FicWad

Disclaimer: I don't own Kyo, Toshiya or any other member of Dir en grey and this is all fiction.
The lyrics are from Kyo's poems '304 Goushitsu, Shita no Yoru' and '304 Goushitsu, Haha to Sakura' and the lyrics at the end are from Dir en grey's song 'Aoi Tsuki'.
This was written as a challenge from my friend melinen. The keyword was 'natural'.


AOI TSUKI - BLUE MOON



I want to be loved, more than any other
Talked about again behind my back


"What are you writing?"

The voice startled Tooru who was sitting on the ground under a tree, writing something in a notebook. He looked up and was met by a smiling face of a tall boy standing just in front of him. He quickly closed his notebook and blushed slightly.

"Nothing..."

He recognized the other boy. His name was Toshimasa and he was one year younger than Tooru. He could always bee seen with a bunch of friends, laughing and having fun. Tooru wondered why he was talking to him since he was considered the freak in school and all the other kids teased him. Had Toshimasa come to tease him too?

It didn't seem like it though. The taller boy slumped down on the ground in front of Tooru, still smiling. There was nothing teasing in his smile, it was just a curious and friendly smile of a 9-year-old boy.

"What's your name?" Toshimasa asked, gazing curiously at Tooru who felt a bit uncomfortable in the company of the other.

"Tooru...", he replied.

"Isn't that a girl's name?" Toshimasa asked and laughed a little.

Tooru blushed and lowered his head. He knew it! Toshimasa had come to tease him too. Just like the others...

"Oh no, I didn't mean it like that! I think it's cute", Toshimasa said and smiled at the other boy, who was starting to feel confused.

"Um.. Thank you, I guess...," Tooru mumbled embarrassedly.

"I'm Toshimasa", the other boy introduced himself.

"I know", Tooru replied, "I've seen you before..."

Toshimasa cocked his head curiously, "You have? I don't think I've seen you before...?"

"I've been in this school for a year... but it's okay... Not many notice me", Tooru replied. 'Unless they want to tease me of course', he added in his thoughts.

The other seemed to ponder over that, but then shrugged his shoulders casually and smiled again, "Where are you from?"

"Kyoto", Tooru said, finally looking up completely at the taller boy. The other's lips formed to an 'O' and he suddenly looked very interested.

"Really? Cool! Is it nice there? My mother lived there for a little while when she was young and she always talks about it. I wanna go there some day. I've lived here all my life."

"It's... it's very nice", Tooru replied, not sure of what to say. He loved his hometown and he hated the fact that his father's work had forced them to move from Kyoto. He didn't like the cold climate that dominated Nagano.

They sat in silence for a while before Toshimasa opened his mouth again, "Do you like to be alone?"

Tooru shrugged, "I'm used to it."

"But that doesn't mean you like it, or does it?"

Tooru blushed a little again, "No... I guess not..."

"I can be your friend!" Toshimasa exclaimed happily, face widening in a bright smile.

Tooru stared at him in surprise. Was Toshimasa joking with him? Was this just a cruel joke for amusement? Making him believe that someone actually wanted to be his friend and then just ditch him? He gazed suspiciously at the younger boy, but couldn't find anything in his facial expression, but honest happiness at the thought of a new friend.

Tooru decided to give him a chance. The boy seemed sincere enough. He nodded and smiled slightly, "Sure."


*


Even if I try to cry, even if I try to laugh
The lilies that bloom by the window are withering away


"Tooruuuuuu! What are you writing?"

"Shut the hell up, Toshi, I'm trying to concentrate here!" Tooru growled as he put his notebook away so that his curious friend couldn't see what he was writing.

Toshimasa only laughed, being used to Tooru's grumpy ways, and slumped down beside the older boy on the bench outside the school on which he was sitting on.

"What do you want?" Tooru asked, still a bit grumpy over being distracted like that, but unable to stay mad at his friend for any long time.

Toshimasa shrugged and grinned, "I'm bored so I thought it'd be fun to bother you for a while."

Tooru groaned slightly, "I hate you."

The younger boy just laughed and put an arm around Tooru's shoulders, "You love me really."

