FicWad

Sorry it has taken me so long to update, guys! I will try to be better!!!

Chapter 12

It Isn’t That Much Fun Staring Down a Loaded Gun

I preferred being on the road. Lately Jared and Troy had been harassing me so much. They left messages on my phone and vandalized my house. Jared keeps telling me if he catches me with Gerard in any way, he would teach me a lesson. That bastard! Why won’t he leave me alone? We weren’t ever in love or close to love. Just get the fuck over it! What I didn’t understand was why now? Why is Jared caring right now? He never really did before and ever since I graduated I hadn’t heard or seen any of them. Weird.

The road is where I belong. I felt it when we were traveling to all the small venues and clubs that Alex had booked for us during the last few weeks. I loved the road.

Traveling with the boys is, um interesting to say the least. I love and hate it. I hate that I’m the only girl, but honestly, I feel more comfortable around the boys than I do the girls. I hate not being able to talk to Gerard like we use to do. He watches me a lot and he thinks that I don’t see him, but I catch him all the time. It’s comforting and sad at the same time, because we use to be best friends. We told each other everything. I mean everything. Touring with him was strange. We acted like nothing had happened between us. I tried to act like a part of the band as best I could, without bringing attention to Gerard and me.

Matt has been giving me trouble lately. At the last gig, he took me off in a corner and said, “You do realize that you won’t be a part of the band much longer, right?”

I looked at him with a confused sideways look and spoke, “What the hell makes you think that?”

Without missing a beat, “Frank is going to be your replacement, once the boys get the balls to kick you out. I just thought you should know. It’s either you or Frank. Gerard told me this a while back, but he didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” Matt eyed me with curiosity.

I was speechless. Would he really kick me out of My Chemical Romance? I helped found this fucking band! I was angry and that is when I started competing with Frank for the spot in the band.

“I don’t think Gerard would do that to me,” I spat out. He stepped forward and leaned down to meet my face.

“Oh he would and he has, you will see,” Matt smirked and walked away.

You could have knocked me over with a feather. I didn’t know what I was going to do. How would I cope from being kicked from my own band? I don’t need this now. I will never forgive him if this happens.


It’s April, 2002 now. Winter is finally letting up and we can now see the soggy green and lush ground. Spring time in New Jersey is still cold, but it is so green and beautiful.

Gerard’s birthday was on the ninth and he didn’t want a party. I felt bad that he didn’t want a party, but I decided to spend it with him.

On the night of his birthday, I showed up at his door with a chocolate cupcake and a lone candle and said I wasn’t letting him spend his birthday alone. I knew things were weird between us, but he was still important to me and we were still friends. He let me stay and smiled and blew out his candle. When I arrived, he had been drinking, so I knew I was in for a rough night.

Gerard and I sat on the couch together kind of touching on the arm. We were watching old horror movies like we used to do. The closeness was still there. I could feel every inch of his arm next to mine and I didn’t pull away. I didn’t want to, not even a little. I wanted him. I wanted to be with him. I knew he was scared to be with me. Our ages were a huge issue, but I still didn’t care. I didn’t care, even when Mikey made a big deal out of it. I sighed a bit loudly in the dark and continued watching the movies. Gerard took a sip of a beer every so often and watched with me.

The only light in the room was the television and I took in my dark surroundings. All the pictures of me were still above his desk and I was relieved to see that. I knew even if we couldn’t be, maybe we would be some time.

I finally decided to change my clothes for bed. I got up and didn’t even flick on the light to the room and went into the bathroom.

When the bathroom door opened, I was greeted to the lights being on and Gerard standing ten away from the bathroom door and he was staring at me. Gerard sucked in his breath when he caught sight of me. I was wearing short shorts and a tight black t-shirt. He didn’t stop to notice the frightened look in my eyes. I shocked by him and also amazed by the look on his face.

Nothing could stop the sudden need that coursed through his body this time. He crossed the distance between us and pulled me into his arms. When our lips met the sensation was overpowering. My emotional need to be with him made me lose control of my actions. Gerard couldn’t take it anymore. He wanted Tristan. I was as simple as that.

I broke off the kiss and with trembling fingers started to unbutton Gerard’s shirt. I needed to feel his skin against mine, I knew this could lead to something else, but I didn’t care. I just wanted and needed to feel his skin against mine. Momentarily my fingers stilled. Gerard saw me pause and reached down to finish undoing the buttons himself. He wanted to feel her skin pressed against his.

Once the shirt hit the floor he undid his belt buckle and removed his jeans in record time, leaving only his briefs. He couldn’t ever remember feeling this much desire for any woman in his life. He didn’t know how far this would go, but he knew he couldn’t stop himself from this moment.

