindsey?” he said, stretching in place.

“Gerard, how did this happen?”

“I don’t know…” he said sheepishly.

“We all know you’re aware of what you did. Why did you do it?” Brian asked, not meaning to be hurtful.

“Why won’t you eat, Gerard?” Mikey asked, speaking for the first time upon entering the building. Gerard hesitated before answering,

“I’m just not hungry anymore. I barely ate when I was drunk or hungover. I guess I got used to it.”

“But you know you can’t function without food. Why won’t you eat?” Lindsey said.
“I don’t know. I just don’t want to.”

“We’re going to need to give you more medication, have you connected to an IV tube, and put on a special diet. Hopefully, you’ll learn to know what’s good for you and what’s not. It doesn’t matter if it makes you uncomfortable. That’s only temporary. The important thing is that you do what’s required so you can function, live. Your BMI is far lower than it should be, and I feel we’ve neglected your weight a bit, mostly concentrated on your mental health more than your physical, so I have to apologize. I’m sorry and it won’t happen again. Now we know what to check up on,” Brian said, repeating his health information a nurse had told him before. Gerard nodded, now sitting up in the bed. Dr. Schechter left the room along with the nurses, leaving Lindsey and Mikey with Gerard.

“Lindsey, I think I understand now,” Gerard said.

“Understand what?” she asked. Gerard struggled to get his words together, and said,
“I knew I hurt you and Bandit when I drank, but I couldn’t stand not to, so I stayed away. I couldn’t tell you what I was doing because I knew you would hate it, but I didn’t realize you thought I didn’t love you. I stayed away because I love you. Now I know what was faulty in my plan. My only role isn’t to provide for your food, shelter, or anything that requires money; it’s also to be your husband and Bandit’s father. Instead of caving into my innermost horrible urges, I should have just turned to you to get help. I love you, Lindsey. I love you more than I love myself. I knew this. I knew this ever since we met, but I guess I never realized it until now. I’ve done all the wrong things, Lindsey, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I had to put you and Bandit through all this,” he sighed, “You don’t deserve all of this. I’m sorry you don’t have a better life.”

“No, Gerard. I love my life. It was painful watching you go through something like that, and it was painful for me, too, but I now know how much I love you. I realize that no matter how much you screw up or do something wrong, it won’t matter because I love you, Gerard. I love you, and nothing can change that. You complete me. You make me whole. But please, my love for you is so strong; anything you do to hurt yourself hits me just as hard. If it weren’t for Mikey or Frank, though, I don’t even know how much of a mess I would be.” Lindsey put her hand on Mikey’s shoulder and brought him forward to Gerard.

“Hi, Gerard,” he said softly.

“Hi, Mikey.”

“You know, I feel like the term ‘brothers’ is meaningless unless you really get to know them. I’m really disappointed that we didn’t get to know each other better, but I know that I really consider Lindsey to be a lot like a sister to me, along with Bandit, who cares and worries about you more than you think. She’s asked where you were practically every day, and really misses you. I’d really like to get to know you better once everything is back to normal.” Mikey had thought about how even though he barely knew Gerard as a person, he had given him a piece of himself, and so, he vowed to himself that he would try and kindle a better relationship with his blood brother.

“I completely agree,” Gerard said, wishing for the same thing. Lindsey sighed contently, happy that even though Gerard had a fainting spell, he was having a “good” day, in terms of his mental health. He was acting almost completely normal, like he was before any of this had happened, with the exception of him seeming much more tired and worn-out. She was so ecstatic at the fact that Gerard had finally realized how to recognize sympathy and how he had imagined himself in one other’s position, in this case, hers. Though he was deathly pale, excruciatingly thin, and easily worn out, Lindsey loved him just the same, if not more. After going through a hell like this, Lindsey felt that her ability to stick by her husband was stronger than before. One of the most feared situations in a marriage, health obstructions, had blocked their path, but Lindsey had led them through safe and stronger than before.

A/N: A very dialogue-y chapter :P Rate & Review if you liked it, please! It would really make my day :) Also, if you must know, this story will be coming to an end in within five more chapters, unless I decide to add some little twist. Be expecting a new story though! I've already started writing ;D