Tooru couldn't help but laugh at that as he put away his notebook in his backpack. "So.. What do you want to do?"

"I thought you were busy?" Toshimasa asked mockingly.

Tooru playfully swatted his shoulder, "It's not like I'm going to get anything done with you around."

"True", the younger boy agreed with a grin, "What do you feel like doing?"

"I have no idea. You're the one who's bored here", Tooru replied with a teasing smirk.

"Well duuuh. But that doesn't necessarily mean that I know what I want to do. That's why I'm bothering you, because you should have ideas, you should entertain me."

Tooru laughed at that. "I should entertain you? I know what I want to do, but those plans doesn't involve you."

"Awww, Tooru-chan doesn't like me anymore?" Toshimasa said, pretending to be hurt, earning another slap on the shoulder from the older boy.

"Oh shut up, you big cry-baby, and don't call me Tooru-chan. I'm not a girl!"

Toshimasa gasped in mock-horror, "You're not?! Then I befriended you for all the wrong reasons!"

"God, sometimes I wonder why I'm still friends with you", Tooru said and glared at the taller boy.

They both knew he didn't mean it though. They loved each other's company and the teasing was just a way for them to show each other that. They couldn't exactly do like the girls and hug and kiss each other's cheeks. That'd just be too weird.

"You need a cooler name", Toshimasa said all of sudden.

Tooru snorted a little, "A cooler name? And what would that be?"

"Umm... how about Kyo? As in Kyoto. I know how you love your hometown...", Toshimasa suggested.

Tooru nodded slowly, "Yes... I like that...", and then he turned to Toshimasa, "But you need a cooler name too."

"I kind of like my name... But it's too long. I need a shorter name."

"Um... Toshi?" Tooru, now renamed Kyo, suggested.

"No, that's just like a nickname..."

"Toshio? Toshiya?"

"Toshiya! Yes, I like Toshiya", Toshimasa exclaimed, smiling brightly.

"So it's decided then? I'm Kyo and you're Toshiya?" the other boy asked, smiling back at the other.

Toshiya nodded enthusiastically, "It is."


*


The night is frightening, the night is cold, so many nights, I'm drowning in night
Perhaps tomorrow won't even come, the spring of my sixteenth year


"Wow, this is great!"

Kyo blushed slightly, "You think?"

Toshiya nodded enthusiastically, "You're a poet, Kyo!"

Kyo's blush deepened at hearing those words. He had never shown anyone something he'd written before, but he trusted Toshiya enough to let his friend read it. Not that he had really had anyone to show his poems before, but they had always felt too personal to share with anyone. Besides, Toshiya had been bothering him forever about wanting to read something he'd written so he finally gave in.

"I mean", Toshiya continued, "I've never been much for poetry but this is brilliant! Even though I'm not quite sure what it all means."

"Well, that's the point. I don't like to give blunt answers to things and pretend that my answers are the right ones. This is completely up to yourself to interpret as you like. There really aren't any wrong or right answers."

"Wow, you even talk like a poet!" Toshiya said and laughed as Kyo blushed once again, "But seriously, this is great. It's like songlyrics or something."

"Actually I've been wanting to you know, write lyrics for a band or so... maybe even sing in a band, if I could sing that is", Kyo said and laughed a little.

"You should! Anyone can sing so don't worry about that", Toshiya said and grinned, "You have some amazing lyrics here. Hey! We should start a band!"

Kyo snorted slightly as he looked at his friend, "Can you play any instrument then?"

"Well... no. But my dad used to play bass and I think he still has it somewhere. I can learn!"

Kyo laughed at the other's enthusiastism. He was always like that; so optimistic and impulsive. It was a nice break from his own pessimistic nature.

"We'd need more than a vocalist and a bassist to start a band you know", Kyo said, smiling a little.

"Of course I know that! But it's a cool idea. If we got famous and rich we could leave this shithole and the girls may notice us", Toshiya said and grinned widely.

"Girls, girls, girls. Is that all you ever think about?" Kyo teased.

"Why of course!" Toshiya said and laughed, poking his tongue out at the other.