I gasped as Gerard lifted me up off the floor and carried me to his bed. He pushed me back hard so that I landed on the bed. His body followed mine down. Again his lips were on mine in a raw and brutal kiss.

Gerard’s hands traced the curves of my body, running his long fingers over the naked skin of my stomach, arms, sides, and outer thighs. I could stand this closeness. I pulled him closer and met him with every kiss with the same passion. I wanted this. I ran my hands through his dark hair and feverishly kissed him with everything I had in me. I couldn’t let this moment pass me by.

Things were escalating quickly. Gerard kept wanting more and more. He pulled up on my shirt to where everything, but my chest was showing and he kept tracing every inch of my stomach. The only time he would pull away from kissing me was when he was kissing and suckling at my neck. I moaned against him and arched my body into him. He moaned against my mouth and pushed back against my body. Our bodies wanted more –

Wanted more until the phone rang, bringing us back to reality. Back to the real world. Gerard pulled away and stared back down into my eyes. His body was no longer touching any part of mine. I ached for his touch, but didn’t dare reach out for him. I stared up at him, trying to catch my breath.

The phone continued to ring and finally went to the answering machine. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY GERARD! It’s Frank and Jamia and we wanted to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Love you, man! Bye.” Frank and Jamia spoke together into the phone.

Gerard smiled and finally sat up on the edge of his bed. I sat up and inched my way to the edge with him. Neither of us looked at each other, but the atmosphere had changed in the room. It wasn’t sad this time. I didn’t know what to say.

Gerard finally broke the silence, “I don’t know how to stay away from you anymore, Trist. I don’t want to.” He raked his hands over his face and turned to look at me. I met his eyes and half smiled.

“I don’t want to either.” I spoke in a hushed tone, not trusting my own voice. And that was it. The conversation didn’t go any further. Gerard laid down in his bed and when I got up to sleep on the couch, he grabbed my hand and made a face like he wanted me to stay. I crawled into his bed right next to him; our arms were barely touching just like before. Our hands found each other’s and we laced our fingers together. We didn’t do anything else. I drifted off to sleep.


The next couple weeks went by without another word about that night. We were busy with the band, so Gerard and I didn’t talk about it. My Chemical Romance was on its way to play a club in Trenton; a gig close to home this week, no traveling for hours. We had two gigs this week and this was the second on a Friday night. Blaine was supposed to meet us there; he said he had someone he wanted me to meet.


The club was full to the brim with all sorts of people from all over New Jersey. My Chemical Romance played the club and after Blaine introduced us to Nate. Who in my opinion, is just simply amazing and I was very happy for Blaine. Blaine seemed to extremely happy and Nate was super sweet and good looking. Nate was over six feet with short blond hair and beautiful blue eyes. He had a muscular build and wasn’t feminine in any way.

“Nate, this is my favorite cousin and best friend, Tristan.” Nate stuck out his hand and shook mine. I smiled.

“I can see the family resemblance.” Nate ruffled Blaine’s dark hair and smirked at his one liner.

“Oh you know it!” I laughed.


The rest of the night was full of music, alcohol, and getting to know Nate. He was a person I knew I would soon love. Blaine was a very lucky guy.

The club was emptying out and I was walking Blaine and Nate out. They were holding hands and they looked utterly happy. I was standing off the side next to Blaine.

“Oh Tristan, you look happy!” Blaine’s voice was singing.

I shrugged, “I love being a part of the band,” but I’m not happy because of the situation with Gerard.

“I thought the set was great!” Nate complimented and squeezed Blaine’s hand.

I smiled and tried to look happy.

From out of nowhere I was I felt an excruciating pain in the back of my head and I went down to the ground in agony. What the fuck was that?

“Get the fuck down you goddamn faggots!” a large man in a gray hoodie screamed at Blaine and Nate.

Blaine and Nate looked completely horrified and did as they were told. Both went down on their knees with their hands in the air, like they were being arrested.

I looked up to see two men in gray hoodies shaking guns in their faces and I crouched down and then got angry. Get up Tristan. I masked my scared emotions and got up off the ground.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?! Get down on the ground, bitch!” The other man yelled and waved his handgun in my direction.

I thought for a moment and asked, “Why? What do you want from us?” I was a martyr at this point. I was scared but didn’t show it. I wasn’t going to let anyone treat my family and friends like this, especially with guns being waved around dangerously.

“Tristan,” Blaine eyed me and begged me to stop with one simple word.

I stepped forward in my bravery and one of the gunmen came to me.

“Get down on your knees now!” I did as I was told, but I didn’t take my eyes from the gunman’s. He pointed his gun at my head. It isn’t that much fun, staring down a loaded gun.

The other man pointed his gun at Blaine and Nate. Both had tearing running down their cheeks but remained calm. I stared up at my captor and finally closed my eyes and waited for the end.