The girls in school never even bothered them with as much as a look. They were considered to be the freaks, or at least Kyo was, but since Toshiya was Kyo's friend he was automatically a freak as well. He would probably have been very popular among the girls if it weren't for the fact that he was friends with Kyo. One girl had even told Toshiya that she'd date him any day if he stopped hanging with Kyo. He had told her to get lost. Kyo had told him that he was insane.

"Watanabe Kanako wanted to date you and you ditched her because of me? What's wrong with you?!"

He had only got a cheeky grin from his friend and a, "Girls are just trouble anyway."

Kyo had of course been very glad that Toshiya had decided to stay with him. He'd probably die from boredom if Toshiya would ditch him and decide to be with the 'cool' kids. He was very glad to have such a loyal friend.


*


"Do you really have to go?"

"Yeah... my parents are waiting for me."

"I'll miss you... I don't want to go all sappy and shit, but you're like the best friend I've ever had." Toshiya lowered his head and stared at the ground as he said this. He couldn't believe that Kyo was moving, and to Tokyo of all places.

"Same", Kyo replied with a sad smile. He hated his father's work for once again forcing them to move from a place he'd come to call home.

They were quiet for a while before Toshiya finally stepped forward and put his arms around Kyo and brought his friend into a bonecrushing hug. "Don't forget to become a rockstar!" Toshiya whispered into Kyo's ear before letting go of his friend.

Kyo smiled at him, "I won't. We'll keep in touch, right? I'll write to you..."

Toshiya returned the smile and nodded, "Sure."

It was a lie. They wouldn't be able to keep in touch that way and they both knew it. Still, it hurt less to imagine that they would be able to stay friends despite living so far away from each other. The truth didn't seem that important at the moment.


*


"I'm sorry, Kyo, but your lyrics just aren't working..." The guitarist's voice was gentle, but at the same time determined. He wanted Kyo to understand that he was serious, but at the same time he didn't want to be too harsh. He knew how sensitive Kyo could be when it came to criticism.

"What the fuck do you mean by that?" Kyo growled, making the other wince at the harshness of his words.

"Well... they're too dark, too... morbid and complicated... It just doesn't work with the music we play", the other said as gently as he could, despite knowing that Kyo would snap no matter how he said it.

"What kind of lyrics do you want then?" Kyo said, trying to keep his voice steady though it was obvious how annoyed and pissed off he was.

"Well... less dark, something more happy and less complicated. We just don't understand your lyrics..."

Kyo felt like screaming in frustration. He hated it when people criticized his lyrics for being too dark, too morbid, too complicated etc. It was his feelings, damnit! Telling him his lyrics were no good was like saying he wasn't allowed to feel the way he did. That his feelings were too complicated, too dark, too morbid.

Why couldn't someone at least try to understand? It felt as if they just took one glance at the written words and when it wasn't clear as daylight what they meant they brushed it off as too complicated for them to understand.

"You know what? Fuck this, I'm out", Kyo said and gathered the lyricssheets before him and stuffed them into his bag, making himself ready to leave the small studio they were in.

"No, wait, Kyo! Don't leave!" the other protested, grabbing his arm in a attempt at stopping him from walking out the front door.

Kyo twisted his arm out of the guitarist's grip, "Fuck you, Tadaki! I'm not going to change my lyrics for your sake, or for any of the other's! You know what? From now on I'll never write one single happy song if I can avoid it!" He then hurried out of the studio.

He knew he was being childish, but he didn't care. He was fed up with people trying to tell him what to write, how to act, how to feel...

He started walking down the street before sitting down on a bench at the sidewalk. He didn't really feel like going back home just yet. Home would be a cheap two-roomer he shared with a annoying guy with an obnoxious taste in music who would always bother him when he tried to write.


Bound to these crowds of people, there's nothing I can do with this sense of loneliness
Perhaps tomorrow won't even come, a night of my sixteenth year


He was so caught up in the writing that he did not notice the other until said person spoke up just in front of him, "Hey, what are you writing?"

A strange sense of deja vu came over Kyo as he quickly looked up and was met by the smiling face of... a guy he'd never seen before in his entire life.

'Of course it's someone you don't know! What did you expect?' he scolded himself.

The guy seemed to be his own age, a few years older maybe, with long black hair and a friendly smile plastered all over his face. Kyo already felt himself grown annoyed with this guy, whoever he was.

"What is that to you?" he growled, slamming his notebook shut.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" the other said, actually sounding sincere, "People always tell me I'm too curious for my own good." The guy grinned sheepishly, somehow making Kyo feel less annoyed.

"Just some lyrics...", he replied.

"Lyrics?" the other suddenly sounded very interested, "As in songlyrics?"

"Uh, well, yeah", Kyo replied, feeling a bit hopeful at hearing this.

"You don't happen to sing, do you?"

"I do, actually."

"Shit, man, that's great!" the other exclaimed happily, "You see, me and my friends have just started a band and we desperately needs someone who can sing and write lyrics. Would you be interested?"

Kyo wasn't sure what to say. Of course he was interested, but... "On one condition...", he finally said, "The writing of the lyrics is completely up to me and no one else, okay? I don't want anyone to tell me that what I write is too morbid or too weird."

The other guy grinned widely, "Shit, that sounds so cool! I need to talk to the others too of course, but I'm sure that it'll work out."

Kyo grinned back, feeling hopeful again. Maybe it could actually work this time?

"By the way, what's your name?" the other asked.

"Kyo", he replied.

"Cool. I'm Daisuke, but you can call me Die", the other said, holding out his hand to shake Kyo's.

Kyo took his hand, "Nice to meet you, Die."


*


It was the third night in a row when he had been unable to sleep. He watched the girl who was sleeping beside him. She had a small smile on her lips and she seemed to be dreaming of something pleasant. He placed a light kiss on her forhead before gently entangling himself from her arms and getting out of the bed.

He picked up the pack of cigarettes that were on the nightstand, got into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that lay discarded on the floor and walked out in the small balcony that was in the apartment where he and Mei lived.

He lit a cigarette and looked out over Nagano. He'd lived here his whole life, in the beautiful town where the cold dominated. Even the summers in Nagano were chilly. He liked his hometown, he really did, but he didn't want to be there forever. He was only twenty and not ready to settle down and live a safe and calm life in his hometown.

He had felt so restless for a long time now, like he wanted to go somewhere but wasn't sure where. Nagano bored him. It was as simple as that. His hometown bored him. He wanted to see other places, wanted to travel and do something more with his life than just getting married and live a safe and probably boring life in Nagano.

He thought of Mei. They had been together for almost a year now and he knew that she was the girl he would marry if he ever got married. In his family getting married was something very important, something everyone was supposed to do one day. He had always been comfortable with the thought of getting married because it was something he'd got to hear since he was little that 'everyone' did sooner or later.

Now he wasn't comfortable with the thought anymore. He knew marrying Mei would give him a secured future, but at the same time it would bind him to Nagano. The thought scared him. He didn't want to be bound to one single place for the rest of his life. He wanted to see the rest of Japan, the rest of the world even before growing old. No, he couldn't marry Mei and stay in Nagano for the rest of his life. He just couldn't.

'Where do I want to go then?' he asked himself. 'Tokyo' was the first city that came up in his head. 'Tokyo... Kyo...', he thought. Kyo. He hadn't thought of his old friend in a long time, but he remembered clearly that he had moved to Tokyo with his parents and putting an end to their friendship.

He smiled a little a the memory of the grumpy boy who wrote dark, but amazing poetry and wanted to be in a band. He himself had continued to play bass after Kyo left and had become pretty good. He hadn't played since he met Mei though.

He took another drag on the cigarette and stared out in the sky, the child in him begging for someone to come and take him away. The next moment he could hear footsteps behind him and he turned to see Mei stepping out on the balcony, hugging her thin frame in the cold. She walked up to him and took the cigarette from his hand, took a drag of it before giving it back to him.

She then wrapped her arms around his waist and he wrapped his arms around her in return. She looked up at him and smiled a little, like she was seeing him for the first time. "Hi", she said, "Can't sleep again?"

He smiled back, "That would be it. I've done some thinking as well."

"Oh?" she asked and yawned as she leaned her head to rest on his chest.

"Mmm", he replied and started to gently play with her silky hair, "About the future and so..."

"About us you mean?" she asked and even though he wasn't currently looking at her face, he could tell she was smiling.

"Well... yeah, but not in that way, I'm afraid."

He could feel her stiffen in his arms as she asked, sounding suspicious, "In what way then?"

"Mei...", he began, but was interrupted. Mei broke out of his embrace and turned away from him, her back now facing him.

"You're breaking up, aren't you?" she said, refusing to turn around to meet his face.

"..."

"Just say it. I've been through this before. Please just say it. Are you breaking up with me, Toshimasa?"

"I want to leave Nagano", he said, "I want to go to Tokyo. Come with me!"

Mei finally turned around to face him. "Come with you to Tokyo? Are you insane? My parents would kill me! They'd kill you too!"

"So? Nagano is dull. Nothing ever happens here. I want to do something with my life, Mei! I don't want to die here!"

Mei sighed deeply and shook her head, "I understand that you want to leave... I won't stop you, but I won't be coming with you either. I belong here."

"Mei... I love you... but I can't stay here for one person. Do you understand?" he asked as he could see tears starting to form in her eyes.

She simply nodded in response.

She didn't try to stop him or persuade him to stay when he left the next day. She just simply watched him as he packed his things. Money was no problem as he had got quite a lot from his parents recently. Mei wondered what strong force made Toshiya just drop everything in safe Nagano to travel all the way to lively Tokyo.


*


"Who fucking died and made you god, huh?" Kyo yelled, hate gleaming in his eyes as he stared at the man in front of him who was just as mad as he was.

"Fuck you, Kyo! I am the leader of this band so you should stop trying to tell me what to do!" the other yelled back, face red from anger and frustration.

"Just because you're the leader doesn't mean we're your bitches you can just boss around! Frankly, we are all sick of your crap!"

"All of you?" the other said and snickered, "More like you not being able to handle that you're not in charge!"

"No, Kisaki, we are all sick of your crap! I just happen to be the only one with the guts to admit it to your face!"

This statement made Kisaki feel unsure and less self-confident. He looked around the room at the other three that were present. Shinya, the drummer, hid a little behind his drums, pretending to be occupied with admiring the set and Kaoru and Die, the two guitarists both coughed awkwardly and refused to meet Kisaki's eyes as he looked at them.

"Is it true?" Kisaki yelled, his voice almost high-pitched, "Don't you want me in the band anymore?! Is that it?!"

Finally Kaoru stepped forward, "Well... Kisaki, you're not exactly what we're looking for in a bandleader..."

Kisaki seemed outraged by hearing this and after cursing at them, telling them that they would get nowhere without him, he finally left, violently slamming the door shut after himself.

"Wow... We need a new bassist", Die said, staring at the closed door.

"And a new bandleader", Kaoru said.

"We already have a bandleader", Kyo said and grinned slightly and then explained as he saw Kaoru's confused look, "You of course! You're the only one worth of leading this band."

"You think so?" Kaoru sounded happy and almost shy in a way.

The others nodded in agreement.

"Well.. it still doesn't help the fact that we need a new bassist", he said.

"Don't worry about it. We'll tape up flyers all over town. I'm sure we'll find someone", Kyo said, "I'm not letting a selfish asshole like Kisaki ruin my dreams."


*


Tokyo was a big city. A big, noisy and smelly city. At the same time it was beautiful though, with it's flashing neon-signs and skyscrapes that seemed endless. He felt lost, but thrilled. He was finally there.

His parents had freaked out when he had told them he was going to move to Tokyo. He didn't care what they had said though. He had excepted such a reaction from them anyway. He understood that they would freak out over their only son all of sudden move away from them without much of a warning before, especially since they already had his future planned for him.

It was the first time he had made his mother cry and it was the first time he didn't care about their opinions. He had comforted his mother and said that he would come one day when he was famous and then he had just left.

Tokyo was so amazingly big. The amount of people hurrying down the streets, everyone seeming to be in such a rush, was just fascinating. He almost walked into a tree because he wasn't paying attention to how he was walking. A flyer was taped on the tree and in his curiosity, he read it. His heart made a little leap of joy as he found out that a band was looking for a bassist. He ripped down the flyer and decided he would call them as soon as he had got settled in in the hotel he was to stay at for the time being.


*


His parents had never really cared about him. He wasn't sure why though. Must be because he was a freak, but why was he a freak? He wasn't sure about that either. All he knew was that it seemed like something that he would have to carry for the rest of his life. The freak-label. Toshiya was the only real friend he had ever had, but he had rubbed off. Toshiya became a freak as well. He would have been one of those popular guys all the girls have a crush on if it weren't for the fact that Kyo had been his friend. Kyo wondered if Toshiya had stopped being a freak after he left or if the label had stuck on him.

He had discovered how he could turn the freakiness into something positive though. When he was on stage the audience loved a bit of freakiness. They loved his lyrics and didn't seem to care if they could understand what he was singing about or not, they just loved it. On stage he could be himself, be the freak that he truly was without being judged or questioned and he loved every second of it.

That's why he wanted to make it big, he wanted to go major and that's what had went wrong with Kisaki. The others wanted to go major as well, but Kisaki wanted to stay in the indies scene. He didn't want to be 'controlled by some big record label' as he had expressed it himself. They had argued about it and one thing had lead to another leading up to Kisaki leaving the band.

They had all been pretty glad that Kisaki had left. None of them had been very pleased with the way he was leading the band. Despite that he had been a good bassist. Kyo hated to admit it, but it was true, and now the desperately needed a new bassist.

Kyo couldn't have been more surprised if so God himself had stepped into the room at the sight of the tall dark-haired youth stepping into the small practice-room with a guitarcase over his shoulder, which in this case contained a bass. The other seemed just as surprised as Kyo at the sight of the vocalist.

"K-kyo?" he stuttered out, to shocked to get out a complete sentence.

Kyo's face split in a wide grin at hearing the familiar voice of his old friend. He didn't hesitate before walking over to the other and hug him. He seemed a bit surprised at Kyo's action, but wasn't late in responding.

"Fucking hell, Toshiya!" Kyo said, grinning up at his friend, "I never thought I'd see you again! And in Tokyo of all places! What are you doing here?"

The others were obviously confused, but they felt hopeful at the same time. They had never seen Kyo this happy before. It had to be a good sign.


*


"You have a nice apartment", Toshiya said as he looked around in the vocalist's apartment.

"It's even nicer since I kicked out my last roommate", Kyo said and grinned, making the other laugh.

"But it's okay that I stay here?" Toshiya then asked, sounding a little worried. He didn't want to be a bother...

Kyo smiled and nodded eagerly, "Of course it's okay! I wouldn't have said that it was if it wasn't. Believe me, I want you here. It's so fucking great to see you again. I honestly thought I'd never see you again in my entire life."

Toshiya smiled warmly, "Yeah, same here. I thought stuff like this only happened in movies." They both laughed a little as Toshiya dumped his stuff on the couch and then sat down on it, Kyo soon joining him.

They didn't even have to talk to each other. It was enough just to sit beside each other, the feelings of loneliness and restlessness finally starting to fade away.


*


"Shinya... you're so fucking pretty... like a girl..." Kyo was drunk. For the first time in his life had he got himself drunk. He had never really liked the taste of alcohol and therefore never got himself drunk before. This night was different though.

He had had a fight with Toshiya. They had been going on each other's nerves pretty much since the bassist had moved in with him. Kyo hated the fact that their friendship should be strong enought not to have them argue over stupid things, but wasn't. They were both pretty good at overreacting and making a scene of small things and tonight it had ended with Toshiya saying that he was going to move out.

In his anger Kyo had forced Shinya to come with him out to get drunk. Shinya had agreed to come only because he didn't want Kyo to get drunk alone and risk hurting himself or someone else. Now Kyo was dead drunk and had been spending the last hour resting his head on Shinya's shoulder, over and over telling the drummer how pretty he was.

Shinya would have been pissed at Kyo for calling him a girl if Kyo hadn't been so drunk. Now all he did was patting the vocalist on the head, telling him that 'it will be fine' and all that kind of nonsense you say to small children, drunks, mental cases and old people.

It worked fine until suddenly Kyo sat up somewhat straight and turned to Shinya, moving his face closer to the other's, and before the drummer had a chance to react, Kyo pressed his lips against his. Shinya gasped and immediately pushed the other man away.

"Okay, that's it, Kyo! We're going home, now!" Shinya said sternly as he grabbed Kyo's arm and janked him up from the seat.

Kyo laughed a little and started to say in a sing-song voice, "Pretty Shinya... pretty Shinya", over and over. It drove Shinya mad and hadn't he been of such a controlled nature he would definitely have smacked Kyo over the head.

You know how some people that are suffering from a really bad hang-over claim that they will never ever drink again in their entire life? Well, many of those doesn't keep that promise. Kyo wasn't one of those. When he started to remember things from the other night, including that he had kissed Shinya, he decided he would never drink again.

He didn't want something as stupid as a drink make him do dumb things, like kissing one of his best friends. He also learned that getting drunk isn't going to make something unpleasant go away.

His and Toshiya's friendship weren't ruined of course. Their friendship was, despite what it may seem like sometimes, too strong to be torn apart by something stupid as a silly argument. Toshiya did move out however. He was a big boy who needed his space and privacy. Kyo agreed to that. Living apart would be good for both of them.


*


"You look pleased with yourself, got some last night, huh?" It was Die who came with that tasteful remark as Toshiya stepped into the studio with a big grin plastered all over his face.

"You bet I did!" Toshiya replied back, grinning even wider.

"Do tell", Kyo said, grinning as well.

Upon hearing this, Shinya who has been sitting behind his drumset groaned slightly and got up. "It's too damn early for this", he muttered under his breath as he walked out to the bathroom so he wouldn't have to hear about Toshiya's sexual escapades the other night. He really didn't need to know that much about his friends' privatelifes.

Toshiya told the other two, since Kaoru hadn't arrived yet, about that overly hot girl he'd slept with the other night.

"And," he said thriumphantly, "She gave me her number." As evidence he brought up a small note with a number scribbled down on it.

"Cool", Die said, "Will you call her?"

"Nah, I don't think so actually", Toshiya said as he put the note back into the pocket of his jeans, "She doesn't seem like someone I could date."

"What kind of person would you date then?" Kyo asked.

Toshiya shrugged, "I don't know really. I just don't feel like sex is a great way to start up a relationship with. It's like... you want to explore sexual stuff with someone, want to wait until you have sex because it's more exciting that way. If you begin with having sex and start to date right after, the excitment just sort of disappears."

"I've never thought of that, but you do have a point", Kyo said thoughtfully, "Personally, I don't think dating is for me. I want someone who gets me, who knows me, but all I get is obsessive fangirls only wanting to get into my pants."

They all laughed at that and Toshiya patted Kyo on the shoulder. "No, dating isn't for everyone. I'm thinking of giving it up to. I can't seem to find anyone I like enough to date anyway."

"You guys are crazy", Die said and shook his head in disbelif, making the other two start to laugh again.


*


"You know...", Toshiya began thoughtfully, "I actually liked living with you, you know, back in the days."

Kyo smiled slightly and yawned, "Then move in with me again. I most definitely wouldn't mind the company."

Toshiya turned to the vocalist, smiling as well, "You think it would work out?"

Kyo nodded in response, still smiling. They weren't talking about Toshiya moving in with Kyo anymore, but about them. Would it work out between them?

"I think we have been in a relationship since we were kids, but we haven't really understood it until now", Kyo said, moving closer to the bassist and letting him put an arm around him.

"I think you're right", Toshiya said and smiled, "No wonder we could never find anyone we liked enough to date..."

"Mm... I'm starting to get that old clichéd 'love is blind'-saying...", Kyo murmured sleepily into the crook of Toshiya's neck.

"Lucky we got our eyesights back, eh?" Toshiya said and grinned slightly at the sleepy man beside him.

"Very lucky", Kyo replied as he started to drift of to sleep.

Soon both of them were sleeping. The restlessness and loneliness had finally left both of them, hopefully for good this time.


Well, if I can be with you forever
I'm happy
Gently I grip your hand
Forever staring into that sky


END